Anonymous wrote:Minimize the amount of time you actually spend at your parents' house, even if you're there for breakfast and dinner every night. My parents are theoretically glad we're there, but they (well, mostly my dad) get wound up about anything left anywhere, the noise and bounciness for hours on end irritates them, etc. My kids can behave well for a several hours at a time -- say, from waking up until 9 or 10 in the morning, and from 4 until bedtime -- but they want to do stuff. So we take them to parks or science centers or museums and get them worn out, and then we're back in time to help with dinner.

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom the issues and ask what she suggests. Is there a spot on the kitchen counter for the three water bottles? Can there be one shoe basket near the front door so all shoes go in there?

What kind of bedrooms don't have closets or dressers? Ask if you can buy a dresser for each bedroom.

We don't bring many toys when we travel. Each kid has a backpack and brings books, and maybe one or two toys.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we have four kids, and when we used to visit when they were small, it was also overwhelming for my parents. *But* they loved having us visit. What finally worked for us is that we told them that we would visit, but that we wanted it to feel more like a vacation for them. We took care of all the menu planning, cooking and clean-up. It worked out really well. They got time with the grandkids, weren’t stressed about the extra work, and we would keep them out of the kitchen. If your mom isn’t spending much time in the kitchen, then she shouldn’t be bothered by the water bottles. Same with a basket by the kitchen door. Grandparents can absolutely both enjoy having small grandkids visit *and* feel overwhelmed.

+1 I’ve always done the cooking when visiting. Gives my mom a beak and it’s easier for me to cook for two more than her to cook for five more.

Anonymous wrote:I’m looking for tips for staying at family members’ homes with my family. My family has really great accommodations for us to stay with them (3 spare guest bedrooms and 3 full baths). Similar for my in-laws. But the issue is that our parents get overwhelmed with kid stuff and are annoyed. Which means we rarely visit and then they whine about that too. We’re not interested in renting an air b&b or a hotel because we spend that money on other vacations.

I’m a very clean person by nature and my kids aren’t even messy. I’ve tried streamlining over the years. For instance I bring my 3 kids different colored water bottles and they have to use those exclusively. Before I did that, my toddlers were breaking glass cups, using 3 cups a day each and were leaving them everywhere. Current issue with the cups is that there isn’t a spot to put their 3 water bottles. I have my kids take them back to their rooms between meals but I think that’s weird. Am I crazy for wishing there was a place to keep their stuff between meals? Like the baby’s bib.

Another issue is shoes. My kids take their shoes off immediately when they come in, but then grandparents can’t stand the mess by the front door (3 pairs of kid shoes is too much I guess). I’ve asked for baskets but then they said they’d get the baskets dirty too. We take the shoes to the bedrooms now but then the kids are in and out all day and don’t want to run their shoes upstairs.

There aren’t closets or dressers for us, so we live out of suitcases but that too is a mess. And everyone has 1-2 towels (pool and a bath), which I guess is too many towels. And kid toys. I just feel defeated any time we visit family. I bring tons of food and keep the kids out at activities all day.

Anonymous wrote:I’m looking for tips for staying at family members’ homes with my family. My family has really great accommodations for us to stay with them (3 spare guest bedrooms and 3 full baths). ...

... isn’t a spot to put their 3 water bottles. I have my kids take them back to their rooms between meals but I think that’s weird. Am I crazy for wishing there was a place to keep their stuff between meals? Like the baby’s bib.

Another issue is shoes. My kids take their shoes off immediately when they come in, but then grandparents can’t stand the mess by the front door (3 pairs of kid shoes is too much I guess). I’ve asked for baskets but then they said they’d get the baskets dirty too. We take the shoes to the bedrooms now but then the kids are in and out all day and don’t want to run their shoes upstairs.

There aren’t closets or dressers for us, so we live out of suitcases but that too is a mess. And everyone has 1-2 towels (pool and a bath), which I guess is too many towels...

Anonymous wrote:“Mom, the kids need a place on the counter for their water bottles to stay while we’re visiting. Can you please pick a spot? Thanks.”

“Mom, rather than tracking dirt in the house, the kids need to leave their shoes by the door. Do you want to just create a space or do you want them in a basket?”

Stop trying to work around the passive aggressive comments. Just be direct with two choices for her and move on. If she complains, just say, “But the last time we talked on FaceTime, you were complaining that we hadn’t visited. This is us visiting. We’re a full package that includes water bottles and shoes. You can do this.” 😬