Just let the movers do it.

OP, it’s fine to want the kind of partner who offers to help. It’s less about being a mind-reader and more about being a person who just… offers to help. Lots of people are helpers.

OP is he there for you in other ways? It’s not clear.

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s very weird that he has not offered to help at all.

Coming from a guy, yes. He should be the first one there to help. If not, he’s not worth a squirt of pi$$. Dump him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’ve been dating for a year and aren’t comfortable having this conversation with him? Of course he should help if he’s able, but he probably thinks you have it covered.

OP: I've been talking about it a lot and how the packing is a bit overwhelming; I guess I thought he'd offer. I never ask him to do anything for me really- never to help with my kids, or pick up something for me, or drive me anywhere. So I guess I'm feeling like I'm not getting much practical support from him in general.

These two sentences, strung together, are unbelievable.

Why?

Because she never asks for any help, but is resentful that she isn't getting any help. WTF?

Call it whatever you want - passive aggressive, wanting him to read her mind, setting up tests he doesn't know about - but it's ridiculous. It's behavior that she should have outgrown in high school.

Anonymous wrote:The man code requires him to help you.

The older he is the more true this is FYi

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’ve been dating for a year and aren’t comfortable having this conversation with him? Of course he should help if he’s able, but he probably thinks you have it covered.

OP: I've been talking about it a lot and how the packing is a bit overwhelming; I guess I thought he'd offer. I never ask him to do anything for me really- never to help with my kids, or pick up something for me, or drive me anywhere. So I guess I'm feeling like I'm not getting much practical support from him in general.

These two sentences, strung together, are unbelievable.

Why?

My boyfriend when I was in my early 30s and he was late 30s was insulted when I asked him to help me move. He was like “why are you giving me a crappy task when I try my best to only give you good things.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’ve been dating for a year and aren’t comfortable having this conversation with him? Of course he should help if he’s able, but he probably thinks you have it covered.

OP: I've been talking about it a lot and how the packing is a bit overwhelming; I guess I thought he'd offer. I never ask him to do anything for me really- never to help with my kids, or pick up something for me, or drive me anywhere. So I guess I'm feeling like I'm not getting much practical support from him in general.

These two sentences, strung together, are unbelievable.

My dh would have definitely asked what he could do to help…that’s also kind of his “love language.” (Running out to get me ice cream or flu medication or picking up at airport etc). That being said ops boyfriend is not necessarily bad but she should ask, gauge his response and be aware of whether they are really long term
Compatible. Is this a guy who will skip when you have a medical problem etc…

On an other note I had to move just a small sparely furnished 2 bedroom apartment recently while DH was out of town. This was Temp housing while our house was being renovated). The job was to pack up the apartment with one truck and another truck was at the storage facility to get all of our things. I had the work estimated ahead of time and was paying hourly/by man. The guys got to the apartment (which literally had a couple beds one couch one table 4 chairs and some boxes) and starting saying it was a “two day job” and acting like there was no way to do it (even though I had a much smaller team in one day pack us up and move us out of the home which takes longer). He was gearing up to tell me that it was going to be a huge stretch, they didn’t think they could do it, did I realize how much work it is (I’ve moved multiple times so yes) but for a flat fee or something they might just might do it. I calmly told him that if they were not able to do the job as estimated to please leave (I didn’t need to move that day) and I’d call other movers. He backed down real quick. They finished the job (both trucks) in 4 hours and still had the gall to try to tell me that they did a two day job in 4 hours and I should tip them accordingly. Not sure if they would have tried that if dh had been there.

A real boyfriend would have absolutely offered to help you. A guy that truly cares wouldnt think twice about offfering. OP- I know you’ve been dating him a year but I’m sorry- this guy is not really into you and he sounds selfish and clueless.

And I also agree with the person who said a good guy wouldn’t leave a woman alone to deal with movers. They are shady, they will try to swindle you and upcharge you. I’ve moved so many times in my life and have seen this 99% of the time. It helps to have backup with you. It’s not 1952. The world is still like this and men still do not take women seriously (I am a woman speaking from experience). I’ve had men completely dismiss me and then my husband walks around the corner and their attitude complete changes. And I’m not some walll flower that doesn’t stand up for myself and ask questions. I know some of you feminists will disagree and say - oh no she can handle it on her own- she doesn’t need a man. Well I’m just saying- if your loser bf won’t show up to support you - maybe consider asking another guy like a brother, friend, cousin or helpful neighbor. I would never want to deal with movers on my own.

Divorced people have baggage from previous relationships. I discover mine all the time! You have it. Your man has it.

State your need and see what happens. “I could really use a hand with [whatever]. Is that something you can help me with?”

Yes, he could be a douche. Or he could be oblivious. But he could legitimately be waiting (for whatever reason) for you to state what you want from him.

I mean, he’s not a mensch. But at the same time, you hired movers and I would y expect him to risk his middle-age back. At the year mark, my DH would have definitely been there, even if just to keep me company, but we were in our 20s.

I would not expect your BF to help with your kids - absolutely not.

The man code requires him to help you.