DH leaves the job. You are the higher earner, you continue to work. You also outsource a lot of stuff at home so that DH can give quality time to kids, to home, to self. You are also able to come home and relax.

This is what we did in our household.

- SAHM

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was there and agree it is impossible. Hiring help only gets you so far when what you really want is sleep and time with your kids. I got an in house job and my life has been soo much better. I still make about $400K so I can afford to hire help, but rarely work evenings or weekends. It's still stressful, but no longer feels impossible.

Just to add, I moved from BigLaw to in house when my second was 6 months old. My husband had a 45 hour per week job that he liked a lot, but that didn't pay as well as my job. Zero regrets.

What in house job is paying you $400k?

Most in house folks are getting stock options and bonuses based on company performance. I know a senior attorney grossing 750 who is one of the lowest paid in the legal department.

This. Salaries are closer to $190-250k, but lots of other incentive money brings up total comp.

Thanks. Several friends of mine are former Big Law, and most comp packages I’ve seen get to a total of maybe $350k for that 10-15 YOE range. Occasionally higher for a big tech company. And of course, even higher for those in major management positions. But I wasn’t aware of more standard in house jobs that would pay that much.

My realized pay was lower for my first three years in house, but then my LTI started to vest and my realized comp shot up. Some companies have LTI vest on a rolling basis--that's better for the employee.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was there and agree it is impossible. Hiring help only gets you so far when what you really want is sleep and time with your kids. I got an in house job and my life has been soo much better. I still make about $400K so I can afford to hire help, but rarely work evenings or weekends. It's still stressful, but no longer feels impossible.

Just to add, I moved from BigLaw to in house when my second was 6 months old. My husband had a 45 hour per week job that he liked a lot, but that didn't pay as well as my job. Zero regrets.

What in house job is paying you $400k?

Most in house folks are getting stock options and bonuses based on company performance. I know a senior attorney grossing 750 who is one of the lowest paid in the legal department.

This. Salaries are closer to $190-250k, but lots of other incentive money brings up total comp.

Thanks. Several friends of mine are former Big Law, and most comp packages I’ve seen get to a total of maybe $350k for that 10-15 YOE range. Occasionally higher for a big tech company. And of course, even higher for those in major management positions. But I wasn’t aware of more standard in house jobs that would pay that much.

PPs are clearly talking about tech companies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was there and agree it is impossible. Hiring help only gets you so far when what you really want is sleep and time with your kids. I got an in house job and my life has been soo much better. I still make about $400K so I can afford to hire help, but rarely work evenings or weekends. It's still stressful, but no longer feels impossible.

Just to add, I moved from BigLaw to in house when my second was 6 months old. My husband had a 45 hour per week job that he liked a lot, but that didn't pay as well as my job. Zero regrets.

What in house job is paying you $400k?

Most in house folks are getting stock options and bonuses based on company performance. I know a senior attorney grossing 750 who is one of the lowest paid in the legal department.

This. Salaries are closer to $190-250k, but lots of other incentive money brings up total comp.

Thanks. Several friends of mine are former Big Law, and most comp packages I’ve seen get to a total of maybe $350k for that 10-15 YOE range. Occasionally higher for a big tech company. And of course, even higher for those in major management positions. But I wasn’t aware of more standard in house jobs that would pay that much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was there and agree it is impossible. Hiring help only gets you so far when what you really want is sleep and time with your kids. I got an in house job and my life has been soo much better. I still make about $400K so I can afford to hire help, but rarely work evenings or weekends. It's still stressful, but no longer feels impossible.

Just to add, I moved from BigLaw to in house when my second was 6 months old. My husband had a 45 hour per week job that he liked a lot, but that didn't pay as well as my job. Zero regrets.

What in house job is paying you $400k?

Most in house folks are getting stock options and bonuses based on company performance. I know a senior attorney grossing 750 who is one of the lowest paid in the legal department.

This. Salaries are closer to $190-250k, but lots of other incentive money brings up total comp.

Anonymous wrote:Op, you need to be throwing money at this problem. You need a nanny who also house manages. Someone who will let in plumbers and a housekeepers and keep groceries in the house and pick up the dry cleaning.

What a world we've become.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was there and agree it is impossible. Hiring help only gets you so far when what you really want is sleep and time with your kids. I got an in house job and my life has been soo much better. I still make about $400K so I can afford to hire help, but rarely work evenings or weekends. It's still stressful, but no longer feels impossible.

Just to add, I moved from BigLaw to in house when my second was 6 months old. My husband had a 45 hour per week job that he liked a lot, but that didn't pay as well as my job. Zero regrets.

What in house job is paying you $400k?

Most in house folks are getting stock options and bonuses based on company performance. I know a senior attorney grossing 750 who is one of the lowest paid in the legal department.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't your DH make more money?

Can you just scale back on your current job for a while without actually taking a pay cut? Just say no more often and delegate more. That is what I've done for the past 8 years. I'm not on the track I could be, but I'm still technically full time and I've still got my foot in the door and can ramp up when I need/want to do so.

If he makes $150K, it’s unlikely he can just jump to $500K like that.

He doesn't have to jump just like that.

"we don't have a mortgage, we have significant savings, and we plan to send our children to our neighborhood public school." This is huge. Eliminate all of those expenses (mortgage, child care/school, forced savings) from your own budget and what exactly are you paying for every month that requires $500k? Wants, not needs. OP didn't say what his job is, but very few career people around here have a static salary for a decade straight. As long as his job provides health insurance, it is absolutely possible with this fact pattern.

Op, my DH is a big law partner and if you are good at your job and your practice area is busy, they will let you go part-time - they are hurting for talent.

For all those folks saying to just staff up, it’s really hard to find good staff and a time-suck to manage them - the childcare is the easy part, it’s all the other household stuff that needs to get done that is hard - doctors appointments, arguing with the insurance, etc. that only gets more complex as the kids get older.

My oldest (of 3) is 9 yo, and I have managed to keep working until now, and actually have a good career at a national nonprofit with regular hours, some travel, and significant responsibilities. I make $200k and love my job. I also wanted to get away from the busy evenings with my kids where there is no down time and it just feels like chaos. We had/have lots of help: FT nanny/housekeeper, weekly cleaning, lawn service, etc. I still couldn’t make it all work since my DH is essentially busy with work until bedtime.

Im not complaining - just trying to confirm that even for someone with a less busy job and lots of help I hit my breaking point. I want an enjoyable family life every day, so Im quitting in January to be a SAHP. Op, you are amazing for having done it this long in a busy job.

You should also look in-house. I have some friends who are the primary parent of multiple kids who work in-house in positions they like and are able to balance well, and they tell me they are happy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was there and agree it is impossible. Hiring help only gets you so far when what you really want is sleep and time with your kids. I got an in house job and my life has been soo much better. I still make about $400K so I can afford to hire help, but rarely work evenings or weekends. It's still stressful, but no longer feels impossible.

Just to add, I moved from BigLaw to in house when my second was 6 months old. My husband had a 45 hour per week job that he liked a lot, but that didn't pay as well as my job. Zero regrets.

What in house job is paying you $400k?

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was there and agree it is impossible. Hiring help only gets you so far when what you really want is sleep and time with your kids. I got an in house job and my life has been soo much better. I still make about $400K so I can afford to hire help, but rarely work evenings or weekends. It's still stressful, but no longer feels impossible.

Just to add, I moved from BigLaw to in house when my second was 6 months old. My husband had a 45 hour per week job that he liked a lot, but that didn't pay as well as my job. Zero regrets.

OP, I was there and agree it is impossible. Hiring help only gets you so far when what you really want is sleep and time with your kids. I got an in house job and my life has been soo much better. I still make about $400K so I can afford to hire help, but rarely work evenings or weekends. It's still stressful, but no longer feels impossible.

The Baby Brings the Bread is the saying. Just quit. My wife quit a few weeks after first one born and I was only making $61k. Was crazy we just bought a house.

Well she threw the Rock on my back and I had to man up. I moved my salary from $61k in 2001 to $200k in 2008 to $300k in 2015. If my wife kept working none of that would have happened. Nor would I have three kids

Don’t hold back your husband. Throw the rock on his back

If OP is a senior associate and the firm is up or out she needs to start working on a Plan B—an off track position somewhere or a non firm job. Op, if you want to transition roles anyway now might be a great time to take a few years off. You know your salary is going to take a deep dive after your current role. It sounds like you have prepared for it. Your kids are young and you have a new baby. If you want to enjoy that for a few years (and understand the income hit), go for it! Where you are right now isn’t working for you. The demands at work in your current role won’t change. The lawyers I know who have made it work don’t go home 5pm to 7pm. Someone else puts the kids to bed. Trying to get home for that window (apart from all the other things you may be juggling) will kill you. Just that one thing adds a lot of stress.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like DH needs to stay home.

This is clearly the answer.

No, it’s not. She’s not a partner. He should keep his job. They need a good nanny and housekeeper.