Anonymous
Post 06/26/2023 16:40     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
I literally have tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard. Thank you all for this thread (and the callbacks to the old hilarious ones). Perhaps OP and her husband are the...was it bobcat couple? Some wild animal - that was famous from the relationship thread a few years ago.

Once I stop laughing I'm going to text my DH and thank him for being... not this guy.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2023 15:56     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Anonymous wrote:Op here.

I’m not interested in the “your husband is terrible” comments. I’ve explained the situation.

Thanks to those of you who gave advice!


LOL imagine asking the internet for advice and then trying to police the responses. Are you new here?
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2023 15:40     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Anonymous wrote:My only comment is that not everyone is ok with mayo based salad sandwiches- id not do all three, instead offer Turkey or something else with one of these (egg salad, chicken salad, tuna salad ).


+1

yuck.


Drop 2 (does anyone prefer egg salad as a sandwich given options? Second, tuna fish is smelly)

Add a quality sliced turkey.
Make Caprese sandwich for #3.

Anonymous
Post 06/26/2023 15:33     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Op here.

I’m not interested in the “your husband is terrible” comments. I’ve explained the situation.

Thanks to those of you who gave advice!
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2023 03:29     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Oh gosh. Does he earn all the money and you do all the household management so you feel like he gets to tell you what to do like this? Yikes.

I promise you that your guests would rather have a host who is relaxed and spending time with them rather than arranging a fancy board of meat and cheese to carry around in the sun. It all sounds like he wants to portray a certain image, not that he wants them to enjoy themselves and eat good food with you. What is he anxious about? What would happen if you ate charcuterie two days in a row? No one would have their trip ruined over that. Don’t buy into nerves that are really competitiveness.

Keep it simple but delicious and if your husband pushes back with more “preferences” then please see a therapist to workout why you think that he gets to treat you that way.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2023 02:51     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am like your DH and gets very nervous about tastes not being accommodated when I host, so I get it. I go overboard and still feel like no one was happy (my own overthinking / worrying). There are a lot of pages to this post so not sure if opinions are still being solicited, but I would bring charcuterie to the outdoor concert, and sandwiches on the boat. For the sandwiches, I would do a mix of turkey and cheese, ham and cheese and tuna.

People, who cares who makes the sandwiches so long as OP and her spouse are fine with the division of labor! You haven’t all been clamoring that OP needs to work the grill.


Well, as far as we know, OP hasn’t been instructing her husband that he needs to grill no fewer than 5 different proteins, as well as a vegetarian option, and to use a certain type of charcoal, because it makes the food taste better.


OP said her husband “wants” charcuterie on the boat and “suggests” sandwiches for the picnic. That is hardly being controlling! It sounds to me like OP and her husband jointly plan what to serve when hosting, divide labor however they prefer, and OP is simply asking our opinions on which to serve when. No need to act like OP is a doormat or her husband is a tyrant, which is how many of you responded. I think a lot of you would be happier if you start by assuming good intentions of people.

(And quite possibly OP has voiced opinions about the grilling to her husband, but no need for her to mention in her post since her questions relate to the boat vs picnic.)
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2023 10:53     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Anonymous wrote:Get takeout subs for the picnic on the way (everyone can choose what they’d like), get a prepared charcuterie tray or two from a grocery store for the boat.

[/quotI was also comig to post take out for the concert. If I was your guest I would treat you and be happy for the opportunity
Make or buy whatever works well for you the other night.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2023 10:47     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
These guests will be well fed. Can I attend this?
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2023 10:41     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Anonymous wrote:I am like your DH and gets very nervous about tastes not being accommodated when I host, so I get it. I go overboard and still feel like no one was happy (my own overthinking / worrying). There are a lot of pages to this post so not sure if opinions are still being solicited, but I would bring charcuterie to the outdoor concert, and sandwiches on the boat. For the sandwiches, I would do a mix of turkey and cheese, ham and cheese and tuna.

People, who cares who makes the sandwiches so long as OP and her spouse are fine with the division of labor! You haven’t all been clamoring that OP needs to work the grill.


Well, as far as we know, OP hasn’t been instructing her husband that he needs to grill no fewer than 5 different proteins, as well as a vegetarian option, and to use a certain type of charcoal, because it makes the food taste better.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2023 10:39     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I pity the deli worker at OP’s grocery store.


Plus the poor person standing in line behind her with the next highest number. She'll be texting DH with each request. "Smoked turkey or regular? Black Forest ham or plain?"


And if she wants it shaved, everyone behind her may as well go home.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2023 01:54     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
I am like your DH and gets very nervous about tastes not being accommodated when I host, so I get it. I go overboard and still feel like no one was happy (my own overthinking / worrying). There are a lot of pages to this post so not sure if opinions are still being solicited, but I would bring charcuterie to the outdoor concert, and sandwiches on the boat. For the sandwiches, I would do a mix of turkey and cheese, ham and cheese and tuna.

People, who cares who makes the sandwiches so long as OP and her spouse are fine with the division of labor! You haven’t all been clamoring that OP needs to work the grill.
Anonymous
Post 06/23/2023 22:36     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Sounds like too much work. OP, get food from a deli or restaurant or just go out to eat/eat at the venu. Much easier and no cleanup duties
Anonymous
Post 06/23/2023 22:21     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why is your DH micromanaging you? Ask him to make the food if he is so particular.
If you’re doing charcuterie I’d just pick up trays from Wegmans.


He doesn’t really handle food in our house so that’s why I’m trying to plan this all out. He does man the grill though! He also doesn’t want pre made charcuterie. He prefers to have all the meats and cheeses sliced fresh at the deli counter and then I arrange them. Also I add in other items like stuffed olives, soft cheeses like Brie , tapenades and hummus. Those are all store bought though so pretty simple.


Op, does it really not bother you that your “DH” is treating you like a caterer? This just sounds so demeaning. You need to worry less about charcuterie and sandwich combos and more about gaining some self respect.


Op here,

This is totally uncalled for. DH isn't a good cook or host and I doubt he is going to learn all those skills between now and Tuesday. As far as him "treating me like a caterer" I don't see that at all. He is making his requests known. Same as any other day when he says "honey, I'd like [insert item] for dinner tomorrow". That's not treating me like a caterer. I have a great deal of self respect. Part of it is making sure this visit goes off without complications.

Once I get through day 2, I am not worried about the food logistics. Day three is just a brunch out at a restaurant and then I'll be serving dinner.


If he’s not a good cook or host then his input should be limited to expressing gratitude for you doing the majority of the labor/offering to assist where he can. The fact that he is incompetent in this arena and yet allegedly requesting that you bake 5 types of bread/hand arrange the charcuterie per his preference is ludicrous and I’m sorry you can’t see that. I’m assuming he compensates by bringing in tons of money but it’s still sad that he’s treating you like the help.


He gets very anxious. It's not meant as a control thing but he gets anxiety about "omg, what if someone wants ___ type of bread and we don't have it???". Usually he realizes that we can't have every food item available and no one expects us to do so. He gets like that about wine/beer/champagne as well. Recently we had a dinner party and he bought 20 bottles of wine because he wanted to make sure any/every taste was accommodated. Of course, people just chose white or red and that was that. So we have 15 bottles of leftover wine. It's something he works on in therapy.


My husband is a little bit like this as well. I think what helps is for me to not accommodate his anxiety by buying 10 kinds of wine but rather to take charge, make decisions about what is getting served, and leave him out of it. He has learned to trust me as he sees that when I am in charge and get to do what I think best, then events go well and guests have a good time.
Anonymous
Post 06/23/2023 19:53     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Anonymous wrote:I pity the deli worker at OP’s grocery store.


Plus the poor person standing in line behind her with the next highest number. She'll be texting DH with each request. "Smoked turkey or regular? Black Forest ham or plain?"
Anonymous
Post 06/23/2023 19:53     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Anonymous wrote:Op here,

to clarify the bread comment. I bake about 20 loaves a week. Usually one for us, one goes in our freezer and the others are orders that friends and neighbors have requested and paid for. So while baking 4 loaves of bread may seem like a lot to ask, I bake about 10 loaves each day on Sat and Sun anyway.


So when DH said to put out 4-5 different types of bread, you would walk to the freezer and report back on the varieties available for defrosting.

When DH said you couldn't serve charcuterie two days in a row, you would say, "Really? Watch me."

When DH said he was incapable of making an egg salad sandwich, you would say, "Here's a YouTube video. I have confidence in you."