Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your husband think you should quit your job to be a SAHM? Is that why he is angry with you?

I don't know anything about hiring sick care, but I do know it is possible to hire anybody for anything, if you are willing to spend enough money. And since you are both home during the day it should be possible to find a price point at which people would be willing to come over and care for your sick child.

You say you post on local Facebook groups -- how much are you offering per hour?

I mean, I bet if you paid $40/hour you could find sick-kid sitters. $320/day to come watch my sick preschooler while I and my husband are both home. I am positive you could find some competent takers at that rate.

He thinks I'm trying to have it all, and shouldn't have had a second child if I wanted to pursue my dream job with a crap salary. He agreed to the second child, but he would have been perfectly happy without. I didn't think having 2 kids and a 40 hour/week job would be so difficult. If we could afford $40/hour on top of daycare, we'd just get a nanny.

It’s $30-40/hour for the hours you need covered on sick days, not a full time nanny.

Cut out the older child's activities except for school until your toddler is older or have them attend an afterschool program that incorporates homework and activities. That will free up some time in your schedules. Send out the laundry (fluff and fold) and have someone come to deep clean and change the linens once a month.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have a family option. You say you don’t have a nanny option. You don’t want to not work. He doesn’t want to not work. I’m not sure what other options you have. I watch a friends kid sometimes, she has a permanent 3 day per week nanny share and her parents fill in the other 2 days. On days they can’t do I help out if I’m not at work because my kid is school age. I wouldn’t want to do if if he was sick though. If you’d kid is too sick for daycare there is prob no one else who wants to watch them either.

OP here. The majority of families with kids have 2 working parents, and the majority of those don't have nannies. I know some are covered by involved grandparents/aunts who watch sick kids, but many don't have that either. And they somehow figure it out. So, I was hoping to get some practical advice, but maybe people in this forum are too wealthy to have this problem?

Yeah most DCUM have nannies or excellent backup care. So the rest of working parents leave their kid in sub optimal situations. A home daycare which still takes kid in when sick, or send kid with motrin etc. So you wanted to have your child so decide what is more important DC/DH/family/work etc. You will probably have to step up and work more hours to afford a nanny.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your husband think you should quit your job to be a SAHM? Is that why he is angry with you?

I don't know anything about hiring sick care, but I do know it is possible to hire anybody for anything, if you are willing to spend enough money. And since you are both home during the day it should be possible to find a price point at which people would be willing to come over and care for your sick child.

You say you post on local Facebook groups -- how much are you offering per hour?

I mean, I bet if you paid $40/hour you could find sick-kid sitters. $320/day to come watch my sick preschooler while I and my husband are both home. I am positive you could find some competent takers at that rate.

He thinks I'm trying to have it all, and shouldn't have had a second child if I wanted to pursue my dream job with a crap salary. He agreed to the second child, but he would have been perfectly happy without. I didn't think having 2 kids and a 40 hour/week job would be so difficult. If we could afford $40/hour on top of daycare, we'd just get a nanny.

Your DH’s attitude is honestly disturbing to me. Is he always like this to you? The resentment is palpable.

I clicked on this post as my situation is the same as OP (except the income difference).

I don't think there is a good solution, other than to accept the US isn't set up for two parents to work without an au pair, grandparent, etc.

And then perhaps to accept lack of career growth for a bit and ask for flexibility to work remotely.

At best I can offer validation you're not alone and it's a crappy situation. And in DC, childcare is SO expensive. The only thing more expensive is dog care.

Good luck.

Your husband is out of line. I make 50% more than my husband but I am ALWAYS the one who takes off when our nanny calls out sick because there are zero consequences to me taking off work at the last minute. I feel resentful about that because to be honest, I find all day childcare to be mind-numbing. But your husband has no business being angry at you. I guess he thinks this is your fault because you work instead of being a SAHM? Maybe it's his fault for not making enough money to pay for a nanny.

Look for a nanny share. Or dip into savings to pay for a nanny. It's expensive but your child will be ready for preschool soon enough. Or take a chance on a less experienced nanny with a lower rate. I hired a young nanny only because I work from home so I knew I'd be around in case of an emergency and I would be generally aware of what was happening. It actually worked out great; she turned out to be mature and responsible. If you don't work from home, you could use cameras to monitor.

^ meant to add OP, the sitters I use will watch mildly to moderately sick kids. like not in the throes of gastro bug, and probably not knowingly covid positive, but sick with daycare colds, sure.

Avoid COVID tests as much as possible. no one will tell you this because it's not PC, but it's how you avoid COVID absences.

I don't think you are going to find backup care for when your kid is sick. It's just not realistic if you don't earn a tone of money. Your husband needs to step up. I am a teacher and my husband is too, so we don't have flexible schedules or the option to work from home. I have family that lives locally, but I don't ask my elderly parents to watch my children when they are sick because I don't want to get them sick. When our kids are sick, we just take turns taking the day off. I worry about using all my sick leave, and there have been a few times I have had to take leave without pay, like when I came back from maternity leave and had no sick leave left, but I still have my job and so does my husband.
Your solution is that your husband needs to step up. I think that is the only solution, honestly. He chose to have kids too and he is also responsible for their care. Good luck.

Look for more sitters. I found my gem of a date night sitter on Care.com. Ask all your mom friends who they use. Work from home as much as possible. Be a bad mom on WFH-with-sick-kid days and put on a movie.

Honestly the only way I made it work was sending my kid to daycare sick as much as possible. If she's not throwing up or so lethargic she can't function, I send her, sometimes with Tylenol. And yes I realize this perpetuates the cycle of kids getting sick at daycare. But the alternative is I'd never be able to work.

Your DH is being a stone-cold jerk and making it worse, btw, and I rarely say that on this forum.

It DOES get better after the first year, I promise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would look at au pair or try to make a connection on care.com for a college kid who has some flexibility that could help at least part of those days.

A college kid won't want to take care of a sick kid, and risk getting sick themselves.

It probably depends on how sick. For enough money, babysitting someone with an undefined minor illness that adults aren't likely to catch vs COVID? Like the one-day illnesses? That should be doable, especially if OP and DH are in the house to supervise, take breaks and assist with annoying things like potty.

Pre covid our college sitter would watch sick kids no problem. Covid made it weird and I haven’t tried again, but most college kids are completely over covid already and likely won’t care.