Anonymous
Post 06/27/2023 16:11     Subject: I cannot believe there are still people out there spanking their children...
Anonymous wrote:Can you hit another adult who is not doing what you've asked them to do?

.


If another adult is yelling at people in the grocery store, can I carry her out to my car, kicking and screaming, and make her sit with me until she calms down? Can I take away her phone? Can I tell her she’s losing screen time that night, and won’t be getting together with her friends for Happy Hour?
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2023 16:10     Subject: I cannot believe there are still people out there spanking their children...
Anonymous wrote:Can you hit another adult who is not doing what you've asked them to do?

It is against the law. So yes, hitting children should be against the law as well.


You can't take away toys, or screen time, or give a timeout to an adult. So you cannot do that to a child either. Right? Right.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2023 16:10     Subject: I cannot believe there are still people out there spanking their children...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Occasional spanking is fine for outright defiance. It just is.


Until what age?


Mostly finished by 7, but 9 or 10 would not be unheard of.


I was spanked as a child...until I hit around 10 and turned to my dad and told him it was disgusting and inappropriate to ask me to bend over for him. He didn't stop hitting me, but he never spanked me again. Don't make the same mistake he did and wait until it gets creepy.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2023 16:08     Subject: I cannot believe there are still people out there spanking their children...
Can you hit another adult who is not doing what you've asked them to do?

It is against the law. So yes, hitting children should be against the law as well.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2023 16:06     Subject: I cannot believe there are still people out there spanking their children...
NP: Clearly, you are all using different definitions for the word "spanking." Some of you say they were like swats, or stings. Others say their spankings were abusive beatings, causing pain, terror, and mental anguish. Those are two very different things. They will have very different effects on a child.

Did the spankings not hurt much? Were they infrequent? Delivered with love rather than anger? Did they leave marks?Were you sobbing in pain, laying in a puddle on the floor afterwards? Did you no longer feel safe in your own home? Did you know inside you that you deserved the abuse?

Yea. Different things.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2023 16:04     Subject: I cannot believe there are still people out there spanking their children...
Anonymous wrote:All of these other words for hitting. Spanking. A swat. Smacking. Those are all words for hitting, which is violence. It just is. You can argue that your violence is justified. You can say, I need to be violent to my kids in order to get them to behave. But you don't say that. You say you spank your kid. You say you gave him a swat. You say he got smacked.

All of those are ways that you minimize the reality, which is that you are comfortable being violent to your children. You can limit your violence to certain circumstances. You can justify it as an intense reaction to a specific situation - kid ran in the street and required an intense punishment to prevent future dangerous behavior, for example. You can say that you are not spanking in anger, that it is a rational punishment administered and then repaired with the child.


I tend to think of violence, in this context, as being out of control, in anger, unmoderated, unmitigated.

By contrast, a reasonable spanking is about as violent as a game of ping pong. Yes, you’re hitting the ball, but come on.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2023 16:01     Subject: I cannot believe there are still people out there spanking their children...
All of these other words for hitting. Spanking. A swat. Smacking. Those are all words for hitting, which is violence. It just is. You can argue that your violence is justified. You can say, I need to be violent to my kids in order to get them to behave. But you don't say that. You say you spank your kid. You say you gave him a swat. You say he got smacked.

All of those are ways that you minimize the reality, which is that you are comfortable being violent to your children. You can limit your violence to certain circumstances. You can justify it as an intense reaction to a specific situation - kid ran in the street and required an intense punishment to prevent future dangerous behavior, for example. You can say that you are not spanking in anger, that it is a rational punishment administered and then repaired with the child.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2023 16:00     Subject: I cannot believe there are still people out there spanking their children...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I work in an elementary school. It's surprising how many kids say they get spanked. On the other hand, is it really that big of a deal? One of my kids remembers every single "consequence" I ever dished out as if it were a horrible trauma. Oh well.

That particular child needed something else from you which you failed to provide. Your discipline felt like abuse because the child is sensitive and requires a more thoughtful approach.


Could be.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2023 15:56     Subject: I cannot believe there are still people out there spanking their children...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I work in an elementary school. It's surprising how many kids say they get spanked. On the other hand, is it really that big of a deal? One of my kids remembers every single "consequence" I ever dished out as if it were a horrible trauma. Oh well.


yes. hitting a child is a BIG deal.


That's not what I meant. I didn't spank -- I gave "consequences." Guess what, those consequences seemed like a big deal to him, just like being spanked would have.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2023 15:53     Subject: I cannot believe there are still people out there spanking their children...
Anonymous wrote:Me and all my siblings were spanked. We're all okay. We grew up well-behaved too.


I was too. It was not a huge deal. I cannot believe how aghast and melodramatic this OP is. I say this as someone who doesn't spank my own kids.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2023 15:52     Subject: I cannot believe there are still people out there spanking their children...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Occasional spanking is fine for outright defiance. It just is.


Until what age?


Mostly finished by 7, but 9 or 10 would not be unheard of.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2023 15:49     Subject: I cannot believe there are still people out there spanking their children...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think a swat on the butt is no big deal. Spanking with an eye to hurt is a different animal.


Why would you swat on the butt? Isn’t the point of hitting the butt to hurt it?


A swat can sting a little.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2023 15:49     Subject: I cannot believe there are still people out there spanking their children...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do these people also beat their dogs?
I feel like if you hit a dog it’s illegal right? But not a kid?


Smacking a dog on the nose is not illegal - but it is good training.

Positive only dog trainers are either liars or just bad at their job. Usually the former, sometimes the latter.


Okay, usually both.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2023 15:48     Subject: I cannot believe there are still people out there spanking their children...
Anonymous wrote:Do these people also beat their dogs?
I feel like if you hit a dog it’s illegal right? But not a kid?


Smacking a dog on the nose is not illegal - but it is good training.

Positive only dog trainers are either liars or just bad at their job. Usually the former, sometimes the latter.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2023 15:48     Subject: I cannot believe there are still people out there spanking their children...
Anonymous wrote:Occasional spanking is fine for outright defiance. It just is.


Until what age?