Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents were like this. At 23, I moved to the opposite coast and didn’t tell them until months afterward. I also informed them at that point that I’d traveled to another country.


Play stupid games (be too controlling of your daughters), win stupid prizes.

It would be a shame to ruin what OP says is otherwise a good relationship with her parents, but this response doesn’t surprise me from DCUM. They are quick to cut people off. OP no relationship is perfect but it sounds like your parents come from a good place. I don’t exactly understand what you want other than their blessing to explore in another city?

I had a roommate with parents like this in college. They would call regularly at 7am weekdays and weekends to make sure she was in her dorm not spending the night with someone. This was prior to cell phones and they would wake everyone up. If ever she wasn't there to answer and one of the other roommates did, they would scream and yell at us. They continued to do this through our early 20s when we moved to an apt. They would show up there at 7am to check on her. She had to cut them off to get them to back off. They would call her work and tried to be involved in ever aspect of her life. They were creepy rednecks and I suspect the dad abused my roommate. I threatened to call the police on them if they showed up again and tried to get in our apt. She had to take a strong line to get them to back off. People this controlling won't respond to reason. Op you need to become independent asap because they are going to try to keep you as a child forever.

Tell them your with a study group friend. If they demand a picture, it’s time for a come to Jesus moment. You do need your phone at all times if you’re wandering.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love a board presumably filled with parents encouraging a college aged child to get a burner phone. Hope karma bites you all in the ass. (I know, I know you are perfect and reasonable parents and this would never happen with your kid.)

How often do you post on dcum. You must be the poster who feels the need to put the work "presumably" in every single sentence. Do you see how unnecessary it is in your sentence?

The definition of presumably “used to convey that what is asserted is very likely though not known for certain” is correctly used here, especially given the OP is not a parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love a board presumably filled with parents encouraging a college aged child to get a burner phone. Hope karma bites you all in the ass. (I know, I know you are perfect and reasonable parents and this would never happen with your kid.)

How often do you post on dcum. You must be the poster who feels the need to put the work "presumably" in every single sentence. Do you see how unnecessary it is in your sentence?

I’m sorry to have offended you with my use of presumably. I don’t think I post often using it and it may be multiple posters as it is a fairly common word. Thanks for your helpful feedback. Presumably you are fine with my cutting you right out of my life. Au revoir!

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love a board presumably filled with parents encouraging a college aged child to get a burner phone. Hope karma bites you all in the ass. (I know, I know you are perfect and reasonable parents and this would never happen with your kid.)

How often do you post on dcum. You must be the poster who feels the need to put the work "presumably" in every single sentence. Do you see how unnecessary it is in your sentence?

You sound like a lovely child. I would urge you to take many of these message with a grain of salt. Before you do something drastic like getting a burner phone or cutting your parents off, try sitting down with them to have a conversation about it. Consider doing it with a counselor if you really don’t think they will listen. Maybe you can both compromise to explore with a friend (I personally believe that to be a reasonable request) or work to find some other safety measures that would ease their mind. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:My parents were like this. At 23, I moved to the opposite coast and didn’t tell them until months afterward. I also informed them at that point that I’d traveled to another country.


Play stupid games (be too controlling of your daughters), win stupid prizes.

It would be a shame to ruin what OP says is otherwise a good relationship with her parents, but this response doesn’t surprise me from DCUM. They are quick to cut people off. OP no relationship is perfect but it sounds like your parents come from a good place. I don’t exactly understand what you want other than their blessing to explore in another city?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious what area you live in?
The steps you take - vary route? - do give the sense that it’s not a safe area. And it’s reasonable to ask young females to explore with another person. I may be biased, but the number of adults here encouraging a burner phone boggles my mind.

Wtaf? Not-so-young female here who has been exploring on my own since I was a teen. Provided OP is being reasonably safe about things (sticking to well-travelled, not super high crime areas, daylight, not doing drugs in a strange place/with strangers, letting someone know generally what her plans are) which it sounds like she is, there is no reason for her to constantly need a chaperone, especially in a country she has lived in for presumably all or most of her life where she speaks the language. The fact that you think otherwise boggles my mind. OP is an adult herself; if she were a younger teen living at home, I might think she was perfectly safe but wouldn't encourage her to go against her parents so strongly.

We’re all clearly biased by our own experiences. I grew up in a more rural area and while I thought I was being safe once I got into a bigger city, I was SO NAIVE. So dumbly trusting. If she doesn’t have city smarts, maybe that’s why her parents are concerned. I don’t know what area OP is talking about or if this applies to her, but it’s certainly better safe than sorry. Being tracked on Life 360 isn’t a big deal - my husband and I track each other - or exploring with a friend. She hasn’t said her parents throw down consequences or threaten to take away funds.

Women are competent, capable adults. They can be independent and don't need parents or a husband tracking their moves and telling them where they can or can't go. Op needs to bran out to learn or she will end up an anxious, naive woman controlled by a man because she doesn't believe she as a woman can be independent. I grew up rurally too but then left in my 20s and travelled the world alone. I didn't need parents or a man to keep an eye on me or tell me what to do or help me navigate life.

My daughter just went on a college trip. The number one rule was travel in pairs. I felt it was a totally reasonable rule but I guess I should have had her start stomping around asserting her capable and independent self.

Nothing wrong with a college wanting people to travel in pairs. Likely more about avoiding getting lost or doing something stupid while on a school trip! Also nothing wrong with her venturing out on her own and being a capable and independent woman.

My parents were like this. At 23, I moved to the opposite coast and didn’t tell them until months afterward. I also informed them at that point that I’d traveled to another country.


Play stupid games (be too controlling of your daughters), win stupid prizes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love a board presumably filled with parents encouraging a college aged child to get a burner phone. Hope karma bites you all in the ass. (I know, I know you are perfect and reasonable parents and this would never happen with your kid.)

She is an adult, not a child. Do your parents track you to know where you are at all times?

Yeah, I'm going to encourage a young adult to get a second phone rather than encourage her to (a) not bring a phone when she goes new places alone or (b) continue to submit to her parents overstepping her extremely reasonable boundaries. Her parents are not being reasonable and are clearly not willing to discuss this reasonably. I don't think she should explicitly lie to them, nor should she do something they have explicitly told her she shouldn't, because she's still financially dependent on them, but if they're going to set unreasonable rules, she's entitled to rules lawyer them.

Are your morals so shaky you can justify a burner phone as not being a lie?

Lots of people here didn’t grow up in repressive religious households and therefore will not understand.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious what area you live in?
The steps you take - vary route? - do give the sense that it’s not a safe area. And it’s reasonable to ask young females to explore with another person. I may be biased, but the number of adults here encouraging a burner phone boggles my mind.

Wtaf? Not-so-young female here who has been exploring on my own since I was a teen. Provided OP is being reasonably safe about things (sticking to well-travelled, not super high crime areas, daylight, not doing drugs in a strange place/with strangers, letting someone know generally what her plans are) which it sounds like she is, there is no reason for her to constantly need a chaperone, especially in a country she has lived in for presumably all or most of her life where she speaks the language. The fact that you think otherwise boggles my mind. OP is an adult herself; if she were a younger teen living at home, I might think she was perfectly safe but wouldn't encourage her to go against her parents so strongly.

We’re all clearly biased by our own experiences. I grew up in a more rural area and while I thought I was being safe once I got into a bigger city, I was SO NAIVE. So dumbly trusting. If she doesn’t have city smarts, maybe that’s why her parents are concerned. I don’t know what area OP is talking about or if this applies to her, but it’s certainly better safe than sorry. Being tracked on Life 360 isn’t a big deal - my husband and I track each other - or exploring with a friend. She hasn’t said her parents throw down consequences or threaten to take away funds.

Women are competent, capable adults. They can be independent and don't need parents or a husband tracking their moves and telling them where they can or can't go. Op needs to bran out to learn or she will end up an anxious, naive woman controlled by a man because she doesn't believe she as a woman can be independent. I grew up rurally too but then left in my 20s and travelled the world alone. I didn't need parents or a man to keep an eye on me or tell me what to do or help me navigate life.

My daughter just went on a college trip. The number one rule was travel in pairs. I felt it was a totally reasonable rule but I guess I should have had her start stomping around asserting her capable and independent self.

Why do you care if they know that you are walking around a college campus 45 minutes away from your campus?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love a board presumably filled with parents encouraging a college aged child to get a burner phone. Hope karma bites you all in the ass. (I know, I know you are perfect and reasonable parents and this would never happen with your kid.)

She is an adult, not a child. Do your parents track you to know where you are at all times?

My parents don’t but my husband and adult children do. Our whole family is on Life 360. My college kids get alerts when I arrive home and I usually start getting FaceTimes when that happens. They also call and tell us to locate them on Life 360 because they are lost and need directions. They track me more than I track them TBH. Why the heck would I care that people who love me know my location? I’m not going anywhere I shouldn’t.
And she’s not fully independent yet. If she doesn’t want to follow their rules, then she should do what she needs to do become completely independent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love a board presumably filled with parents encouraging a college aged child to get a burner phone. Hope karma bites you all in the ass. (I know, I know you are perfect and reasonable parents and this would never happen with your kid.)

She is an adult, not a child. Do your parents track you to know where you are at all times?

Yeah, I'm going to encourage a young adult to get a second phone rather than encourage her to (a) not bring a phone when she goes new places alone or (b) continue to submit to her parents overstepping her extremely reasonable boundaries. Her parents are not being reasonable and are clearly not willing to discuss this reasonably. I don't think she should explicitly lie to them, nor should she do something they have explicitly told her she shouldn't, because she's still financially dependent on them, but if they're going to set unreasonable rules, she's entitled to rules lawyer them.