Anonymous wrote:Why doesn't your family go to someone else's house for the holiday? A house with more seats?

If not, just bring some folding chairs with you at the holiday - pot luck style.

Because none of the rich snots want to host, of course.

Anonymous wrote:Our wealthy family member host holidays and they have plenty of seating - most of it is totally uncomfortable. It's either 'white fabric' so kids can safety drink or eat on it, or it's fragile antique chairs that are creaky and there are a number of other seats that they say - don't sit on that it's a rare mid-century modern designer chair worth $10K. I spend most of my time standing and being scared of spilling or breaking a chair. Having unusable furniture is a self imposed form a poverty IMHO.

We also have doctors in our family and I have seen plenty of wealthy people try to get free advice from them. It's a universal thing!

Uncle was a doctor/surgeon and treated everyone in the family. He said if need anything to call him, describe your symptoms and he would call in the prescription. Saved $$ and trip to doctors office. He would even gladly do any needed surgeries for family and community even if someone could not pay.
Ahhh…the “greatest generation.” They don’t make ‘em’ like that anymore!

Our wealthy family member host holidays and they have plenty of seating - most of it is totally uncomfortable. It's either 'white fabric' so kids can safety drink or eat on it, or it's fragile antique chairs that are creaky and there are a number of other seats that they say - don't sit on that it's a rare mid-century modern designer chair worth $10K. I spend most of my time standing and being scared of spilling or breaking a chair. Having unusable furniture is a self imposed form a poverty IMHO.

We also have doctors in our family and I have seen plenty of wealthy people try to get free advice from them. It's a universal thing!

Why doesn't your family go to someone else's house for the holiday? A house with more seats?

If not, just bring some folding chairs with you at the holiday - pot luck style.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Scarcity mindset. And it’s the natural consequence of poverty, not something to look down your nose at them about. You sound really unpleasant.

NP. Thank you for identifying this so succinctly, and for noting the problem in the prior post.

There is something deeply unpleasant, moreso than anything described there, in looking down on people who still carry the with the residue of trauma and pain.

Those of us who managed to wash it off, or not be splashed with it despite the circumstances we stood in, have so much to be grateful for. And gratitude does not come with sneering at those who have less.

What unmitigated crap. Everyone has the ability to learn how to be decent to others and the behavior was rude. I grew up poor in a poor area and people knew how to act. The boors I've met are all from the north. Every one of them. It doesn't matter how much or little $ they have, they are all almost entirely rude and lacking manners.

The OP lacks manners and this post is boorish af.

I’m from the Midwest and in my experience, Southerners are very concerned with social graces and so they have manners but are not actually nicer or more decent people than the boorish midwesterners who don’t dress up or get excited about Thanksgiving or whatever. The manners exist but they are essentially a facade a lot of the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clear this up for me, why should someone else stand or sit on the floor so that you can have their chair? Are you elderly, handicapped, pregnant? Or is it just that you are rich and therefore more important?

So you just remain seated and stare at your guests? Interesting.

Are family guests? I would never ever expect my parents to give up their seats for me or my partner/kids!

Chairs go by age and infirmity. I would never expect an older and more ill person to get up for me.

Chairs are… something you have enough of for the number of guests you have? Even if that means bringing folding plastic chairs out or using ottomans as chairs. You don’t just do nothing though.

Kids sit on the floor.

Kids sit on dog beds

Oh my god. I just spitted out my drink. You win the internet.

spitted?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Scarcity mindset. And it’s the natural consequence of poverty, not something to look down your nose at them about. You sound really unpleasant.

NP. Thank you for identifying this so succinctly, and for noting the problem in the prior post.

There is something deeply unpleasant, moreso than anything described there, in looking down on people who still carry the with the residue of trauma and pain.

Those of us who managed to wash it off, or not be splashed with it despite the circumstances we stood in, have so much to be grateful for. And gratitude does not come with sneering at those who have less.

What unmitigated crap. Everyone has the ability to learn how to be decent to others and the behavior was rude. I grew up poor in a poor area and people knew how to act. The boors I've met are all from the north. Every one of them. It doesn't matter how much or little $ they have, they are all almost entirely rude and lacking manners.

I think a lot of our fears come from infancy. Sure, your siblings had help later on, but for a shield as an infant, you had all the resources available to you. They always had to share and defend. Likely always got hand me downs, were your little sibling at school.

And as far as offering their seats - I’m assuming you’re not in any way worse off so would need a seat moe that the people already seated?

and your complaint about chocolates is just weird. Are gifts not for the enjoyment? I mean, how lovely that you got your hoochie doc office a gift, but they probably also got 100 boxes of mid grade chocolates in the month of December. Your family felt these were so delicious and special they they actually *enjoyed* the gift you got them. You should be happy, but your own cloudy judgments of life are lending to your own unhappiness.m

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Scarcity mindset. And it’s the natural consequence of poverty, not something to look down your nose at them about. You sound really unpleasant.

NP. Thank you for identifying this so succinctly, and for noting the problem in the prior post.

There is something deeply unpleasant, moreso than anything described there, in looking down on people who still carry the with the residue of trauma and pain.

Those of us who managed to wash it off, or not be splashed with it despite the circumstances we stood in, have so much to be grateful for. And gratitude does not come with sneering at those who have less.

That's a great way of looking at it. I didn't consider my poor, white, lower-class relatives to be all awash in trauma and pain, but I bet they were! I was brought up to think it was stupidity and bad decisions compounded by being around more of same in the South.

Poverty comes with a lot of sh!t, both the literal and figurative kind. That's why people try to make money and climb out of it. It hurts.

I grew up with a scarcity mindset and have found what I bolded to be so true. I suspect OP has her own trauma and pain that she is dealing with. I've only recently realized in my own family of origin that when someone calls someone out for having poor manners or seems to be "putting on airs" it stems from their trauma and pain. I think everyone in my family of origin is aware that we didn't learn certain things that financially stable families did, and we feel shame when those differences are evident to others. It has been a huge revelation and helped me a lot with being patient and understanding.

You don't know me, but I'm sending you all the love I can through the internet.

If we can take this, hold it, and let it go without propagating it, we make the world better. Every little bit of that alchemy makes the world better. Best wishes to you.

In my extremely large family we had the rule, you get up you lose your seat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Scarcity mindset. And it’s the natural consequence of poverty, not something to look down your nose at them about. You sound really unpleasant.

NP. Thank you for identifying this so succinctly, and for noting the problem in the prior post.

There is something deeply unpleasant, moreso than anything described there, in looking down on people who still carry the with the residue of trauma and pain.

Those of us who managed to wash it off, or not be splashed with it despite the circumstances we stood in, have so much to be grateful for. And gratitude does not come with sneering at those who have less.

That's a great way of looking at it. I didn't consider my poor, white, lower-class relatives to be all awash in trauma and pain, but I bet they were! I was brought up to think it was stupidity and bad decisions compounded by being around more of same in the South.

Poverty comes with a lot of sh!t, both the literal and figurative kind. That's why people try to make money and climb out of it. It hurts.

I grew up with a scarcity mindset and have found what I bolded to be so true. I suspect OP has her own trauma and pain that she is dealing with. I've only recently realized in my own family of origin that when someone calls someone out for having poor manners or seems to be "putting on airs" it stems from their trauma and pain. I think everyone in my family of origin is aware that we didn't learn certain things that financially stable families did, and we feel shame when those differences are evident to others. It has been a huge revelation and helped me a lot with being patient and understanding.

My DH and I grew up poor and were poor until just a few years ago. That mindset IS very difficult to break. Being on the other side of that has been eye opening. And we always feel like the other shoe is going to drop…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Scarcity mindset. And it’s the natural consequence of poverty, not something to look down your nose at them about. You sound really unpleasant.

NP. Thank you for identifying this so succinctly, and for noting the problem in the prior post.

There is something deeply unpleasant, moreso than anything described there, in looking down on people who still carry the with the residue of trauma and pain.

Those of us who managed to wash it off, or not be splashed with it despite the circumstances we stood in, have so much to be grateful for. And gratitude does not come with sneering at those who have less.

What hogwash. You do realize you can order almost anything off the internet right? Even Godiva chocolate?

Manners not taught and scarcity mindset.

People compete over food or it might be taken away or eaten by someone else. Same with seating. If they give up their seat, they may not get another one, and there are no more chairs left in the house.

One of my friends was the smallest of four kids in an UMC family and she ate pizza like she was a starving hyena in college, even though her family was probably the richest of my friend group. The parents let her and her siblings fight it out for pizza and other foods, rather than reaching them how to take turns and get one slice at a time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Scarcity mindset. And it’s the natural consequence of poverty, not something to look down your nose at them about. You sound really unpleasant.

NP. Thank you for identifying this so succinctly, and for noting the problem in the prior post.

There is something deeply unpleasant, moreso than anything described there, in looking down on people who still carry the with the residue of trauma and pain.

Those of us who managed to wash it off, or not be splashed with it despite the circumstances we stood in, have so much to be grateful for. And gratitude does not come with sneering at those who have less.

That's a great way of looking at it. I didn't consider my poor, white, lower-class relatives to be all awash in trauma and pain, but I bet they were! I was brought up to think it was stupidity and bad decisions compounded by being around more of same in the South.

Poverty comes with a lot of sh!t, both the literal and figurative kind. That's why people try to make money and climb out of it. It hurts.