Anonymous
Post 04/27/2023 07:16     Subject: There is still time between now and Mother’s Day to:
Anonymous wrote:White women are really scary. So the DH cannot celebrate his mother, his grandmother, his SIL - along with you? Huh?


[Looks around] I’m sorry, are you talking to me? My husband and I celebrate the day with both our mothers and my kids. All our grandmothers are dead and only one of us—me—has a sister, and she lives in North Dakota. So yeah I guess we “exclude” her by not flying to see her every year.

So what you’re doing right now is taking a few people on DCUM who have posted their subjective feelings and lived experience, assuming they are white, and then assuming all white people are like them. Hmm, what’s the word for when we make assumptions and generalizations about many, many people based on the color of their skin again?
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2023 06:26     Subject: There is still time between now and Mother’s Day to:
White women are really scary. So the DH cannot celebrate his mother, his grandmother, his SIL - along with you? Huh?
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2023 06:25     Subject: There is still time between now and Mother’s Day to:
Anonymous wrote:1) Discuss plans with your spouse/children/other family members and make the plans you want
2) Cancel or adjust plans you don’t want to go through with
3) Ask your children and/or your spouse for a specific gift or experience
4) Tell your spouse what you will not be doing, so it’s clear that you are not buying gifts or making plans for someone else
5) Plan exactly the day you want and inform people what you are doing

There’s still time. No excuses, no whining.


🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

My DH cooks a lovely brunch. Everyone in our local small family are invited - men and women and kids. MIL, FIL, SIL and her family of 4, Nephew and his wife and his MIL, my brother and his wife and 2 kids. 17 people.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2023 23:21     Subject: Re:There is still time between now and Mother’s Day to:
"It means that some of us are cleaning up vomit, changing diapers, waking up in the middle of the night for sick children, cooking dinner nightly for a family, etc. You don't think older moms have it easier? I adore my mom btw."

My mom who is about 75 years old still does this. She does it for herself and my dad. I have one kid who is away at college, so I just take care of myself and I don't vomit much or need diapers. My mom took care of me and my siblings when we were little. She was also there for me when my kid was born and did everything I could possibly want in order to make me more comfortable and able to focus on my kid. She helps my sister who is divorced and needs help with after school care or when the nephews are sick and can't go to school. So, yes. My mom will be feted on Mothers Day.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2023 17:10     Subject: There is still time between now and Mother’s Day to:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I just wish dh would take the kids without me to his moms. I've tried to plan lovely events with my kids and dh, but it doesn't go well and I always end up at my inlaws. Last year dh even lied to me about where we were going, which is a whole other issue.

I want a whole darn day to myself! Why isn't that a thing. I don't want to share it.

[b]Hallmark- please make mothers day and older mothers day!!!


What does this mean? Do you mean you stop being a mom when you get older? Why don't you make plans and tell your dh?


It means that some of us are cleaning up vomit, changing diapers, waking up in the middle of the night for sick children, cooking dinner nightly for a family, etc. You don't think older moms have it easier? I adore my mom btw.

My mom and MIL have had 30 years of being celebrated before grandkids came. Why can't they get brunch on another day? Do you all realize how HARD it is to get kids to sit well, behave and eat brunch for multiple hours? I'm glad it makes your mothers day dreams come true, but it's not relaxing for me.

I just feel like every day is drudgery, so the day that is supposed to recognize mothers shouldn't be even more drudgery than usual.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2023 17:07     Subject: There is still time between now and Mother’s Day to:
Anonymous wrote:I just wish dh would take the kids without me to his moms. I've tried to plan lovely events with my kids and dh, but it doesn't go well and I always end up at my inlaws. Last year dh even lied to me about where we were going, which is a whole other issue.

I want a whole darn day to myself! Why isn't that a thing. I don't want to share it.

Hallmark- please make mothers day and older mothers day!!!


… Hol’ up, what? Lied about where you were going?
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2023 17:06     Subject: Re:There is still time between now and Mother’s Day to:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you forgetting how much conflict comes from different generations of mothers within the same family having opposing wishes for how to spend the day? What is your practical advice for a husband whose mom wants to spend the whole day visiting with all of her children and grandchildren and have dinner at home, while his wife wants to sleep in, have an outing with her kids, and then go out to dinner?


The mother who is currently actively mothering gets priority.


Anonymous
Post 04/26/2023 17:05     Subject: There is still time between now and Mother’s Day to:
Anonymous wrote:OMG I have to do all of this on my day?! It makes me want to go back to sleep. Just another day for emotional labor.

I truly wish that grandparents day was a bigger deal. Then the mothers of kids over 30 could get their day and the mothers actively parenting could have theirs. They usually conflict big time. I would like picnics or activities, sleeping in. MIL would like brunch with all her grandchildren behaving perfectly (which is quite a lot of work for me to make happen)[/quote

Never heard this expression but, without the older parent than you wouldn't be here to "active parent" your kids! One of my best mother's day was when my MIL and I went golfing!!
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2023 17:03     Subject: There is still time between now and Mother’s Day to:
Anonymous wrote:I just wish dh would take the kids without me to his moms. I've tried to plan lovely events with my kids and dh, but it doesn't go well and I always end up at my inlaws. Last year dh even lied to me about where we were going, which is a whole other issue.

I want a whole darn day to myself! Why isn't that a thing. I don't want to share it.

Hallmark- please make mothers day and older mothers day!!![/quote]

What does this mean? Do you mean you stop being a mom when you get older? Why don't you make plans and tell your dh?
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2023 17:02     Subject: There is still time between now and Mother’s Day to:
Anonymous wrote:mothers day sucks.



np how articulate! Are you saying this as a mother or as a husband/wife or aa daughter/son? How is honoring a mother "sucks?"
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2023 16:58     Subject: There is still time between now and Mother’s Day to:
I just wish dh would take the kids without me to his moms. I've tried to plan lovely events with my kids and dh, but it doesn't go well and I always end up at my inlaws. Last year dh even lied to me about where we were going, which is a whole other issue.

I want a whole darn day to myself! Why isn't that a thing. I don't want to share it.

Hallmark- please make mothers day and older mothers day!!!
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2023 16:29     Subject: Re:There is still time between now and Mother’s Day to:
Mother’s Day is just another holiday where I am reminded how different and atypical my children are.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2023 16:25     Subject: There is still time between now and Mother’s Day to:
OMG I have to do all of this on my day?! It makes me want to go back to sleep. Just another day for emotional labor.

I truly wish that grandparents day was a bigger deal. Then the mothers of kids over 30 could get their day and the mothers actively parenting could have theirs. They usually conflict big time. I would like picnics or activities, sleeping in. MIL would like brunch with all her grandchildren behaving perfectly (which is quite a lot of work for me to make happen)
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2023 16:20     Subject: There is still time between now and Mother’s Day to:
My husband is good at a lot of things but follow through on holiday plans isn't one of them. I spent a few mother's days very upset but now I just do exactly what I want. It's not ideal from a hallmark perspective but I have plenty of flaws he deals with so it's ok.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2023 13:10     Subject: There is still time between now and Mother’s Day to:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, how do you suggest I handle my own mom who wants the day all about her?


Tell her that you're tired from active parenting and you're taking the day for herself. Tell her flowers will be arriving, or chocolates or whatever, and she hopes you enjoy them.

She is an adult. Adults can manage their own feelings and disappointments. It's not your job to do anything but acknowledge her in some way. Then, you enjoy the day that you want.


^^you're taking the day for *yourself,* I meant to say