Give them privacy, but be aware.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His room, he is entitled to privacy

So you’re saying that a parent is never allowed in the room of an 11 year old unless they have his explicit permission. Is that correct?

In our house, 2 kids now in college, yes. They are great kids and we've never had a reason not to trust them. Perfect? No. Got into trouble sometimes? Yes. They are now 2 young adults, and, as teens, why wouldn't I respect their privacy? Too many helicopter parents here

Too many absurdly permissive parents like you here.

Yeh, the shooter at the school in Nashville lived at home and her parents did not go into her room, she was twenty eight. Given the condition of that room I would suggest she probably lived like that in her teen years and it was horrible! They of course asked her not to have guns but they did not enter her room to find the five guns laying about, what a joke. Your kid does not rule your house, learn something from this.

Anonymous wrote:Suddenly tween son thinks I’m not allowed in his room and have to ask permission to enter even when he’s not there. I don’t recall ever doing this to my mom and this seems not okay to me. I’m fine with knowing if he’s inside and w not going through his stuff, but not entering?

I told him if he wants that then he has to do the things associated w having a space & for which people currently enter: making bed, changing sheets, keeping clean, folding and putting away clean laundry, packing & unpacking suitcases, etc.

A couple people commented on this but no one asked - are you saying you come into his room to do this stuff for him now, and he'll have to do it himself if you are not allowed in his room? Because if that's the case, he should be doing most of that stuff anyhow.

My 11 year old has been doing the following for several years:
- makes his bed every day
- pulls the sheets off and brings them to the laundry room when they need to be washed (I do usually make the bed with the clean sheets)
- keeps his room generally tidy, minimal crap on the floor
- puts away clean laundry (I typically fold it and leave it in the laundry room and he takes it from there)
- he will sometimes pack a packing cube, but I often take care of that while he's at school before a trip. Unpacking, most of the stuff goes right into the laundry.

My kid is behind the curve on chores... plenty of kids his age are doing their own laundry.

So you're threatening to make him do stuff he should have been doing for years, basically.

Anonymous wrote:Op are you white?

You don't even have to ask lol

Anonymous wrote:This is not a negotiation. He can keep you out of his room when he moves out of your house and pays his own rent/mortgage. Why are you putting up with this from a child?

Anonymous wrote:I would just laugh and tell my kids that the door would just come off.

My neighbor did this to her teen. Took the door off the hinges for a month.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he pay the mortgage? No? Then it's YOUR room.

But what about your tween’s IPhone?

I mean, who pays for it, who owns it, and who is allowed to go into it?

DP here. Me, me and me. The kids know this. I don’t abuse it, but they are not confused and understand the rules.