Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Envy is never a good look. Work on making your family, your marriage and your dh the best it can be.

Btw, I'm married to one of those guys and I'm no where near as hot as DH. He was more focused on personality, good upbringing and picking an emotionally mature mate.

Also, some of those guys? Their wives are the ones who have turned them into a total catch.

Curious about this. I’m dating a wonderful kind man behind closed doors - great sex, he takes care of me emotionally, we have fun together. But in public he doesn’t come across very confident and definitely isn’t a high earner or have high social status. However, I am confident and in a public facing job and get told I’m beautiful often. Will he get more confident over time? Or will this lead to resentment?

maybe he's not an extrovert? If you are looking for a man to be like that, then maybe he's not for you.

m

He’s definitely not an extrovert that’s true. I don’t need for him to be a big talker but don’t want his confidence to shrink either.

he's not for you. I think he will disappoint you.

A guy I dated told me that I had too high expectations of him. To me, it wasn't high expectations, but to him it was. I've since learned that I should not expect a man to change his personality. All you do is set yourself up for disappointment.

If he's happy the way he is, then don't expect him to change. You guys just aren't compatible.

I think confidence is important because insecurity can lead to all kinds of issues, including resentment and competitiveness. But, confidence doesn't necessarily mean being the life of the party. He could just be a strong, silent type. Those are my favorites personally - I don't trust the guys who come into a room glad-handing and trying to charm everyone.

+1

There are DHs who are extremely charming (even if it is just one on one, and particularly with women) in person, and behind closed doors, they are horrible to live with - and not because of their wives, but because the DH is really an a-hole. You would never know it by seeing that kind of DH out and about, because he is very good at being charming. It is an art.

Stick with the guys who are not "too" friendly, but are confident in their own skin - to not try to compete with the wife and try to make her feel like crap. I have seen it, it ain't handsome. At all. If a guy thinks his wife is hotter, or he is is sensitive about his dad stomach or receding hairline, or God knows what, he will be a real a-hole behind closed doors.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I won't deny that there's some correlation between partners' attractiveness or that appearances matter, but looking around, there's a huge variance. Some hunky guys with average looking women, and vice versa. (And of course, most of us are pleasant but typical looking matched with the same.) Personality matters much more.

What I don’t get is the hunky guys with all the great qualities with the unattractive, unkind, not fun woman. I know a couple like this and it just totally leaves me scratching my head. He could have any woman and he chose someone who is just straight mean and ugly. It’s so bizarre.

Lol she probably knows you talk s* about her behind her back and has no interest in you. He sees mutual great qualities in her that you don’t have

PP here and you couldn’t be further from the truth. This woman is stone cold. She’s mean to literally everyone including her own young children. It’s hard to watch.

There you go! Talking $h!t. So bitter PP! Leave that family alone

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I won't deny that there's some correlation between partners' attractiveness or that appearances matter, but looking around, there's a huge variance. Some hunky guys with average looking women, and vice versa. (And of course, most of us are pleasant but typical looking matched with the same.) Personality matters much more.

What I don’t get is the hunky guys with all the great qualities with the unattractive, unkind, not fun woman. I know a couple like this and it just totally leaves me scratching my head. He could have any woman and he chose someone who is just straight mean and ugly. It’s so bizarre.

Lol she probably knows you talk s* about her behind her back and has no interest in you. He sees mutual great qualities in her that you don’t have

PP here and you couldn’t be further from the truth. This woman is stone cold. She’s mean to literally everyone including her own young children. It’s hard to watch.

Then he’s not that great

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course looks make all the difference.

This is OP. But, I have everything else! I am well educated, cultured and sophisticated. I dress well. I am told I am kind and empathetic and I grew up in a warm and loving family. There is every reason a high quality man should want me! Except I wasn’t born with lean long legs, great hair and a gorgeous face. I do what I can but… I am not really the prettiest girl in the room.

Hot is a big deal to most high quality men...that's just the way it is.

That's why most men want to be rich and fit--to attract super hot mates. It's all primal Darwinian stuff.

Anonymous wrote:Hot, rich, and family minded/faithful?

You gotta pick 2 out of 3. The number of men who are all 3 is vanishingly small.

Honey you are lucky if you get literally one of these.

Anonymous wrote:Hot, rich, and family minded/faithful?

You gotta pick 2 out of 3. The number of men who are all 3 is vanishingly small.

+1 I would love all 3, but it's a fantasy. I go into my fantasy world reading romance novels.

Hot, rich, and family minded/faithful?

You gotta pick 2 out of 3. The number of men who are all 3 is vanishingly small.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I won't deny that there's some correlation between partners' attractiveness or that appearances matter, but looking around, there's a huge variance. Some hunky guys with average looking women, and vice versa. (And of course, most of us are pleasant but typical looking matched with the same.) Personality matters much more.

What I don’t get is the hunky guys with all the great qualities with the unattractive, unkind, not fun woman. I know a couple like this and it just totally leaves me scratching my head. He could have any woman and he chose someone who is just straight mean and ugly. It’s so bizarre.

Lol she probably knows you talk s* about her behind her back and has no interest in you. He sees mutual great qualities in her that you don’t have

PP here and you couldn’t be further from the truth. This woman is stone cold. She’s mean to literally everyone including her own young children. It’s hard to watch.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I won't deny that there's some correlation between partners' attractiveness or that appearances matter, but looking around, there's a huge variance. Some hunky guys with average looking women, and vice versa. (And of course, most of us are pleasant but typical looking matched with the same.) Personality matters much more.

What I don’t get is the hunky guys with all the great qualities with the unattractive, unkind, not fun woman. I know a couple like this and it just totally leaves me scratching my head. He could have any woman and he chose someone who is just straight mean and ugly. It’s so bizarre.

I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they are different in private, but I do know one woman who is really genuinely rude, even to her husband. She teases him in a way that really isn't funny and just gives off contempt vibes, and it's often very apparent he gets really sick of it. I only knew her a little when they were dating and I think she was the same way then. I don't know why anybody marries somebody like this. I think he regrets it and it's such a shame because he is a very nice guy and had options.

He probably cheated and she harbors a lot of resentment. How a woman acts is sometimes the direct result of harm done to her. You don't know what went on behind clothes doors or how this person was prior.

This.
I know a couple of women who were once carefree vivacious sweet women, who changed after their husbands’ eyes (and possibly other parts) wandered too much

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I won't deny that there's some correlation between partners' attractiveness or that appearances matter, but looking around, there's a huge variance. Some hunky guys with average looking women, and vice versa. (And of course, most of us are pleasant but typical looking matched with the same.) Personality matters much more.

What I don’t get is the hunky guys with all the great qualities with the unattractive, unkind, not fun woman. I know a couple like this and it just totally leaves me scratching my head. He could have any woman and he chose someone who is just straight mean and ugly. It’s so bizarre.

I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they are different in private, but I do know one woman who is really genuinely rude, even to her husband. She teases him in a way that really isn't funny and just gives off contempt vibes, and it's often very apparent he gets really sick of it. I only knew her a little when they were dating and I think she was the same way then. I don't know why anybody marries somebody like this. I think he regrets it and it's such a shame because he is a very nice guy and had options.

He probably cheated and she harbors a lot of resentment. How a woman acts is sometimes the direct result of harm done to her. You don't know what went on behind clothes doors or how this person was prior.

Anonymous wrote:This is hard for me to admit but I sometimes have a passing thought when I meet a couple and the husband appears to be a total catch! Or at least, the kind of men I’d want to be married to.

They’re fit, smart, devoted family men, high earners and emotionally mature.

I’d think on paper I’d be a good fit for men like that as I have all similar interests and goals. But! I am not as beautiful as their wives! The women they pick are definitely hotter than me and…I guess that makes all the difference?

I mean, you could test your theory and see just how devoted they actually are…

Ugly inside, ugly outside.

Just know that in private, his wife is 100% sick of his s*** LOL.

Anonymous wrote:Envy is never a good look. Work on making your family, your marriage and your dh the best it can be.

Btw, I'm married to one of those guys and I'm no where near as hot as DH. He was more focused on personality, good upbringing and picking an emotionally mature mate.

Also, some of those guys? Their wives are the ones who have turned them into a total catch.

Ha ha, this is partly my husband. He dresses much better, has a better haircut, and a better body than he did when I met him thanks to me. (The better body is because he now eats super healthy food cooked by me rather than the frozen meals and restaurant grub.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Envy is never a good look. Work on making your family, your marriage and your dh the best it can be.

Btw, I'm married to one of those guys and I'm no where near as hot as DH. He was more focused on personality, good upbringing and picking an emotionally mature mate.

Also, some of those guys? Their wives are the ones who have turned them into a total catch.

Curious about this. I’m dating a wonderful kind man behind closed doors - great sex, he takes care of me emotionally, we have fun together. But in public he doesn’t come across very confident and definitely isn’t a high earner or have high social status. However, I am confident and in a public facing job and get told I’m beautiful often. Will he get more confident over time? Or will this lead to resentment?

maybe he's not an extrovert? If you are looking for a man to be like that, then maybe he's not for you.

m

He’s definitely not an extrovert that’s true. I don’t need for him to be a big talker but don’t want his confidence to shrink either.

he's not for you. I think he will disappoint you.

A guy I dated told me that I had too high expectations of him. To me, it wasn't high expectations, but to him it was. I've since learned that I should not expect a man to change his personality. All you do is set yourself up for disappointment.

If he's happy the way he is, then don't expect him to change. You guys just aren't compatible.

I think confidence is important because insecurity can lead to all kinds of issues, including resentment and competitiveness. But, confidence doesn't necessarily mean being the life of the party. He could just be a strong, silent type. Those are my favorites personally - I don't trust the guys who come into a room glad-handing and trying to charm everyone.