Lol right now my seven year old has nothing. He does do nothing just because it’s not organized. He spends two hours running around outside and playing, building, exploring with friends in the woods after school these days. We’ll do swimming and soccer in the spring. In the meantime, I think he’s learning a lot more and having a lot more fun with his free time.

I asked my middle schooler what he wants to do over the summer. He said he wants to roam and not be put in a camp, so we are trying it out this year.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:So UMC parents fall into two categories in my observations: Majority are those that do a ton a ton of enrichment and activists, because they believe it will keep their child engaged and accelerated. Then there is the other category that does the opposite. Sort of like the free range parent, unschool philosophy, or just let them be humans. They don’t schedule things because they want (hope) their kinds will follow whatever interests them in their house and come up with creative ways to use their time.

There are parents who overschedule and parents who underschedule. Some come at it from a healthy perspective and some don’t, on either side. For every parent wanting to keep a child engaged and thrive, there is another who craves family time and creativity. On the flip side, there are parents who can’t be bothered or put their own priorities’ first, on either side.

Is there really such a thing as underscheduled? What does that even mean? I think that it's far more detrimental for kids to be overscheduled.

Yes I think kids can be under scheduled but it’s going to depend on the neighborhood (are there kids around?), the age (middle school kids need more than younger elementary) and what’s offered at that particular school (athletics, instruments, art).

Having a neighborhood helps for sure, but I always wondered why ppl say middle school kids need more? Are they not allowed to play with their neighborhood friends? Are they some how less deserving of fun and being a kid? I realize it is neighborhood dependent. I just feel like kids elementary and middle are really overscheduled and don't get enough of free play. I also do not understand why middle school kids seemingly aren't allowed to.

This has nothing to do with no allowing free play, it’s about recognizing that middle schoolers are more advanced. They are transitioning out of a toy based play phase and their social development have different needs. There’s a reason that extracurricular options are wider in middle compared with elementary schools; kids are capable of more at those ages.

Yes, they may be getting older and things change a little bit, but overscheduling is still a big problem. There is nothing wrong with encouraging free play to MS kids. Kids don't get nearly enough of it imo. Nothing wrong with kids not wanting to end their childhood play so early.

This post is about underscheduling.

Anonymous wrote:Free time is important; you don’t know how to use it as an adult if you didn’t have it as a child. A lot of the carting kids around to activities is to satisfy parents’ anxieties (and they're not knowing what to do with any free time they may have). I don’t want my kid viewing kids under that kind of pressure as relevant peers.

And, some kids enjoy it and parents who refuse to allow kids to explore their interests and are able to are selfish.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So UMC parents fall into two categories in my observations: Majority are those that do a ton a ton of enrichment and activists, because they believe it will keep their child engaged and accelerated. Then there is the other category that does the opposite. Sort of like the free range parent, unschool philosophy, or just let them be humans. They don’t schedule things because they want (hope) their kinds will follow whatever interests them in their house and come up with creative ways to use their time.

There are parents who overschedule and parents who underschedule. Some come at it from a healthy perspective and some don’t, on either side. For every parent wanting to keep a child engaged and thrive, there is another who craves family time and creativity. On the flip side, there are parents who can’t be bothered or put their own priorities’ first, on either side.

Is there really such a thing as underscheduled? What does that even mean? I think that it's far more detrimental for kids to be overscheduled.

Yes I think kids can be under scheduled but it’s going to depend on the neighborhood (are there kids around?), the age (middle school kids need more than younger elementary) and what’s offered at that particular school (athletics, instruments, art).

Having a neighborhood helps for sure, but I always wondered why ppl say middle school kids need more? Are they not allowed to play with their neighborhood friends? Are they some how less deserving of fun and being a kid? I realize it is neighborhood dependent. I just feel like kids elementary and middle are really overscheduled and don't get enough of free play. I also do not understand why middle school kids seemingly aren't allowed to.

This has nothing to do with no allowing free play, it’s about recognizing that middle schoolers are more advanced. They are transitioning out of a toy based play phase and their social development have different needs. There’s a reason that extracurricular options are wider in middle compared with elementary schools; kids are capable of more at those ages.

Yes, they may be getting older and things change a little bit, but overscheduling is still a big problem. There is nothing wrong with encouraging free play to MS kids. Kids don't get nearly enough of it imo. Nothing wrong with kids not wanting to end their childhood play so early.

Some kids do well with the structure and activities. Mine does, they'd do more, not less.

Most MS boys hang out and play sports or video games or maybe go somewhere to eat. It's very odd to be playing or just roaming. I don't let mine roam as it's a recipe for trouble.

No one is ending their childhood early. They are growing up and should.

Free time is important; you don’t know how to use it as an adult if you didn’t have it as a child. A lot of the carting kids around to activities is to satisfy parents’ anxieties (and their not knowing what to do with any free time they may have). I don’t want my kid viewing kids under that kind of pressure as relevant peers.

Anonymous wrote:My parents had plenty of money but they only allowed one extracurricular and it couldn't be more often than weekly. I was a gifted energetic kid who was always begging for more and the reason was basically because my (SAH) mom didn't want to chauffeur. I won a place on a dance team at 12 but couldn't join because it would require frequent practice. I still think about that...
Now I am always trying to get my kids into new things and they have to be dragged there. They'd rather stay home.

Wow, this is me and my DC exactly.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:So UMC parents fall into two categories in my observations: Majority are those that do a ton a ton of enrichment and activists, because they believe it will keep their child engaged and accelerated. Then there is the other category that does the opposite. Sort of like the free range parent, unschool philosophy, or just let them be humans. They don’t schedule things because they want (hope) their kinds will follow whatever interests them in their house and come up with creative ways to use their time.

There are parents who overschedule and parents who underschedule. Some come at it from a healthy perspective and some don’t, on either side. For every parent wanting to keep a child engaged and thrive, there is another who craves family time and creativity. On the flip side, there are parents who can’t be bothered or put their own priorities’ first, on either side.

Is there really such a thing as underscheduled? What does that even mean? I think that it's far more detrimental for kids to be overscheduled.

Yes I think kids can be under scheduled but it’s going to depend on the neighborhood (are there kids around?), the age (middle school kids need more than younger elementary) and what’s offered at that particular school (athletics, instruments, art).

Having a neighborhood helps for sure, but I always wondered why ppl say middle school kids need more? Are they not allowed to play with their neighborhood friends? Are they some how less deserving of fun and being a kid? I realize it is neighborhood dependent. I just feel like kids elementary and middle are really overscheduled and don't get enough of free play. I also do not understand why middle school kids seemingly aren't allowed to.

This has nothing to do with no allowing free play, it’s about recognizing that middle schoolers are more advanced. They are transitioning out of a toy based play phase and their social development have different needs. There’s a reason that extracurricular options are wider in middle compared with elementary schools; kids are capable of more at those ages.

Yes, they may be getting older and things change a little bit, but overscheduling is still a big problem. There is nothing wrong with encouraging free play to MS kids. Kids don't get nearly enough of it imo. Nothing wrong with kids not wanting to end their childhood play so early.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So UMC parents fall into two categories in my observations: Majority are those that do a ton a ton of enrichment and activists, because they believe it will keep their child engaged and accelerated. Then there is the other category that does the opposite. Sort of like the free range parent, unschool philosophy, or just let them be humans. They don’t schedule things because they want (hope) their kinds will follow whatever interests them in their house and come up with creative ways to use their time.

There are parents who overschedule and parents who underschedule. Some come at it from a healthy perspective and some don’t, on either side. For every parent wanting to keep a child engaged and thrive, there is another who craves family time and creativity. On the flip side, there are parents who can’t be bothered or put their own priorities’ first, on either side.

Is there really such a thing as underscheduled? What does that even mean? I think that it's far more detrimental for kids to be overscheduled.

Yes I think kids can be under scheduled but it’s going to depend on the neighborhood (are there kids around?), the age (middle school kids need more than younger elementary) and what’s offered at that particular school (athletics, instruments, art).

Having a neighborhood helps for sure, but I always wondered why ppl say middle school kids need more? Are they not allowed to play with their neighborhood friends? Are they some how less deserving of fun and being a kid? I realize it is neighborhood dependent. I just feel like kids elementary and middle are really overscheduled and don't get enough of free play. I also do not understand why middle school kids seemingly aren't allowed to.

This has nothing to do with no allowing free play, it’s about recognizing that middle schoolers are more advanced. They are transitioning out of a toy based play phase and their social development have different needs. There’s a reason that extracurricular options are wider in middle compared with elementary schools; kids are capable of more at those ages.

I'm pretty sure that if MS kids only wanted free play with friends abd didn't want to do extracurriculars that there would be at of parents eager to shut that down a hurry. I know alot of parents that, that wouldn't fly with them

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So UMC parents fall into two categories in my observations: Majority are those that do a ton a ton of enrichment and activists, because they believe it will keep their child engaged and accelerated. Then there is the other category that does the opposite. Sort of like the free range parent, unschool philosophy, or just let them be humans. They don’t schedule things because they want (hope) their kinds will follow whatever interests them in their house and come up with creative ways to use their time.

There are parents who overschedule and parents who underschedule. Some come at it from a healthy perspective and some don’t, on either side. For every parent wanting to keep a child engaged and thrive, there is another who craves family time and creativity. On the flip side, there are parents who can’t be bothered or put their own priorities’ first, on either side.

Is there really such a thing as underscheduled? What does that even mean? I think that it's far more detrimental for kids to be overscheduled.

Yes I think kids can be under scheduled but it’s going to depend on the neighborhood (are there kids around?), the age (middle school kids need more than younger elementary) and what’s offered at that particular school (athletics, instruments, art).

Having a neighborhood helps for sure, but I always wondered why ppl say middle school kids need more? Are they not allowed to play with their neighborhood friends? Are they some how less deserving of fun and being a kid? I realize it is neighborhood dependent. I just feel like kids elementary and middle are really overscheduled and don't get enough of free play. I also do not understand why middle school kids seemingly aren't allowed to.

This has nothing to do with no allowing free play, it’s about recognizing that middle schoolers are more advanced. They are transitioning out of a toy based play phase and their social development have different needs. There’s a reason that extracurricular options are wider in middle compared with elementary schools; kids are capable of more at those ages.

But, alot of parents don't allow free play with their MS kids anymore, the6 tell them that they're "too old" which they're not. And I didn't say anything about playing with toys like a toddler. I'm talking about running around playing/hanging out with their neighbor kids/friends, which M kids imo need more of. When I was a kid, many years ago I never even considered ending this sort of free play once I started MS. Just seems strange to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So UMC parents fall into two categories in my observations: Majority are those that do a ton a ton of enrichment and activists, because they believe it will keep their child engaged and accelerated. Then there is the other category that does the opposite. Sort of like the free range parent, unschool philosophy, or just let them be humans. They don’t schedule things because they want (hope) their kinds will follow whatever interests them in their house and come up with creative ways to use their time.

There are parents who overschedule and parents who underschedule. Some come at it from a healthy perspective and some don’t, on either side. For every parent wanting to keep a child engaged and thrive, there is another who craves family time and creativity. On the flip side, there are parents who can’t be bothered or put their own priorities’ first, on either side.

Is there really such a thing as underscheduled? What does that even mean? I think that it's far more detrimental for kids to be overscheduled.

Yes I think kids can be under scheduled but it’s going to depend on the neighborhood (are there kids around?), the age (middle school kids need more than younger elementary) and what’s offered at that particular school (athletics, instruments, art).

Having a neighborhood helps for sure, but I always wondered why ppl say middle school kids need more? Are they not allowed to play with their neighborhood friends? Are they some how less deserving of fun and being a kid? I realize it is neighborhood dependent. I just feel like kids elementary and middle are really overscheduled and don't get enough of free play. I also do not understand why middle school kids seemingly aren't allowed to.

This has nothing to do with no allowing free play, it’s about recognizing that middle schoolers are more advanced. They are transitioning out of a toy based play phase and their social development have different needs. There’s a reason that extracurricular options are wider in middle compared with elementary schools; kids are capable of more at those ages.

Yeah, my parents were like this. They did blame it on finances because they had four kids so even though they had a very healthy income (and are very, very comfortable now), they always felt like the couldn't afford "extras" for their kids. We handled it by signing up for pretty much everything offered through school, and I'm so thankful for those school programs as a result. Otherwise, yes, we wouldn't have done anything at all except the 5 weeks of summer swim lessons we got through parks and rec because at least my parents recognized we needed to learn to swim. As it was, the elementary years were particularly limiting and it was only when stuff like after school sports and music started through school in middle school that we were able to do things.

This is one of many reasons that we stopped at one kid. We are not rich but I always want to be able to afford stuff like camp, dance class, piano lessons. We don't go overboard about it and I don't push, but I make sure she gets exposed to things I think she might enjoy or where she can learn skills I think will come in handy in life. Plus schools don't seem to offer as much now in terms of after school enrichment as I remember as a kid -- it really seems to be on parents to provide this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So UMC parents fall into two categories in my observations: Majority are those that do a ton a ton of enrichment and activists, because they believe it will keep their child engaged and accelerated. Then there is the other category that does the opposite. Sort of like the free range parent, unschool philosophy, or just let them be humans. They don’t schedule things because they want (hope) their kinds will follow whatever interests them in their house and come up with creative ways to use their time.

There are parents who overschedule and parents who underschedule. Some come at it from a healthy perspective and some don’t, on either side. For every parent wanting to keep a child engaged and thrive, there is another who craves family time and creativity. On the flip side, there are parents who can’t be bothered or put their own priorities’ first, on either side.

Is there really such a thing as underscheduled? What does that even mean? I think that it's far more detrimental for kids to be overscheduled.

Yes I think kids can be under scheduled but it’s going to depend on the neighborhood (are there kids around?), the age (middle school kids need more than younger elementary) and what’s offered at that particular school (athletics, instruments, art).

Having a neighborhood helps for sure, but I always wondered why ppl say middle school kids need more? Are they not allowed to play with their neighborhood friends? Are they some how less deserving of fun and being a kid? I realize it is neighborhood dependent. I just feel like kids elementary and middle are really overscheduled and don't get enough of free play. I also do not understand why middle school kids seemingly aren't allowed to.

We are a little like this though kids are young (early elementary). We enjoy spending time together as a family and we do a lot of things together on the weekend. It's the time siblings get to be together after the busy week.

My older one has signed up for classes he's requested and has enjoyed some of them. Maybe bc my parents were immigrants (tho UMC) I didn't grow up doing a ton of activities and def not travel sports etc. I feel like it's been fine - I did a lot of ECs in HS for college etc. So it's not a big priority for me for my kids to be doing a ton of stuff as long as they seem happy and engaged.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So UMC parents fall into two categories in my observations: Majority are those that do a ton a ton of enrichment and activists, because they believe it will keep their child engaged and accelerated. Then there is the other category that does the opposite. Sort of like the free range parent, unschool philosophy, or just let them be humans. They don’t schedule things because they want (hope) their kinds will follow whatever interests them in their house and come up with creative ways to use their time.

There are parents who overschedule and parents who underschedule. Some come at it from a healthy perspective and some don’t, on either side. For every parent wanting to keep a child engaged and thrive, there is another who craves family time and creativity. On the flip side, there are parents who can’t be bothered or put their own priorities’ first, on either side.

Is there really such a thing as underscheduled? What does that even mean? I think that it's far more detrimental for kids to be overscheduled.

+1 there is no such thing as 'underscheduled' if the child does some form of schooling other than unschooling, and the vast majority of kids go to school. school is plenty demanding for many children. underscheduled is just a term made up by overscheduling parents to make themselves feel better about stealing all their kids' free time.

Yeah, summer is the one time where I could see there being a such thing as "underscheduled." Most kids need activities or camps of some kind in the summer to avoid sitting around and watching TV all day.

I've observed the camps in my area (they are in the public parks where anyone can visit) and they are all Lord of the Flies situations "supervised" by a couple of teenagers who are looking at their phones. Kids go missing every year (they always end up found, usually trying to walk home.)