Anonymous
03/20/2023 09:30
Subject: Re:Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm a picky eater. I have tons of stomach issues and I don't like forcing myself to eat anything. I am perfectly happy for this to not be anyone's problem but mine. However, there are people who will constantly nag you about what you're eating, why you're not eating much, how they make the best pickled beets, etc. I just attended a conference with 2 co-workers and they are also picky/have some food issues. I was so relieved when we picked out places to eat. It was basically, "Would you eat here?" If so, we'd go and no one commented on anyone else's food choices. It was so nice knowing that I wasn't about to get an inquisition about how much/what I was eating. I know that some people can be really annoying about wanting you to accommodate them and I don't like that either. I wish we all could just be less critical of each other.
I don’t think it’s critical for OP to say she’s tired of being the host to a group of people whose pickiness gets worse and the “goalposts move.” OP never said she watches what people eat, she’s just tired of adults telling her not to make fruit salad and other demands. If you’ve cooked for a crowd and been a frequent host, you’d get it.
I don't think PP was accusing OP of that. She's saying that staying silent and handling one's own food issues also comes with pitfalls. (I've absolutely experienced this, solidarity.)
PP just said "there are people" but I'd go farther and say that most hosts, who have gone to some trouble to cook, notice what you don’t eat. Some don't realize that it's uncomfortable to comment on it.
I don’t notice or care if it’s a big holiday meal like Thanksgiving. I never comment, but I do notice if it’s a dinner party. It’s fine, I don’t ask or even care what or why, I just make a mental note to only invite certain people to big events with lots of choices, and not to put them on my dinner party roster. I go to a lot of trouble for dinner parties, and I frankly don’t want to go through the trouble for picky people. They are welcome to come to bigger events.
Ahh, so even if picky eaters enjoy the company and don’t make a scene or any trouble about the food, they’re persona non grata at your exclusive events. Noted. And it confirms what I’ve thought about people judging picky eaters - the ones, again, who keep their preferences to themselves because it’s no one else’s issue.
It is what it is. No thanks, I’m not going to go to a lot of trouble and expense only to have someone sit and push food around the plate. I’ll still enjoy your company—in a setting with lots of food choices where you can make a plate. But for dinner parties, I prefer not to waste my time, money and effort on someone who doesn’t appreciate it. You can be “there for just the company” in other scenarios in my home. Dinner parties are for grown-ups who appreciate the time, effort and expense it takes to make a lovely menu for adults. I don’t want to make a lot of effort for someone who is just going to eat a roll; you’re taking up the seat of someone who can handle a nice dinner party with adults.
+1. I’m not interested in serving buttered noodles at a dinner party. I’m not going to worry about whether the food or ingredients are touching and whether that will displease a 43-year-old.
Anonymous
03/20/2023 09:17
Subject: Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would state your basic menu and everyone can then bring something else they want. Do a potluck so they just don't show up and get fed. Accomplishes two things: those picky people need to cook (or buy) something they like and bring it and they get some of the pain of hosting.
As a person with actual food allergies / intolerances I actually like it when I make a dish to bring because then I know there will be something I can eat.
Don't get fancy and have lists. Just say you will provide one meat or vegan main dish and drinks and dessert or something. Then everyone else can bring a side dish that fits whatever pickiness they have.
No potlucks. If you host you cook and provide everything. This isn't college.
Okay. Then YOU step up and host sometimes, instead of providing your ever-changing list of dietary requirements, year after year.
Anonymous
03/20/2023 09:13
Subject: Re:Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
Celiac here. Just make traditional foods. It is safer for me to eat in advance and/or bring my own foods.
Same. Plus, I have kids with anaphylactic food allergies. I actually hate it when people insist on trying to accommodate us, because the level of vigilance required to avoid a reaction is not something that most normal people are aware or capable of. I need to know not only the ingredients, but whether there was cross contamination in the manufacture or preparation of the food. It is just so much easier and safer to eat in advance or bring what I need, but people get weird about it.
Anonymous
03/20/2023 08:04
Subject: Re:Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
This is one of the main reasons I stopped inviting people to our vacation home: you can please no one! Everyone says oh, we're not picky, when you ask about meal planning or even says yes, that menu is fine, then they go to the store and buy themselves something else to cook or they bring their own food. Just tell me when I ask!!
Anonymous
03/20/2023 07:59
Subject: Re:Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm a picky eater. I have tons of stomach issues and I don't like forcing myself to eat anything. I am perfectly happy for this to not be anyone's problem but mine. However, there are people who will constantly nag you about what you're eating, why you're not eating much, how they make the best pickled beets, etc. I just attended a conference with 2 co-workers and they are also picky/have some food issues. I was so relieved when we picked out places to eat. It was basically, "Would you eat here?" If so, we'd go and no one commented on anyone else's food choices. It was so nice knowing that I wasn't about to get an inquisition about how much/what I was eating. I know that some people can be really annoying about wanting you to accommodate them and I don't like that either. I wish we all could just be less critical of each other.
I don’t think it’s critical for OP to say she’s tired of being the host to a group of people whose pickiness gets worse and the “goalposts move.” OP never said she watches what people eat, she’s just tired of adults telling her not to make fruit salad and other demands. If you’ve cooked for a crowd and been a frequent host, you’d get it.
I don't think PP was accusing OP of that. She's saying that staying silent and handling one's own food issues also comes with pitfalls. (I've absolutely experienced this, solidarity.)
PP just said "there are people" but I'd go farther and say that most hosts, who have gone to some trouble to cook, notice what you don’t eat. Some don't realize that it's uncomfortable to comment on it.
I don’t notice or care if it’s a big holiday meal like Thanksgiving. I never comment, but I do notice if it’s a dinner party. It’s fine, I don’t ask or even care what or why, I just make a mental note to only invite certain people to big events with lots of choices, and not to put them on my dinner party roster. I go to a lot of trouble for dinner parties, and I frankly don’t want to go through the trouble for picky people. They are welcome to come to bigger events.
Ahh, so even if picky eaters enjoy the company and don’t make a scene or any trouble about the food, they’re persona non grata at your exclusive events. Noted. And it confirms what I’ve thought about people judging picky eaters - the ones, again, who keep their preferences to themselves because it’s no one else’s issue.
It is what it is. No thanks, I’m not going to go to a lot of trouble and expense only to have someone sit and push food around the plate. I’ll still enjoy your company—in a setting with lots of food choices where you can make a plate. But for dinner parties, I prefer not to waste my time, money and effort on someone who doesn’t appreciate it. You can be “there for just the company” in other scenarios in my home. Dinner parties are for grown-ups who appreciate the time, effort and expense it takes to make a lovely menu for adults. I don’t want to make a lot of effort for someone who is just going to eat a roll; you’re taking up the seat of someone who can handle a nice dinner party with adults.
Anonymous
03/20/2023 07:55
Subject: Re:Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I can't think of a single food that I won't eat. I find picky eaters really tiresome.
Hey! So do we!
- every emotionally mature picky eater. Just leave us alone and we’ll eat it what we like (and bring a dish we like, too, if the situation calls for it)
Op isn't complaining about your type of picky eating. It's the type that "requires" special treatment that annoys op.
Op sounds thin skinned and is filling blanks for other people’s motivations (like most of us also do here on this site…)
It sounds like OP has borne the brunt of hosting for a long time for a group of picky people with demands and shifting “needs” who don’t reciprocate or even offer to bring dishes. No thanks. Why are you taking that personally, if you are so “emotionally mature”? If someone else’s behavior doesn’t describe you, then it doesn’t apply to you, now does it? “Emotionally mature” people tend to understand that.
Hello, I’m the pp who used the phrase “emotionally mature” (8:49) and you’re not replying to me immediately. I’m also the person who posted at 8:47. So I’m taking things personally in as much as I already don’t enjoy being picky. I hate it. I hate the hate we get online - which I could ignore except that it obviously represents how people feel about picky eaters and I don’t know you, but I don’t like people trying to imply that I’m a child because of food preferences.
I also said I’d love to bring along a dish if it’s appropriate. So your anger in your reply at to whom you think is me is a little misplaced.
The point stands that you are telling us to “leave you alone” when—if you are actually the type to bring your own food and not make yourself anyone else’s problem—you are not the type of picky eater anyone in this thread is describing. You’re taking umbrage and being sensitive when—if what we’re describing doesn’t apply to you, then it simply doesn’t apply to you.
We all know the difference between “subtle” picky eaters who take care of themselves and the attention-seeking types who expect everyone to cater to them and are annoying beyond. If you are a “subtle” picky eater, then there is no need to tell us to “leave you alone,” because we aren’t talking about you or annoyed by you.
Anonymous
03/20/2023 07:52
Subject: Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The people who quietly take care of themselves are not the problem.
Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has a problem with the person who was gluten free but is now keto, and now won't eat grains but at this restaurant will order the salmon.... You know that person.
If you are that person can you please please tell us why?
Wait. Is salmon now made of grain?
You're missing the point. The person changes. They were vegan but now eat salmon, just at this one place. They are all over the place, trendy, and a PITA. Is this you?
Then, they aren't vegan. I've been a vegetarian 25+ years, no meat, chicken, fish, leather, etc. Ever.
Yes, dear. That’s rather the point of frustration. They AREN’T vegan or vegetarian, they just claim to be and ask for special accommodation, but then when push comes to shove, they’ll just “take one small bite of this cheesecake because it looks so good.” People go out of their way—especially with the vegans—and then when they get tempted enough, they eat the regular mashed potatoes with cream and butter even though their host has made plain mashed potatoes. This exact scenario happens in my family time and again with my vegan-for-attention cousin and her vegan-to-cover-an-eating-disorder wife.
Anonymous
03/20/2023 07:48
Subject: Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
I have a friend who is such a picky eater she has a long “list” of food she doesn’t eat, all sauces on the side, etc etc. she thinks it funny. I think it’s pedantic and immature and masking an eating disorder. She also talks about it all the time.
Anonymous
03/20/2023 06:24
Subject: Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The people who quietly take care of themselves are not the problem.
Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has a problem with the person who was gluten free but is now keto, and now won't eat grains but at this restaurant will order the salmon.... You know that person.
If you are that person can you please please tell us why?
Wait. Is salmon now made of grain?
You're missing the point. The person changes. They were vegan but now eat salmon, just at this one place. They are all over the place, trendy, and a PITA. Is this you?
Then, they aren't vegan. I've been a vegetarian 25+ years, no meat, chicken, fish, leather, etc. Ever.
Dp. You’re still missing the point. Or you made exactly the point. The person claimed to be vegan, then gluten free, then avoiding nightshades, then pescatarian. They change every time you produce food for them. I know someone like this whose “allergies” change every time you see them.
+1 These people are the real problem. Most people don't want to be trouble, but these people seem to thrive on being annoying and special.
Anonymous
03/19/2023 16:15
Subject: Re:Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm a picky eater. I have tons of stomach issues and I don't like forcing myself to eat anything. I am perfectly happy for this to not be anyone's problem but mine. However, there are people who will constantly nag you about what you're eating, why you're not eating much, how they make the best pickled beets, etc. I just attended a conference with 2 co-workers and they are also picky/have some food issues. I was so relieved when we picked out places to eat. It was basically, "Would you eat here?" If so, we'd go and no one commented on anyone else's food choices. It was so nice knowing that I wasn't about to get an inquisition about how much/what I was eating. I know that some people can be really annoying about wanting you to accommodate them and I don't like that either. I wish we all could just be less critical of each other.
I don’t think it’s critical for OP to say she’s tired of being the host to a group of people whose pickiness gets worse and the “goalposts move.” OP never said she watches what people eat, she’s just tired of adults telling her not to make fruit salad and other demands. If you’ve cooked for a crowd and been a frequent host, you’d get it.
I don't think PP was accusing OP of that. She's saying that staying silent and handling one's own food issues also comes with pitfalls. (I've absolutely experienced this, solidarity.)
PP just said "there are people" but I'd go farther and say that most hosts, who have gone to some trouble to cook, notice what you don’t eat. Some don't realize that it's uncomfortable to comment on it.
I don’t notice or care if it’s a big holiday meal like Thanksgiving. I never comment, but I do notice if it’s a dinner party. It’s fine, I don’t ask or even care what or why, I just make a mental note to only invite certain people to big events with lots of choices, and not to put them on my dinner party roster. I go to a lot of trouble for dinner parties, and I frankly don’t want to go through the trouble for picky people. They are welcome to come to bigger events.
Ahh, so even if picky eaters enjoy the company and don’t make a scene or any trouble about the food, they’re persona non grata at your exclusive events. Noted. And it confirms what I’ve thought about people judging picky eaters - the ones, again, who keep their preferences to themselves because it’s no one else’s issue.
Anonymous
03/19/2023 16:13
Subject: Re:Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I can't think of a single food that I won't eat. I find picky eaters really tiresome.
Hey! So do we!
- every emotionally mature picky eater. Just leave us alone and we’ll eat it what we like (and bring a dish we like, too, if the situation calls for it)
Op isn't complaining about your type of picky eating. It's the type that "requires" special treatment that annoys op.
Op sounds thin skinned and is filling blanks for other people’s motivations (like most of us also do here on this site…)
It sounds like OP has borne the brunt of hosting for a long time for a group of picky people with demands and shifting “needs” who don’t reciprocate or even offer to bring dishes. No thanks. Why are you taking that personally, if you are so “emotionally mature”? If someone else’s behavior doesn’t describe you, then it doesn’t apply to you, now does it? “Emotionally mature” people tend to understand that.
Hello, I’m the pp who used the phrase “emotionally mature” (8:49) and you’re not replying to me immediately. I’m also the person who posted at 8:47. So I’m taking things personally in as much as I already don’t enjoy being picky. I hate it. I hate the hate we get online - which I could ignore except that it obviously represents how people feel about picky eaters and I don’t know you, but I don’t like people trying to imply that I’m a child because of food preferences.
I also said I’d love to bring along a dish if it’s appropriate. So your anger in your reply at to whom you think is me is a little misplaced.
Anonymous
03/19/2023 15:35
Subject: Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
Anonymous wrote:Have a few of those single serve microwavable bags of rice on hand and just have the Pocky eaters eat one of those if there is nothing else they will eat. They can go in the kitchen and microwave it themselves...takes 60 seconds. I think everyone can eat rice.
Not people who clutch their pearls and faint over carbs because they are KETO, OMG KETO.
Anonymous
03/19/2023 15:28
Subject: Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The people who quietly take care of themselves are not the problem.
Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has a problem with the person who was gluten free but is now keto, and now won't eat grains but at this restaurant will order the salmon.... You know that person.
If you are that person can you please please tell us why?
Wait. Is salmon now made of grain?
You're missing the point. The person changes. They were vegan but now eat salmon, just at this one place. They are all over the place, trendy, and a PITA. Is this you?
Then, they aren't vegan. I've been a vegetarian 25+ years, no meat, chicken, fish, leather, etc. Ever.
Dp. You’re still missing the point. Or you made exactly the point. The person claimed to be vegan, then gluten free, then avoiding nightshades, then pescatarian. They change every time you produce food for them. I know someone like this whose “allergies” change every time you see them.
Anonymous
03/19/2023 15:27
Subject: Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
I'm an adult and admittedly a highly picky eater, and I love how you're handling this! It's not up to hosts to accommodate those of us who are picky. I think sharing what you are making upfront is welcome (then I will know what I can eat there) and saying you won't be offended if we bring other dishes. If I think I cannot eat what's being served, I would bring a large shareable dish of something complementary to the meal that I can eat.
Anonymous
03/19/2023 15:24
Subject: Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The people who quietly take care of themselves are not the problem.
Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has a problem with the person who was gluten free but is now keto, and now won't eat grains but at this restaurant will order the salmon.... You know that person.
If you are that person can you please please tell us why?
Wait. Is salmon now made of grain?
You're missing the point. The person changes. They were vegan but now eat salmon, just at this one place. They are all over the place, trendy, and a PITA. Is this you?
Then, they aren't vegan. I've been a vegetarian 25+ years, no meat, chicken, fish, leather, etc. Ever.