Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If these are your worst examples, you are not ready to divorce. You likely need a marriage counselor to help you talk through all this.

If my MIL asked me about dinner, when I just had a baby, I would be annoyed beyond belief. But I wouldn’t cut her off.

Families have different norms about hospital stuff. My husband was surprised when I said I didn’t want family in the waiting room while I gave birth. He acquiesced, but it was very surprising to him. I was shocked when his family all came and sat around the hospital for 8 hours while our kid has brain surgery. It was not helpful to me in the slightest, but it meant a lot to my husband. Neither of us was right or wrong.

It sounds like your husband actually does what you want. But then he takes some jabs at you about it. That isn’t cool and that is what you need to work on.

Op here. You are right. He will generally do what I ask re: his family, but then I will hear about it for years later.
It is also very much communicated to his family that this is what I want, not what WE have decided works for us. He is just the messenger.
He reminded me this week that I was a b to his family, and that it was almost a dealbreaker to him and he contemplated leaving me.
I'm not going to be paraded into the town square for a flogging every year for the rest of our lives.

Anonymous wrote:I’m floored that no one else sees the power play MIL was running re dinner. Give me a break- asking a woman who just gave birth to make you dinner??
Demanding that they be allowed at the hospital?
BIL saying a female child would be a b word??

This family is a nightmare and DH is keen to take their side over his wife every single time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Other than his mom and brother, what else is a mistake? Honestly that all sounds annoying, but not enough to divorce over. Especially if you don't see them every day or even every week.

It's not just about the annoying things. It is the mindset that his family can do no wrong. They always get the benefit of the doubt and I get none.
Boundaries- his words are that families with boundaries are not close families. That is a quote.
The way he treats his family vs mine. My family is consistent and predictably helpful. His is not. A good example of this. My mom has sent us a check every month since birth for our baby- to spend however we see fit. He nods, says nothing, Certainly does not call or text her thank you.
His mom sent one toy and a book. He told me I needed to call her or write a thank you note. Double standards.
Also, he was unemployed/underemployed for a long time. I sent him job posting after job posting. He rejected 99% of them. Said he would rather hold out for a dream job than settle.
By settle, you mean contribute to your family's bills. I lost a lot of respect for him after that. I busted my ass to be the sole provider for almost a year, with a new baby.
Because he didnt want to settle for a job that was not interesting to him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If these are your worst examples, you are not ready to divorce. You likely need a marriage counselor to help you talk through all this.

If my MIL asked me about dinner, when I just had a baby, I would be annoyed beyond belief. But I wouldn’t cut her off.

Families have different norms about hospital stuff. My husband was surprised when I said I didn’t want family in the waiting room while I gave birth. He acquiesced, but it was very surprising to him. I was shocked when his family all came and sat around the hospital for 8 hours while our kid has brain surgery. It was not helpful to me in the slightest, but it meant a lot to my husband. Neither of us was right or wrong.

It sounds like your husband actually does what you want. But then he takes some jabs at you about it. That isn’t cool and that is what you need to work on.

Op here. You are right. He will generally do what I ask re: his family, but then I will hear about it for years later.
It is also very much communicated to his family that this is what I want, not what WE have decided works for us. He is just the messenger.
He reminded me this week that I was a b to his family, and that it was almost a dealbreaker to him and he contemplated leaving me.
I'm not going to be paraded into the town square for a flogging every year for the rest of our lives.

So you have demands that he doesn't support regarding his family, and that he goes along with only to keep the peace, but then you also want him to take the fall for it with his family? Wowza. If you don't care for his family, or really care about them or what they think, why do you also need him to say it's his idea, too (when it obviously isn't)?

Anonymous wrote:Other than his mom and brother, what else is a mistake? Honestly that all sounds annoying, but not enough to divorce over. Especially if you don't see them every day or even every week.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand or agree with the posters who are critical of the OP.

You don't let anyone divide your immediate family or reject your infant child.

This is probably based on a difference regarding race, religion, or ethnicity. Discrimination is wrong whether in public or private.

Anonymous wrote:Other than his mom and brother, what else is a mistake? Honestly that all sounds annoying, but not enough to divorce over. Especially if you don't see them every day or even every week.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If these are your worst examples, you are not ready to divorce. You likely need a marriage counselor to help you talk through all this.

If my MIL asked me about dinner, when I just had a baby, I would be annoyed beyond belief. But I wouldn’t cut her off.

Families have different norms about hospital stuff. My husband was surprised when I said I didn’t want family in the waiting room while I gave birth. He acquiesced, but it was very surprising to him. I was shocked when his family all came and sat around the hospital for 8 hours while our kid has brain surgery. It was not helpful to me in the slightest, but it meant a lot to my husband. Neither of us was right or wrong.

It sounds like your husband actually does what you want. But then he takes some jabs at you about it. That isn’t cool and that is what you need to work on.

Op here. You are right. He will generally do what I ask re: his family, but then I will hear about it for years later.
It is also very much communicated to his family that this is what I want, not what WE have decided works for us. He is just the messenger.
He reminded me this week that I was a b to his family, and that it was almost a dealbreaker to him and he contemplated leaving me.
I'm not going to be paraded into the town square for a flogging every year for the rest of our lives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If these are your worst examples, you are not ready to divorce. You likely need a marriage counselor to help you talk through all this.

If my MIL asked me about dinner, when I just had a baby, I would be annoyed beyond belief. But I wouldn’t cut her off.

Families have different norms about hospital stuff. My husband was surprised when I said I didn’t want family in the waiting room while I gave birth. He acquiesced, but it was very surprising to him. I was shocked when his family all came and sat around the hospital for 8 hours while our kid has brain surgery. It was not helpful to me in the slightest, but it meant a lot to my husband. Neither of us was right or wrong.

It sounds like your husband actually does what you want. But then he takes some jabs at you about it. That isn’t cool and that is what you need to work on.

Op here. You are right. He will generally do what I ask re: his family, but then I will hear about it for years later.
It is also very much communicated to his family that this is what I want, not what WE have decided works for us. He is just the messenger.
He reminded me this week that I was a b to his family, and that it was almost a dealbreaker to him and he contemplated leaving me.
I'm not going to be paraded into the town square for a flogging every year for the rest of our lives.

Anonymous wrote:If these are your worst examples, you are not ready to divorce. You likely need a marriage counselor to help you talk through all this.

If my MIL asked me about dinner, when I just had a baby, I would be annoyed beyond belief. But I wouldn’t cut her off.

Families have different norms about hospital stuff. My husband was surprised when I said I didn’t want family in the waiting room while I gave birth. He acquiesced, but it was very surprising to him. I was shocked when his family all came and sat around the hospital for 8 hours while our kid has brain surgery. It was not helpful to me in the slightest, but it meant a lot to my husband. Neither of us was right or wrong.

It sounds like your husband actually does what you want. But then he takes some jabs at you about it. That isn’t cool and that is what you need to work on.