Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone's focus should be on making marriage successful fpr the couple, instead of making wedding impressive and awe worthy for others.

Who made you the judge of what is "awe worthy"

MYOB

Anonymous wrote:Everyone's focus should be on making marriage successful fpr the couple, instead of making wedding impressive and awe worthy for others.

Anonymous wrote:What's the best way for bride, groom, bride's parents and groom's parents to split expenses so nobody is burdened?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone's focus should be on making marriage successful fpr the couple, instead of making wedding impressive and awe worthy for others.

I don't know what this means. I don't need any interfering in my marriage or trying to "help" it.

Anonymous wrote:Everyone's focus should be on making marriage successful fpr the couple, instead of making wedding impressive and awe worthy for others.

Anonymous wrote:^ most people are reasonable. Most people are not doing that

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its very medieval for parents of the bride to pay for the wedding? Do you expect dowry as well?

Parents spend on education of their daughters, daughters have careers, they earn and contribute to the family finances. They aren't underage girls with no earnings, no need to spend retirement resources on parties to impress people who wouldn't care next day.

I’m the poster who paid for three daughters’ weddings. I didn’t use “retirement resources” to pay for them. And all of my daughters are feminists. You can be a feminist and still want a nice wedding.

Did you help pay their college tuition too or do you believe a woman’s duty is to get married and make babies?

You’re an a$$. But since you asked, we didn’t just “help” pay for college. We paid the whole bill for each of them, including grad school, and also helped them all get into their first houses. It’s what good parents do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its very medieval for parents of the bride to pay for the wedding? Do you expect dowry as well?

Parents spend on education of their daughters, daughters have careers, they earn and contribute to the family finances. They aren't underage girls with no earnings, no need to spend retirement resources on parties to impress people who wouldn't care next day.

I’m the poster who paid for three daughters’ weddings. I didn’t use “retirement resources” to pay for them. And all of my daughters are feminists. You can be a feminist and still want a nice wedding.

Did you help pay their college tuition too or do you believe a woman’s duty is to get married and make babies?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have zero input on whether the other set of parents should contribute money. So drop that “bride’s family and groom’s family attitude” right now. If you want to give money, give a check. Give a check in an amount you are combo for table with, with no strings attached. Expect no input, and do not expect to be consulted. This is a GIFT, so give it.

Agree with the bolded. Implicit in the question is that the parties should be entitled to opinions about what the other parties contribute. I’ve seen groom’s families pay for the whole thing because the bride’s family’s budget was too modest for their tastes—fair enough! Every dynamic is different.

I disagree though that you can either give a “no strings” gift or nothing. Parents can absolutely say “I’ll give you this money but only if you invite these people and serve a traditional dinner etc.” The couple is free to say no, but it’s not “a GIFT” it’s money for a specific event.

Then you’re not giving money for their wedding. You’re giving money for a family reunion or family party that you want. No thanks.

DH and I had plenty of money. We accepted a gift from my parents, and my parents made it clear it was for anything we wanted—wedding, downpayment, savings, a vacation, a honeymoon, etc. That’s exactly what we’ll be doing for our children.

No YOU aren’t giving them money for a wedding. I’m literally giving them money for a wedding. Not a down payment, not a honeymoon, not a shopping spree, a wedding.

Keep up the controlling attitude. Keep making their wedding about you. See where it leads. Good luck!

They can always just pay for it themselves. Their choice. But if they’re taking my money they’re taking my strings. It’s not a secret, they already know the deal.

Oh yes, they know the deal. They will make decisions accordingly in the future. Hope you like being secondary grandma!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its very medieval for parents of the bride to pay for the wedding? Do you expect dowry as well?

Parents spend on education of their daughters, daughters have careers, they earn and contribute to the family finances. They aren't underage girls with no earnings, no need to spend retirement resources on parties to impress people who wouldn't care next day.

I’m the poster who paid for three daughters’ weddings. I didn’t use “retirement resources” to pay for them. And all of my daughters are feminists. You can be a feminist and still want a nice wedding.