Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please forgive my rookie question: is any of the cost covered by insurance, Medicare, or some other sort of benefit? Is it all out-of-pocket? (These prices are terrifying!)

My mom is at Asbury. We pain for an independent living apartment with the sale of her house. She pays the extra with my dads pension and social security.

If she moves to assisted living they pay with the pension and social security and tgat does not giver it so they will start using the value of her apartment towards the cost.

If they run through that money she will pay with pension and social security, which does not cover the cost but since she has no money they take the loss.

Can you clarify who “they” is? Your parents? Or some nebulous phantom many people think exists that has the power to invade people’s bank accounts, alienate their real property, etc.

Not PP but they is the facility. This is the typical approach of "continuing care communities". You buy in, and then pay a monthly maintenance fee. You have to provide a financial summary before you buy in as they'd need to make sure people have enough assets to cover life care. But they also commit to continue to care for you even if the money does run out. They do expect you to use your funds before that happens. My ILs ended up with about $250k left after various levels of care.

We visited a bunch of places recently and there are quite a few like this - both non-profits and for profits. My mother moved to a non-profit but it's a rental model rather than a buy in model. She's in IL, but AL is around $9,000/month

You provided a very polite answer to a very rude and sarcastic series of questions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom nursing home is subsidized by Medicaid and runs $3k a month. She needs round the clock medical care due to seizures and a feeding tube. This is not something that can be done at home unless you’re a multimillionaire.

Well, according to a pp, you should just quit your job, tell your kids they are on their own, and stay up 24/7 to care for her.

When should I go to nursing school? Because I will need an actual nursing degree, not the home health nurse level.

You should have planned ahead and taken care of this years ago!

Enough of my life was affected by my mom’s chronic illness. The doctors suggested she abort me because that was largely recommended back in the 1970s. She chose to have me and wanted me not to have my whole life centered around her and her illness. She also hated the East Coast her whole life so she would not want to move here. She’s fine. Posters here are so judgmental over other people’s choices. I assume you’re from a Third World country. Things are different here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom nursing home is subsidized by Medicaid and runs $3k a month. She needs round the clock medical care due to seizures and a feeding tube. This is not something that can be done at home unless you’re a multimillionaire.

Well, according to a pp, you should just quit your job, tell your kids they are on their own, and stay up 24/7 to care for her.

When should I go to nursing school? Because I will need an actual nursing degree, not the home health nurse level.

You should have planned ahead and taken care of this years ago!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom nursing home is subsidized by Medicaid and runs $3k a month. She needs round the clock medical care due to seizures and a feeding tube. This is not something that can be done at home unless you’re a multimillionaire.

Well, according to a pp, you should just quit your job, tell your kids they are on their own, and stay up 24/7 to care for her.

When should I go to nursing school? Because I will need an actual nursing degree, not the home health nurse level.

Anonymous wrote:In my culture, children care for their aging parents except for the more serious cases. I am a bit disturbed that so many Americans leave their parents to be cared for by strangers (for decades!) and their children to be raised by strangers too (nannies). Smh.

I am currently caring for a parent with dementia. I have had to stop several times over the past few years because it was so difficult emotionally - the name-calling and insults. They are much weaker now and very confused. They don’t know where they live. Sometimes they don’t recognize me. They are incontinent, can’t walk and can say very little. The insults stopped but now they keep crying, thinking something happened to their kid. I keep pointing out that I am their kid and they shrug and say, “I don’t know.”

I really think people shouldn’t judge others for their family’s decisions. Yes, there may be families who selfishly abandon the elderly, but there are also families who do far more than the elderly person deserves, or who cannot provide what the person needs for a multitude of reasons. How does anyone outside a family know what really happened behind closed doors?

I want to second the poster who said good things about Cadence! For 24/7 care in memory care, in a shared room that doesn’t feel shared, it is $6,000. It is a new facility, so very nicely decorated and spotless. Staff is amazing and kind and really gets to know the residents.

Anonymous wrote:My mom nursing home is subsidized by Medicaid and runs $3k a month. She needs round the clock medical care due to seizures and a feeding tube. This is not something that can be done at home unless you’re a multimillionaire.

Well, according to a pp, you should just quit your job, tell your kids they are on their own, and stay up 24/7 to care for her.

Anonymous wrote:This is so depressing. I think I will go to Switzerland and have assisted suicide instead of living in a nursing home like a zombie for years and burn all the family resource for nothing.

I’m definitely doing it. My mom was against assisted suicide but I watch her and do not want that for me. I don’t want my kids to have the burden nor do I want to burn through all my savings. Our country is not set up to deal with elder care and it’s wickedly expensive.

Anonymous wrote:In my culture, children care for their aging parents except for the more serious cases. I am a bit disturbed that so many Americans leave their parents to be cared for by strangers (for decades!) and their children to be raised by strangers too (nannies). Smh.

My parents don't want us to care for them. They couldn't be more clear. They don't want to live with me or be dependent on me. Should I just disregard their wishes because someone else claims I'm horrible?

My mom nursing home is subsidized by Medicaid and runs $3k a month. She needs round the clock medical care due to seizures and a feeding tube. This is not something that can be done at home unless you’re a multimillionaire.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my culture, children care for their aging parents except for the more serious cases. I am a bit disturbed that so many Americans leave their parents to be cared for by strangers (for decades!) and their children to be raised by strangers too (nannies). Smh.

In USA, women aren't slaves.

I'm not sure this is correct. Perhaps we are if we think of how hard and long we have to work to pay these monthly care bills for ourselves when we age.

Working to pay for your retirement is slavery now?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my culture, children care for their aging parents except for the more serious cases. I am a bit disturbed that so many Americans leave their parents to be cared for by strangers (for decades!) and their children to be raised by strangers too (nannies). Smh.

In USA, women aren't slaves.

I'm not sure this is correct. Perhaps we are if we think of how hard and long we have to work to pay these monthly care bills for ourselves when we age.

Anonymous wrote:
In my culture, children care for their aging parents except for the more serious cases. I am a bit disturbed that so many Americans leave their parents to be cared for by strangers (for decades!) and their children to be raised by strangers too (nannies). Smh.


Good luck if you are thinking that you are going to be care for at home by your kids or family members. You sound ignorant, jerk , entitled. No body would want even live close to you. You are going to remember what I am saying now if you make it to the age group that need help.

Anonymous wrote:The price of assisted living in this area is going to be far more expensive. Look outside the DMV for reasonable rates. Average in this area is 8,000 to 10,000 a month or more!!!!

memory care for my mom in DC is $8k/month. It was $15k/mo in a rural PA medicaid facility that nearly killed her.

And to the prior sanctimonious poster: Even if it was economically possible for me (the primary wage-earner for both my parents and my child) to suspend my life to take care of my mom, it wouldn't have worked. The dementia made her suspicious and violent towards her closest family; she wouldn't eat food that I brought, or let me bathe her or help her or give her medicine. She could hit me with impunity and there was no way for me to restrain her safely. There was no way to safely have my baby around her. So yeah. I can house her with caring professionals who she doesn't have an emotional reaction to, and my baby goes to daycare, and all of that out-of home care costs me a bit over $10,000 a month, but I earn about $20,000 a month and can continue to contribute to my own retirement fund so my daughter doesn't end up in MY position when she's 30. Maybe put the blame where it belongs, on American capitalistic culture that allows healthcare and eldercare to bankrupt families.

Anonymous wrote:In my culture, children care for their aging parents except for the more serious cases. I am a bit disturbed that so many Americans leave their parents to be cared for by strangers (for decades!) and their children to be raised by strangers too (nannies). Smh.

aging parents and parents do need medical help two different thing. Please don't judge others when you don't know facts.