Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always talk to our HS Senior about making safe choices when they go out, calling us, using Uber, etc. Well they recently announced to us that we can stop b/c they don't drink and are always the designated driver for their friends. Don't get me wrong, DH and I are not disappointed, and if this is ultimately their lifestyle choice we support it 100%, but we are concerned DC is going to go to college and decide to drink with 0 experience - which could be dangerous.

This is a legitimate concern. Our daughter’s college roommate was a skinny little thing who never drank before college and once she got there she would get herself absolutely hammered and our daughter would have to take care of her. Overly protective parents in high school really do their kids a disservice.

this is one of the judgy-est threads I’ve read on dcum and that is saying a lot. plenty of teens don’t drink in HS and college and it isn’t due to overprotective parents. my own HS aged teens and their friends don’t drink and don’t go to parties, because that is their social “scene.” They watch movies, get food, hang out and play poker or whatever. If that’s what teens feel most comfortable doing, should we push them to chug a beer and go to a party?? geez

yes but again you're talking about HS kids. Neither of my kids ever went to a party in HS and are in the "smart kid" group, lots of movies, coffee dates, etc. Never into the party, popular kid scene. The minute they walk onto campus though, they are hit with nonstop partying, drinking, smoking (and worse). Just FYI. I have posted on this board about this before and still people just have their heads in the sand. Most of my kids friends did not drink in high school either and ALOT of them went somewhat crazy with drinking, drugs and sex once they got to school. Thankfully, they eventually do settle down but that first year is somewhat of a free for all. Believe me or don't.

But my kid did not want to walk into the scene you are describing, so did her homework in advance. Your kids either wanted an environment like this, did not care, did no research in advance or chose their college based upon ranking instead of fit). My kid ruled out schools where kids were pressured to party and there were few alternatives on the weekend. At 21, she started drinking occasionally (like wine at a nice restaurant or senior week events). That was her choice, not mine. We talked about her preferences at her initiation. Believe me or don’t.

My kids went to a top 30 school, it’s not like they are at a “party school”. Just FYI. They were quite surprised at what they found was typical even among the top schools.

So what does unigo say about it?

I attended a school with a dry campus (not BYU, a liberal SLAC), and never actually encountered alcohol or drugs in my time there (it surely was present, but minimally). Kid attends now and reports the same. For her it was the deciding factor between two schools. If you're not a drinker, it's nice to have it be a non-issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always talk to our HS Senior about making safe choices when they go out, calling us, using Uber, etc. Well they recently announced to us that we can stop b/c they don't drink and are always the designated driver for their friends. Don't get me wrong, DH and I are not disappointed, and if this is ultimately their lifestyle choice we support it 100%, but we are concerned DC is going to go to college and decide to drink with 0 experience - which could be dangerous.

This is a legitimate concern. Our daughter’s college roommate was a skinny little thing who never drank before college and once she got there she would get herself absolutely hammered and our daughter would have to take care of her. Overly protective parents in high school really do their kids a disservice.

this is one of the judgy-est threads I’ve read on dcum and that is saying a lot. plenty of teens don’t drink in HS and college and it isn’t due to overprotective parents. my own HS aged teens and their friends don’t drink and don’t go to parties, because that is their social “scene.” They watch movies, get food, hang out and play poker or whatever. If that’s what teens feel most comfortable doing, should we push them to chug a beer and go to a party?? geez

yes but again you're talking about HS kids. Neither of my kids ever went to a party in HS and are in the "smart kid" group, lots of movies, coffee dates, etc. Never into the party, popular kid scene. The minute they walk onto campus though, they are hit with nonstop partying, drinking, smoking (and worse). Just FYI. I have posted on this board about this before and still people just have their heads in the sand. Most of my kids friends did not drink in high school either and ALOT of them went somewhat crazy with drinking, drugs and sex once they got to school. Thankfully, they eventually do settle down but that first year is somewhat of a free for all. Believe me or don't.

But my kid did not want to walk into the scene you are describing, so did her homework in advance. Your kids either wanted an environment like this, did not care, did no research in advance or chose their college based upon ranking instead of fit). My kid ruled out schools where kids were pressured to party and there were few alternatives on the weekend. At 21, she started drinking occasionally (like wine at a nice restaurant or senior week events). That was her choice, not mine. We talked about her preferences at her initiation. Believe me or don’t.

My kids went to a top 30 school, it’s not like they are at a “party school”. Just FYI. They were quite surprised at what they found was typical even among the top schools.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What portion of the student body at your DC’s college are non drinkers? And, how are they faring socially?

Avoid schools with big frat culture

at the same time, learn to handle one or two drinks

NP. What a stupid remark. Some might have an alcoholic in the family. Genetics and all.
FWIW, my student does not like alcohol. Student takes daily meds that cannot be mixed with alcohol and knows it could be serious.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Big difference between, on the one hand, kids that have open communication with the parents and either (1) choose not to drink entirely or (2) drink moderately and, on the other hand, kids whose parents have rigidly ensured their children have no opportunity to drink and impose harsh penalty if they get caught.

We have an 18 year old senior. She has started drinking a bit this school year. Not a lot, but, following many conversations from her younger years we talk about it because we want her to arrive at college with an understanding of how to keep safe and what not to do. I don’t want her to be the one blackout drunk every weekend. I feel like talking with her as the adult she is is our best hope. Smart kid, a little nerdy, hard worker that also wants to have fun sometimes.

This is our approach as well with almost-18-year-old senior. It works for us, much like PP, and has made her (and us parents) more comfortable having a tiny bit of "experience" before she goes off next August. Some of her friends who are freshmen in college this year who were never permitted to drink at home are now out-of-control partiers.

Treating alcohol as the forbidden fruit is not a healthy approach IMO and may certainly make it more tempting, but on the other hand, being permitted to drink at home does not notably decrease the odds of becoming a binge drinker in college. Just because a kid is allowed to have some wine with dinner now and then in high school doesn't mean they won't want to tie one on at a party. Even in Europe, binge drinking among the young is becoming more and more of a problem. I lived in Rome for three years not that long ago and saw it (and read about it in the local press) with my own eyes. And for every sheltered kid who becomes an out-of-control partier in college, there's a high school partier that's likewise out-of-control.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always talk to our HS Senior about making safe choices when they go out, calling us, using Uber, etc. Well they recently announced to us that we can stop b/c they don't drink and are always the designated driver for their friends. Don't get me wrong, DH and I are not disappointed, and if this is ultimately their lifestyle choice we support it 100%, but we are concerned DC is going to go to college and decide to drink with 0 experience - which could be dangerous.

This is a legitimate concern. Our daughter’s college roommate was a skinny little thing who never drank before college and once she got there she would get herself absolutely hammered and our daughter would have to take care of her. Overly protective parents in high school really do their kids a disservice.

this is one of the judgy-est threads I’ve read on dcum and that is saying a lot. plenty of teens don’t drink in HS and college and it isn’t due to overprotective parents. my own HS aged teens and their friends don’t drink and don’t go to parties, because that is their social “scene.” They watch movies, get food, hang out and play poker or whatever. If that’s what teens feel most comfortable doing, should we push them to chug a beer and go to a party?? geez

It’s not judging at all. It’s reality. Unless your kid goes to Grove City, Liberty or BYU when they go to college they are going to be exposed to a lot of drinking, and in all likelihood they are going to join in. In my experience, it’s the kids who had strict parents in high school who are the most at risk when it comes to not handling the transition well. I’m not saying they’re all going to turn into drunken floosies or predatory frat boys, but they are going to have adjustment issues.

Every single one of my kids’ high school friends (we raised four kids) ALL drink now. They ALL do. It’s gonna happen to your kids, too. It’s amazing how divorced so many of you are from reality. You really can’t remember college? Did you speed age from 30 to 80 the moment you gave birth?

Don’t assume your sample of four, and their like-minded friends represent the universe of kids.

It is arrogant and hilarious that you think we need you to tell us that many kids drink in college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always talk to our HS Senior about making safe choices when they go out, calling us, using Uber, etc. Well they recently announced to us that we can stop b/c they don't drink and are always the designated driver for their friends. Don't get me wrong, DH and I are not disappointed, and if this is ultimately their lifestyle choice we support it 100%, but we are concerned DC is going to go to college and decide to drink with 0 experience - which could be dangerous.

This is a legitimate concern. Our daughter’s college roommate was a skinny little thing who never drank before college and once she got there she would get herself absolutely hammered and our daughter would have to take care of her. Overly protective parents in high school really do their kids a disservice.

this is one of the judgy-est threads I’ve read on dcum and that is saying a lot. plenty of teens don’t drink in HS and college and it isn’t due to overprotective parents. my own HS aged teens and their friends don’t drink and don’t go to parties, because that is their social “scene.” They watch movies, get food, hang out and play poker or whatever. If that’s what teens feel most comfortable doing, should we push them to chug a beer and go to a party?? geez

yes but again you're talking about HS kids. Neither of my kids ever went to a party in HS and are in the "smart kid" group, lots of movies, coffee dates, etc. Never into the party, popular kid scene. The minute they walk onto campus though, they are hit with nonstop partying, drinking, smoking (and worse). Just FYI. I have posted on this board about this before and still people just have their heads in the sand. Most of my kids friends did not drink in high school either and ALOT of them went somewhat crazy with drinking, drugs and sex once they got to school. Thankfully, they eventually do settle down but that first year is somewhat of a free for all. Believe me or don't.

But my kid did not want to walk into the scene you are describing, so did her homework in advance. Your kids either wanted an environment like this, did not care, did no research in advance or chose their college based upon ranking instead of fit). My kid ruled out schools where kids were pressured to party and there were few alternatives on the weekend. At 21, she started drinking occasionally (like wine at a nice restaurant or senior week events). That was her choice, not mine. We talked about her preferences at her initiation. Believe me or don’t.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always talk to our HS Senior about making safe choices when they go out, calling us, using Uber, etc. Well they recently announced to us that we can stop b/c they don't drink and are always the designated driver for their friends. Don't get me wrong, DH and I are not disappointed, and if this is ultimately their lifestyle choice we support it 100%, but we are concerned DC is going to go to college and decide to drink with 0 experience - which could be dangerous.

This is a legitimate concern. Our daughter’s college roommate was a skinny little thing who never drank before college and once she got there she would get herself absolutely hammered and our daughter would have to take care of her. Overly protective parents in high school really do their kids a disservice.

You think none of the wasted kids at frats drank in high school? Or that this girl wouldn't be getting wasted now if she had started getting wasted at 16 instead of 18?

Lord, help us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you go to a party. You hold a drink. No one knows you're not drinking. No one knows what's in the cup. Lots of ways to handle this responsibly, enjoy college life and have fun.

oh no. They push it. They ask. They look inside your cup. You are found out and labeled. It’s a real problem for the non-drinker. Plus, it’s not enjoyable to stand around while others are getting smashe
D.

I have a non drinker who I really am certain will stay a non drinker and the issue fir him in looking at schools is that even going to those kind of sloppy college parties and holding a solo cup won’t be his thing so he’s really trying to figure out which schools will have other social opportunities. He really likes hiking o one thing we’ve been looking at are schools that have robust outdoors clubs. I was the light drinker in college that was okay with going to the parties, having one beer and hanging out. It wasn’t really my scene but I kind of adjusted myself to fit for better or worse. Some kids will do that. My DS is not like that also for better or worse.

Hiking takes place during the day - isn’t most drinking at parties at night? I suspect you can find a hiking/outdoor club at most colleges, but I’d look for schools that have evening entertainment (comedy shows, concerts, restaurants nearby to walk to) as alternatives to heavy drinking parties.

But many go on camping trips , so you are off base

The concern or issue about excessive drinking on college campuses is not really which school passes or fails a random unscientific survey which is easily manipulated, the concern is more on being an informed consumer. Understand the issues and decide whether or not they are something with which you and your student can navigate.

While problem binge drinking is more pronounced at certain types of schools as concluded by the Harvard study, binge drinking occurs at almost all schools. It is easier to avoid at large schools which offer a wide variety of activities and resources. Some small cold weather LACs are taking on the problem and deserve praise for their efforts--but I hesitate to name names because these efforts came only after a repeated pattern of heavy alcohol intake which included routine hospitalizations and even death. So informed, be aware, and discuss substance abuse with your student.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you go to a party. You hold a drink. No one knows you're not drinking. No one knows what's in the cup. Lots of ways to handle this responsibly, enjoy college life and have fun.

oh no. They push it. They ask. They look inside your cup. You are found out and labeled. It’s a real problem for the non-drinker. Plus, it’s not enjoyable to stand around while others are getting smashe
D.

I have a non drinker who I really am certain will stay a non drinker and the issue fir him in looking at schools is that even going to those kind of sloppy college parties and holding a solo cup won’t be his thing so he’s really trying to figure out which schools will have other social opportunities. He really likes hiking o one thing we’ve been looking at are schools that have robust outdoors clubs. I was the light drinker in college that was okay with going to the parties, having one beer and hanging out. It wasn’t really my scene but I kind of adjusted myself to fit for better or worse. Some kids will do that. My DS is not like that also for better or worse.

As mentioned, you can see survey results from different schools on UNIGO. The cultures vary greatly.

Agreed. My kid is either a non-drinker (or at the very least a very moderate drinker whose social life doesn't revolve around alcohol.

She's happy at a rural, cold-weather school, with these Unigo results in the question about drinking:

0% “We”re not into drinking at all”
6% “Maybe a little, but it”s not a big thing”
69% “We only party on weekends”
25% “There”s some drinking happening every night”

I think she might have been less happy at this urban, warm-weather school, popular on DCUM:

0% “We”re not into drinking at all”
3% “Maybe a little, but it”s not a big thing”
20% “We only party on weekends”
77% “There”s some drinking happening every night”

What school is she happy at?

Anonymous wrote:Big difference between, on the one hand, kids that have open communication with the parents and either (1) choose not to drink entirely or (2) drink moderately and, on the other hand, kids whose parents have rigidly ensured their children have no opportunity to drink and impose harsh penalty if they get caught.

We have an 18 year old senior. She has started drinking a bit this school year. Not a lot, but, following many conversations from her younger years we talk about it because we want her to arrive at college with an understanding of how to keep safe and what not to do. I don’t want her to be the one blackout drunk every weekend. I feel like talking with her as the adult she is is our best hope. Smart kid, a little nerdy, hard worker that also wants to have fun sometimes.

This is our approach as well with almost-18-year-old senior. It works for us, much like PP, and has made her (and us parents) more comfortable having a tiny bit of "experience" before she goes off next August. Some of her friends who are freshmen in college this year who were never permitted to drink at home are now out-of-control partiers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you go to a party. You hold a drink. No one knows you're not drinking. No one knows what's in the cup. Lots of ways to handle this responsibly, enjoy college life and have fun.

oh no. They push it. They ask. They look inside your cup. You are found out and labeled. It’s a real problem for the non-drinker. Plus, it’s not enjoyable to stand around while others are getting smashe
D.

I have a non drinker who I really am certain will stay a non drinker and the issue fir him in looking at schools is that even going to those kind of sloppy college parties and holding a solo cup won’t be his thing so he’s really trying to figure out which schools will have other social opportunities. He really likes hiking o one thing we’ve been looking at are schools that have robust outdoors clubs. I was the light drinker in college that was okay with going to the parties, having one beer and hanging out. It wasn’t really my scene but I kind of adjusted myself to fit for better or worse. Some kids will do that. My DS is not like that also for better or worse.

As mentioned, you can see survey results from different schools on UNIGO. The cultures vary greatly.

Agreed. My kid is either a non-drinker (or at the very least a very moderate drinker whose social life doesn't revolve around alcohol.

She's happy at a rural, cold-weather school, with these Unigo results in the question about drinking:

0% “We”re not into drinking at all”
6% “Maybe a little, but it”s not a big thing”
69% “We only party on weekends”
25% “There”s some drinking happening every night”

I think she might have been less happy at this urban, warm-weather school, popular on DCUM:

0% “We”re not into drinking at all”
3% “Maybe a little, but it”s not a big thing”
20% “We only party on weekends”
77% “There”s some drinking happening every night”

I'll add that she also might have been less happy at this different rural, cold-weather school:

0% “We”re not into drinking at all”
1% “Maybe a little, but it”s not a big thing”
29% “We only party on weekends”
70% “There”s some drinking happening every night”

Not all small schools in rural, cold locations are the same.

Anonymous wrote:If your kid is looking for a school with a non-drinking crowd, pick a school near stuff to do. My DS at a college goes out to dinner, sees concerts, attends professional sporting events and otherwises uses the city where his college is located. He also drinks some, but he has friends that don't and he has lots of things to do other than partying.

+1. I went to college in a small city and there was a lot of socializing around artsy events - film festivals, shows, art galleries, etc. It's a lot easier to not drink at those types of things than at a frat party.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you go to a party. You hold a drink. No one knows you're not drinking. No one knows what's in the cup. Lots of ways to handle this responsibly, enjoy college life and have fun.

oh no. They push it. They ask. They look inside your cup. You are found out and labeled. It’s a real problem for the non-drinker. Plus, it’s not enjoyable to stand around while others are getting smashe
D.

I have a non drinker who I really am certain will stay a non drinker and the issue fir him in looking at schools is that even going to those kind of sloppy college parties and holding a solo cup won’t be his thing so he’s really trying to figure out which schools will have other social opportunities. He really likes hiking o one thing we’ve been looking at are schools that have robust outdoors clubs. I was the light drinker in college that was okay with going to the parties, having one beer and hanging out. It wasn’t really my scene but I kind of adjusted myself to fit for better or worse. Some kids will do that. My DS is not like that also for better or worse.

As mentioned, you can see survey results from different schools on UNIGO. The cultures vary greatly.

Agreed. My kid is either a non-drinker (or at the very least a very moderate drinker whose social life doesn't revolve around alcohol.

She's happy at a rural, cold-weather school, with these Unigo results in the question about drinking:

0% “We”re not into drinking at all”
6% “Maybe a little, but it”s not a big thing”
69% “We only party on weekends”
25% “There”s some drinking happening every night”

I think she might have been less happy at this urban, warm-weather school, popular on DCUM:

0% “We”re not into drinking at all”
3% “Maybe a little, but it”s not a big thing”
20% “We only party on weekends”
77% “There”s some drinking happening every night”