Anonymous wrote:A couple of years ago I was talking to a colleague, who is a marriage therapist. I mentioned to him my frustration: that my MIL and BIL have never asked me a question about myself (in 27 years!). No curiosity about how I grew up, my career, hobbies, etc. This has now extended to my kids, which I find even more bizarre. He said that in his experience (he’s in his 70s) this is very, very common. He said most in-laws show zero curiosity and he believes more marriages would be happier if everyone entered in marriage with very low expectations re their In-Laws. For whatever reason these reflections were helpful to me. Maybe they will be for others here…

Yes this is true. I talk to my ILs on important occasions and as long as they are pleasant to me (and my children) I do not care about anything else.

Anonymous wrote:My guesses are: Sangria, and the Weiner Mobile.

Noooo, it's more basic than Sangria. It's like a very specific gin & tonic, but definitely the Wiener Mobile, that PP definitely called it. It couldn't be anything else.

Yes, can you please tell us the drink? I am curious!

NP here. Im surprised at all the posters here who are bashing OP.

If I had a friend who could not remember these two details about me after 20 years I would find it annoying and inconsiderate too. I simultaneously think it’s something that you just have to decide to move your focus away from. If someone is not going to be considerate enough of you to remember key details after 20 years than their isn’t anything to can do to change it. To avoid resentment though you can be straight. Next time she asks what the drink is say “it’s X, the same drink I have brought over for 20 years.” Or “how exciting for your friends daughter. I’m particularly intrigued as I held the same job for many years which I’ve mentioned.”

My guesses are: Sangria, and the Weiner Mobile.

Honestly, OP, who cares? My MIL is completely horrid. A whole lot of MIL's are really really awful. Yours is dismissive. So what. Just ignore it and stop thinking about it so much. It's not about you, it's just how MIL's are.

Name the drink OP!

My ILs have never countenanced any conversation about my family or life prior to marrying their DS. It's like I started existing when I married him at age 30. It's fine, but it used to hurt my feeling the first 10 years or so.

OP, what is the signature drink? Please share this.

This is 21:59 again. ILs could also never remember anything about my family. They would ask how my niece is doing (I don’t have a niece, they were referring to my cousin but always called her a niece). They were also always so surprised to hear things about my family that we have talked about many, many times. I don’t think it was dementia and I don’t think they didn’t care about me. But I do think they were incredibly wrapped up in their own lives and somehow couldn’t let other information/people in. Hard to explain. But I get it OP. Don’t let people call you narcissistic for being confused/hurt about why time you spent with your MIL didn’t ‘take’ enough that she remembers it in the detail that she or other people should/would.

I was married for 19 years, knew my ILs for 21 years before divorcing. My FIL spelled my name wrong the whole time (it’s a name that can be spelled three ways, so there aren’t a ton of choices). So, I hear you OP. Do I think my FIL purposely did this to hurt me? No, I don’t, and I have never mentioned it and he genuinely liked me (he is gone now). But there is something about not being truly seen that is off-putting, like why can’t they get it together to notice how I spell my name in numerous e-mails, wedding announcement, etc. MIL spells it correctly so why doesn’t she or anyone else ever correct him. DH should have but that’s another story. Not the reason we are divorced by symbolic of some of the reasons.
him?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A couple of years ago I was talking to a colleague, who is a marriage therapist. I mentioned to him my frustration: that my MIL and BIL have never asked me a question about myself (in 27 years!). No curiosity about how I grew up, my career, hobbies, etc. This has now extended to my kids, which I find even more bizarre. He said that in his experience (he’s in his 70s) this is very, very common. He said most in-laws show zero curiosity and he believes more marriages would be happier if everyone entered in marriage with very low expectations re their In-Laws. For whatever reason these reflections were helpful to me. Maybe they will be for others here…

That is helpful!

I agree, this is helpful. I went in with high expectations, also hoping that was a positive thing for me, expecting to welcome them and to be welcomed. I thought that would bode well, looking forward to a nice MIL relationship. But instead I was let down. It's a good reminder to lower expectations. I married him for him, not his family. I don't need some close relationship...I need to operate the business side of merging family.