PP and I wouldn’t have taken DH last name if it was terrible or tease-worthy or misunderstood (Cox, Weiner, Dix, Gay, Head, Woodcock, Fuchs, Pusey to name a few).

Long ago I knew a family with the last name of
Rapier who all changed their surname when their oldest DS was a young teen.

Nothing’s permanent and at least in Virginia, name changes are simple.

I kept my name and kids have dad’s. I kept mine because it was annoying to change, but I answer to either.

You can just both take the same exact name. https://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/08/opinion/08dowd.html

We're all hyphenated. My last name + DH's. My name is the only problematic one because my first name is ridiculously long and even before this never fit any form, credit card, etc. so I gets all kind of crazy abbreviations and nicknames in different places. Not an issue for anyone else, and something we didn't consider beforehand but not a big deal by any stretch.

I hyphenated for myself, but I think that should always be a personal decision because is a PITA). Both of my kids have my maiden name as their middle name. It all works.

I love my last name and my initials (yup— I’m Southern so the monogram was part of my thinking). Kids have my last name as their middle name but in DC the birth certificate just says “name” and doesn’t distinguish between types of names, so it could be that they have a double barrel name as well.

As a PP mentioned, I do get called DH and kids’ last name but I don’t care. Pretty sure our (traditional) families don’t really know what everyone’s name is because my kids get stuff from grandparents addressed to them with hyphenated, double barreled, or otherwise wrong last name. Doesn’t really bother us so far.

Anonymous wrote:I kept my name and my kids have my name.

Same.

My maiden name was just ugly sounding. I always hated it. So many people have said they are surprised I took my husband's name because I was established in my career, etc. before getting married, but it was an easy choice for me and I do like that we all have the same name. I hate hyphenated names so that would never have been a thing for us. If I had liked my maiden name, I may have kept it and just given the kids DH's name but who knows. I knew ling before I met my DH that I would almost certainly take a future husband's name.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I took DH's name, made my last name my middle name (wasn't giving anything up because I didn't have a middle name already). Kids all have our same last name. DS has a first name derived from my maiden name and DD is named after people on my side of the family. I'm perfectly happy with my representation in their names. Also, my maiden name tended to suggest I was an ethnicity that I am not and I hadn't realized how often that came up until I changed my name.

IME it seems like often when the kids have dad's name and mom kept hers, she ends up being called by that last name anyway in kid-related stuff (school, activities, etc.). I have a few friends who fell into that situation. They are really only called by their name at work. If you don't want that you need to be consistent in speaking up for it.

We are in DC and haven't experienced this issue. It may depend on where you live and the demographics of your community (our area has a lot of Latino families with double last names and families with mothers that kept their maiden name).

Same here.

First of all, most women don't care if they are occasionally cared by their husband's last name in a one off context.

But it's rare that it happens bc ppl here don't assume it.

Everyone takes the easiest name. In this case it was my husband’s, but my priority was matching the kids and easy to spell & pronounce.

Anonymous wrote:I took DH's name, made my last name my middle name (wasn't giving anything up because I didn't have a middle name already). Kids all have our same last name. DS has a first name derived from my maiden name and DD is named after people on my side of the family. I'm perfectly happy with my representation in their names. Also, my maiden name tended to suggest I was an ethnicity that I am not and I hadn't realized how often that came up until I changed my name.

IME it seems like often when the kids have dad's name and mom kept hers, she ends up being called by that last name anyway in kid-related stuff (school, activities, etc.). I have a few friends who fell into that situation. They are really only called by their name at work. If you don't want that you need to be consistent in speaking up for it.

We are in DC and haven't experienced this issue. It may depend on where you live and the demographics of your community (our area has a lot of Latino families with double last names and families with mothers that kept their maiden name).

I took DH's name, made my last name my middle name (wasn't giving anything up because I didn't have a middle name already). Kids all have our same last name. DS has a first name derived from my maiden name and DD is named after people on my side of the family. I'm perfectly happy with my representation in their names. Also, my maiden name tended to suggest I was an ethnicity that I am not and I hadn't realized how often that came up until I changed my name.

IME it seems like often when the kids have dad's name and mom kept hers, she ends up being called by that last name anyway in kid-related stuff (school, activities, etc.). I have a few friends who fell into that situation. They are really only called by their name at work. If you don't want that you need to be consistent in speaking up for it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its really not that hard to change your name. Show your marriage certificate at the SS office. Then take everything to the DMV. Done.

And then take everything to the bank(s). And passport office. And update a dozen credit cards, subscriptions, professional memberships and licenses, your office email and login... I did it, but let's not pretend it's a two step process. Some of my credit cards are still wrong.

And that's only for a woman getting married. If you are a man, or a woman changing your name in some other circumstance, you usually need a court order.

This was basically the reason I didn't change my name. I also owned property and couldn't see myself changing may name career-wise, even though plenty of people do it and its just fine. Maybe I had gotten married at 23 it would seem like less of a hassle.

I just didn't see the point of all that hassle.

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, if you are trying to be a feminist, keeping your father's name or your husband's name make no sense, you should take your mother's first name.

In my case, keeping my birth name secret isn't about feminism, its just who I'm used to since childhood, all my friends and colleagues and government knows me by, its what makes my head turn when i hear it and see no reason to change that.

My birth name is mine, the same way that my husband’s birth name is his. Women have their own names too, even if the surname is patrilineal. Imagine that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kept mine and gave my kids my DH’s, because this is the laziest option with regard to paperwork.

+1.

Same