We didn’t ask for money but I would have rather had people give me $30 than the POS comforter set they got at Kmart that I couldn’t return so they wasted their money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old are you?

This is OP. I’m in my late thirties.

They specifically ask for money for home upgrades and associated costs. Same for the shower.

I would have written a check for the couple in any case, in addition to sending a gift. I am just turned off that the request is explicit. Not everything needs to be said.

To top it off, it will be an alcohol-free wedding.

Eh, I’m 50 and honestly it sounds practical and easy for anyone giving a gift. Better than buying overpriced tchotchkes that they don’t really want or need.

LOL. I'm 50 too and I don't see these things as a big deal anymore. I want to make sure I get what they want. I'm not the type to crowdsource gifts on DCUM. They are clear they want cash-done! I would find it a tad tacky to have alcohol free if they expect big gifts, but now that I see all the latest research about alcohol, I don't think it's a big deal. Just give less if free booze factors into your equation. Life is short and tough, so very tough at times. I have faced enough majot challenges that this sort of thing does not phase me. I'd open say, "ok they want cash? sure thing!" Then I'd get a card, write a check and be knock it off my todo list.

Oh wow, please don't come to the wedding. You sound awful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that registries are for showers and you should bring a check to the wedding. Are you seriously going to bring a gift to the wedding that the couple has to figure out how to get home?

Historically you send the wrapped wedding gift in advance to the bride's home.

You should never bring a gift, wrapped or a card with cash or check to a wedding. Too easy to get lost or stolen. I used to cater weddings and I charged extra if I had to provide someone to man the gift table.

Nope! I don't blame you. If you don't want to don't give it's tacky to ask for money like that. Either give from the heart or don't. Don't give out of obligation alone.

If it's a working couple that may still have debt or a couple in need it doesn't bother me at all. We had that with a trust fund baby in the family marrying another trust fund baby. They both had good jobs too. I think if you are in trust fund baby with lucrative job territory, it is most classy to just have a chose your charity or the gift is your presence thing.

I have a cousin who was brought up middle class to UMC, but now makes millions a year. When he married he was already doing quite well. Everything was about charity if you felt the need to give at all. I liked that. He is very gracious and down to earth too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old are you?

This is OP. I’m in my late thirties.

They specifically ask for money for home upgrades and associated costs. Same for the shower.

I would have written a check for the couple in any case, in addition to sending a gift. I am just turned off that the request is explicit. Not everything needs to be said.

To top it off, it will be an alcohol-free wedding.

Eh, I’m 50 and honestly it sounds practical and easy for anyone giving a gift. Better than buying overpriced tchotchkes that they don’t really want or need.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the same, but I think it’s because I’m old. It’s pretty common nowadays. Distasteful to me personally, but common.

I have the same reaction, even though I know it's widely accepted these days.

I think that what bothers me is that I'm being asked to fund the couple's luxury vacation vs. getting suggestions for items to purchase to help them set up their new home. (That's ultimately what wedding gifts were/are about, traditionally.) I'm happy to contribute to your new life together but your vacation, not so much.

I think that's why I have a visceral negative reaction to this.

The vacation is part of the new life together!

Anonymous wrote:The only gross thing about the rich couple who got married at City Hall is the fact that they asked for money. The City Hall marriage and the barbeque are just fine.

City Hall and barbecue are fine, charming even.

Asking people to help them buy a house that may be nicer than anything the guest can afford-- that's tacky.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that registries are for showers and you should bring a check to the wedding. Are you seriously going to bring a gift to the wedding that the couple has to figure out how to get home?

Historically you send the wrapped wedding gift in advance to the bride's home.

Right, who brings gifts to the actual wedding?

Anonymous wrote:Elope if you are broke!

We eloped and we’re well off. Did not need gifts or $$$.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is asking for money different than asking for various items on a registry?

Because a registry is a list of items that the couple would happily receive. It helps give direction in terms of colors and styles. Someone might want to give towels, but has no idea what color the couple would like best. The registry helps.

And if someone doesn’t want to give a gift off of the registry, they don’t have to. If they want to give money, they’re welcome to do so. If they want to give a gift card, they can. If they want to give a handmade quilt, they’re welcome to.

The issue with this couple is that they’re making cash the ONLY gift option.

But registries also limit gift options, and often try and point you to items that cost more than you intend to spend.

I can't imagine giving anyone towels. And I would never buy anyone really really expensive towels.

You are being ridiculously obtuse. How does anyone know what YOU intend to spend. If you don’t see anything in your price range on the registry or items (like towels) that you don’t like, THEN DONT BUY THEM. Just give the cash amount you feel comfortable spending. Done.

Anonymous wrote:I think that registries are for showers and you should bring a check to the wedding. Are you seriously going to bring a gift to the wedding that the couple has to figure out how to get home?

Historically you send the wrapped wedding gift in advance to the bride's home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old are you?

This is OP. I’m in my late thirties.

They specifically ask for money for home upgrades and associated costs. Same for the shower.

I would have written a check for the couple in any case, in addition to sending a gift. I am just turned off that the request is explicit. Not everything needs to be said.

To top it off, it will be an alcohol-free wedding.

OP, I agree with you. Many, many guests will give cash or a check. I have given cash or check to many brides and grooms. It is the tackiness of demanding cash only. To me it is a money grab.

Now it makes sense. OP was mad about a night without alcohol.