Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption has been sold as this "harmless" alternative to an unwanted pregnancy. Because in theory, the only person harmed was "the sinner" mother who got pregnant in less than ideal circumstances. So advertising it as a saving grace for the baby and new family has deep political undertones because some people don't mind harming women to save babies.

Is it really better to essentially auction off a baby for $10-$50k to a "stable" family than to invest that $10k-$50k into the birth mother's life and help her raise her own child? That's the question society should be asking.

Now it's a choice and there are supports to help her. Lots of government assistance. Some still don't or cannot parent.

No, there's NOT "lots of government assistance." I've seen this myth posted on DCUM before. And it's not true. A pregnant woman is eligible for Medicaid. That's it. Maybe there's a private charity who will help with maternity clothes, maybe a women's shelter will house a person if she's a domestic violence victim. But no other government assistance that I can think of. If you are sure you're correct, post the links.

Food stamps, cash assistance, homeless shelter housing, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption has been sold as this "harmless" alternative to an unwanted pregnancy. Because in theory, the only person harmed was "the sinner" mother who got pregnant in less than ideal circumstances. So advertising it as a saving grace for the baby and new family has deep political undertones because some people don't mind harming women to save babies.

Is it really better to essentially auction off a baby for $10-$50k to a "stable" family than to invest that $10k-$50k into the birth mother's life and help her raise her own child? That's the question society should be asking.

Now it's a choice and there are supports to help her. Lots of government assistance. Some still don't or cannot parent.

No, there's NOT "lots of government assistance." I've seen this myth posted on DCUM before. And it's not true. A pregnant woman is eligible for Medicaid. That's it. Maybe there's a private charity who will help with maternity clothes, maybe a women's shelter will house a person if she's a domestic violence victim. But no other government assistance that I can think of. If you are sure you're correct, post the links.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adult adoptee from that era. Both my adoptive parents are deceased, no siblings. My relationship with them was always my relationship with them-- no framing or reframing necessary. They were my parents; that was my family of origin. Mostly good, positive memories and experience with some negative parenting that was just part of that era of parenting and had nothing to do with adoption.

I never spoke to my mother about her experience as an adoptive mom in that era really- she was too ashamed of infertility. As a young person, I didn't understand and just never talked about it. As an adult, I find it sad and wish she could have had better

Do you have any contact with your first mother or any genetic relatives?

First mother? That makes no sense except if a child is placed older and the mom patented them. Genetic relatives. Oh my.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption has been sold as this "harmless" alternative to an unwanted pregnancy. Because in theory, the only person harmed was "the sinner" mother who got pregnant in less than ideal circumstances. So advertising it as a saving grace for the baby and new family has deep political undertones because some people don't mind harming women to save babies.

Is it really better to essentially auction off a baby for $10-$50k to a "stable" family than to invest that $10k-$50k into the birth mother's life and help her raise her own child? That's the question society should be asking.

Now it's a choice and there are supports to help her. Lots of government assistance. Some still don't or cannot parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adult adoptee from that era. Both my adoptive parents are deceased, no siblings. My relationship with them was always my relationship with them-- no framing or reframing necessary. They were my parents; that was my family of origin. Mostly good, positive memories and experience with some negative parenting that was just part of that era of parenting and had nothing to do with adoption.

I never spoke to my mother about her experience as an adoptive mom in that era really- she was too ashamed of infertility. As a young person, I didn't understand and just never talked about it. As an adult, I find it sad and wish she could have had better

Do you have any contact with your first mother or any genetic relatives?

First mother? That makes no sense except if a child is placed older and the mom patented them. Genetic relatives. Oh my.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship now with your adopted family, siblings, parents when they were alive or if they are still alive, and extended cousins, etc.?

As you are older now, how have you framed (or reframed, most likely) your life experience?

I was born in the early 80's and adopted. I'm still very close with my family (why wouldn't I be?). I don't understand your second question.

OP here. I wasn't the eye roll poster.
What I was referring to is the broad coverage and community that has developed in the last decade basically uncovering the social paradigm around adoption- that it was for the best, that it was for everyone's own good, that mothers couldn't care for their children, that adoptees were "chosen," when, in fact, it was an entire sociological swath of patriarchal , societal and religious baby trafficking. Unwed mothers, young or old, couldn't keep their babies due to societal norms, young mothers were kept in maternity homes, often medicated, and forced to give up children, private adoptions were for cash, overseas and domestic adoptions lined the pockets of doctors and lawyers, and the overarching theme of white middle class married couples "winning" babies. Additionally, adopted children lost all rights and information to their identity, who their parents were, and their genetic and medical history, with no recourse.
All the adults had the rights, but the children were stripped of rights.Children in transracial adoptions were whitewashed to fit it, without the embracing of their culture. The adoption community calls it "coming out of the fog." Besides a lot of recent community development over this, there's been a lot of writing, including a recent article published this week:


https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/04/10/living-in-adoptions-emotional-aftermath
Also-
Adoption Used to Be Hush-Hush. This Book Amplifies the Human Toll. https://nyti.ms/2Y5DD0s

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adult adoptee from that era. Both my adoptive parents are deceased, no siblings. My relationship with them was always my relationship with them-- no framing or reframing necessary. They were my parents; that was my family of origin. Mostly good, positive memories and experience with some negative parenting that was just part of that era of parenting and had nothing to do with adoption.

I never spoke to my mother about her experience as an adoptive mom in that era really- she was too ashamed of infertility. As a young person, I didn't understand and just never talked about it. As an adult, I find it sad and wish she could have had better

Do you have any contact with your first mother or any genetic relatives?

Anonymous wrote:Adult adoptee from that era. Both my adoptive parents are deceased, no siblings. My relationship with them was always my relationship with them-- no framing or reframing necessary. They were my parents; that was my family of origin. Mostly good, positive memories and experience with some negative parenting that was just part of that era of parenting and had nothing to do with adoption.

I never spoke to my mother about her experience as an adoptive mom in that era really- she was too ashamed of infertility. As a young person, I didn't understand and just never talked about it. As an adult, I find it sad and wish she could have had better

Anonymous wrote:My mom was adopted in the 1940s. She has (still) a very loving family (3 siblings). I have a lot of cousins! I don’t know if she ever contacted her birth mom who was 16 when she was born.
I am so grateful for my grandparents who adopted her when it wasn’t really acceptable. My mom is truly a great person. My grandfather especially was an awesome man and grandfather.
Just to let people know your decision to adopt reverberates through generations.
Thank you.