Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The networks and connections are being made early in certain privates. The parents (the ones in high places) know each other, which in turn helps the kids get the internships and make the connections they need. Sure you make connections in college, but it’s not the same as the community that’s made over many years in elementary/middle/high. Success has never just been about merit. Don’t kid yourself.

This is what unsuccessful people say. It is so sad when a middle aged person is talking about secondary school. I know people like this. They often talk about their parents or grandparents because they themselves have no merit.

Of course it has. That’s when you know it’s real talent.

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Anonymous wrote:I think 13:20 had a good list but I also think some people have lots of cash to spare and figure going to a school you apply to and pay for must be better than a school that’s free and takes everyone.

Basically a designer label for your kid’s education

I actually think the same thing but have a somewhat different take on it.

There’s a certain set of striver parents who work extremely hard and make a whole lot of money. They’re wholly focused on their careers and don’t have a lot of extra time for their kids. They often wait to have kids until they’re in their mid to late 30s or older, and by the time the kids hit high school they’re in or close to their 50s and are so far removed from being young and so consumed with career and achievement that it never even occurs to them to consider public school no matter how good the school is. It’s another way to justify working so hard and soften the guilt they feel for neglecting their kids for all those years. “We do this for the kids,” they lie to themselves.

It’s an insane way of thinking.

This is actually NOT a thing. Most parents at our local public has their kids in their mid to late thirties and will be in their 50s when their kids are in high school. We left public for private and the age range is the same - oddly it skews a slightly younger. And a good number are stay at home moms so there is no career “distracting them from their children” and making them “so busy” that they can’t consider public school. This is a really far left theory that makes no sense.

Whew! It is funny the things people tell themselves so they can sleep at night.

It has nothing to do with my “sleeping at night.” It’s my real live personal experience. I spent my entire working career surrounded by these kinds of people.

Ah, so you are a secretary for a law firm and you had your kids early. Sheds light on your perspective. Be happy you’re a young mom- yay you!

I was an equity partner. Wrong again.

Sure. I don't know a SINGLE equity partner who sends their kid to public school. And you do not write like an "equity partner" or even a random regular run of the mill nobody lawyer. Delusional.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 13:20 had a good list but I also think some people have lots of cash to spare and figure going to a school you apply to and pay for must be better than a school that’s free and takes everyone.

Basically a designer label for your kid’s education

I actually think the same thing but have a somewhat different take on it.

There’s a certain set of striver parents who work extremely hard and make a whole lot of money. They’re wholly focused on their careers and don’t have a lot of extra time for their kids. They often wait to have kids until they’re in their mid to late 30s or older, and by the time the kids hit high school they’re in or close to their 50s and are so far removed from being young and so consumed with career and achievement that it never even occurs to them to consider public school no matter how good the school is. It’s another way to justify working so hard and soften the guilt they feel for neglecting their kids for all those years. “We do this for the kids,” they lie to themselves.

It’s an insane way of thinking.

This is actually NOT a thing. Most parents at our local public has their kids in their mid to late thirties and will be in their 50s when their kids are in high school. We left public for private and the age range is the same - oddly it skews a slightly younger. And a good number are stay at home moms so there is no career “distracting them from their children” and making them “so busy” that they can’t consider public school. This is a really far left theory that makes no sense.

Whew! It is funny the things people tell themselves so they can sleep at night.

It has nothing to do with my “sleeping at night.” It’s my real live personal experience. I spent my entire working career surrounded by these kinds of people.

Ah, so you are a secretary for a law firm and you had your kids early. Sheds light on your perspective. Be happy you’re a young mom- yay you!

I was an equity partner. Wrong again.

Anonymous wrote:The networks and connections are being made early in certain privates. The parents (the ones in high places) know each other, which in turn helps the kids get the internships and make the connections they need. Sure you make connections in college, but it’s not the same as the community that’s made over many years in elementary/middle/high. Success has never just been about merit. Don’t kid yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:In some areas, people put their kids in private because they know they aren’t up to compete in the local publics. This is especially true if the local publics are majority Asian.

Yep. I’ve found this to be absolutely true!

I find this odd. We are in private school and most of are friends are as well and we are mostly zoned for the 'W' schools. Not being around Asians has never been discussed as one of the reasons for being in private - it's just a way of life. There's a private school world that you don't understand until you have been a part of it. There is an elitism that you will never really understand that includes belonging to the same country clubs, vacationing together, attending the same churches (if you are say, Catholic). And importantly, most of these kids will have jobs no matter how well or how poorly they do in high school and thereafter college because of their family and friend connections. Asian student performance therefore, plays no part in the motivation to go private. It would be odd to pay $30-50,000 to avoid Asian students. This is a stupid theory.

I am not saying what the PPs said is true but it is not a stupid theory. Rich White folks have been paying lot more money than that to avoid Black and Latino students.

And you need an attitude adjustment too. Did you fall back in time to the 50’s?

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In some areas, people put their kids in private because they know they aren’t up to compete in the local publics. This is especially true if the local publics are majority Asian.

Yep. I’ve found this to be absolutely true!

I find this odd. We are in private school and most of are friends are as well and we are mostly zoned for the 'W' schools. Not being around Asians has never been discussed as one of the reasons for being in private - it's just a way of life. There's a private school world that you don't understand until you have been a part of it. There is an elitism that you will never really understand that includes belonging to the same country clubs, vacationing together, attending the same churches (if you are say, Catholic). And importantly, most of these kids will have jobs no matter how well or how poorly they do in high school and thereafter college because of their family and friend connections. Asian student performance therefore, plays no part in the motivation to go private. It would be odd to pay $30-50,000 to avoid Asian students. This is a stupid theory.

You are truly nauseating! Signed, your neighbor

I appreciate the honesty. I mean, the logic is BS but I appreciate that the poster is owning the elitist attitude.

My kid is in public school. He is a member of the same community pool as his friends, we go on vacations with families from school, we are in the same Scout Troop and rec sport teams as his friends. More likely then not he will end up with a good job because he is attending good schools and will go to college. Not all that different except that we are saving $20,000-$50,000 a year by sending him to a strong public school.

It actually IS different but that's okay. Your experience in what you consider a "good" public school is far different than private school but you don't know that because your kid has never been to private school. If you want to know the difference, visit the private school forum and ask parents if a "good" public school is just like a private school. Having done that, I can tell you it's not and others will confirm this. And we may all end up shoulder to shoulder in the same college/university - but remember the private school kids are extremely well connected and will always fall back into/revert back to their elite social circle. Going to the same institution of higher education doesn't thereby make your kid "on par" with a private high school graduate. I think it's comforting for public school parents to tell themselves this but really think about how this plays out during and after college - their connections versus your own; their ability to own home right off the bat because of wealth vs. your own kids; their ability to secure better internships with possibly less impressive college credentials because of who they know vs. your own kids; who they are able to socialize with vs. who your kids are able to socialize with. I'm not trying to be a snob but it's a whole world that you don't know about. It's best not to pretend you understand it.

Is that what parents tell themselves when their private school kids end up at High Point? The smart kids from public going to Michigan or Dartmouth with the smart kids from private will end up in the same frats and sororities, they will live together, date, and they will end up being each other's networks. College, not highschool is there those relationships form

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In some areas, people put their kids in private because they know they aren’t up to compete in the local publics. This is especially true if the local publics are majority Asian.

Yep. I’ve found this to be absolutely true!

I find this odd. We are in private school and most of are friends are as well and we are mostly zoned for the 'W' schools. Not being around Asians has never been discussed as one of the reasons for being in private - it's just a way of life. There's a private school world that you don't understand until you have been a part of it. There is an elitism that you will never really understand that includes belonging to the same country clubs, vacationing together, attending the same churches (if you are say, Catholic). And importantly, most of these kids will have jobs no matter how well or how poorly they do in high school and thereafter college because of their family and friend connections. Asian student performance therefore, plays no part in the motivation to go private. It would be odd to pay $30-50,000 to avoid Asian students. This is a stupid theory.

You are truly nauseating! Signed, your neighbor

I appreciate the honesty. I mean, the logic is BS but I appreciate that the poster is owning the elitist attitude.

My kid is in public school. He is a member of the same community pool as his friends, we go on vacations with families from school, we are in the same Scout Troop and rec sport teams as his friends. More likely then not he will end up with a good job because he is attending good schools and will go to college. Not all that different except that we are saving $20,000-$50,000 a year by sending him to a strong public school.

It actually IS different but that's okay. Your experience in what you consider a "good" public school is far different than private school but you don't know that because your kid has never been to private school. If you want to know the difference, visit the private school forum and ask parents if a "good" public school is just like a private school. Having done that, I can tell you it's not and others will confirm this. And we may all end up shoulder to shoulder in the same college/university - but remember the private school kids are extremely well connected and will always fall back into/revert back to their elite social circle. Going to the same institution of higher education doesn't thereby make your kid "on par" with a private high school graduate. I think it's comforting for public school parents to tell themselves this but really think about how this plays out during and after college - their connections versus your own; their ability to own home right off the bat because of wealth vs. your own kids; their ability to secure better internships with possibly less impressive college credentials because of who they know vs. your own kids; who they are able to socialize with vs. who your kids are able to socialize with. I'm not trying to be a snob but it's a whole world that you don't know about. It's best not to pretend you understand it.

so, basically, those private school kids are buying a network to get jobs, and not using their own merit. They can't or don't want to compete on their own merits with the masses, so you are buying them a built in network.

This is exactly why legacies for college needs to also disappear.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I see these kinds of discussions I think we need to differentiate between parochial schools and private schools. There’s obviously a world of difference between the two, both in terms of what they cost and why they do it. I’d never write off a parochial school family as snobs. Can’t say the same about the other private school parents.

Are you new to DC? They are among the worst offenders!

Exactly - ever heard of NCS or Visi?? This is Podunk Town, Midwest with the local church school on the corner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 13:20 had a good list but I also think some people have lots of cash to spare and figure going to a school you apply to and pay for must be better than a school that’s free and takes everyone.

Basically a designer label for your kid’s education

I actually think the same thing but have a somewhat different take on it.

There’s a certain set of striver parents who work extremely hard and make a whole lot of money. They’re wholly focused on their careers and don’t have a lot of extra time for their kids. They often wait to have kids until they’re in their mid to late 30s or older, and by the time the kids hit high school they’re in or close to their 50s and are so far removed from being young and so consumed with career and achievement that it never even occurs to them to consider public school no matter how good the school is. It’s another way to justify working so hard and soften the guilt they feel for neglecting their kids for all those years. “We do this for the kids,” they lie to themselves.

It’s an insane way of thinking.

This is actually NOT a thing. Most parents at our local public has their kids in their mid to late thirties and will be in their 50s when their kids are in high school. We left public for private and the age range is the same - oddly it skews a slightly younger. And a good number are stay at home moms so there is no career “distracting them from their children” and making them “so busy” that they can’t consider public school. This is a really far left theory that makes no sense.

Whew! It is funny the things people tell themselves so they can sleep at night.

It has nothing to do with my “sleeping at night.” It’s my real live personal experience. I spent my entire working career surrounded by these kinds of people.

Ah, so you are a secretary for a law firm and you had your kids early. Sheds light on your perspective. Be happy you’re a young mom- yay you!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In some areas, people put their kids in private because they know they aren’t up to compete in the local publics. This is especially true if the local publics are majority Asian.

Yep. I’ve found this to be absolutely true!

I find this odd. We are in private school and most of are friends are as well and we are mostly zoned for the 'W' schools. Not being around Asians has never been discussed as one of the reasons for being in private - it's just a way of life. There's a private school world that you don't understand until you have been a part of it. There is an elitism that you will never really understand that includes belonging to the same country clubs, vacationing together, attending the same churches (if you are say, Catholic). And importantly, most of these kids will have jobs no matter how well or how poorly they do in high school and thereafter college because of their family and friend connections. Asian student performance therefore, plays no part in the motivation to go private. It would be odd to pay $30-50,000 to avoid Asian students. This is a stupid theory.

You are truly nauseating! Signed, your neighbor

I appreciate the honesty. I mean, the logic is BS but I appreciate that the poster is owning the elitist attitude.

My kid is in public school. He is a member of the same community pool as his friends, we go on vacations with families from school, we are in the same Scout Troop and rec sport teams as his friends. More likely then not he will end up with a good job because he is attending good schools and will go to college. Not all that different except that we are saving $20,000-$50,000 a year by sending him to a strong public school.

It actually IS different but that's okay. Your experience in what you consider a "good" public school is far different than private school but you don't know that because your kid has never been to private school. If you want to know the difference, visit the private school forum and ask parents if a "good" public school is just like a private school. Having done that, I can tell you it's not and others will confirm this. And we may all end up shoulder to shoulder in the same college/university - but remember the private school kids are extremely well connected and will always fall back into/revert back to their elite social circle. Going to the same institution of higher education doesn't thereby make your kid "on par" with a private high school graduate. I think it's comforting for public school parents to tell themselves this but really think about how this plays out during and after college - their connections versus your own; their ability to own home right off the bat because of wealth vs. your own kids; their ability to secure better internships with possibly less impressive college credentials because of who they know vs. your own kids; who they are able to socialize with vs. who your kids are able to socialize with. I'm not trying to be a snob but it's a whole world that you don't know about. It's best not to pretend you understand it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In some areas, people put their kids in private because they know they aren’t up to compete in the local publics. This is especially true if the local publics are majority Asian.

Yep. I’ve found this to be absolutely true!

I find this odd. We are in private school and most of are friends are as well and we are mostly zoned for the 'W' schools. Not being around Asians has never been discussed as one of the reasons for being in private - it's just a way of life. There's a private school world that you don't understand until you have been a part of it. There is an elitism that you will never really understand that includes belonging to the same country clubs, vacationing together, attending the same churches (if you are say, Catholic). And importantly, most of these kids will have jobs no matter how well or how poorly they do in high school and thereafter college because of their family and friend connections. Asian student performance therefore, plays no part in the motivation to go private. It would be odd to pay $30-50,000 to avoid Asian students. This is a stupid theory.

You are truly nauseating! Signed, your neighbor

I appreciate the honesty. I mean, the logic is BS but I appreciate that the poster is owning the elitist attitude.

My kid is in public school. He is a member of the same community pool as his friends, we go on vacations with families from school, we are in the same Scout Troop and rec sport teams as his friends. More likely then not he will end up with a good job because he is attending good schools and will go to college. Not all that different except that we are saving $20,000-$50,000 a year by sending him to a strong public school.

It actually IS different but that's okay. Your experience in what you consider a "good" public school is far different than private school but you don't know that because your kid has never been to private school. If you want to know the difference, visit the private school forum and ask parents if a "good" public school is just like a private school. Having done that, I can tell you it's not and others will confirm this. And we may all end up shoulder to shoulder in the same college/university - but remember the private school kids are extremely well connected and will always fall back into/revert back to their elite social circle. Going to the same institution of higher education doesn't thereby make your kid "on par" with a private high school graduate. I think it's comforting for public school parents to tell themselves this but really think about how this plays out during and after college - their connections versus your own; their ability to own home right off the bat because of wealth vs. your own kids; their ability to secure better internships with possibly less impressive college credentials because of who they know vs. your own kids; who they are able to socialize with vs. who your kids are able to socialize with. I'm not trying to be a snob but it's a whole world that you don't know about. It's best not to pretend you understand it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In some areas, people put their kids in private because they know they aren’t up to compete in the local publics. This is especially true if the local publics are majority Asian.

“Aren’t up to compete” can also mean “Don’t want to spend hours in weekend school just to be three grade levels ahead.”

~ Asian