Anonymous
07/05/2023 18:28
Subject: Re:Dating after divorce big age gap with new gf
Anonymous wrote:You need to date women in their 40s with kids (many are nearly empty nesters by 45).Don't allow a situation where she can get pregnant: it can happen from one night and faulty protection. She will have a baby, and you will end up with CS, limited college chances for your kids and delayed retirement in your 60s by at least 10 years.
I've seen many twice divorced men in their min 50s who got married to younger women with initial understanding that there won't be kids. But she gets pregnant accidentally or insists and he agrees. Then the new young family can't handle financial challenges and conflicts in blended household, ending in divorce.
Where? In flyover country? 25 years ago? I am 45 in the DMV. All of me friends have the youngest kids ages 6-9 now. We won’t be empty nesters until late 50s.
Anonymous
07/05/2023 18:25
Subject: Re:Dating after divorce big age gap with new gf
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You need to date women in their 40s with kids (many are nearly empty nesters by 45). Don't allow a situation where she can get pregnant: it can happen from one night and faulty protection. She will have a baby, and you will end up with CS, limited college chances for your kids and delayed retirement in your 60s by at least 10 years.
I've seen many twice divorced men in their min 50s who got married to younger women with initial understanding that there won't be kids. But she gets pregnant accidentally or insists and he agrees. Then the new young family can't handle financial challenges and conflicts in blended household, ending in divorce.
Over a 10 year time span of oral birth control with typical use, more women will have a pregnancy than not. People are entirely too confident in the efficacy of birth control.
+1 average use of the pill is 92 percent effective. I got pregnant at 34 only being off the pill for 48 hours. It was one time sex. “It is not going to happen one time”—ex husband.
Best friend got pregnant twice on the pill; it does not work well for all women
Anonymous
07/05/2023 18:23
Subject: Dating after divorce big age gap with new gf
I don’t understand why we care
Anonymous
07/05/2023 18:13
Subject: Re:Dating after divorce big age gap with new gf
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Amazing how many people on here are shooing you away from dating the younger, more beautiful woman.
They're all imagining the rage they would feel if they got divorced and their DH did that.
I would shoo him away in the best interest of the younger woman. She's at an age where if she wants kids, she should be dating men who want kids. I'd be furious if a man strung me along without telling me he didn't want kids.
Op just needs to tell her very clearly that he doesn't want kids, so she can choose to stay or move on.
Anonymous
07/05/2023 18:04
Subject: Re:Dating after divorce big age gap with new gf
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Amazing how many people on here are shooing you away from dating the younger, more beautiful woman.
They're all imagining the rage they would feel if they got divorced and their DH did that.
Yes, people do get annoyed if their co-parent suddenly has far less time and money to do his agreed-upon share of the parenting.
Nah if he started dating someone "age appropriate" they wouldn't be anywhere near as salty about it.
I posted that he needs to be honest.
My dad did this—ultimately had my half sister when I was in my late teens. He thought one more kid was a fair “compromise.” New wife never agreed to any kind of compromise and was deeply resentful of his unilateral decision. She ultimately divorced him.
Anonymous
07/05/2023 17:59
Subject: Re:Dating after divorce big age gap with new gf
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Amazing how many people on here are shooing you away from dating the younger, more beautiful woman.
They're all imagining the rage they would feel if they got divorced and their DH did that.
Yes, people do get annoyed if their co-parent suddenly has far less time and money to do his agreed-upon share of the parenting.
Nah if he started dating someone "age appropriate" they wouldn't be anywhere near as salty about it.
If he were dating someone age-appropriate they'd be unlikely to have a new baby.
babies are awesome. we may need more in the US very soon. She should consider a few— and men need to contribute.
Anonymous
07/05/2023 17:57
Subject: Dating after divorce big age gap with new gf
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You need to be 1) honest with yourself about if you want more kids or not and then 2) expressly honest with her about it.
It sounds like you haven’t done either. Similar situation here (I’m the wife) - 15 years later. We have one elementary school aged kid, and we’re all (me, husband, now-adult stepkid) are all happy with the way it worked out, but both my H and I were on the fence about having a kid together for a while. Finally at one point I told him he needed to just be clear about what he wanted.
Frankly, being a stepmom to school-aged kids w/o kids of your own can be raw deal. You have the constraints of kids (money, vacation time, schedules, messes), without the joy.
But, if she prefers a more independent life, she might be perfectly happy seeing you a few days a week, and having a lot of time to herself.
This. Key point-- ONE kid. And only one stepkid. That's why they didn't get maxed-out and miserable. If OP's girlfriend says "I want my kids to be #3 and #4, and have less of their father's attention than they would if they were #1 and #2, and I want him to pay child support for many years to come, and I want to plan all our vacations around the big kids' school schedules, and I want to parent little kids by myself a lot of the time while their dad takes his older kids to activities, and I want my husband to be in frequent contact with his ex-wife"-- if she says all those things then totally go for it! Enjoy your sleepless infants and your toddler parenting-- it's much harder in your 40s.
PP here - yep. definitely a lot easier with one of each.
Also, it helps a lot that I made as much or more than my husband, we both had good salaries, and lived below our means. My stepkid’s mom was also not strapped for money. That makes it all a lot less stressful. And the age difference between the kids means we rarely have conflicting schedules.
But this really is a unicorn situation- all four of us got lucky AND work hard to be inclusive. If the OP’s GF was my friend, I’d be brutally honest and say it’ll more likely than inot be a raw deal for her and the step kids. The OP will likely get thru it fine though.
Anonymous
07/05/2023 09:25
Subject: Re:Dating after divorce big age gap with new gf
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Amazing how many people on here are shooing you away from dating the younger, more beautiful woman.
They're all imagining the rage they would feel if they got divorced and their DH did that.
Yes, people do get annoyed if their co-parent suddenly has far less time and money to do his agreed-upon share of the parenting.
Nah if he started dating someone "age appropriate" they wouldn't be anywhere near as salty about it.
If he were dating someone age-appropriate they'd be unlikely to have a new baby.
Which is not the reason older women are mad about the idea.
Anonymous
07/05/2023 09:24
Subject: Re:Dating after divorce big age gap with new gf
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Amazing how many people on here are shooing you away from dating the younger, more beautiful woman.
She's an adult and can make her own decisions in life. As long as you're clear you don't want more kids, let her decide about moving forward. Maybe she doesn't either (after all, more than half of all adults are childless these days); or maybe she just wants to have some fun for a year or two. As long as you're honest, there's no reason to break it off if you both enjoy it.
Amazing that you are assuming the younger woman is more beautiful. Beautiful young women are not exactly clamoring to marry divorced older dads. Men who seek out younger women often just want someone who is naive, simple, and easy to control and manipulate.
In this specific case, seems like the OPs girlfriend is indeed interested in marrying him. And if you think a woman who is 32 is "naive, simple, and easy to control and manipulate" then lol I don't even know what to tell you. Should single women of all ages be under the supervision of their fathers just to ensure they are not controlled and manipulated by a boyfriend?
Anonymous
07/05/2023 09:23
Subject: Re:Dating after divorce big age gap with new gf
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Amazing how many people on here are shooing you away from dating the younger, more beautiful woman.
They're all imagining the rage they would feel if they got divorced and their DH did that.
Yes, people do get annoyed if their co-parent suddenly has far less time and money to do his agreed-upon share of the parenting.
Nah if he started dating someone "age appropriate" they wouldn't be anywhere near as salty about it.
If he were dating someone age-appropriate they'd be unlikely to have a new baby.
Anonymous
07/05/2023 09:20
Subject: Re:Dating after divorce big age gap with new gf
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Amazing how many people on here are shooing you away from dating the younger, more beautiful woman.
They're all imagining the rage they would feel if they got divorced and their DH did that.
Yes, people do get annoyed if their co-parent suddenly has far less time and money to do his agreed-upon share of the parenting.
Nah if he started dating someone "age appropriate" they wouldn't be anywhere near as salty about it.
Anonymous
07/05/2023 09:01
Subject: Dating after divorce big age gap with new gf
Anonymous wrote:You need to be 1) honest with yourself about if you want more kids or not and then 2) expressly honest with her about it.
It sounds like you haven’t done either. Similar situation here (I’m the wife) - 15 years later. We have one elementary school aged kid, and we’re all (me, husband, now-adult stepkid) are all happy with the way it worked out, but both my H and I were on the fence about having a kid together for a while. Finally at one point I told him he needed to just be clear about what he wanted.
Frankly, being a stepmom to school-aged kids w/o kids of your own can be raw deal. You have the constraints of kids (money, vacation time, schedules, messes), without the joy.
But, if she prefers a more independent life, she might be perfectly happy seeing you a few days a week, and having a lot of time to herself.
I thought stepmoms loved their step kids?!
Anonymous
07/05/2023 09:00
Subject: Re:Dating after divorce big age gap with new gf
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Amazing how many people on here are shooing you away from dating the younger, more beautiful woman.
They're all imagining the rage they would feel if they got divorced and their DH did that.
Yes, people do get annoyed if their co-parent suddenly has far less time and money to do his agreed-upon share of the parenting.
Anonymous
07/05/2023 09:00
Subject: Re:Dating after divorce big age gap with new gf
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Amazing how many people on here are shooing you away from dating the younger, more beautiful woman.
They're all imagining the rage they would feel if they got divorced and their DH did that.
They're all remembering what it was like when their dad did that, and how unhappy his new wife was, and how distant the whole family is now.
Anonymous
07/05/2023 08:58
Subject: Re:Dating after divorce big age gap with new gf
Anonymous wrote:Amazing how many people on here are shooing you away from dating the younger, more beautiful woman.
They're all imagining the rage they would feel if they got divorced and their DH did that.