NP here. I have a question for the OP.

If I were a stranger visiting that pool on that day and would have overheard you talking to your acquaintances, what topics would I have heard you discussing?

If you don’t mind, please tell me three or four topics you recall talking about on that day.

Thank you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, I am thinking of asking for a divorce because my husband is not fun, but my situation is far more severe and pervasive. He doesn't like most restaurants, movies, TV shows, is unhappy at sporting events, refuses to go to the theater or concerts, dislikes most of the neighbors, and complaints about my family and my friends, and my son's friends, and the parents of my son's friends.

It sounds like your husband just isn't into the scene at your pool, unless there is more you are not telling me.

PP here. Are we married to the same man? Literally my husband likes nothing but staying home and listening to podcasts but even then he’s just grumpy 99% of the time. He doesn’t like *anything*. Like, I literally couldn’t come up with birthday presents this year or the last few because there is NOTHING he even vaguely expresses positive sentiment about.

I think I’d jump for freaking joy if he ever willingly went to the pool with me.

What it sounds like is that he’s completely miserable in this marriage. Something is wrong. Not saying he’s a great guy, simply that this needs attention, for both your sakes. Why would you want to spend the rest of your li few like this?

My DH is like this. He spent the entire weekend in front of the TV, which I absolutely cannot stand. I just pack the kids up and take them to do stuff without him now. Most times I don't even bother with what we are doing. He hates everything. The sad thing is that he wasn't always like this. He sort of got this way with age.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only thing he did “wrong” was go to the pool.

You should have gone without him.

You should take vacations and do things with the kids without him. You clearly don’t have the same ideas of fun and family, so make time for each of you do so what you want. Without each other.

Or, set yourselves both free.

What he did “wrong” was enjoy himself how he wanted instead of how she wanted him to enjoy himself. He was perfectly happy reading his book. He didn’t want to pretend to give a sh*t about a bunch of strangers - introverts find that boring and exhausting.

They’re not strangers. He knew 75% of the people there and it was rude of him to not acknowledge them in any way.

So the people went right up to him while he was sitting and reading his book, and he didn't look up at all and acknowledge them?

Agree, majorly rude.

Or is that not how it happened, OP?

OP has been back a few times and has not answered this question. OP, you want him to be someone he’s not, and in marriage, that makes you wrong.

What does he say when you ask him about it?

My DH is generally a wet blanket too. I don’t mind too much when he’s antisocial but what makes me crazy is that he complains incessantly about things. Any inconvenience, the noise, the crowds, the prices. I find myself doing more and more outings during the week while he’s at work or when he’s away on business. Easier to juggle all the kids alone than to juggle them alone while he complains in my ear the whole time.

My DH is an introvert and has anxiety. He excels at home. Likes to cook, garden, be in control, and never go anywhere.

I am the fun parent. I organize outings. I get in the water at the pool (DH would never). I value community and play dates and activities and friends.

Sounds like you’re a busy body, talking to others you would probably not talk to otherwise. Good for your H for not parting.

This post seems to be written by troll.

Eesh the amount of expectations from a spouse are just sky high, the spouse is always going to fall short.
Break up with him OP for this "last straw", release him from this hell of resentment. He is only going to keep disappointing you.

I honestly don’t see the issue. I (the DW) am the introvert and DH is the extrovert. Why do you care, exactly, if DH doesn’t make the social rounds and prefers to read a book? I’d have done something similar in this situation (if I attended at all). My DH would socialize happily, and give me the rundown later over a glass of wine on the patio.

I am not “no fun” but don’t enjoy mingling with random people/acquaintances I have little in common with , and only do it when I have to, and for a short and perfunctory amount of time. I find small talk unbelievably boring and honestly don’t see the point. I do enjoy spending time with close friends, and socializing while doing a common activity (volunteer work, exercise class etc) or sometimes stuff for the kids (sports event or something)….but I don’t enjoy talking to ransoms just to talk and fill space.

I suspect it bothers you because you think it is hurting YOU socially? Honestly- this doesn’t seem to be an issue for my DH- and the “introverted wife” is probably less common and more of a social liability 🤣 He gets plenty of invites. Sometimes goes alone, sometimes with the kids, sometimes I join for a bit but often not. I don’t doubt that some wonder or find it strange that I am not present (where is his wife? hmm strange) but they don’t say so openly. It really hasn’t been an issue. Not sure what else to say. I wonder if your own social skills are lacking and you resent that DH can’t “help” by providing some cover?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP, I can’t believe all of these responses pretending he was reading contentedly by the pool. He was pouting and punishing you by refusing to interact with you upon your return. He know that’s embarrassing for you- to have a petulant Buddha angrily parked on his throne who won’t exchange niceties with his wife let alone even acknowledge acquaintances. The sad part is that this far more common than you realize- I second the suggestion to just start doing your own thing with your kids and your friends. Start a little quiet rebellion in other areas that might not fall under his Papal approval. He isn’t going to change; divorce or pursue your own happiness within the marriage.

Damn, you nailed it with “petulant Buddha.” Thank you for articulating the situation, PP.

The other PPs who said I should have left him at home and he would have had a meal ready on my return or something? Just like theirs? No. That’s not our life and he isn’t carefully tending his introvert energy so he can spring into action to nurture his family when needed.

I would have come home and he would have been exactly where I left him, watching some iteration of a Bourne movie and acting baffled that there were kids present who required care and feeding.

Then communicate. That's a totally different issue than him needing to be Mr. Fun Dad at the pool.

+100

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP, I can’t believe all of these responses pretending he was reading contentedly by the pool. He was pouting and punishing you by refusing to interact with you upon your return. He know that’s embarrassing for you- to have a petulant Buddha angrily parked on his throne who won’t exchange niceties with his wife let alone even acknowledge acquaintances. The sad part is that this far more common than you realize- I second the suggestion to just start doing your own thing with your kids and your friends. Start a little quiet rebellion in other areas that might not fall under his Papal approval. He isn’t going to change; divorce or pursue your own happiness within the marriage.

Damn, you nailed it with “petulant Buddha.” Thank you for articulating the situation, PP.

The other PPs who said I should have left him at home and he would have had a meal ready on my return or something? Just like theirs? No. That’s not our life and he isn’t carefully tending his introvert energy so he can spring into action to nurture his family when needed.

I would have come home and he would have been exactly where I left him, watching some iteration of a Bourne movie and acting baffled that there were kids present who required care and feeding.

Then communicate. That's a totally different issue than him needing to be Mr. Fun Dad at the pool.

Anonymous wrote:

OP, I can’t believe all of these responses pretending he was reading contentedly by the pool. He was pouting and punishing you by refusing to interact with you upon your return. He know that’s embarrassing for you- to have a petulant Buddha angrily parked on his throne who won’t exchange niceties with his wife let alone even acknowledge acquaintances. The sad part is that this far more common than you realize- I second the suggestion to just start doing your own thing with your kids and your friends. Start a little quiet rebellion in other areas that might not fall under his Papal approval. He isn’t going to change; divorce or pursue your own happiness within the marriage.

Damn, you nailed it with “petulant Buddha.” Thank you for articulating the situation, PP.

The other PPs who said I should have left him at home and he would have had a meal ready on my return or something? Just like theirs? No. That’s not our life and he isn’t carefully tending his introvert energy so he can spring into action to nurture his family when needed.

I would have come home and he would have been exactly where I left him, watching some iteration of a Bourne movie and acting baffled that there were kids present who required care and feeding.

It sounds like you're trying to manage some social status and image at your pool and your husband is just not there for it. I don't blame him. Go to the pool to enjoy being with your family, not to climb your social ladder and put on airs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only thing he did “wrong” was go to the pool.

You should have gone without him.

You should take vacations and do things with the kids without him. You clearly don’t have the same ideas of fun and family, so make time for each of you do so what you want. Without each other.

Or, set yourselves both free.

What he did “wrong” was enjoy himself how he wanted instead of how she wanted him to enjoy himself. He was perfectly happy reading his book. He didn’t want to pretend to give a sh*t about a bunch of strangers - introverts find that boring and exhausting.

They’re not strangers. He knew 75% of the people there and it was rude of him to not acknowledge them in any way.

So the people went right up to him while he was sitting and reading his book, and he didn't look up at all and acknowledge them?

Agree, majorly rude.

Or is that not how it happened, OP?

NP. He was using his book as a shield to repel conversation, like a recalcitrant teenaged boy, but then, you already knew that.

He’s allowed to not want to talk to people ffs. And they would have seen the book as a “leave me alone” signal if they had any social skills. Do you think every rando in the world has the right to force a conversation on you?

Anonymous wrote:Look, I am thinking of asking for a divorce because my husband is not fun, but my situation is far more severe and pervasive. He doesn't like most restaurants, movies, TV shows, is unhappy at sporting events, refuses to go to the theater or concerts, dislikes most of the neighbors, and complaints about my family and my friends, and my son's friends, and the parents of my son's friends.

It sounds like your husband just isn't into the scene at your pool, unless there is more you are not telling me.

PP here. Are we married to the same man? Literally my husband likes nothing but staying home and listening to podcasts but even then he’s just grumpy 99% of the time. He doesn’t like *anything*. Like, I literally couldn’t come up with birthday presents this year or the last few because there is NOTHING he even vaguely expresses positive sentiment about.

I think I’d jump for freaking joy if he ever willingly went to the pool with me.