Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 16:01     Subject: Re:SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
Just say “listen I know a normal person would just say yes but I’m a self absorbed narcissist so it’s not gonna work for me”

I mean they won’t disagree.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 16:01     Subject: Re:SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just have your DH say, 'it doesn't work for us' and put it behind you.

I'm 58 and out of F*&ks to give. I'm so tired of women expecting other women to 'be the bigger person', 'do it for family', 'if you don't do it/want to do it, you clearly hate them'. I'm tired of being expected to put in extra effort, to, once again, suppress my wants/needs to accommodate someone else's. I don't blame OP and her DH for being miffed about this request. It reeks of being used.

Relationships need to be reciprocal and, clearly, this one isn't. So many of you are reading more into it than is there or hoping for an outcome that is unlikely. This isn't about building family relationships. It's about free childcare. If OP and her DH were interested in providing childcare, they'd at least get paid for it.

I get that I'm probably older than most on DCUM and have had more years to experience this, more years to get fed up and be done with it. It took me a long time to feel strong enough to reject the pressure to 'be nice', to conform. Life is too short to invest time in the schemes of users. I suspect the annoyance I hear in OP's posts is a reflection of cognitivie dissonance. She feels pressure to conform but is resentful because she knows she's being used.


Martyred much?

It's one night, not a lifetime commitment.


You sound like a user and someone who wants other women to conform. What does it matter if it's one night or a lifetime committment. OP is being asked to direct her limited resources to people who don't value her, her kid or a relationship. Just because the user has a genetic relationship with her DH and DC makes no difference.

You may chose to direct your energy to this sort of thing but you need to stop expecting/pushing women to make the same choices you have made. The overnight doesn't work for OP. It's too bad she's been conditioned by people like you to feel guilty for not allowing herself to be taken advantage of.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 16:00     Subject: SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
Anonymous wrote:The fact that you would consider calling them if their kid threw up in the middle of the night tells me everything we need to know. You are just a selfish person.


Ok, explain this one. You would not want to know if your kid is sick? You don't think sick kids want their parents or their own homes?
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 15:59     Subject: Re:SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just have your DH say, 'it doesn't work for us' and put it behind you.

I'm 58 and out of F*&ks to give. I'm so tired of women expecting other women to 'be the bigger person', 'do it for family', 'if you don't do it/want to do it, you clearly hate them'. I'm tired of being expected to put in extra effort, to, once again, suppress my wants/needs to accommodate someone else's. I don't blame OP and her DH for being miffed about this request. It reeks of being used.

Relationships need to be reciprocal and, clearly, this one isn't. So many of you are reading more into it than is there or hoping for an outcome that is unlikely. This isn't about building family relationships. It's about free childcare. If OP and her DH were interested in providing childcare, they'd at least get paid for it.

I get that I'm probably older than most on DCUM and have had more years to experience this, more years to get fed up and be done with it. It took me a long time to feel strong enough to reject the pressure to 'be nice', to conform. Life is too short to invest time in the schemes of users. I suspect the annoyance I hear in OP's posts is a reflection of cognitivie dissonance. She feels pressure to conform but is resentful because she knows she's being used.


Op here. 100% nailed it, I wish we could be friends because you get it.


2 insane people found each other


But people like that don't really HAVE friends!


Imaginary internet friends who validate their crazy.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 15:59     Subject: SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Nothing like family!


100%

These are OP's child's cousins. It's one night. OP could plan a fun night for her child and her child's cousins. Instead, she's whining about how it's not fair. Of course it's not fair. Family is rarely fair. You could do the right thing or not. Up to you.


Ah, the 'family' card! So much internalized misogyny on this thread! If OP agrees to it, I'd have her leave the planning for a 'fun night' to her DH. These are, after all, his blood kin. Of course, as demonstrated by your post, you lay the burden of this on women. If her DH wants to be responsible for it all, he should agree to it.


OP is the one who asked the question. No one said anything about OP's DH. She barely even mentions him.

You're projecting a lot.

Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 15:59     Subject: SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Nothing like family!


100%

These are OP's child's cousins. It's one night. OP could plan a fun night for her child and her child's cousins. Instead, she's whining about how it's not fair. Of course it's not fair. Family is rarely fair. You could do the right thing or not. Up to you.


Ah, the 'family' card! So much internalized misogyny on this thread! If OP agrees to it, I'd have her leave the planning for a 'fun night' to her DH. These are, after all, his blood kin. Of course, as demonstrated by your post, you lay the burden of this on women. If her DH wants to be responsible for it all, he should agree to it.


Listen, I don't think the OP should host this sleepover. She clearly doesn't want to. It also doesn't sound like the SIL asked OP, instead of her brother, about the sleepover. No major assumptions were made about OP doing all the work. So far, it doesn't sound like anyone is making any kind of misogynist assumptions here. OP is being told "you could do this work if it was important to you" by the majority of the posters. I don't think this is an instance of misogynist martyrdom, though I do agree these threads often end up in that space.

This is one woman looking down on a woman she perceives to be lower class and taking insult from a relatively normal family request. Then 5 pages of arguing about how right she is. I saw like 3 posts saying that she should take the kids. I suggested on like page 2 that she could make this a fun thing if she wanted to. She doesn't want to. She needs to own that. Internalized misogyny has nothing to do with it.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 15:59     Subject: SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
The fact that you would consider calling them if their kid threw up in the middle of the night tells me everything we need to know. You are just a selfish person.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 15:58     Subject: SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP is sooo busy with her own kid and her own life and couldn’t possibly find the time to help her family out - yet she has plenty of time to write a novel on an anonymous chat board and bash them.

You’re just a mean person, OP. That’s the bottom line.


OP here. They are not my family. They are my son's and husband's family. I can count on one hand the amount of time he's seen them in the last 2 years. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and 3 birthdays. That's it. And you're right, I don't like them for a number of reasons. BIL is an alcoholic and has had multiple DUI's over the last 10 years. He doesn't put his kids in carseats half the time. I have zero interest in supporting them getting hammered for the evening and waiting for them to come pick the kids up when they're hungover. And I know, I will get flack for not taking these kids in with alcoholic parents.

They are coming to us because MIL dropped their regular support of childcare. We're not "helping them out", they have plenty other options like BIL's mom or one of SIL's friends.

I guess what I don't understand is DCUM's groupthink that you have to bend over backwards for family, even family that you don't like or spend time with often.


SUCH TYPICAL DCUM BULLSHIT.

Poster posts an issue seeking advice and opinions. Doesn’t like the responses. Gets defensive and changes the story, adding important details inexplicably not included in the original post.

If you don’t want to enable alcoholics than just say no. Jesus OP you’re exhausting.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 15:57     Subject: Re:SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
This OP is not getting an aunt of the year award.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 15:57     Subject: Re:SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
Why not say, yes that works if you are also able to watch Johnny overnight on X date.

Let's say SIL says, no doesn't work. You propose another weekend. And so on and so forth until you find a date or she gives up.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 15:57     Subject: SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
Her she isn't the one on here trying to justify his choice.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 15:54     Subject: SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Nothing like family!


100%

These are OP's child's cousins. It's one night. OP could plan a fun night for her child and her child's cousins. Instead, she's whining about how it's not fair. Of course it's not fair. Family is rarely fair. You could do the right thing or not. Up to you.


Ah, the 'family' card! So much internalized misogyny on this thread! If OP agrees to it, I'd have her leave the planning for a 'fun night' to her DH. These are, after all, his blood kin. Of course, as demonstrated by your post, you lay the burden of this on women. If her DH wants to be responsible for it all, he should agree to it.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 15:53     Subject: Re:SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just have your DH say, 'it doesn't work for us' and put it behind you.

I'm 58 and out of F*&ks to give. I'm so tired of women expecting other women to 'be the bigger person', 'do it for family', 'if you don't do it/want to do it, you clearly hate them'. I'm tired of being expected to put in extra effort, to, once again, suppress my wants/needs to accommodate someone else's. I don't blame OP and her DH for being miffed about this request. It reeks of being used.

Relationships need to be reciprocal and, clearly, this one isn't. So many of you are reading more into it than is there or hoping for an outcome that is unlikely. This isn't about building family relationships. It's about free childcare. If OP and her DH were interested in providing childcare, they'd at least get paid for it.

I get that I'm probably older than most on DCUM and have had more years to experience this, more years to get fed up and be done with it. It took me a long time to feel strong enough to reject the pressure to 'be nice', to conform. Life is too short to invest time in the schemes of users. I suspect the annoyance I hear in OP's posts is a reflection of cognitivie dissonance. She feels pressure to conform but is resentful because she knows she's being used.


Op here. 100% nailed it, I wish we could be friends because you get it.


2 insane people found each other


But people like that don't really HAVE friends!
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 15:52     Subject: Re:SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
Anonymous wrote:Just have your DH say, 'it doesn't work for us' and put it behind you.

I'm 58 and out of F*&ks to give. I'm so tired of women expecting other women to 'be the bigger person', 'do it for family', 'if you don't do it/want to do it, you clearly hate them'. I'm tired of being expected to put in extra effort, to, once again, suppress my wants/needs to accommodate someone else's. I don't blame OP and her DH for being miffed about this request. It reeks of being used.

Relationships need to be reciprocal and, clearly, this one isn't. So many of you are reading more into it than is there or hoping for an outcome that is unlikely. This isn't about building family relationships. It's about free childcare. If OP and her DH were interested in providing childcare, they'd at least get paid for it.

I get that I'm probably older than most on DCUM and have had more years to experience this, more years to get fed up and be done with it. It took me a long time to feel strong enough to reject the pressure to 'be nice', to conform. Life is too short to invest time in the schemes of users. I suspect the annoyance I hear in OP's posts is a reflection of cognitivie dissonance. She feels pressure to conform but is resentful because she knows she's being used.


Martyred much?

It's one night, not a lifetime commitment.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 15:51     Subject: SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
Anonymous wrote:Nothing like family!


100%

These are OP's child's cousins. It's one night. OP could plan a fun night for her child and her child's cousins. Instead, she's whining about how it's not fair. Of course it's not fair. Family is rarely fair. You could do the right thing or not. Up to you.