Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I haven't posted his grades and MCAT because I legit don't know them. He's pretty quiet/secretive about it all, and we've taken the approach with all of our kids once in college that they are grown adults and they know the GPAs they need whether the goal is med school, law school, Wall Street, or whatever else.

And since this is anon - I don't think he has what it takes, or else he'd be applying. I mean he went to a state flagship u (UNC)- so not exactly MIT here - and even then wasn't on dean's list every semester and deans list is only a 3.5. So there are definitely certain semesters below a 3.5. That can't bode well for med school. I mean it seems like people with way more perfect grades can barely get into one or two med schools.

As others have said, I'm not going to be the one to crush this dream. But if I'm being honest I really don't want him going to some bottom of the barrel med school because that's the only place he can get it, as I think it is then harder to get good residencies. But again his choice.

DH and I are leaving this at - we're not funding the gap year, but you're welcome to live here.

I think that sounds harsh, but I don't think you mean how you said it. I think it's fair if you don't want to cover his rent given how close you are (only 20 min away?) but applying to med school is very expensive. Without full support from you, I don't see how he can cover costs of applying. My kid (bio major from a different state U) applied to 50 schools, and I paid $5000+ in app fees. I think you should have him move back home but support him 100% and let him try.

Plenty of kids go to med school without rich parents. They only help my parents offered me after college (where I also took on loans) was the ability to sleep in my old bedroom for free. That was it.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I haven't posted his grades and MCAT because I legit don't know them. He's pretty quiet/secretive about it all, and we've taken the approach with all of our kids once in college that they are grown adults and they know the GPAs they need whether the goal is med school, law school, Wall Street, or whatever else.

And since this is anon - I don't think he has what it takes, or else he'd be applying. I mean he went to a state flagship u (UNC)- so not exactly MIT here - and even then wasn't on dean's list every semester and deans list is only a 3.5. So there are definitely certain semesters below a 3.5. That can't bode well for med school. I mean it seems like people with way more perfect grades can barely get into one or two med schools.

As others have said, I'm not going to be the one to crush this dream. But if I'm being honest I really don't want him going to some bottom of the barrel med school because that's the only place he can get it, as I think it is then harder to get good residencies. But again his choice.

DH and I are leaving this at - we're not funding the gap year, but you're welcome to live here.

What happens if he doesn't apply next year either? Could easily happen. What then? Its a slippery slope.

To OP - I read what you posted about test scores and gpa and perhaps not cutting it. He’s confused and probably now knows (seeing his UNC classmates move forward) that this med school is not for him. So I would suggest taking advantage of unc’s career services office. They should be willing to administer a battery of career defining tests and then help him find a suitable job. Yes, he should have done that way before graduation but here you are! If that’s not possible I would pay for local vocational aptitude testing and counseling. It doesn’t sound like he’s ever going to apply to med school -which is fine! - but he needs some guidance right now and a year off doing nothing isn’t going to help. I’m sure you know that all of the medical school app process is gpa and test scores. It sounds like he may (?) not have either. He’s ashamed so you are going to have to open the conversation about where to go from here. UNC is a great school but he’s got to go back to them and ask for help. Fwiw some of my SLAC colleagues went med school in Grenada because they couldn’t get in anywhere in the states and regretted it

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I haven't posted his grades and MCAT because I legit don't know them. He's pretty quiet/secretive about it all, and we've taken the approach with all of our kids once in college that they are grown adults and they know the GPAs they need whether the goal is med school, law school, Wall Street, or whatever else.

And since this is anon - I don't think he has what it takes, or else he'd be applying. I mean he went to a state flagship u (UNC)- so not exactly MIT here - and even then wasn't on dean's list every semester and deans list is only a 3.5. So there are definitely certain semesters below a 3.5. That can't bode well for med school. I mean it seems like people with way more perfect grades can barely get into one or two med schools.

As others have said, I'm not going to be the one to crush this dream. But if I'm being honest I really don't want him going to some bottom of the barrel med school because that's the only place he can get it, as I think it is then harder to get good residencies. But again his choice.

DH and I are leaving this at - we're not funding the gap year, but you're welcome to live here.

I think that sounds harsh, but I don't think you mean how you said it. I think it's fair if you don't want to cover his rent given how close you are (only 20 min away?) but applying to med school is very expensive. Without full support from you, I don't see how he can cover costs of applying. My kid (bio major from a different state U) applied to 50 schools, and I paid $5000+ in app fees. I think you should have him move back home but support him 100% and let him try.

If he truly wants to go to med school, barring academic dishonesty issues, he will. There are people that want it so bad that they apply for multiple app cycles before they get an acceptance.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I haven't posted his grades and MCAT because I legit don't know them. He's pretty quiet/secretive about it all, and we've taken the approach with all of our kids once in college that they are grown adults and they know the GPAs they need whether the goal is med school, law school, Wall Street, or whatever else.

And since this is anon - I don't think he has what it takes, or else he'd be applying. I mean he went to a state flagship u (UNC)- so not exactly MIT here - and even then wasn't on dean's list every semester and deans list is only a 3.5. So there are definitely certain semesters below a 3.5. That can't bode well for med school. I mean it seems like people with way more perfect grades can barely get into one or two med schools.

As others have said, I'm not going to be the one to crush this dream. But if I'm being honest I really don't want him going to some bottom of the barrel med school because that's the only place he can get it, as I think it is then harder to get good residencies. But again his choice.

DH and I are leaving this at - we're not funding the gap year, but you're welcome to live here.

At some point, you have to let him try & fail on his own terms. He’ll regret it if he stops trying because someone talked him out of it. Don’t be the one to tell him he won’t get in; let the schools do that.

And if he just finished junior year, the ship has sailed for him to do IB or management consulting anytime in the near future.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - yeah he obviously doesn't want to discuss with us. FWIW he did do medical extracurriculars in school - worked in a lab for nearly 3 years; was an EMT; did some shadowing. He's doing more of that this summer. It's just that he feels he needs even MORE of these things and thus can't apply now. I assume PPs are right - he feels he needs to compensate some other part of his app.

maybe you said but what is the Gpa and mcat score? Agree with a prior poster that the app process is HUGE and hard to do senior year while taking classes, doing research,volunteering and EMTing. If he wants to do med school and has done everything right so far, it seems jerky to not cover his rent or let him live rent free at home while continuing the medical ECs and applying.

OP here - yeah he obviously doesn't want to discuss with us. FWIW he did do medical extracurriculars in school - worked in a lab for nearly 3 years; was an EMT; did some shadowing. He's doing more of that this summer. It's just that he feels he needs even MORE of these things and thus can't apply now. I assume PPs are right - he feels he needs to compensate some other part of his app.

OP it sounds like you’ve managed a trifecta of establishing very high expectations but then in the name of staying out of it, have done zero research on what one should be doing over 4 years in school and over summer to get into med school and zero safe soundboarding for other ideas if it’s not panning out. The fact that he apparently did no medical extracurriculars in school and over the summers and that you have no idea of his grades and MCATs makes me think that he doesn’t trust you and your husband emotionally.

Anonymous wrote:My kids are sophomores so not quite in the application process, but they were told something like 77% of applicants now take gap years. So, yes it’s extremely common.
And your comment about not sending him to a bottom med school - he should go anywhere he can get in happily. You can’t be selective.

OP - separate and apart from your DS (who should dream his own dreams and do what he needs to do to pursue them), I'd start getting comfortable with the idea that DS could wind up in DO school or maybe he gets into one school and that school is an HBCU or someplace random like Univ of Mississippi. For the record I have nothing against HBCUs and would be happy for my kid to go but you mention med/law/Wall Street, mention UNC as just a flagship state undergrad that isn't MIT, and don't want him to go to a bottom of the barrel school, so maybe you'd have an issue with it? Practice being happy for HIS dreams, not yours even though you'd want to see him at Hopkins Med; it does not sound like he has what it takes to get into Hopkins.

My kids are sophomores so not quite in the application process, but they were told something like 77% of applicants now take gap years. So, yes it’s extremely common.
And your comment about not sending him to a bottom med school - he should go anywhere he can get in happily. You can’t be selective.

There is always DO school which requires lower stats. He could also consider a career as a Physicians Assistant.

Fwiw a lot of students (especially life sciences majors) begin college intending to apply to med school but they change course once they realize how grueling and uncertain the process is. There is nothing wrong with that and if it were my child I would provide emotional support.

It sounds like you have high expectations for your children (you mentioned med school, law school, finance) as possible career paths. Perhaps you can let him know that you want him to be fulfilled and financially comfortable and that there are many paths to achieving those goals.

He might be more willing to share his stats etc and you could help him brainstorm another path to med school or another career path.

It sounds to me like either he is uncertain about his future plans or he is worried that he is not a prime medical school candidate. In either case he could probably benefit from your emotional support and perhaps even some guidance.

You mentioned he is at UNC - big schools don’t do a lot of handholding and premed students often stumble as they navigate the pitfall infested path to med school. As others have pointed out, there are good reasons why the average age of matriculation is now 24.

OP here - I don't have a back up plan for him. DH and I are both not in science, so I'm not even sure what the back ups in science are. My original back up plan for him when he was in HS and looking at colleges was to do engineering - either biomedical or other because my understanding was that with an engineering degree you can get your pre reqs done to apply to med school. Yet you have an exit - should you not apply, not get in, change your mind etc. [not to say the road wouldn't be bumpy if you've been spending summers shadowing rather than being an engineering intern but ultimately you could get on track having an engineering degree in hand]. That idea was summarily rejected as DS told us he knew what he was doing and pursed a bio undergrad.

The only back up plan that comes to mind now - were he not to apply or not get in - pick up a corporate job, anyplace you can, do that for 2-3 years and go get an MBA and start your career.

DS's back up plan - well he thinks he's getting in . . . .

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I haven't posted his grades and MCAT because I legit don't know them. He's pretty quiet/secretive about it all, and we've taken the approach with all of our kids once in college that they are grown adults and they know the GPAs they need whether the goal is med school, law school, Wall Street, or whatever else.

And since this is anon - I don't think he has what it takes, or else he'd be applying. I mean he went to a state flagship u (UNC)- so not exactly MIT here - and even then wasn't on dean's list every semester and deans list is only a 3.5. So there are definitely certain semesters below a 3.5. That can't bode well for med school. I mean it seems like people with way more perfect grades can barely get into one or two med schools.

As others have said, I'm not going to be the one to crush this dream. But if I'm being honest I really don't want him going to some bottom of the barrel med school because that's the only place he can get it, as I think it is then harder to get good residencies. But again his choice.

DH and I are leaving this at - we're not funding the gap year, but you're welcome to live here.

What is his backup plan? What is your backup plan for him?

OP here - I haven't posted his grades and MCAT because I legit don't know them. He's pretty quiet/secretive about it all, and we've taken the approach with all of our kids once in college that they are grown adults and they know the GPAs they need whether the goal is med school, law school, Wall Street, or whatever else.

And since this is anon - I don't think he has what it takes, or else he'd be applying. I mean he went to a state flagship u (UNC)- so not exactly MIT here - and even then wasn't on dean's list every semester and deans list is only a 3.5. So there are definitely certain semesters below a 3.5. That can't bode well for med school. I mean it seems like people with way more perfect grades can barely get into one or two med schools.

As others have said, I'm not going to be the one to crush this dream. But if I'm being honest I really don't want him going to some bottom of the barrel med school because that's the only place he can get it, as I think it is then harder to get good residencies. But again his choice.

DH and I are leaving this at - we're not funding the gap year, but you're welcome to live here.