Anonymous wrote:Why do ppl on DCUM do this?

They leave August after they've graduated HS, or earlier.
They don't live with you during college - who the hell does that?
IT's time for the parents to get back to being a couple, not parents, and the kid to get out into the world themselves..at age 18.
want to save money? go to a state school or community college first.

There are lots of adults with their adult children who are just fine living together. If you want to kick them out at age 18 fine by me but, you should not judge others who do differently. It wasn't so long ago that "adult children" got married to leave the house and not before whether that was age 22 or age 27 ( my mom)

Michelle Singletary has good advice for adult "children". Basically she believes in helping the next generation out by letting them live at home to save money so they can buy a house/condo


https://www.marketplace.org/2013/05/24/not-so-empty-nests-when-adult-children-live-home/

Why do ppl on DCUM do this?

They leave August after they've graduated HS, or earlier.
They don't live with you during college - who the hell does that?
IT's time for the parents to get back to being a couple, not parents, and the kid to get out into the world themselves..at age 18.
want to save money? go to a state school or community college first.

Anonymous wrote:20s should be out and about as much as possible. It’s not wrong to live at home at all, but it is stagnating imo.

+1 and DH wants DC to stay but I say it’s time. So now a marital strain.

Anonymous wrote:I wasn’t able to truly move-out, year-round until age 23. My childhood home & family were beautiful from the outside, and I thankfully had my material needs met, but my household was SO TOXIC.

Duh! If household is toxic, or the family culture is that AC are supposed to leave the nest when they are 18, or AC are charged rent, or AC are made to feel as if they are living on parent's charity and that the house is not theirs - of course they will want to leave.

When your AC live with you, they also have an independent life and they are adults. They need to have some say in how they live their lives, how they can entertain at home, what possessions can they keep. It has to be a culture of mutual respect. Privacy, respect, boundaries, cooperation and communication...all has to be followed.

Don't mind if our adult children live at our home. However, they usually move because of their job, they get married, they need more space. Our culture encourages family to live together so it is entirely on our children when they want to move out or if they want to move out. They will always have a home with us. We also are not thinking of downsizing once they leave.

Do they have student loans?

I wasn’t able to truly move-out, year-round until age 23. My childhood home & family were beautiful from the outside, and I thankfully had my material needs met, but my household was SO TOXIC.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:If 60 yr old DC is living at home with me, he is probably my caretaker because I would be an 80 yr old parent, no?

Why would I feel bad? Won't I want my 60 yr old DC to live with me so that my house, property and money can go to them without a problem. Won't we both have better care and less loneliness because we share our family home? Won't more socialization happen with family and friends because there are more people in the house?

At least they would not have to clean up and sell my house after my death. They would continue to live at my house without problem.

Also, elderly people contribute their pension and social security to the family funds. They are earning members. So, my 60 yr old will be wealthier and could afford more care and luxuries if living with parents.

+1
My in-law parents are living with us.  I am 57 years old and my wife is 50 years old.  We want them to live with us so that we can take good care of them.  We both sold our homes and bought a 5000 sqft home so that the house is big enough for everyone.  My in-law parents are very grateful that they can live with us.

You are a saint. I could not live with my in laws (or my parents) - it would break our marriage.

Not everyone has toxic relatives. Also, it is cultural. People in some cultures are better adapted to live in multi-gen families.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD wanted to move out, she has a good paying job and a good career in tech. But, we encouraged her to save her money and continue staying with us. Marriage is on the cards soon, and we do not want her to walk into her marriage broke.

Women I know who moved from their parents house to a joint marital house regret it deeply. It made a few stay in marriages for too long bc they were afraid of living alone, and even those with happy marriages missed the independence. Some things are worth paying for.

I know of women who moved from the parents house to their marital home and they were able to buy huge forever SFH to raise a family because they had saved a ton of money. Especially in DCUM area I have found ACs getting married and moving into a condo, TH or SFH because they were able to save money.

Would you be ok, if a woman went to college and after college moved in with her BF to have a live-in relationship? Would that be considered living on your own? Or living with roommates considered as living independently?

Anonymous wrote:My DD wanted to move out, she has a good paying job and a good career in tech. But, we encouraged her to save her money and continue staying with us. Marriage is on the cards soon, and we do not want her to walk into her marriage broke.

Moving from parents home to marriage can also be an issue. Will she never have the experience of living on her own? Could be a set up for future challenges.

20s should be out and about as much as possible. It’s not wrong to live at home at all, but it is stagnating imo.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD wanted to move out, she has a good paying job and a good career in tech. But, we encouraged her to save her money and continue staying with us. Marriage is on the cards soon, and we do not want her to walk into her marriage broke.

Women I know who moved from their parents house to a joint marital house regret it deeply. It made a few stay in marriages for too long bc they were afraid of living alone, and even those with happy marriages missed the independence. Some things are worth paying for.

I did that. I moved to a group house for about a year and it sucked so I moved back home, save the money and moved in with my husband after marriage. I did not miss out on anything and it was nice to have the money.

Ha ha! My college-going DC, (30 minutes away, super social, rooming with a friend, excelling at school) came home for the weekend. He mentioned that he won't mind commuting from home because he misses his bed, his bathroom and all the delicious home cooked food.

So there are perfectly well adjusted kids who are fine being home. It is normal around the world and it is now very normal in USA. Nearly a third of Gen Z are living at home with their parents.

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/07/21/realestate/adult-children-living-at-home.html

This year’s rapid inflation rates have meant higher prices for virtually everything, including rent, food and even partying. So what comes next may not be much of a surprise: Nearly a third of Americans between the ages of 18 and 25 — part of what is collectively known as Gen Z — live at home with their parents or other relatives, according to a new study, and they considered it a long-term housing solution.

The analysis comes courtesy of Credit Karma, a personal finance platform, which surveyed 1,022 young adults in the United States online between June 10 and June 15 of this year.

From the very beginning of the pandemic, flocks of young Americans were moving back home. A 2020 analysis from Zillow found that about 2.7 million adults in the United States moved in with a parent or grandparent in March and April of that year.

I stayed till I married. Saved enough for a down payment on a house. I hope mine come back and live with us to save.

Kids who love home generally don’t save more. They just spend on different things.

Not $1300+/month worth of “different things.”