Anonymous
05/20/2023 16:00
Subject: What happened to average kids? Where are they?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Do you think it’s some kind of culture or attitude that’s been imported? I ask as an immigrant from Eastern Europe and many parents in my community are truly crazy about stuffing their kids with as many activities as possible. I know this community is not the only one like that. It creates and feeds the whole industry of tutoring centers of all kinds.
On the other hand, before I came here I had this idea of the American way of life where kids have fun at school, they try new activities and sports, and if they work hard (being on the team) and get good grades they go to college. Where did it all go?
I mean, I do think we are seeing the impact of certain hyper-competitive parenting approaches, some of which yes, were associated with some immigrant communities, and created a kind of race to the bottom. But it's also all spurred by this belief in socioeconomic mobility which makes people in the US (whether immigrants or not) believe that if they can just position their children appropriately, success and riches will follow. And this implies that if you don't position your kids correctly, failure and poverty could follow.
It seems like it's driven by opportunity but it's actually driven by fear of failure. It's capitalism run amok.
This person is signaling 2nd gen Indians
Indians are obsessed with the rat race from a very early age though
Yeah, all those travel teams for 6yos dominated by Indians
Think outside the box for once Jan. Indians focus on individual sports to avoid glsss ceilings
No. Focus on them because can pay the teacher for the days and times they want. No teammates and mercy schedules needed. No teamwork either.
Anonymous
05/20/2023 15:59
Subject: What happened to average kids? Where are they?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Do you think it’s some kind of culture or attitude that’s been imported? I ask as an immigrant from Eastern Europe and many parents in my community are truly crazy about stuffing their kids with as many activities as possible. I know this community is not the only one like that. It creates and feeds the whole industry of tutoring centers of all kinds.
On the other hand, before I came here I had this idea of the American way of life where kids have fun at school, they try new activities and sports, and if they work hard (being on the team) and get good grades they go to college. Where did it all go?
I mean, I do think we are seeing the impact of certain hyper-competitive parenting approaches, some of which yes, were associated with some immigrant communities, and created a kind of race to the bottom. But it's also all spurred by this belief in socioeconomic mobility which makes people in the US (whether immigrants or not) believe that if they can just position their children appropriately, success and riches will follow. And this implies that if you don't position your kids correctly, failure and poverty could follow.
It seems like it's driven by opportunity but it's actually driven by fear of failure. It's capitalism run amok.
This person is signaling 2nd gen Indians
Indians are obsessed with the rat race from a very early age though
Yeah, all those travel teams for 6yos dominated by Indians
No. The formula is piano, tennis, dance, straight As, math club, repeat.
Anonymous
05/20/2023 15:58
Subject: What happened to average kids? Where are they?
The OP wasn't about sports, but the thread has evolved that way. For the parents of kids who just aren't very athletic, why don't you hang up the towel with sports and go full bore on academics and arts? What is this notion of well-roundedness that says it must include a sport? If Larla is good at chess and watercolor painting, nobody cares that she isn't formally enrolled in a sport.
Anonymous
05/20/2023 14:04
Subject: Re:What happened to average kids? Where are they?
As an adult I have:
learned how to play tennis
learned how to surf
learned how to ski
It took a long time for me to work up the courage to do those things because growing up I was told I couldn't because it was "too late to learn how," and I was "no good at sports," and so I spent a lot of my younger adult years thinking that was really set in stone and you just don't try to pick up sports/activities like this if you weren't taught how at age 5. I think you can temper expectations but still support your kid to learn something new if they're interested in it, if only to build the personal confidence that they can and should try to do things in life where a positive outcome is not guaranteed (my husband, also raised with this "it's too late" mentality, is not able to shake it like I did and finds it mind-boggling I continue to challenge myself like this.) That being said, I try to expose my child to lots of stuff like this very early (could ski by age 3, has been playing tennis since 4...unfortunately I do not live in a surfing climate atm) because I'm not an idiot and it's easier to learn these things and get better and competitive if you do it from a young age. But reinforcing the notion that it's too late to learn and try past age 10 or whatever can be negatively formative.
learned how to play tennis
learned how to surf
learned how to ski
It took a long time for me to work up the courage to do those things because growing up I was told I couldn't because it was "too late to learn how," and I was "no good at sports," and so I spent a lot of my younger adult years thinking that was really set in stone and you just don't try to pick up sports/activities like this if you weren't taught how at age 5. I think you can temper expectations but still support your kid to learn something new if they're interested in it, if only to build the personal confidence that they can and should try to do things in life where a positive outcome is not guaranteed (my husband, also raised with this "it's too late" mentality, is not able to shake it like I did and finds it mind-boggling I continue to challenge myself like this.) That being said, I try to expose my child to lots of stuff like this very early (could ski by age 3, has been playing tennis since 4...unfortunately I do not live in a surfing climate atm) because I'm not an idiot and it's easier to learn these things and get better and competitive if you do it from a young age. But reinforcing the notion that it's too late to learn and try past age 10 or whatever can be negatively formative.
Anonymous
05/20/2023 13:26
Subject: Re:What happened to average kids? Where are they?
I am guessing colleges are partly if not fully responsible. A non-legacy, non-URM kid from a UMC geography needs to be “pointy” in order to have any hope of getting admitted to a T20 (maybe even T50). It wasn’t like this for our generation. A smart well-rounded but not “stellar at X” kid could get in.
It will take some time for UMC parents to calm down and realize their kids can have good lives even outside the T50.
It will take some time for UMC parents to calm down and realize their kids can have good lives even outside the T50.
Anonymous
05/20/2023 13:20
Subject: Re:What happened to average kids? Where are they?
Kids can still do sports for fun through rec leagues. Who cares if they aren't that good and don't end up making the team in high school? At least they got the experience and learned a bit. There are so many other activities to choose from in MS/HS. There are also many other ways to exercise outside of school. I honestly do not understand the kids sports obsession of so many parents.
Also agree that kids can pick up sports later in life, throughout their long lives! I never swam as a kid, almost drowned. Took up triathlon in my 40s and did an Ironman.
Also agree that kids can pick up sports later in life, throughout their long lives! I never swam as a kid, almost drowned. Took up triathlon in my 40s and did an Ironman.
Anonymous
05/20/2023 13:14
Subject: What happened to average kids? Where are they?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The kids who don’t excel at anything, are they doomed? I am talking about 3rd/4th graders
Firstly, fourth grade is way too young to give up on yourself. At that age/grade, you haven't tried everything yet, so you may not have found your passion and/or learned how to tap into your strengths. Secondly, we NEED hotel managers, and salespeople at JCrew, and teachers and nurses and receptionists and gas station attendants. This is a big world, and we need people working in all parts of it.
Yes, but those are shitty jobs. Terrible life.
-former teacher, related to a nurse and a hotel manager
Maybe to you they are shitty. Maybe to others they are good jobs!
Regardless, it's true - the world needs all kinds of jobs. People's views are so limited on this site. No wonder kids are so stressed out!
Anonymous
05/20/2023 12:52
Subject: What happened to average kids? Where are they?
Hm. My son is always top grades, travel teams, etc. My daughter is definitely not. She’s middle of the class and not particularly athletic. But she’s fine about it. She sometimes plays soccer at recess (and has been asking to join a rec team, which we will probably do in the fall), reads graphic novels rather than chapter books, and plays with her friends. She’s an excellent friend, funny as anything, and energetic.
Why not try sports where not a lot of kids have been playing for years? There are always beginner tennis clinics, squash, ninja course, gymnastics, beginner dance, fencing, taekwondo, even art classes.
If your kid is 10 and wants to take up soccer, then yeah, he will probably be one of the worst. And if he’s getting bullied about sucking at soccer, that stinks. But I don’t think that’s new, and is really just one of those things kids have to deal with and grow a thicker skin. When I was growing up and didn’t play anything and tried to dabble in major sports (soccer, softball, lacrosse), I got heckled by or even just felt the profound annoyance of my teammates. And that was 40 years ago. It didn’t feel like a new development then.
Why not try sports where not a lot of kids have been playing for years? There are always beginner tennis clinics, squash, ninja course, gymnastics, beginner dance, fencing, taekwondo, even art classes.
If your kid is 10 and wants to take up soccer, then yeah, he will probably be one of the worst. And if he’s getting bullied about sucking at soccer, that stinks. But I don’t think that’s new, and is really just one of those things kids have to deal with and grow a thicker skin. When I was growing up and didn’t play anything and tried to dabble in major sports (soccer, softball, lacrosse), I got heckled by or even just felt the profound annoyance of my teammates. And that was 40 years ago. It didn’t feel like a new development then.
Anonymous
05/20/2023 10:44
Subject: Re:What happened to average kids? Where are they?
My kid is average and in fact probably a bit below average in most areas. I totally get it, OP. It’s hard on these young kids to feel day after day that they’re never great at anything. I regret moving to an area that is so focused on achievement.
Anonymous
05/20/2023 09:47
Subject: What happened to average kids? Where are they?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The kids who don’t excel at anything, are they doomed? I am talking about 3rd/4th graders
Firstly, fourth grade is way too young to give up on yourself. At that age/grade, you haven't tried everything yet, so you may not have found your passion and/or learned how to tap into your strengths. Secondly, we NEED hotel managers, and salespeople at JCrew, and teachers and nurses and receptionists and gas station attendants. This is a big world, and we need people working in all parts of it.
I don’t want my kids doing any of those jobs.
Anonymous
05/20/2023 09:46
Subject: What happened to average kids? Where are they?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Do you think it’s some kind of culture or attitude that’s been imported? I ask as an immigrant from Eastern Europe and many parents in my community are truly crazy about stuffing their kids with as many activities as possible. I know this community is not the only one like that. It creates and feeds the whole industry of tutoring centers of all kinds.
On the other hand, before I came here I had this idea of the American way of life where kids have fun at school, they try new activities and sports, and if they work hard (being on the team) and get good grades they go to college. Where did it all go?
I mean, I do think we are seeing the impact of certain hyper-competitive parenting approaches, some of which yes, were associated with some immigrant communities, and created a kind of race to the bottom. But it's also all spurred by this belief in socioeconomic mobility which makes people in the US (whether immigrants or not) believe that if they can just position their children appropriately, success and riches will follow. And this implies that if you don't position your kids correctly, failure and poverty could follow.
It seems like it's driven by opportunity but it's actually driven by fear of failure. It's capitalism run amok.
This person is signaling 2nd gen Indians
Indians are obsessed with the rat race from a very early age though
Yeah, all those travel teams for 6yos dominated by Indians
+1
Anonymous
05/20/2023 09:39
Subject: What happened to average kids? Where are they?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Do you think it’s some kind of culture or attitude that’s been imported? I ask as an immigrant from Eastern Europe and many parents in my community are truly crazy about stuffing their kids with as many activities as possible. I know this community is not the only one like that. It creates and feeds the whole industry of tutoring centers of all kinds.
On the other hand, before I came here I had this idea of the American way of life where kids have fun at school, they try new activities and sports, and if they work hard (being on the team) and get good grades they go to college. Where did it all go?
I mean, I do think we are seeing the impact of certain hyper-competitive parenting approaches, some of which yes, were associated with some immigrant communities, and created a kind of race to the bottom. But it's also all spurred by this belief in socioeconomic mobility which makes people in the US (whether immigrants or not) believe that if they can just position their children appropriately, success and riches will follow. And this implies that if you don't position your kids correctly, failure and poverty could follow.
It seems like it's driven by opportunity but it's actually driven by fear of failure. It's capitalism run amok.
This person is signaling 2nd gen Indians
Indians are obsessed with the rat race from a very early age though
Yeah, all those travel teams for 6yos dominated by Indians
Think outside the box for once Jan. Indians focus on individual sports to avoid glsss ceilings
“Parents put their kids in activities they’ll be good at and where they won’t be discriminated against!”
~ News at 11
Anonymous
05/20/2023 09:22
Subject: What happened to average kids? Where are they?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Found out recently that my DS (9) is being bullied on the soccer field at school by a kid who has been told he’s good because he’s on a travel team. The state of youth sports is truly sad. Kids can’t even play pick up sports for fun and recreation now without fear of some arrogant kid bullying them for trying because that jerk of a kid has been fed some story that he’s the next Messi.
OP here- same with my kid. And that was my point. 8 year olds play pick up sports and bully kids who aren’t as good and not playing travel sports..
This is part of growing up and has happened for decades
PP — it’s definitely not how it used to be. I was a collegiate level athlete and remember everyone having fun playing pick up ball outside during the summers. It was FUN. That’s actually how I learned the game. Never attended any clinics or joined a travel team, etc. There weren’t even travel teams for 7/8 year olds because that’s ridiculous. It’s truly insane now and these young kids are being exploited by leagues and clubs that see $$$. Ask why so many kids are burnt out and turned off by sports now at age 12? It’s because their parents have had them in every league imaginable since age 2.
Anonymous
05/20/2023 08:29
Subject: What happened to average kids? Where are they?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The kids who don’t excel at anything, are they doomed? I am talking about 3rd/4th graders
Firstly, fourth grade is way too young to give up on yourself. At that age/grade, you haven't tried everything yet, so you may not have found your passion and/or learned how to tap into your strengths. Secondly, we NEED hotel managers, and salespeople at JCrew, and teachers and nurses and receptionists and gas station attendants. This is a big world, and we need people working in all parts of it.
Yes, but those are shitty jobs. Terrible life.
-former teacher, related to a nurse and a hotel manager
Anonymous
05/20/2023 08:10
Subject: What happened to average kids? Where are they?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Found out recently that my DS (9) is being bullied on the soccer field at school by a kid who has been told he’s good because he’s on a travel team. The state of youth sports is truly sad. Kids can’t even play pick up sports for fun and recreation now without fear of some arrogant kid bullying them for trying because that jerk of a kid has been fed some story that he’s the next Messi.
OP here- same with my kid. And that was my point. 8 year olds play pick up sports and bully kids who aren’t as good and not playing travel sports..
This is part of growing up and has happened for decades