Anonymous wrote:DH gets mom time without taking any extra time from you/kids. TAKE THE WIN.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand why one week of travel has impacted your life to this degree. Take a look around at the people that handle their own children everyday without assistance. For example, single parents, parents of deployed spouses and spouses that travel much more frequently than this apparent one off week.

It’s actually far from the norm for a single adult to care for small children. There’s a reason why single motherhood is considered very difficult and often leads to a severe economic impact due in large part to reduced earning capacity. It’s a very high stress situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can completely relate to feeling resentful of time away from the house and the kids, even if it’s a work trip. You’re not being unreasonable. It’s hard to feel like you never get “adult time” to relax without worrying about the kids. I’d ask him to talk to her about staying at your house to help him for a few days while you do something with friends or by yourself.

Ummm, for this upcoming trip, he and MiL should continue with their plans and she should arrange for care coverage for certain days/times while he is gone.

When my twins were 3 and under and DH had to be gone over the weekend, I would hire a mother's helper - there were about three young teens in the neighborhood who wanted to put their Red Cross sitter credentials to work. I never left them alone (leave the house) with the helper, but she would entertain them while I put food together, took a shower, etc. Sometimes I would hire an older sitter for Saturday night and meet friends, go shopping, etc.

Maybe ask MiL in the future, but be prepared that she may say no unless she craves a chance to spend more time with her grandkids.

I didn’t say she should tell him to cancel the trip or ask him mom not to come. If she doesn’t want to come help her son for a few days, she can say no and he can manage alone, like she does. Simple.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can completely relate to feeling resentful of time away from the house and the kids, even if it’s a work trip. You’re not being unreasonable. It’s hard to feel like you never get “adult time” to relax without worrying about the kids. I’d ask him to talk to her about staying at your house to help him for a few days while you do something with friends or by yourself.

Ummm, for this upcoming trip, he and MiL should continue with their plans and she should arrange for care coverage for certain days/times while he is gone.

When my twins were 3 and under and DH had to be gone over the weekend, I would hire a mother's helper - there were about three young teens in the neighborhood who wanted to put their Red Cross sitter credentials to work. I never left them alone (leave the house) with the helper, but she would entertain them while I put food together, took a shower, etc. Sometimes I would hire an older sitter for Saturday night and meet friends, go shopping, etc.

Maybe ask MiL in the future, but be prepared that she may say no unless she craves a chance to spend more time with her grandkids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a great wakeup call for you to figure out how to make your life more fun, more pleasant, and less stressful when your DH is out of town. Do you currently have a regular babysitter? It seems like the default should be that, when your DH is out on business, you get at least 2 hours of evening babysitting every day he's gone so you aren't always at wit's end.

Yes, this seems pretty straightforward. A good friend was a SAHM - every Friday she had an all-day sitter so she could do her girl stuff as well as enjoy her older kids' sports activities w/o chasing the little one. At first I didn't get it - possibly b/c I was working P/T - but then realized it was brilliant. She always had Friday as a break and then was refreshed when her DH came home from his very demanding job at the end of the week. She didn't feel the need to "hand them off" to get a break as she had already gotten one. Then they would divide and conquer for the rest of the weekend.

Anonymous wrote:You'd rather he hung out in the hotel bar after hours and get up into all kinds of monkey business-out of boredom? Then sure, be upset.

Anonymous wrote:I can completely relate to feeling resentful of time away from the house and the kids, even if it’s a work trip. You’re not being unreasonable. It’s hard to feel like you never get “adult time” to relax without worrying about the kids. I’d ask him to talk to her about staying at your house to help him for a few days while you do something with friends or by yourself.

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a great wakeup call for you to figure out how to make your life more fun, more pleasant, and less stressful when your DH is out of town. Do you currently have a regular babysitter? It seems like the default should be that, when your DH is out on business, you get at least 2 hours of evening babysitting every day he's gone so you aren't always at wit's end.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. I’m just really feeling resentful of the trip. It’s not coming at a good time logistically and I’m already stressed about it. Now I’m just irked to think it’s partially a “fun” trip for DH and I’ll be here running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I’ll try and look at it differently. And you’re right, he’s done either way so what does it matter if he’s having fun, I guess.

He's going to spend all day working and then when he wants to collapse on his hotel bed to decompress before grabbing some mediocre dinner and calling you, he's going to have to go hang out with his mom. He won't be having fun.

Speak for yourself. Some people like seeing their moms!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. I’m just really feeling resentful of the trip. It’s not coming at a good time logistically and I’m already stressed about it. Now I’m just irked to think it’s partially a “fun” trip for DH and I’ll be here running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I’ll try and look at it differently. And you’re right, he’s done either way so what does it matter if he’s having fun, I guess.

He's going to spend all day working and then when he wants to collapse on his hotel bed to decompress before grabbing some mediocre dinner and calling you, he's going to have to go hang out with his mom. He won't be having fun.