I am generally super traditional, and yet I don’t mind the honeymoon fund things at all. I did just judge a registry with $300 picture frames and $250 throws and other things that seem ridiculously expensive to me. They are also a couple who already has what they need, so I get it, but the waste.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve learned to just give cash in a card and not deal with registries except for showers. I think directly asking for cash is tacky tacky tack through (so that is all honeymoon funds, etc.)

I write checks instead of giving them cash. Also, since I have my name and address on the check they know who gave them the check. Furthermore, no one is able to steal the cash.

I give according to the reciprocity of the relationship or the cost of the dinner - whichever is higher. I write my check after the dinner is over.

Know your audience. My friend worked at a restaurant and married another guy who worked at the restaurant. My friend’s sister insisted that my friend only register for the nicest things. Everything on her registry was a few hundred dollars. I bought her a toaster. Most of the items remained unbought.

I’ve learned to just give cash in a card and not deal with registries except for showers. I think directly asking for cash is tacky tacky tack through (so that is all honeymoon funds, etc.)

Registries that contain items such as lingerie, costumes, and sex toys!

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends had traditional registry, plus a registry where you could contribute to buy furniture. It showed the contribution progress so you could see how far they were to completing an item. I thought that was cool, I contribute $250 toward their $1800 couch. They got that plus a few other pieces of new furniture.

It was a Gofundme for their new couch. Classy!

A registry with expensive furniture. I don't own a $1000+ chair and I won't be buying you one, either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to a wedding later this summer and on the wedding website was asked that in lieu of a gift, the couple would like guests to contribute funds for their honeymoon/so they can make improvements to their house. Keep in mind the couple is in their thirties and both work full-time. I find this incredibly, incredibly tacky and tasteless.

Well, we did this. I guess I find the whole wedding and general gifting culture gross and I would have rather done something with the actual home I live in rather than get some vases that would never be used. I buy many of my things secondhand which I’m sure is considered gauche by you but ultimately I care more about my contribution to making my wedding hoopla as sustainable as I could.

I’m PP you’re responding to, and I understand the utility and universality of cash, but still find the actual asking a bit tacky. Did you have a page on your wedding website that explicit asked for money, or was it implied (eg no registry?). I think it’s the asking that bothers me. Most people give cash/a check anyway.

We said “no boxed gifts.” We did end up with about 25% of our guests that gave nothing which was a bit annoying at the time (since we were plenty generous for their weddings) but understood we didn’t have a registry. I did google a former friend and saw she had a Venmo listed which I thought was pretty bold.

I don't see how that's bolder than "no boxed gifts." You're both asking for money, which is "pretty bold," as you put it.

I don’t really care if they want cash gifts because I get that it’s cultural, but in that case I do appreciate those little “honeymoon fund” things because it’s faster than writing and mailing a check.

I think basically the wedding is about celebrating and enjoying life's lovely moments. The polite thing to do when the couple indicate what they want is to give that within what you can afford. I have a sibling who gets herself into a tizzy if she doesn't approve of the registry or a polite request to fund something so she insists on rushing her wealthy self to TJ Maxx to get them some cheap crystal item because NOBODY tells her what to do.

That said, the polite thing IMO for the couple as others said is to have a big price range. If you just want funding or cash try to be discrete and understated-no all cap demands. If you are mega rich, make it clear the gift is people coming and if they want her are some charities we hold dear that you could contribute to, but there is no expectation .

If the couple can handle it is lovely to write than you notes within a few months, rather than sending people off with some mints and a generic note that says "thanks for coming, thanks for the gift!" but if life is busy then that is fine with mea as long as I know you got the gift.

Anonymous wrote:I got an invitation from a coworker that had in all caps "NO BOXED GIFTS CASH ONLY" and to top it all off it was a dry wedding and I was expected to buy cultural dress to wear.

OK that is tacky because of presentation.

One of my friends had traditional registry, plus a registry where you could contribute to buy furniture. It showed the contribution progress so you could see how far they were to completing an item. I thought that was cool, I contribute $250 toward their $1800 couch. They got that plus a few other pieces of new furniture.

Anonymous wrote:NP. If someone asks for cash and has no registry, is it then gauche on behalf of the guest to get a gift anyway?

Yes. They will receive 20 vases, over half of which are re-gifts. If it's clear the want cash I give it.

I got an invitation from a coworker that had in all caps "NO BOXED GIFTS CASH ONLY" and to top it all off it was a dry wedding and I was expected to buy cultural dress to wear.

Anonymous wrote:I think the “no boxed gifts” is super tacky. I’d be tempted to write them a poem.

I don’t mind the stuff for honeymoon. I had a friend who got married at 40 and they listed stuff they were going to do on their honeymoon so you could essentially buy them a nice meal at a restaurant they wanted to try, etc. I’m happy to do that sort of thing for a friend.

I had a relative that registered at restoration hardware and the stuff was so expensive that I found it offensive. Who do they think is going to buy them a $3000 end table? I can’t remember what we ended up getting but it was really hard work to find something under $500 that wasn’t like a single towel or something. When we got married that same relative gave us something that weighs a ton, takes up a lot of space, and we have never used. No one will take it for donation and I was unsuccessful in selling it on Craig’s list. I was a little tempted to get him something like a collection of pet snakes in return. But those you can give away.

ha! I super curious what that item is. I might have been tempted to give it back as his wedding gift.