Anonymous
Post 06/07/2023 15:46     Subject: I hate Mom Cliques
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It probably was unintentional. The 5 moms are good friends and just decided to have this get-together.

This. If I’m friends with some moms why can’t I just plan on going out with them for lunch with our kids?
There might be other kids that our kids are friends with too OP, not just yours. Do we invite them all too? Then it turns into a cluster.


It’s not that these moms shouldn’t get together in small groups, it’s the fact that they then feel it necessary to show off on facebook. Why does it need to be flaunted on social media? If not to show off?

Just share the pics with the moms who are there over text. That’s the part that feels really insensitive and like mean girls activity.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2023 15:42     Subject: I hate Mom Cliques
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hate it too but just FYI these moms are still pulling this crap in 6th grade.


I’m in NYC and moms have been doing this for years in my child’s class. I hear it gets better in middle school, when the moms stop trying to live through their children. SAH moms, working moms, moms in their 30s, moms in their 50s - they’re all knee-deep in the crazy.


What “crap” and “knee deep in crazy” are you talking about. A few moms that are friends and their kids went out together. It’s allowed.
Clearly they socialize with others as do their children- as OP says. There is no social rule that dictates you must extend an invitation to anyone you’ve ever socialized with when getting together with common friends. It’s ok to not be included in everything every time.


Keep being delusional. Too many of us and our children have experienced this. Don't try to bright-side us.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2023 15:41     Subject: I hate Mom Cliques
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My DD just had her last day of K and I just found out ( bc one of DD’s friend moms posted pics on Facebook) that the moms of the group of 4 or 5 girls that DD became good friends with from her class arranged an after school get together with all the girls except for my daughter. And there’s no other reason I can find for this other than the fact that I’m not part of the Mom clique. I’ve arranged lots of play dates with these girls over the year and DD has been invited over to most of their houses as well, so I don’t think it’s a matter of them unintentionally excluding her.

It just makes me so mad and I can’t wait until DD is old enough to where the Moms aren’t so influential and involved in the social lives of their kids. Thank god DD is still clueless to these kinds of things, but I know that won’t last forever too. It just makes me feel terrible because she has been talking about having these girls over for a group playdate this summer and she’s clueless to the fact that she’s getting left out by the Moms.


I am sorry. I’ve felt this way too.


Their kids continue the behavior. This doesn't just happen to girls. I moved to a new city and my neighborhood was filled with moms who live to exclude children. The adults were always bullying someone in the neihborhood by excluding them. It is one of the worst forms of insecurity to get your power from hurting a child.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2023 15:35     Subject: Re:I hate Mom Cliques
Anonymous wrote:OP, have you never posted your DD’s playdate or party pics on FB?

Are all of the playdates you host for all of the girls in the class? If not, why not? Surely there are other girls who feel excluded that these “4 or 5 girls” are getting together without them.

I am asking these pointed questions bc OP seems like the kind of person who is fine with cliques as long as she is on the inside, but decries them when she is not.


This OP. And no I have never posted pics of my kids play dates or birthday parties and never will.

And there are ten girls in DDs class and two distinct friend groups that have naturally evolved. My daughter is in one.

I would host a group play date and of course would never post pictures to social media especially knowing of someone on the outside saw it could hurt feelings.

But just on principle I don’t post pics of other peoples children on social
Media.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2023 15:27     Subject: I hate Mom Cliques
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hate it too but just FYI these moms are still pulling this crap in 6th grade.


I’m in NYC and moms have been doing this for years in my child’s class. I hear it gets better in middle school, when the moms stop trying to live through their children. SAH moms, working moms, moms in their 30s, moms in their 50s - they’re all knee-deep in the crazy.


What “crap” and “knee deep in crazy” are you talking about. A few moms that are friends and their kids went out together. It’s allowed.
Clearly they socialize with others as do their children- as OP says. There is no social rule that dictates you must extend an invitation to anyone you’ve ever socialized with when getting together with common friends. It’s ok to not be included in everything every time.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2023 15:05     Subject: I hate Mom Cliques
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It probably was unintentional. The 5 moms are good friends and just decided to have this get-together.

This. If I’m friends with some moms why can’t I just plan on going out with them for lunch with our kids?
There might be other kids that our kids are friends with too OP, not just yours. Do we invite them all too? Then it turns into a cluster.


+1 this wasn’t a birthday party. I don’t think there was any ill intent.

+2. There will always be someone who feels left out. Not everything is a slight against you.


Which is why social media is toxic, and people who post this sort of thing on social media don’t care whose feelings they hurt. Why does it have to be posted?


Because people just post stuff about their lives? If you can’t deal, you really shouldn’t be on. It’s not worth staying on social media and getting your feelings hurt and saying “well they shouldn’t have posted that!” You’re fighting with reality.

—someone who literally never posts on social media and stays off as much as possible.


Just because you're a robot doesn't mean others can't have feelings and opinions about the things they see. Social media is toxic, the people who continually post these things are ill mannered and feeding into it. It's always rude to talk about social events to people, your followers, who weren't invited. Why should those people not have to hear about their rudeness? Why should others just "look away"? Instead people are commenting here on it.


Why is that poster a robot to you? I don't post on SM either and am not as bothered by Mommy Cliques as some are. You sound like someone who is on SM too much and has a skewed view of how much time an average parent spends on SM.


Sine we’re making wild assumptions you sound like someone who really likes sm a lot and probably posts often. See how wildly inaccurate i can be too?


No wonder the mom cliques exclude you.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2023 14:35     Subject: I hate Mom Cliques
I wonder what others would think about doing something like posting “looks like fun!” Or even “looks like fun! We’d love to join next time!” Yes, a little thirsty but if it was just an honest oversight maybe that would solve it.

I’m on a thread with about 8 other moms that was started by a different mom about a year ago — people often float outing ideas or camps or whatever on that thread. It’s not meant to be exclusionary — I think it was started by someone who just picked the girls her kid was closest to in order to ask about swapping childcare on school half days or something. But it’s now just become a mindless way to say “hey we’re going to the pool at 2 if anyone wants to join” or whatever. Sometimes these things just develop out of inertia.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2023 14:35     Subject: I hate Mom Cliques
Anonymous wrote:I hate it too but just FYI these moms are still pulling this crap in 6th grade.


I’m in NYC and moms have been doing this for years in my child’s class. I hear it gets better in middle school, when the moms stop trying to live through their children. SAH moms, working moms, moms in their 30s, moms in their 50s - they’re all knee-deep in the crazy.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2023 14:21     Subject: I hate Mom Cliques
I have a group of 5 girlfriends. We have other mutual friends. I don’t post pics because I’m pretty sure some people will feel bad.

I have a friend who is not even a super close friend and when she posts pics of outings with our mutual friends, I still feel slightly bad that I was not invited. I know they are closer. Their husbands are best friends. Other friend was childhood best friends. We are only friends from five years ago.

You and your daughter need to get over this.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2023 14:10     Subject: Re:I hate Mom Cliques
Anonymous wrote:OP, have you never posted your DD’s playdate or party pics on FB?

Are all of the playdates you host for all of the girls in the class? If not, why not? Surely there are other girls who feel excluded that these “4 or 5 girls” are getting together without them.

I am asking these pointed questions bc OP seems like the kind of person who is fine with cliques as long as she is on the inside, but decries them when she is not.


Yeah I wondered about this too. If the OP had been included would she still consider it a clique? Some of the girls may have friendships that are not part of this group and were not included as well. Maybe the person that your daughter was least close to was the host. I highly doubt that they say around and said let's make sure we exclude OP.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2023 14:03     Subject: I hate Mom Cliques
Op, these group boundaries are not as rigid as you think. Instead of wishing you had been part of the group, for your own friendships, how about you think harder about which of the women you would most like to get to know better. Actually seek genuine relationships. That start with enjoying the company of one of them.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2023 12:57     Subject: I hate Mom Cliques
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It probably was unintentional. The 5 moms are good friends and just decided to have this get-together.

This. If I’m friends with some moms why can’t I just plan on going out with them for lunch with our kids?
There might be other kids that our kids are friends with too OP, not just yours. Do we invite them all too? Then it turns into a cluster.


Agree. You are being way too invested in this. They aren’t obligated to include you and your DD bc they have played together before. They are friends and planned something together. Big deal. Don’t take it
Personally
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2023 12:41     Subject: I hate Mom Cliques
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It probably was unintentional. The 5 moms are good friends and just decided to have this get-together.

This. If I’m friends with some moms why can’t I just plan on going out with them for lunch with our kids?
There might be other kids that our kids are friends with too OP, not just yours. Do we invite them all too? Then it turns into a cluster.


+1 this wasn’t a birthday party. I don’t think there was any ill intent.

+2. There will always be someone who feels left out. Not everything is a slight against you.


Which is why social media is toxic, and people who post this sort of thing on social media don’t care whose feelings they hurt. Why does it have to be posted?


Because people just post stuff about their lives? If you can’t deal, you really shouldn’t be on. It’s not worth staying on social media and getting your feelings hurt and saying “well they shouldn’t have posted that!” You’re fighting with reality.

—someone who literally never posts on social media and stays off as much as possible.


Just because you're a robot doesn't mean others can't have feelings and opinions about the things they see. Social media is toxic, the people who continually post these things are ill mannered and feeding into it. It's always rude to talk about social events to people, your followers, who weren't invited. Why should those people not have to hear about their rudeness? Why should others just "look away"? Instead people are commenting here on it.


Why is that poster a robot to you? I don't post on SM either and am not as bothered by Mommy Cliques as some are. You sound like someone who is on SM too much and has a skewed view of how much time an average parent spends on SM.


Sine we’re making wild assumptions you sound like someone who really likes sm a lot and probably posts often. See how wildly inaccurate i can be too?
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2023 12:33     Subject: I hate Mom Cliques
Anonymous wrote:As someone who often hosts big get togethers, smaller get togethers, 1:1 play dates, whole family activities, moms’ night activities, group vacations, etc. I will say I agree with the PP who says a line has to be drawn somewhere.

Sometimes I limit things to kids/moms from X activity because that is all I have the limit for. Or we’re keeping it smaller because someone I’m friends with is going through something. Sometimes I prioritize inviting over families of kid X, and next time Y or Z (I have 3 kids so we have a lot of friend groups). Sometimes we do last minute neighborhood mom things. It just varies all the time.

It’s not realistic to be included in everything and it doesn’t make these women “mean” just because you didn’t get invited.

Go plan the get together you want to have.


Great advice here! I never ever post anything like this in social media and will do what I can to keep my kids from doing so as they get older, because it’s sort of needlessly annoying. But at the end of the day, a group of 5 kindergartners sounds like a lot already! Maybe I’m very cliquish because I never host more than 2-3 kids at a time, unless it’s a birthday party. Also, there will be drama at some point. Really really encourage her to make friends outside this group (while still playing and having fun with these girls too). As the mom of an older girl I have been SO thankful my kid has multiple social groups….
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2023 12:30     Subject: Re:I hate Mom Cliques
The social media thing aside (I agree it's toxic, even if no ill will is meant), I would assume the best in people. People tend to invite people they know well and don't always think everything through. I would try to make more mom friends when there are natural opportunities (e.g., volunteer when you're able, stick around and chat at the birthday parties, host things). Especially when the kids are little, it's the parents who make the plans.