Anonymous wrote:When my mother was alive it made me feel really good to be able to buy her things. I never wanted/expected her to bring anything to family holiday meals. When we went out together for occasional meals I always insisted on paying the bill. I honestly wouldn’t have cared if my mother didn’t offer to pay for my birthday dinner. I loved my mother and it made me feel good to be able to give to her just a fraction of what she gave to me.

+1 Same here. It's been 16 years since my mom died, and I wish so very much she were still here.

When your mom invites you for a birthday dinner, she should pay. I'm sorry, OP, this sucks. You could cancel (tell her you're sick if there aren't others involved in the plans). It's not the money, it's that she's showing you that you're not a priority and that you always, always, need to be in a position of attempting to win her favor.

Anonymous wrote:Referring to your mom joining holiday meals in your home as “paying for her to eat” is incredibly weird.

Yep. Maybe the OP means something different, or is thinking more about the overall responsibilities of hosting, but I read that and thought: So, you would have gotten a chicken that was half a pound smaller? Saved by getting the store brand butter? A pound of frozen string beans instead of a pound and a half of fresh? Is this REALLY about having fewer leftovers?

I’ve always felt that I share what I’m lucky enough to have. And I’m lucky enough to have what I have because my parents and my family made decisions and sacrifices that prioritized my needs.

I do get the disappointment about the birthday though, but it’s hard to know what to think without more information— like who the actual host was for the party. NP

Stop going out with her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, you can't complain. She's done way more for you. It's time for you to repay that debt.

You don’t owe your parents a debt by being born. That was their choice, not yours.

True. But since I am glad that I was born, once I was old enough to appreciate what it takes to raise a kid, I thanked my Mom every year on my birthday — and always joked that I couldn’t have done it without her! NP

Anonymous wrote:My mom is the same. Never contributes, always expecting things to be the way she wants them, never pays a dime, always complaining. It's exhausting

This and it means I don’t spend as much time with her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Referring to your mom joining holiday meals in your home as “paying for her to eat” is incredibly weird.

Seriously !!

I think she’s talking about the birthday dinner

Anonymous wrote:Referring to your mom joining holiday meals in your home as “paying for her to eat” is incredibly weird.

Seriously !!

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, you can't complain. She's done way more for you. It's time for you to repay that debt.

You don’t owe your parents a debt by being born. That was their choice, not yours.

Anonymous wrote:This will sound super selfish but I need to vent. I’m so tired of paying for and supplying these fancy dinners for my mom! I planned and paid for a small Thanksgiving dinner and she said she’d bring dessert, but then she forgot it! Same thing on Christmas, only she showed up late and then was upset about missing appetizers! Last year on my birthday she left me with the bill. My birthday is tomorrow and we are going out to dinner and I know the same thing will happen. I don’t even want to go! I’m so annoyed and tired of being taken advantage of. She has the money and would have no problem spending it on others. It’s like she expects to be wined and dined by me for some reason.

Don't go out to dinner tomorrow night.

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s that generation, they take and take and take, expect, expect, expect. They did, after all, sacrifice themselves to give birth to you, you know. That’s a life debt.

No, it's not "that" generation, whatever generation you think it is. In my family my father would have a VERY hard time letting me pay for a meal for him. So would my aunts and uncles. All in their 70's. My grandfather never let me pay for anything, though as a child who grew up during the depression he was cheap with what he'd give. It's OP's specific mother.

My kids almost always pick up the check when we go out to eat. Makes sense since they both make more money than I have to live on. I have no problem paying for myself but I always appreciate when they choose to pay for me. I'm very proud of them. They are in their 40s.

I would never expect my mom to pay wherever we are. Unless she insists, I always plan to pay.