Anonymous wrote:1 a.m. is a hard time to get up and get back to sleep if you need to be alert in the morning. Could you pump around 9 and go to bed for a few hours, have DH handle the 10 p.m. feeding, and then you take care of the middle of the night feedings? As others have said, this pattern may change in another 1-2 weeks, so you will continue to need to adjust by trial and error. If DH can take pre- midnight and you can take post, that might allow everyone to get a somewhat reasonable amount of uninterrupted sleep.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t afford to outsource help from a night nurse, your dh will have to take one feeding so that you can get a good 4 hour stretch of sleep every night. It’s not really negotiable; you can’t function without it. He can choose which one suits his schedule the best, but he can’t abdicate all responsibility. You also need to alternate sleeping in on weekend mornings. People with newborns need to prioritize sleep or it doesn’t happen.

OP here. We can afford a night nurse but neither of us feel comfortable with a stranger in our home.

What about a day nurse so you can get a good nap? Your DH will be home and awake, so maybe that is less stressful than having a stranger alone with the baby all night?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t afford to outsource help from a night nurse, your dh will have to take one feeding so that you can get a good 4 hour stretch of sleep every night. It’s not really negotiable; you can’t function without it. He can choose which one suits his schedule the best, but he can’t abdicate all responsibility. You also need to alternate sleeping in on weekend mornings. People with newborns need to prioritize sleep or it doesn’t happen.

OP here. We can afford a night nurse but neither of us feel comfortable with a stranger in our home.

You’re ridiculous. You’re husband is working and you are not. You nap during the day.

People who say this are ridiculous. A baby may only nap for a 60-90 minute stretch. It’s not like you can just train yourself to instantly instantly go to sleep the second they nod off, so at best you get maybe 30-45 minutes of poor rest, while listening/on alert for them to wake up.

It’s somewhat twisted that society has convinced people that it’s more important for the man sitting in front of a computer working an office job to be well rested than a woman recovering from a major medical procedure while simultaneously taking care of a newborn.

OP here. This is the issue I have. My son eats every 2 hours during the day - 10 feeds total a day. He naps in 1.5 hour increments. After I feed him and get him down to sleep, I have to pump to help with my low supply. Then he often wakes up to be held or needs to be put back to sleep. I can't easily fall asleep. When I'm up at night for feedings, it takes me at least 30 minutes to fall back asleep.

It's going to be hard but you can do it. I had a preemie that had to be fed every three hours. The feed would last around a half hour and then she had to be upright for a half hour because of reflux. Then I pumped. Then I slept maybe an hour. I did that on my own for about a month as my husband was deployed. I was staying with my parents and they took care of everything else.

As others have said, this is a short period of time even if it is brutal. With the challenges you are facing I do think your husband should pitch in for the late night feeding or the early morning. I also think you should consider supplementing with formula if your supply isn't getting better. With my first I was SAH for her first year. I exclusively BF for awhile and pumped b/c of low supply. My supply never got much better - it was a losing battle and wasn't worth the stress.

My pumping turned out to be all for naught (long story)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t afford to outsource help from a night nurse, your dh will have to take one feeding so that you can get a good 4 hour stretch of sleep every night. It’s not really negotiable; you can’t function without it. He can choose which one suits his schedule the best, but he can’t abdicate all responsibility. You also need to alternate sleeping in on weekend mornings. People with newborns need to prioritize sleep or it doesn’t happen.

OP here. We can afford a night nurse but neither of us feel comfortable with a stranger in our home.

You’re ridiculous. You’re husband is working and you are not. You nap during the day.

People who say this are ridiculous. A baby may only nap for a 60-90 minute stretch. It’s not like you can just train yourself to instantly instantly go to sleep the second they nod off, so at best you get maybe 30-45 minutes of poor rest, while listening/on alert for them to wake up.

It’s somewhat twisted that society has convinced people that it’s more important for the man sitting in front of a computer working an office job to be well rested than a woman recovering from a major medical procedure while simultaneously taking care of a newborn.

OP here. This is the issue I have. My son eats every 2 hours during the day - 10 feeds total a day. He naps in 1.5 hour increments. After I feed him and get him down to sleep, I have to pump to help with my low supply. Then he often wakes up to be held or needs to be put back to sleep. I can't easily fall asleep. When I'm up at night for feedings, it takes me at least 30 minutes to fall back asleep.

Op, your husband kind of sucks but you are also coming across as a bit of a martyr. Drop the pumping and supplement as needed with formula. Your child will benefit far more from a (semi) rested less stressed out parent than the extra breast milk. Also it sounds like you are fortunate enough to have the option of throwing money at the issue so get over your discomfort of having someone in your home and take advantage of it.

A night nurse wouldn't matter. OP would still have to get up to nurse and pump every 3 hours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t afford to outsource help from a night nurse, your dh will have to take one feeding so that you can get a good 4 hour stretch of sleep every night. It’s not really negotiable; you can’t function without it. He can choose which one suits his schedule the best, but he can’t abdicate all responsibility. You also need to alternate sleeping in on weekend mornings. People with newborns need to prioritize sleep or it doesn’t happen.

OP here. We can afford a night nurse but neither of us feel comfortable with a stranger in our home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t afford to outsource help from a night nurse, your dh will have to take one feeding so that you can get a good 4 hour stretch of sleep every night. It’s not really negotiable; you can’t function without it. He can choose which one suits his schedule the best, but he can’t abdicate all responsibility. You also need to alternate sleeping in on weekend mornings. People with newborns need to prioritize sleep or it doesn’t happen.

OP here. We can afford a night nurse but neither of us feel comfortable with a stranger in our home.

You’re ridiculous. You’re husband is working and you are not. You nap during the day.

People who say this are ridiculous. A baby may only nap for a 60-90 minute stretch. It’s not like you can just train yourself to instantly instantly go to sleep the second they nod off, so at best you get maybe 30-45 minutes of poor rest, while listening/on alert for them to wake up.

It’s somewhat twisted that society has convinced people that it’s more important for the man sitting in front of a computer working an office job to be well rested than a woman recovering from a major medical procedure while simultaneously taking care of a newborn.

OP here. This is the issue I have. My son eats every 2 hours during the day - 10 feeds total a day. He naps in 1.5 hour increments. After I feed him and get him down to sleep, I have to pump to help with my low supply. Then he often wakes up to be held or needs to be put back to sleep. I can't easily fall asleep. When I'm up at night for feedings, it takes me at least 30 minutes to fall back asleep.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t afford to outsource help from a night nurse, your dh will have to take one feeding so that you can get a good 4 hour stretch of sleep every night. It’s not really negotiable; you can’t function without it. He can choose which one suits his schedule the best, but he can’t abdicate all responsibility. You also need to alternate sleeping in on weekend mornings. People with newborns need to prioritize sleep or it doesn’t happen.

OP here. We can afford a night nurse but neither of us feel comfortable with a stranger in our home.

You’re ridiculous. You’re husband is working and you are not. You nap during the day.

People who say this are ridiculous. A baby may only nap for a 60-90 minute stretch. It’s not like you can just train yourself to instantly instantly go to sleep the second they nod off, so at best you get maybe 30-45 minutes of poor rest, while listening/on alert for them to wake up.

It’s somewhat twisted that society has convinced people that it’s more important for the man sitting in front of a computer working an office job to be well rested than a woman recovering from a major medical procedure while simultaneously taking care of a newborn.

OP here. This is the issue I have. My son eats every 2 hours during the day - 10 feeds total a day. He naps in 1.5 hour increments. After I feed him and get him down to sleep, I have to pump to help with my low supply. Then he often wakes up to be held or needs to be put back to sleep. I can't easily fall asleep. When I'm up at night for feedings, it takes me at least 30 minutes to fall back asleep.

Op, your husband kind of sucks but you are also coming across as a bit of a martyr. Drop the pumping and supplement as needed with formula. Your child will benefit far more from a (semi) rested less stressed out parent than the extra breast milk. Also it sounds like you are fortunate enough to have the option of throwing money at the issue so get over your discomfort of having someone in your home and take advantage of it.

Anonymous wrote:I had the same problem and simply brought the baby to bed with me. This went on for two babies.
This sort of dynamic lasted many years where I was in charge of them nearly 24/7.
This hands off attitude contributed to the marital dissolution.

OP, your husband needs to make an effort. The downhill slide starts early, that momentum builds into a status quo and the marriage becomes more fragile.
If he values his marriage and you, he will share the burden.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t afford to outsource help from a night nurse, your dh will have to take one feeding so that you can get a good 4 hour stretch of sleep every night. It’s not really negotiable; you can’t function without it. He can choose which one suits his schedule the best, but he can’t abdicate all responsibility. You also need to alternate sleeping in on weekend mornings. People with newborns need to prioritize sleep or it doesn’t happen.

OP here. We can afford a night nurse but neither of us feel comfortable with a stranger in our home.

You’re ridiculous. You’re husband is working and you are not. You nap during the day.

People who say this are ridiculous. A baby may only nap for a 60-90 minute stretch. It’s not like you can just train yourself to instantly instantly go to sleep the second they nod off, so at best you get maybe 30-45 minutes of poor rest, while listening/on alert for them to wake up.

It’s somewhat twisted that society has convinced people that it’s more important for the man sitting in front of a computer working an office job to be well rested than a woman recovering from a major medical procedure while simultaneously taking care of a newborn.

OP here. This is the issue I have. My son eats every 2 hours during the day - 10 feeds total a day. He naps in 1.5 hour increments. After I feed him and get him down to sleep, I have to pump to help with my low supply. Then he often wakes up to be held or needs to be put back to sleep. I can't easily fall asleep. When I'm up at night for feedings, it takes me at least 30 minutes to fall back asleep.