Anonymous
Post 12/08/2022 04:15     Subject: S/o: separating twins into different grades
Anonymous wrote:I’m an adult who was in this situation and my parents held us both. I always gravitated socially to the grade above me and struggled in 6th, 8th and 12th grade. I just wasn’t on the same page as my classmates. Also, most of my sports teammates in elementary and middle school were in the grade above me because cutoffs were by birth year. I went to college on the east coast and was a full year older than my classmates, which was when I pieced together that we’d been “held back.” I was very advanced academically for my grade, which I should have been, because I was a year older than most of my classmates! My brother still struggled and was still short even among his younger classmates.

Honestly, I would suggest separating the twins in this situation based on my sample size of me. Otherwise one of them will always be in a situation that was “best” for their twin but is a compromise for them.

When is your birthday?
Anonymous
Post 12/08/2022 04:00     Subject: Re:S/o: separating twins into different grades
Anonymous wrote:haven't heard of different grades. However, I would definitely not move the boy to K. My DD was a pretty mature August birthday and we held her to go to K at 6. It's worked out great. There are some pre-schools with older 5 classes. She did that and it was perfect. I would just hold them both.


Same situation. Waited a year with the extra yr at age 5 before
K. They are now in high school, was and always has been a great decision.
Anonymous
Post 12/08/2022 01:15     Subject: S/o: separating twins into different grades
Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the comments but do have a friend whose son is a year behind her daughter (boy-girl twins). The son has serious disabilities (chromosomal abnormality). So it is done but that is a pretty extenuating circumstance.

Why don't you talk to the preschool teachers and get a sense of what they suggest? They deal with kids and kindergarten readiness daily...they might have some perspective on this since they know these kids that randoms on a message board do not.



This is really good advice.
It's not clear from your post but I'm assuming there's no diagnosed delay such as pp described.
Your daughter can read, but doesn't seem so advanced that having her start K time would hurt her.
Also seems likely your son can start K on time.
There's a wide range of normal and ability when it comes to kindergarten.
Get outside support for both kids. It will also give them the opportunity not to be " the twins".

And when they go to K make sure they are in separate classes.
Anonymous
Post 12/08/2022 01:10     Subject: S/o: separating twins into different grades
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m an adult who was in this situation and my parents held us both. I always gravitated socially to the grade above me and struggled in 6th, 8th and 12th grade. I just wasn’t on the same page as my classmates. Also, most of my sports teammates in elementary and middle school were in the grade above me because cutoffs were by birth year. I went to college on the east coast and was a full year older than my classmates, which was when I pieced together that we’d been “held back.” I was very advanced academically for my grade, which I should have been, because I was a year older than most of my classmates! My brother still struggled and was still short even among his younger classmates.

Honestly, I would suggest separating the twins in this situation based on my sample size of me. Otherwise one of them will always be in a situation that was “best” for their twin but is a compromise for them.


Easy for you to say since you were the advanced twin. I want to hear your brother's opinion on this. How would he have felt if only he was held back? Would he feel like was dumb and you were not and resent you?


PP certainly wasn't that advanced if it took her until college to realize that she was a year older than everyone and was held back.



Wow!. Interesting that you want perspective from a twin but because she didn't agree with your take you attack.

And as pp pointed out only concerned with the boy's feelings not the girl's
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2022 18:50     Subject: Re:S/o: separating twins into different grades
Is it possible that your son has ADHD? If he's simply not ready and is just socially immature, holding your boy twin back makes sense. If the issues are greater, however, holding back might not be a magic bullet here. Waiting a year isn't nevessarily going to resolve these issues.

So before answering the question about separation, I suggesr starting by reconsidering your assumption that your son should be redshirted. Maybe you'll decide that he should be regardless, but I think it's worth a lot of careful consideration if you haven't already done so.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2022 18:30     Subject: Re:S/o: separating twins into different grades
Why not just hold DD back a year until DS is ready? She really will not miss anything, as she will still go K-12. I really wish I had listened to this advice for my DD, who is very bright (National Merit finalist) but could have used another year to mature before going to college.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2022 17:21     Subject: Re:S/o: separating twins into different grades
I agree with an early PP that said it's still early. Our son was in PK with a late August birthday. He was obviously behind everyone else at the beginning of the year, so we started OT and planned for him to repeat PK. Then in April and May, everything started clicking and he was on fire. In late May his PK teacher told us he had made so much progress recently that she thought he was ready for K. The following Fall he entered K and did fine. He's now in fifth grade and doing great.

If you can keep both lanes open to give you some extra time, I would recommend it. Even if it means losing some deposit money, which we did...for us it was worth it to keep options open. Good luck.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2022 16:30     Subject: S/o: separating twins into different grades
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m an adult who was in this situation and my parents held us both. I always gravitated socially to the grade above me and struggled in 6th, 8th and 12th grade. I just wasn’t on the same page as my classmates. Also, most of my sports teammates in elementary and middle school were in the grade above me because cutoffs were by birth year. I went to college on the east coast and was a full year older than my classmates, which was when I pieced together that we’d been “held back.” I was very advanced academically for my grade, which I should have been, because I was a year older than most of my classmates! My brother still struggled and was still short even among his younger classmates.

Honestly, I would suggest separating the twins in this situation based on my sample size of me. Otherwise one of them will always be in a situation that was “best” for their twin but is a compromise for them.


Easy for you to say since you were the advanced twin. I want to hear your brother's opinion on this. How would he have felt if only he was held back? Would he feel like was dumb and you were not and resent you?


PP certainly wasn't that advanced if it took her until college to realize that she was a year older than everyone and was held back.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2022 11:06     Subject: S/o: separating twins into different grades
Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the comments but do have a friend whose son is a year behind her daughter (boy-girl twins). The son has serious disabilities (chromosomal abnormality). So it is done but that is a pretty extenuating circumstance.

Why don't you talk to the preschool teachers and get a sense of what they suggest? They deal with kids and kindergarten readiness daily...they might have some perspective on this since they know these kids that randoms on a message board do not.


+1 - I have a friend in the exact same situation, so the differences between the twins are clear.

I'd recommend talking to your pediatrician, OP. The concern seems to be about the longer-term implications of this decision; you'll want the perspective of an expert in older kids, as well as younger ones.