Anonymous wrote:Messing around with trying to pass off store-bought food as homemade is ridiculous. Be an adult, do what you're able to do, draw the line at what you aren't, and don't play into this ridiculous control game with them.

This 100%.
Your husband should have one and only more communication with his parents. It should be this:

“We look forward to seeing you on July 4. When we get there, we’ll be able to help out with food by cooking ___ when we get there and ordering ___. That’s it. There’s no more discussion. See you soon.”

Anonymous wrote:Messing around with trying to pass off store-bought food as homemade is ridiculous. Be an adult, do what you're able to do, draw the line at what you aren't, and don't play into this ridiculous control game with them.

I agree. Some people have no backbone.

This just can’t be a negotiation and your DH should be communicating that. You work full-time and are packing up kids etc. for a very long drive to come see them. Bringing food that has been prepared at home it’s just not going to happen. No further discussion. You want to contribute, in whatever way makes the most sense at their end and they can let you know how to do it.

We used to do joint effort meals with around 14 people. Your IL's are making this insanely difficult.

We shopped locally and cooked. One night would be take out. Do what you're doing, I doubt IL's will refuse to eat.

I had to laugh a little at the "bring cookies" post. For one of our get togethers, MIL and FIL needed help with providing meals. FIL had been laid off for months. MIL asked everyone to bring or buy enough for their household for one meal. We would put it all together and IL's would be ok. Well, BIL and SIL showed up with their 4 teenagers and one 8x8 pan of date squares.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why can’t you cook at their house? I don’t get it. When we visit my parents, we do help out by grocery shopping and cooking. My parents eat low-salt and low-fat, so take-out and prepared foods don’t work if there’s a home-cooked alternative.

And you’re cooking for a party of 10 for these visits? Cooking for 10 for 3 meals a day for at least 3 days? Or oh wait are you only cooking for your immediate family and your parents. Got it.

PP you replied to. This is why I added that BIL and SIL can also take turns cooking. We're usually 6 (our family of 4 plus my parents), or sometimes more if my aunts and uncles come. Sometimes my husband cooks. My father takes his turn as well. My mother is handicaped and can't cook. We hardly ever get take-out or buy ready-made, just because I actually think it's important that we all eat like my parents - it's way healthier.

We prepare meals for lunch and dinner. Breakfast is not cooked (cereal, yogurt, fruit, or toast and cheese). In the summer, we eat lots of mixed salads. The rest of the time it's often a pasta meal with chicken and broccoli or other green veggies, or a Japanese dish, since my father is Japanese. None of it is hard to do. We don't go for complicated stuff.

Here is what I bring standard when I go to a beach house, and would probably work okay for you in a cooler:

-- Box of pancake mix
-- couple big things of berries from costco
-- maple syrup from costco
-- eggs
-- milk
(yes, you'd have to cook there -- you could instead do the berries and make a couple things like blueberry bread/apple bread from mix. If your kids are over age 8, they can be tasked to do this.). Bagels, cream cheese and lox from costo would be no cook and easy to bring. A quiche is also really easy to premake if you use store-bought crust.

-- Sandwich stuff

-- Sautee some ground beef in some Rao's sauce with extra garlic and put it in a big tupperware and freeze. Get a bagged salad and some fettucini and that's one night's dinner.
-- Pre-marinate some raw chicken tenders in a couple ziplop bags and freeze, then bring canned black beans, premade guac, a block of cheddar, salsa and tortillas. That's another night's dinner.

I'm a huge Costco fan, but I give a hard no on their rotisserie chickens. The taste and smell like chemicals. I don't know why people are always recommending them. If I was going to bring a roast chicken, I'd stop by a peruvian place. That actually makes fabulous chicken salad with mayo, dijon mustard, sliced almonds, sliced grapes, green onion. If you have kids, they can strip the chicken for you.

But I think it's also okay to just tell MIL that her requests are not reasonable. But if you want a few "semi home-made" dishes -- the three above work well and are very easy.

Cookies. Bring cookies.

Messing around with trying to pass off store-bought food as homemade is ridiculous. Be an adult, do what you're able to do, draw the line at what you aren't, and don't play into this ridiculous control game with them.

I’d contact a home chef and book them for the trip

Cook one meal there, from scratch, the “right way.” Among four adults and maybe helpful children, that shouldn’t be too difficult with a little planning.

For the rest, massage it. Stouffers, transferred to a glass 9x13. A simple salad - arugula, parsley, lemon juice, capers and oil is easy peasy. And then takeout. It’s important to be sensitive to aging parents but also you know what you can and cannot do. I do not work outside the house and still the idea of planning, pre-cooking and transporting days of meals for ten people sounds insane.

Anonymous wrote:We’re visiting my ILs for the Fourth of July, a 5-hour drive if we’re lucky. We’re staying in a hotel because my BIL and his family are also going to be there, flying in from Oregon. Understandably, BIL’s family isn’t going to bring anything.

Also understandably, MIL/FIL are asking for help with food, but when DH just offered to pay for takeout meals, restaurant food, and/or a big grocery run (with easy things like rotisserie chicken, family-sized lasagnas, etc.), they balked. They don’t want to serve those types of meals, they want homemade.

Well, DH said he’d be happy to grill a few nights, and we can bring some supplies and maybe side dishes, maybe some frozen things like a big batch of chili. But ILs are shooting down any and all relatively easy ideas. But they also don’t want to cook themselves. And they don’t want to go out. Honestly asking for ideas of what to bring/how to handle this, but honestly…we’re driving five hours, paying for a hotel, and you won’t even let us contribute in an easy way? Hoping DCUM can pitch in with good advice. Thanks, guys!

Unless they are that dense, it sounds like they are trying to prove a point or punish you for something. Maybe they wanted you to stay longer than you are, or maybe they wanted you to fly and get there sooner. Who knows.

I would stop asking what is ok and say, “thanks for the suggestions (even if there are none), we will take care of x number of meals!”. Then order ready made food from a restaurant or service (not Stouffer’s), freeze and say you made it. For sides, you can buy there and say that you brought some potato salad, etc but it went bad and you had to throw away. Just get through the week.

Do you have a kitchenette at the hotel?

Have meals catered. It's home cooked for ILs and easy for you. Ask them to put everything in standard foil trays and throw away containers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what in their mind _is_ acceptable?

They want things like “proper” sides for a cookout, like homemade potato salad, pasta salad, fruit, etc., but they don’t seem to understand that we can’t safely bring all that kind of stuff in a cooler, at least not enough to last several days. Or when we said we can buy Stouffer’s lasagna, etc., they asked why we can’t just make it at home, freeze and bring. (Never mind that DH and I both work full-time.) It’s like they want everything done “the right way” but won’t hear of shortcuts or anything that will make it easy on us, even though we both work, we’re driving 5 hours, and even though we’re willing to pay for restaurants and stuff, that will add up. We’re talking a total of 10 mouths to feed: MIL/FIL; BIL/wife/2 kids; and the four of us. And we’re already paying for a hotel for 3 nights.

I just honestly need some suggestions. I am sure BIL and SIL will offer to help a bit and pay for a bit when they arrive, but they’ve already paid thousands for flights and will be pretty exhausted I’m sure.

Be blunt. You cannot safely travel with food and do not have the space for a big cooler. You will purchase groceries or carryout. You don’t have a kitchen in the hotel either.

Stay home.

Why do you need to bring food from your neck of the woods? Ask ILs what day/time is convenient for them to receive a grocery order that you’ve arranged. Order pre made salads, platters, and BBQ meats/fish. Just do a full online shopping— breakfast items et al. Ask ILs to give you a list of their preferred items. Same with the flying family. Split the bill 3 ways.