Anonymous
Post 12/22/2022 05:36     Subject: AITA? DH always makes last minute holiday plans to travel
This year I think you're only options are to go as a family or send him and the kids for a couple of days.
But right after the holidays you need to have a discussion. So you are on the same page for next year. I'm not sure what that will look like because it seems like he does want to travel to see his family, so maybe deciding instead of spending Thanksgiving with them. You'll spend the weekend before Christmas. Agree to a certain weekends and then him and his parents can pick which one works for them. For the alternative is they come to you on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?. You need to be honest about what's important to you, but he needs to be honest about what's important to him and you need to come up with a compromise. That might be every 3 years going to see his parents on Christmas. One year with your family when you're at your house and when you're with the in-laws. But then stick to it. No last minute changes. Right now he's doing it because he gets exactly what he wants and it doesn't seem to be any more work for him. If this is what he really wanted, you should have said it all along instead of letting you plan a party.
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2022 22:41     Subject: AITA? DH always makes last minute holiday plans to travel
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would refuse to go and I would refuse to let him take the kids. Put your foot down, OP!



There his kids too. She can't hold them hostage


Yeah no. This would cause some serious strife in my marriage if he took the kids after I disagreed in a situation like this.
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2022 21:04     Subject: AITA? DH always makes last minute holiday plans to travel
Why did you jump to packing the car for this?
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2022 20:49     Subject: AITA? DH always makes last minute holiday plans to travel
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There's a lot going on here, BUT I don't understand why you can't travel while your kids believe in Santa. That's pretty unreasonable.


This. I suspect your DH doesn’t agree with your Santa rule, would like to visit his own parents for the holidays sometime, and doesn’t have the guts to confront you about it.


This seems like an accurate interpretation.


Or he could insist his parents come here and take his wife's side. Instead of being a whiny momma's boy.


But why should he take his wife’s side if it’s not his side? OP said her husband thinks this quick trip is a “great idea.” He WANTS to be at their place on Christmas and OP is deluding herself with the idea that he’s spineless or unable to stand up to his parents. She doesn’t see that he doesn’t like her plan as much as she thinks he does.
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2022 20:44     Subject: AITA? DH always makes last minute holiday plans to travel
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is easy. Don’t go.


+1 This is a stupid idea and way too much to ask, even before you add in country-wide ice and snow storms messing up air travel. Don't go.


Yup. Lack of planning on his part does not constitute an emergency on yours.
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2022 20:35     Subject: AITA? DH always makes last minute holiday plans to travel
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There's a lot going on here, BUT I don't understand why you can't travel while your kids believe in Santa. That's pretty unreasonable.


This. I suspect your DH doesn’t agree with your Santa rule, would like to visit his own parents for the holidays sometime, and doesn’t have the guts to confront you about it.


This seems like an accurate interpretation.


Or he could insist his parents come here and take his wife's side. Instead of being a whiny momma's boy.
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2022 20:35     Subject: AITA? DH always makes last minute holiday plans to travel
Anonymous wrote:This is easy. Don’t go.


100%. We don't travel to grandparents at all anymore. They had Christmas in their own homes when they had kids. If they want to see us, they can come here (we are not in the same states). I certainly would not do it at the last minuted, days before Christmas and before hosting Christmas eve.
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2022 20:13     Subject: AITA? DH always makes last minute holiday plans to travel
hell no!
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2022 19:34     Subject: AITA? DH always makes last minute holiday plans to travel
Anonymous wrote:I would refuse to go and I would refuse to let him take the kids. Put your foot down, OP!



There his kids too. She can't hold them hostage
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2022 19:33     Subject: AITA? DH always makes last minute holiday plans to travel
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There's a lot going on here, BUT I don't understand why you can't travel while your kids believe in Santa. That's pretty unreasonable.


This. I suspect your DH doesn’t agree with your Santa rule, would like to visit his own parents for the holidays sometime, and doesn’t have the guts to confront you about it.


This seems like an accurate interpretation.
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2022 19:12     Subject: Re:AITA? DH always makes last minute holiday plans to travel
their refusal to never come see us on Christmas


Yet you say DH gives them only a couple day's notice. Op, you're talking in circles
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2022 19:06     Subject: AITA? DH always makes last minute holiday plans to travel
Anonymous wrote:I'm feeling stretched a bit thin this year. Just nonstop sicknesses since Thanksgiving (plus a funeral that we drove 30 hours round trip to attend). We're finally not sick. I'm hosting a big Christmas eve and Christmas with my family (who are coming into town just for us, but not staying with us) and several friends. I begged dh to make sure to invite his parents, he wouldn't. Finally he called them last night and asked if they'd like to come. No, of course they don't want to come because it's last minute, they've already made plans, and they want us to come instead.

This happens every.single.year. I've told them previously (because dh doesn't have the guts to) that we aren't traveling on Christmas Eve when the kids believe in Santa. And now they want us to visit, which dh thinks is a great idea! DH wants us to leave tomorrow and come back on Christmas eve. I haven't wrapped any presents, I have packed up the car for a long trip and when will I have time to cook and clean for my own party? Why can't they just come instead?

AITA? I'm so hurt by their refusal to never come see us on Christmas. When my family isn't coming for Christmas, they just mail presents. His just keep asking when we're coming. I'm also very angry at dh for never picking up the phone. Obviously he's more afraid of being a bad son than being a bad husband.


What, you didn’t like the answers the first time you whined about this last week?
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2022 19:04     Subject: AITA? DH always makes last minute holiday plans to travel
Hell, no. You’re hosting and getting ready for Christmas. You can’t suddenly squeeze in a trip somewhere! Go for New Years or after your family’s visit is over.
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2022 18:17     Subject: AITA? DH always makes last minute holiday plans to travel
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There's a lot going on here, BUT I don't understand why you can't travel while your kids believe in Santa. That's pretty unreasonable.


This. I suspect your DH doesn’t agree with your Santa rule, would like to visit his own parents for the holidays sometime, and doesn’t have the guts to confront you about it.


This is what I think too!
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2022 16:57     Subject: Re:AITA? DH always makes last minute holiday plans to travel
DH is a moron. Of course you don’t go!