Anonymous wrote:Not having a father has been very detrimental to me in my life. I would not do that to a child ever.

NP. I don't mean to be callous but odds are that your life detriment is not solely due to the fact you don't have a father. The definition of family and the familial /non familial makeup of those that love and support you to ensure a healthy vibrant childhood varies greatly from person to person whether by choice or circumstance.

The existential questions OP poses about "fairness" and obligation to a child before bringing them in the world are valid and should be considered - but should be one of the factors, not the sole factor in deciding, imo. I wish more people, coupled / married / single / or not...would take more time and consideration altogether but really focus on whether you have the time, resources and emotional maturity and love bandwidth to raise a whole human being.

Anonymous wrote:Not having a father has been very detrimental to me in my life. I would not do that to a child ever.

How could you know this???

Not having a father has been very detrimental to me in my life. I would not do that to a child ever.

My friend did this. She ended up needing a lot more support than she had realized initially and so her parents also had to alter their lives significantly to provide childcare and help her out. On one hand they now have a very close relationship with the child but they also delayed their retirement and downsizing plans for 5 years.

She doesn't regret it but it was a lot harder, especially in the 0-3 years than she had expected. Her child is now 7 and things are great.

SMC here...

I initially consulted with a few single and childless friends about my strong desire to become a mom in my 40s either by adoption or birth. They generally made negative comments while the few married mom friends I spoke too were positive and encouraging. Go figure.

Once I started the fertility process, I told no one except my parents. When I was about six months pregnant and finally popped, I told my brother and close friends, and then coworkers.

I didn't tell distant friends and relatives who I didn't plan to see, until mid-December when they all received a birth announcement instead of a Christmas card, LOL surprise to all!!

Anonymous wrote:Looking at all the problems living on this planet throws at you, most babies wouldn't agree to go throw it if given a choice.

This child would not have been born if baby's mother opted not to conceive him/her!

Some of the PPs--as well as the bitter donor-conceived "snowflakes"-- don't seem to understand that Life is a GIFT (and there is an infinitely small chance of that any one person is born to receive that gift)!

*go through

Looking at all the problems living on this planet throws at you, most babies wouldn't agree to go throw it if given a choice.

Anonymous wrote:your friend should discuss this with a single moms by choice group. You should MYOB.

This.

Share this article with her if she hasn’t seen it already:

Portraits of Single Moms by Choice
A photojournalist captured the lives of four women who chose to become mothers on their own.
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/05/parenting/single-moms-by-choice-photos.html

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its a tough decision and in the end, mom is the one who has to decide and live with the decision. Imho if babies had choice, most with go with loving, mild mannered, upright, wealthy, healthy, good looking, intelligent and fun parents living in scenic towns with pleasant climate and theme parks.

The child also has to live with the decision.

Yes but so does children of alcoholics and druggies, why nobody tells them to think it over before having one?

People do say that. And just because someone else makes a bad decision does not mean you should.

No one is entitled to a child. Having a child who will be cut off from half of their biology isn’t a small thing.

I know a single mom who did IVF/a sperm bank, and she seems so overwhelmed, almost a bit bitter. I hate to use that word--it sounds misogynistic, but I'm not sure how else to describe her.

I don’t understand the point of asking if it’s fair to the kid.

I mean, they don’t really have any other options, do they? If she decides not to be a SMBC, her potential kids won’t get a shot with different parents.

Anonymous wrote:We are not a poor country. Your remark is irrelevant.

We should all remind poor people not to have children as it is unfair to them.

What’s your cutoff for poor? Are we using the actual poverty line? When to we move onto DCUM poor and anyone with less than $350k HHI isn’t allowed to procreate?

It would put a dent in global overpopulation I guess. I feel like the economics are questionable though.

We are not a poor country. Your remark is irrelevant.

We should all remind poor people not to have children as it is unfair to them.