Anonymous wrote:Two boys is the kiss of misery for most women. Boys are a lot harder, slower to hit maturity milestones, crazy energy, etc. And there’s none of the feminine joy of getting to raise and mold a daughter. You just hope your boys don’t end up in jail.

Anonymous wrote:Two boys is the kiss of misery for most women. Boys are a lot harder, slower to hit maturity milestones, crazy energy, etc. And there’s none of the feminine joy of getting to raise and mold a daughter. You just hope your boys don’t end up in jail.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was just going to post in response to OP’s comment about maturity - that it’s actually exceedingly mature to recognize one’s lack of desire for kids and be up front and open about it.

This world is full of selfish people and people doing what everyone else is doing without giving any actual considered thought to whether parenting is something they actually want and are actually up to the bar to perform in that role. The evidence of that selfish thoughtlessness is all around us, in the wreckage of so many lives that started in being born to reluctant or emotionally immature parents who are mired in their own problems and are never actually capable of bringing anything close to an A game to the role of parenting.

Your husband has been courageous enough to be honest. If you cannot grasp the maturity in that, you have issues of your own and maybe you need to spend some time looking at those.

Flushing a decade of someone's top fertile years down the toilet because you suddenly became "more mature" is the definition of selfish.

Being honest would have been telling OP all this before the wedding so that she could find another man. He wasted her limited reproductive window while retaining his own options.

You don’t think people change, PP? And do you think the entire purpose of marriage or adult life is to procreate?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was just going to post in response to OP’s comment about maturity - that it’s actually exceedingly mature to recognize one’s lack of desire for kids and be up front and open about it.

This world is full of selfish people and people doing what everyone else is doing without giving any actual considered thought to whether parenting is something they actually want and are actually up to the bar to perform in that role. The evidence of that selfish thoughtlessness is all around us, in the wreckage of so many lives that started in being born to reluctant or emotionally immature parents who are mired in their own problems and are never actually capable of bringing anything close to an A game to the role of parenting.

Your husband has been courageous enough to be honest. If you cannot grasp the maturity in that, you have issues of your own and maybe you need to spend some time looking at those.

Flushing a decade of someone's top fertile years down the toilet because you suddenly became "more mature" is the definition of selfish.

Being honest would have been telling OP all this before the wedding so that she could find another man. He wasted her limited reproductive window while retaining his own options.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Likely when you were dating, the kids and suburban life was some ideal mirage that seemed okay.

He’s older now, and has friends who have had kids and he knows the stories from the trenches: lack of sleep, whiney kids and teens, expensive daycare and activities, and the biggie: decline in sex because DW is wiped out caring for kids.

You waited to long, he knows what I really means to “have a baby” — it’s a lifetime of commitment and sacrifice.

He probably expects you to leave and he can date a younger model and repeat the cycle.

Op here. I am thinking this too. He doesn’t like to be inconvenienced and has a short discomfort tolerance and he is more curmudgeonly as he gets older.

I thought he would become more mature but it’s the opposite case here.

Anonymous wrote:I was just going to post in response to OP’s comment about maturity - that it’s actually exceedingly mature to recognize one’s lack of desire for kids and be up front and open about it.

This world is full of selfish people and people doing what everyone else is doing without giving any actual considered thought to whether parenting is something they actually want and are actually up to the bar to perform in that role. The evidence of that selfish thoughtlessness is all around us, in the wreckage of so many lives that started in being born to reluctant or emotionally immature parents who are mired in their own problems and are never actually capable of bringing anything close to an A game to the role of parenting.

Your husband has been courageous enough to be honest. If you cannot grasp the maturity in that, you have issues of your own and maybe you need to spend some time looking at those.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have 1 kid and stay in the city. You both win. suburban family life ain’t all that. I know a lot of moms like me who have lost our souls and personhoods here. Can’t wait for an empty nest and to move back to a city

I came here to say this. One is infinitely easier than 2 or more and you do not have to confine yourself to the suburban bore. I had a wonderful time living in the city and now I have two wonderful boys in the burbs. I wish I stayed in the city with just one. Trust me, one gives you plenty of mom experience.

Anonymous wrote:Have 1 kid and stay in the city. You both win. suburban family life ain’t all that. I know a lot of moms like me who have lost our souls and personhoods here. Can’t wait for an empty nest and to move back to a city

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was just going to post in response to OP’s comment about maturity - that it’s actually exceedingly mature to recognize one’s lack of desire for kids and be up front and open about it.

This world is full of selfish people and people doing what everyone else is doing without giving any actual considered thought to whether parenting is something they actually want and are actually up to the bar to perform in that role. The evidence of that selfish thoughtlessness is all around us, in the wreckage of so many lives that started in being born to reluctant or emotionally immature parents who are mired in their own problems and are never actually capable of bringing anything close to an A game to the role of parenting.

Your husband has been courageous enough to be honest. If you cannot grasp the maturity in that, you have issues of your own and maybe you need to spend some time looking at those.

Flushing a decade of someone's top fertile years down the toilet because you suddenly became "more mature" is the definition of selfish.

Being honest would have been telling OP all this before the wedding so that she could find another man. He wasted her limited reproductive window while retaining his own options.

You don’t think people change, PP? And do you think the entire purpose of marriage or adult life is to procreate?

dp.. yes, people can grow apart in their goals and wants. Sounds like this is what is happening with OP.

I will say, though, I have known men who didn't want children, so left their partners, only to then want them much later, and so had to find a different partner who wanted children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was just going to post in response to OP’s comment about maturity - that it’s actually exceedingly mature to recognize one’s lack of desire for kids and be up front and open about it.

This world is full of selfish people and people doing what everyone else is doing without giving any actual considered thought to whether parenting is something they actually want and are actually up to the bar to perform in that role. The evidence of that selfish thoughtlessness is all around us, in the wreckage of so many lives that started in being born to reluctant or emotionally immature parents who are mired in their own problems and are never actually capable of bringing anything close to an A game to the role of parenting.

Your husband has been courageous enough to be honest. If you cannot grasp the maturity in that, you have issues of your own and maybe you need to spend some time looking at those.

Flushing a decade of someone's top fertile years down the toilet because you suddenly became "more mature" is the definition of selfish.

Being honest would have been telling OP all this before the wedding so that she could find another man. He wasted her limited reproductive window while retaining his own options.

You don’t think people change, PP? And do you think the entire purpose of marriage or adult life is to procreate?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was just going to post in response to OP’s comment about maturity - that it’s actually exceedingly mature to recognize one’s lack of desire for kids and be up front and open about it.

This world is full of selfish people and people doing what everyone else is doing without giving any actual considered thought to whether parenting is something they actually want and are actually up to the bar to perform in that role. The evidence of that selfish thoughtlessness is all around us, in the wreckage of so many lives that started in being born to reluctant or emotionally immature parents who are mired in their own problems and are never actually capable of bringing anything close to an A game to the role of parenting.

Your husband has been courageous enough to be honest. If you cannot grasp the maturity in that, you have issues of your own and maybe you need to spend some time looking at those.

Flushing a decade of someone's top fertile years down the toilet because you suddenly became "more mature" is the definition of selfish.

Being honest would have been telling OP all this before the wedding so that she could find another man. He wasted her limited reproductive window while retaining his own options.

You don’t think people change, PP? And do you think the entire purpose of marriage or adult life is to procreate?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was just going to post in response to OP’s comment about maturity - that it’s actually exceedingly mature to recognize one’s lack of desire for kids and be up front and open about it.

This world is full of selfish people and people doing what everyone else is doing without giving any actual considered thought to whether parenting is something they actually want and are actually up to the bar to perform in that role. The evidence of that selfish thoughtlessness is all around us, in the wreckage of so many lives that started in being born to reluctant or emotionally immature parents who are mired in their own problems and are never actually capable of bringing anything close to an A game to the role of parenting.

Your husband has been courageous enough to be honest. If you cannot grasp the maturity in that, you have issues of your own and maybe you need to spend some time looking at those.

Flushing a decade of someone's top fertile years down the toilet because you suddenly became "more mature" is the definition of selfish.

Being honest would have been telling OP all this before the wedding so that she could find another man. He wasted her limited reproductive window while retaining his own options.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Likely when you were dating, the kids and suburban life was some ideal mirage that seemed okay.

He’s older now, and has friends who have had kids and he knows the stories from the trenches: lack of sleep, whiney kids and teens, expensive daycare and activities, and the biggie: decline in sex because DW is wiped out caring for kids.

You waited to long, he knows what I really means to “have a baby” — it’s a lifetime of commitment and sacrifice.

He probably expects you to leave and he can date a younger model and repeat the cycle.

Op here. I am thinking this too. He doesn’t like to be inconvenienced and has a short discomfort tolerance and he is more curmudgeonly as he gets older.

I thought he would become more mature but it’s the opposite case here.

Or, he has become more mature and realizes his desires and limitations and is expressing them.

We need to stop it with the having kids is somehow the more mature or more adult decision, or that people who choose not to have kids are selfish narrative.

Anonymous wrote:I was just going to post in response to OP’s comment about maturity - that it’s actually exceedingly mature to recognize one’s lack of desire for kids and be up front and open about it.

This world is full of selfish people and people doing what everyone else is doing without giving any actual considered thought to whether parenting is something they actually want and are actually up to the bar to perform in that role. The evidence of that selfish thoughtlessness is all around us, in the wreckage of so many lives that started in being born to reluctant or emotionally immature parents who are mired in their own problems and are never actually capable of bringing anything close to an A game to the role of parenting.

Your husband has been courageous enough to be honest. If you cannot grasp the maturity in that, you have issues of your own and maybe you need to spend some time looking at those.