Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He probably wanted more time but that’s all your mom would allow so he gave up and moved on as there was nothing he could do about it. So yes if your mom only allowed that schedule and then she wanted to go out of town she needed to make arrangements.

This is what your mom choose for you.

Not OP, but stop it with that! I've seen more than one dad (friends' ex-Hs too) move one once a new woman was involved.

What's he supposed to do? Never have a relationship again? Only Mom is allowed to have relationships and get remarried.

This is what mom choose. She only allowed every other weekend and occasional dinners. She kept him out of her life so he moved on.

Grown men moving on from their children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women put kids first. Men put sex first. Whoever the sex is coming from therefore comes before kids.

Not all men are this way but most divorced men are this way.

Women who put their kids before their spouse often do end up divorced. It's exactly the wrong way to have a healthy family. The spousal relationship is the keystone and the most important. Granted, the man has to engage that way, too, but this dynamic where women put their kids first is very common. And a huge mistake.

Sure.
Same as men who put their careers before their wife, kids and home. Destroys the relationship and marriage. The spousal relationship is the keystone and most important. This dynamic where men put their work egos and paycheck first is very common. And a huge mistake.

This.

It’s all this simple.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women put kids first. Men put sex first. Whoever the sex is coming from therefore comes before kids.

Not all men are this way but most divorced men are this way.

Women who put their kids before their spouse often do end up divorced. It's exactly the wrong way to have a healthy family. The spousal relationship is the keystone and the most important. Granted, the man has to engage that way, too, but this dynamic where women put their kids first is very common. And a huge mistake.

The trick is finding middle ground between sex and kids. Being busy with kids can really damper the sex drive for women.

No the real trick is finding a husband who is involved with managing the house and parenting the kids. The s3x will come from that, not being a man absentee homeowner and parent.

Why is it so bad to ask someone to call? My parents remained married and I would call first. What if they were having sex?

With my kids, I’d rather they alert us because we may be getting out of the shower and undressed or having sex or feeling sick or who knows?

Me and my siblings had an every other weekend dad growing up since my age of 3. I’m not sure how our relationship would have been if he was just a nicer person. Since we were young (and still to this day) none of us feel like we can be ourselves around him. Any-type of conversation always feels like drawn out small talk. He would say he has to work all the time to pay child support and we never really seen him outside of his designated days. He started out with three kids and eventually made it up to 5 kids with the last two having different mothers. He did in fact have a lot of child support to pay. I don’t feel that’s an excuse to not connect with your children or see them every chance you get. We did not talk on the phone or go to events. I don’t remember him making time for many school events, other than high school graduation. My mom was not the problem in our situation, as she never had anything negative to say about my dad or withheld us from seeing him. I am currently 21 and talk to my dad every few months. I don’t feel a connection with him and a lot of times wish I didn’t have him as my dad. I see him connect with friends, girlfriends and strangers even. It’s difficult because most people would say you’re lucky to have a Dad at all, but to that I say should we praise parents who only do the bare minimum? ( providing food, shelter, clothes)

My heart hurts for all of you who were made to feel "other" by a parent and stepparent. I am also going through a divorce but with a "benign neglect" parent who insists he wants 50/50 custody but then never does anything with the kids when he has them. Spring break, he works mad hours and "can't take off" on his half of the week so the kids sit around on screens all day (they are teen and tween age.) My teenager took herself to the doctor recently when she got sick on his days. I made the appointment and he told her she didn't need him to accompany her. She drove herself and it made me so angry when I found out...sometimes I wish he'd just disappear instead of this shitty half-assed parenting. What is more harmful, the physically absent parent or the one who is around but always too busy to do anything with you? If I had more money for a high-powered lawyer I would fight him, but I initiated divorce so am trying to keep it all civil. And my kids can see why, without me ever saying a negative word to them about their father. Ugh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women put kids first. Men put sex first. Whoever the sex is coming from therefore comes before kids.

Not all men are this way but most divorced men are this way.

Women who put their kids before their spouse often do end up divorced. It's exactly the wrong way to have a healthy family. The spousal relationship is the keystone and the most important. Granted, the man has to engage that way, too, but this dynamic where women put their kids first is very common. And a huge mistake.

Sure.
Same as men who put their careers before their wife, kids and home. Destroys the relationship and marriage. The spousal relationship is the keystone and most important. This dynamic where men put their work egos and paycheck first is very common. And a huge mistake.

The MRA poster is so full of it. Men get to have all the feelings they want, but if they choose to coddle their feelings rather than focus on their kids then that makes them bad parents. There may be rare exceptions but in the majority of cases, if there is a split and one parent accepts a tiny sliver of custodial time, that means that they just don’t want to see their kids very much. And kids can only bond with people who actually want to and try to connect.

My own dad didn’t leave until I was in college but he never had a relationship with us that wasn’t facilitated by my mom (she was the one who arranged family activities and outings and holidays). He spent my whole childhood telling me that we would be closer if she were so controlling. Then when they finally split, he just never showed up again in any real way. When he remarried his second wife was actually really kind to us and he started to see us on holidays, etc. again because SHE cared and arranged things. When he got divorced again, he disappeared again. Finally 3 years ago, my brother and I decided to run an experiment. We would stop calling him and see how long it took him to reach out. I have heard from him once in the last year. He called me out of the blue, said sorry, it was a pocket dial and excused himself. He lives half an hour from my brother and his son (my nephew shares my dad’s/brother’s middle name and was born on my father’s birthday). My dad hasn’t seen him for 2 years. My mom lives on the other side of the country and flies out at least twice a year to visit and help out. If I died tomorrow my dad would find out on facebook.

The only difference between OP and the other complainers about their absent and disinterested fathers is that the parents actually got divorced. Your parents’ generation of fathers and the generation before that had plenty of fathers who, divorced or not, were never around, always worked, and never had any real interest in spending time with their kids. The moms stayed home and that was her job.

I was one of seven children. My father worked all the time and came home only on weekends and sometime not even then. When he did come home, he’d sit on an old recliner and chain smoke and yell at us for blocking the TV. I can count on one hand the amount of times I had any other interaction with him. One that sticks was when I graduated fourth in my law school class and he gave me grief for not being in the top three.

When he died in his late 50s many years ago I didn’t care. None of us did. We laughed and joked about how much of an a$$hole he was. It was actually therapeutic. Then we moved on.

We recently discovered after one of my siblings did 23 and me that we have a half sibling ten years younger than my youngest whole sibling. My dad had been having an affair with a waitress at a diner in the city where he worked all week and kept a small apartment because the commute was too long. The half-sibling is highly active on social media and never once mentioned his father. So he was an equal opportunity deadbeat dad.

It is what it is, OP. Move on. It takes two to tango, and if he doesn’t want to dance, then find another partner.

It’s OK to admit your father was or is a loser.
Mine is. He just floats around, dependent on women.

No doubt he was a $hitty spouse and homeowner too. Not marriage marriage so would never blame the mother for divorcing and providing a calm normal home for the children 80%++ of the time.

Anonymous wrote:He probably wanted more time but that’s all your mom would allow so he gave up and moved on as there was nothing he could do about it. So yes if your mom only allowed that schedule and then she wanted to go out of town she needed to make arrangements.

This is what your mom choose for you.

No

He wasn’t a real parent when married with kids. He wasn’t a real parent when divorced. He isn’t a real parent when remarried with adult kids.

Can’t believe a parent wouldn’t take a call from their adult kid want to talk, about anything. I’m so sorry he pesters any request like that.

Mental disorders or not, just detach. He cannot or will not foster a real relationship. That’s sad but happens. I had to mourn the lack of a real father and role model, due to his aspergers and bipolar a long time. My sister still latches on to “male attention” in unhealthy ways. We were essentially neglected by him and continue to be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women put kids first. Men put sex first. Whoever the sex is coming from therefore comes before kids.

Not all men are this way but most divorced men are this way.

Women who put their kids before their spouse often do end up divorced. It's exactly the wrong way to have a healthy family. The spousal relationship is the keystone and the most important. Granted, the man has to engage that way, too, but this dynamic where women put their kids first is very common. And a huge mistake.

The trick is finding middle ground between sex and kids. Being busy with kids can really damper the sex drive for women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He probably wanted more time but that’s all your mom would allow so he gave up and moved on as there was nothing he could do about it. So yes if your mom only allowed that schedule and then she wanted to go out of town she needed to make arrangements.

This is what your mom choose for you.

No one with a brain believes this tired MRA BS no matter how many times you post it. And don’t bother with “I’m a woman,” because it’s irrelevant.

Why is it that men don’t get to have any feelings though?

Why are you more concerned about men's feelings than the child in this scenario?

Anonymous wrote:Women put kids first. Men put sex first. Whoever the sex is coming from therefore comes before kids.

Not all men are this way but most divorced men are this way.

Women who put their kids before their spouse often do end up divorced. It's exactly the wrong way to have a healthy family. The spousal relationship is the keystone and the most important. Granted, the man has to engage that way, too, but this dynamic where women put their kids first is very common. And a huge mistake.