Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand when parents try to prevent their kid from being bullied (by bullying their kids, basically). Especially by middle school kids have a pretty good idea of what will get them bullied. Or the bullying is random. As the parent you have almost zero insight into the social dynamics of your middle schooler and trying to control them is futile. If child wants to wear a tutu, they are obviously consciously signally SOMETHING (could be a variety of things). I'm assuming the child is not an idiot and has some insight into the potential reactions of people at school and is trying to provoke those reactions. This is normal and a part of testing out individual identity. As a parent it's our job to support that process not to add to the kid's stress.

You don’t understand when a parent tries to prevent their child from getting bullied? Seriously?

NP. I don't understand when a parent tries to prevent their child from getting bullied by effectively bullying them. I think the PP is spot on that trying to preemptively identify and subvert middle school bullying dynamics (a) doesn't work and (b) undermines your kid's self-confidence. And I say this as someone who WAS bullied in middle school and am infinitely grateful my parents' reaction was not to tell me how to dress or pretend I was worse at math. I think it's fair to let a child know when they are making a non-normative choice they are not aware of (although I assume an male-socialized child wanting to wear a tutu is perfectly well aware it's non-normative unless there are special needs involved) but I don't think it's right to tell a child they can't wear something they want to wear because you the parent think their peers will be unkind about it.

The peers will be kinder than the crotchety old Karens on this thread.

Nope not a chance

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand when parents try to prevent their kid from being bullied (by bullying their kids, basically). Especially by middle school kids have a pretty good idea of what will get them bullied. Or the bullying is random. As the parent you have almost zero insight into the social dynamics of your middle schooler and trying to control them is futile. If child wants to wear a tutu, they are obviously consciously signally SOMETHING (could be a variety of things). I'm assuming the child is not an idiot and has some insight into the potential reactions of people at school and is trying to provoke those reactions. This is normal and a part of testing out individual identity. As a parent it's our job to support that process not to add to the kid's stress.

You don’t understand when a parent tries to prevent their child from getting bullied? Seriously?

Getting hurt is living life. We can't bubble wrap our kids from everything. Not to mention, we'd probably get it wrong.

Show them what to do in case of bullying. Not just telling them what not to do so they don't get bullied. What if they still get bullied?

We are talking about kids here. Not adults who can handle themselves.

This is how teens (that's this forum right?) learn how to handle these situations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand when parents try to prevent their kid from being bullied (by bullying their kids, basically). Especially by middle school kids have a pretty good idea of what will get them bullied. Or the bullying is random. As the parent you have almost zero insight into the social dynamics of your middle schooler and trying to control them is futile. If child wants to wear a tutu, they are obviously consciously signally SOMETHING (could be a variety of things). I'm assuming the child is not an idiot and has some insight into the potential reactions of people at school and is trying to provoke those reactions. This is normal and a part of testing out individual identity. As a parent it's our job to support that process not to add to the kid's stress.

You don’t understand when a parent tries to prevent their child from getting bullied? Seriously?

NP. I don't understand when a parent tries to prevent their child from getting bullied by effectively bullying them. I think the PP is spot on that trying to preemptively identify and subvert middle school bullying dynamics (a) doesn't work and (b) undermines your kid's self-confidence. And I say this as someone who WAS bullied in middle school and am infinitely grateful my parents' reaction was not to tell me how to dress or pretend I was worse at math. I think it's fair to let a child know when they are making a non-normative choice they are not aware of (although I assume an male-socialized child wanting to wear a tutu is perfectly well aware it's non-normative unless there are special needs involved) but I don't think it's right to tell a child they can't wear something they want to wear because you the parent think their peers will be unkind about it.

The peers will be kinder than the crotchety old Karens on this thread.

Okay, Karen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand when parents try to prevent their kid from being bullied (by bullying their kids, basically). Especially by middle school kids have a pretty good idea of what will get them bullied. Or the bullying is random. As the parent you have almost zero insight into the social dynamics of your middle schooler and trying to control them is futile. If child wants to wear a tutu, they are obviously consciously signally SOMETHING (could be a variety of things). I'm assuming the child is not an idiot and has some insight into the potential reactions of people at school and is trying to provoke those reactions. This is normal and a part of testing out individual identity. As a parent it's our job to support that process not to add to the kid's stress.

You don’t understand when a parent tries to prevent their child from getting bullied? Seriously?

Getting hurt is living life. We can't bubble wrap our kids from everything. Not to mention, we'd probably get it wrong.

Show them what to do in case of bullying. Not just telling them what not to do so they don't get bullied. What if they still get bullied?

We are talking about kids here. Not adults who can handle themselves.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand when parents try to prevent their kid from being bullied (by bullying their kids, basically). Especially by middle school kids have a pretty good idea of what will get them bullied. Or the bullying is random. As the parent you have almost zero insight into the social dynamics of your middle schooler and trying to control them is futile. If child wants to wear a tutu, they are obviously consciously signally SOMETHING (could be a variety of things). I'm assuming the child is not an idiot and has some insight into the potential reactions of people at school and is trying to provoke those reactions. This is normal and a part of testing out individual identity. As a parent it's our job to support that process not to add to the kid's stress.

You don’t understand when a parent tries to prevent their child from getting bullied? Seriously?

NP. I don't understand when a parent tries to prevent their child from getting bullied by effectively bullying them. I think the PP is spot on that trying to preemptively identify and subvert middle school bullying dynamics (a) doesn't work and (b) undermines your kid's self-confidence. And I say this as someone who WAS bullied in middle school and am infinitely grateful my parents' reaction was not to tell me how to dress or pretend I was worse at math. I think it's fair to let a child know when they are making a non-normative choice they are not aware of (although I assume an male-socialized child wanting to wear a tutu is perfectly well aware it's non-normative unless there are special needs involved) but I don't think it's right to tell a child they can't wear something they want to wear because you the parent think their peers will be unkind about it.

The peers will be kinder than the crotchety old Karens on this thread.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand when parents try to prevent their kid from being bullied (by bullying their kids, basically). Especially by middle school kids have a pretty good idea of what will get them bullied. Or the bullying is random. As the parent you have almost zero insight into the social dynamics of your middle schooler and trying to control them is futile. If child wants to wear a tutu, they are obviously consciously signally SOMETHING (could be a variety of things). I'm assuming the child is not an idiot and has some insight into the potential reactions of people at school and is trying to provoke those reactions. This is normal and a part of testing out individual identity. As a parent it's our job to support that process not to add to the kid's stress.

You don’t understand when a parent tries to prevent their child from getting bullied? Seriously?

NP. I don't understand when a parent tries to prevent their child from getting bullied by effectively bullying them. I think the PP is spot on that trying to preemptively identify and subvert middle school bullying dynamics (a) doesn't work and (b) undermines your kid's self-confidence. And I say this as someone who WAS bullied in middle school and am infinitely grateful my parents' reaction was not to tell me how to dress or pretend I was worse at math. I think it's fair to let a child know when they are making a non-normative choice they are not aware of (although I assume an male-socialized child wanting to wear a tutu is perfectly well aware it's non-normative unless there are special needs involved) but I don't think it's right to tell a child they can't wear something they want to wear because you the parent think their peers will be unkind about it.

The peers will be kinder than the crotchety old Karens on this thread.

Okay, Karen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand when parents try to prevent their kid from being bullied (by bullying their kids, basically). Especially by middle school kids have a pretty good idea of what will get them bullied. Or the bullying is random. As the parent you have almost zero insight into the social dynamics of your middle schooler and trying to control them is futile. If child wants to wear a tutu, they are obviously consciously signally SOMETHING (could be a variety of things). I'm assuming the child is not an idiot and has some insight into the potential reactions of people at school and is trying to provoke those reactions. This is normal and a part of testing out individual identity. As a parent it's our job to support that process not to add to the kid's stress.

You don’t understand when a parent tries to prevent their child from getting bullied? Seriously?

NP. I don't understand when a parent tries to prevent their child from getting bullied by effectively bullying them. I think the PP is spot on that trying to preemptively identify and subvert middle school bullying dynamics (a) doesn't work and (b) undermines your kid's self-confidence. And I say this as someone who WAS bullied in middle school and am infinitely grateful my parents' reaction was not to tell me how to dress or pretend I was worse at math. I think it's fair to let a child know when they are making a non-normative choice they are not aware of (although I assume an male-socialized child wanting to wear a tutu is perfectly well aware it's non-normative unless there are special needs involved) but I don't think it's right to tell a child they can't wear something they want to wear because you the parent think their peers will be unkind about it.

The peers will be kinder than the crotchety old Karens on this thread.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand when parents try to prevent their kid from being bullied (by bullying their kids, basically). Especially by middle school kids have a pretty good idea of what will get them bullied. Or the bullying is random. As the parent you have almost zero insight into the social dynamics of your middle schooler and trying to control them is futile. If child wants to wear a tutu, they are obviously consciously signally SOMETHING (could be a variety of things). I'm assuming the child is not an idiot and has some insight into the potential reactions of people at school and is trying to provoke those reactions. This is normal and a part of testing out individual identity. As a parent it's our job to support that process not to add to the kid's stress.

You don’t understand when a parent tries to prevent their child from getting bullied? Seriously?

NP. I don't understand when a parent tries to prevent their child from getting bullied by effectively bullying them. I think the PP is spot on that trying to preemptively identify and subvert middle school bullying dynamics (a) doesn't work and (b) undermines your kid's self-confidence. And I say this as someone who WAS bullied in middle school and am infinitely grateful my parents' reaction was not to tell me how to dress or pretend I was worse at math. I think it's fair to let a child know when they are making a non-normative choice they are not aware of (although I assume an male-socialized child wanting to wear a tutu is perfectly well aware it's non-normative unless there are special needs involved) but I don't think it's right to tell a child they can't wear something they want to wear because you the parent think their peers will be unkind about it.

The peers will be kinder than the crotchety old Karens on this thread.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand when parents try to prevent their kid from being bullied (by bullying their kids, basically). Especially by middle school kids have a pretty good idea of what will get them bullied. Or the bullying is random. As the parent you have almost zero insight into the social dynamics of your middle schooler and trying to control them is futile. If child wants to wear a tutu, they are obviously consciously signally SOMETHING (could be a variety of things). I'm assuming the child is not an idiot and has some insight into the potential reactions of people at school and is trying to provoke those reactions. This is normal and a part of testing out individual identity. As a parent it's our job to support that process not to add to the kid's stress.

You don’t understand when a parent tries to prevent their child from getting bullied? Seriously?

NP. I don't understand when a parent tries to prevent their child from getting bullied by effectively bullying them. I think the PP is spot on that trying to preemptively identify and subvert middle school bullying dynamics (a) doesn't work and (b) undermines your kid's self-confidence. And I say this as someone who WAS bullied in middle school and am infinitely grateful my parents' reaction was not to tell me how to dress or pretend I was worse at math. I think it's fair to let a child know when they are making a non-normative choice they are not aware of (although I assume an male-socialized child wanting to wear a tutu is perfectly well aware it's non-normative unless there are special needs involved) but I don't think it's right to tell a child they can't wear something they want to wear because you the parent think their peers will be unkind about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am curious how this is different than students who wear, say, cat ears?

It’s middle school. Some are clinging to their childhood still. Others are trying to shock adults. They’re all trying on identities.

As an adult our job is to give them the safe space to let them do this stuff without judgment. They will grow out of it.

Or become the next Billy Porter. Either way, fine.

I don’t know what that means.

google billy porter- yo are in for some lovely outfits! he is so glam

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand when parents try to prevent their kid from being bullied (by bullying their kids, basically). Especially by middle school kids have a pretty good idea of what will get them bullied. Or the bullying is random. As the parent you have almost zero insight into the social dynamics of your middle schooler and trying to control them is futile. If child wants to wear a tutu, they are obviously consciously signally SOMETHING (could be a variety of things). I'm assuming the child is not an idiot and has some insight into the potential reactions of people at school and is trying to provoke those reactions. This is normal and a part of testing out individual identity. As a parent it's our job to support that process not to add to the kid's stress.

You don’t understand when a parent tries to prevent their child from getting bullied? Seriously?

NP. I don't understand when a parent tries to prevent their child from getting bullied by effectively bullying them. I think the PP is spot on that trying to preemptively identify and subvert middle school bullying dynamics (a) doesn't work and (b) undermines your kid's self-confidence. And I say this as someone who WAS bullied in middle school and am infinitely grateful my parents' reaction was not to tell me how to dress or pretend I was worse at math. I think it's fair to let a child know when they are making a non-normative choice they are not aware of (although I assume an male-socialized child wanting to wear a tutu is perfectly well aware it's non-normative unless there are special needs involved) but I don't think it's right to tell a child they can't wear something they want to wear because you the parent think their peers will be unkind about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am curious how this is different than students who wear, say, cat ears?

It’s middle school. Some are clinging to their childhood still. Others are trying to shock adults. They’re all trying on identities.

As an adult our job is to give them the safe space to let them do this stuff without judgment. They will grow out of it.

Or become the next Billy Porter. Either way, fine.

I don’t know what that means.

google billy porter- yo are in for some lovely outfits! he is so glam

I don’t think so.

Of course you don’t. Go crawl back under your rock.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand when parents try to prevent their kid from being bullied (by bullying their kids, basically). Especially by middle school kids have a pretty good idea of what will get them bullied. Or the bullying is random. As the parent you have almost zero insight into the social dynamics of your middle schooler and trying to control them is futile. If child wants to wear a tutu, they are obviously consciously signally SOMETHING (could be a variety of things). I'm assuming the child is not an idiot and has some insight into the potential reactions of people at school and is trying to provoke those reactions. This is normal and a part of testing out individual identity. As a parent it's our job to support that process not to add to the kid's stress.

You don’t understand when a parent tries to prevent their child from getting bullied? Seriously?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am curious how this is different than students who wear, say, cat ears?

It’s middle school. Some are clinging to their childhood still. Others are trying to shock adults. They’re all trying on identities.

As an adult our job is to give them the safe space to let them do this stuff without judgment. They will grow out of it.

Or become the next Billy Porter. Either way, fine.

I don’t know what that means.

google billy porter- yo are in for some lovely outfits! he is so glam

I don’t think so.