Anonymous
12/03/2022 23:42
Subject: Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My now DH didn’t wait with me for my cab home from DC on the 3rd date and I *almost* dumped him for not being gentlemanly. But rather than doing something rash, the next time he contacted me I let him know (nicely) that I didn’t appreciate that and felt unsafe. He felt so bad and never made that mistake again, and he still doesn’t like me telling that story after all these years (I think it’s funny now!) because he feels so bad. I’m sooo grateful now I didn’t dump him because he is actually an amazing, protective husband but I think he legit didn’t think about it at the time.
I’d say if you think he’s a good guy otherwise, speak up! And if he doesn’t correct himself, then dump him. Some men are capable of rising to standards, if you just let him know what they are.
My husband did not wait for my Uber at the end of our second date. Just left me standing on the street waiting while he dashed off to the metro. He still is not very gentlemanly or protective or well mannered. Like he will get in the car and get settled in and buckled in while I am waiting outside the car, locked out, waiting for him to unlock it so I can get in (yes I have addressed this with him many times - he thinks I’m being dumb to care).
So, it could be a red flag. I find this part of my husband very annoying and it makes me feel a little uncared for.
My DH is very gentlemanly, protective, and well mannered, but he occasionally forgets to unlock all of the doors when he unlocks his own. I don't wait patiently, I start tapping on the window in increasingly loud and annoying taps. He gets the hint pretty quickly.
I do that to, and he acts annoyed, like I shouldn’t care that I’m standing outside the car while he’s getting all comfortable and settled in. It’s bizarre. At this point I feel like he’s almost making a point of not unlocking the door to prove he doesn’t need to do what I ask.
Anonymous
12/03/2022 23:40
Subject: Re:Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
If a man isn’t a creep and she is hurrying away, my twenty-something daughter always asks dates to walk her to her car. You teach people how to treat you and many men need gentle guidance.
Wait -
She asks HIM ??!?
Yes, men don’t live in constant fear for their well-being and may need reminders. She asks for a security escort after late nights at work, too. She is an athlete and not some delicate flower, but there are certain immutable facts about women’s safety risks.
Anonymous
12/03/2022 23:35
Subject: Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My now DH didn’t wait with me for my cab home from DC on the 3rd date and I *almost* dumped him for not being gentlemanly. But rather than doing something rash, the next time he contacted me I let him know (nicely) that I didn’t appreciate that and felt unsafe. He felt so bad and never made that mistake again, and he still doesn’t like me telling that story after all these years (I think it’s funny now!) because he feels so bad. I’m sooo grateful now I didn’t dump him because he is actually an amazing, protective husband but I think he legit didn’t think about it at the time.
I’d say if you think he’s a good guy otherwise, speak up! And if he doesn’t correct himself, then dump him. Some men are capable of rising to standards, if you just let him know what they are.
My husband did not wait for my Uber at the end of our second date. Just left me standing on the street waiting while he dashed off to the metro. He still is not very gentlemanly or protective or well mannered. Like he will get in the car and get settled in and buckled in while I am waiting outside the car, locked out, waiting for him to unlock it so I can get in (yes I have addressed this with him many times - he thinks I’m being dumb to care).
So, it could be a red flag. I find this part of my husband very annoying and it makes me feel a little uncared for.
My DH is very gentlemanly, protective, and well mannered, but he occasionally forgets to unlock all of the doors when he unlocks his own. I don't wait patiently, I start tapping on the window in increasingly loud and annoying taps. He gets the hint pretty quickly
.
Anonymous
12/03/2022 23:26
Subject: Re:Second date or no?
Mistake - "Drinks turned into dinner." If the date was to meet for drinks, then that’s where you should’ve ended it. You need to learn how to conduct yourself with men if you have certain expectations of how they will treat you. You were too available, plain and simple.
No to date #2. He doesn’t respect you. Do better next time. Stay true to yourself. I don’t care if you’re starving. If the date is for drinks, have your drink or 2 then leave! I don’t care if the conversation is so good or he is so fine. Leave when the originally planned date is done. All this post-game analysis is you knowing you messed up, but trying to pin it on him.
If you’re true to yourself, you’ll find the one.
No to date #2. He doesn’t respect you. Do better next time. Stay true to yourself. I don’t care if you’re starving. If the date is for drinks, have your drink or 2 then leave! I don’t care if the conversation is so good or he is so fine. Leave when the originally planned date is done. All this post-game analysis is you knowing you messed up, but trying to pin it on him.
If you’re true to yourself, you’ll find the one.
Anonymous
12/03/2022 23:14
Subject: Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:Who are Roy and Rebecca?
Ha! Glad I’m not the only one who was super confused about Roy and Rebecca!
Anonymous
12/03/2022 23:01
Subject: Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:I met three young men while leaving a bar. They walked me to my car around 2 am that was at least a mile away and bought me some empanadas once we got to Adams Morgan. Once I was in my car, they ordered an Uber.
This is from strangers who couldn't imagine I walked alone 2 am. They did wonder how far my car was after awhile.
Pass on the guy you met.
If you need someone more considerate, come to AM. They are all there in one place.
I don’t know if that was the smartest decision.
Anonymous
12/03/2022 22:54
Subject: Re:Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:
If a man isn’t a creep and she is hurrying away, my twenty-something daughter always asks dates to walk her to her car. You teach people how to treat you and many men need gentle guidance.
Wait -
She asks HIM ??!?
Anonymous
12/03/2022 22:04
Subject: Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:You’ve only been out with him once and you’re already overthinking about things you don’t like about him. Why not let him go, and save yourself the aggravation of having to come up with other reasons to call it off later.
Women don't deserve men
Anonymous
12/03/2022 19:04
Subject: Second date or no?
I met three young men while leaving a bar. They walked me to my car around 2 am that was at least a mile away and bought me some empanadas once we got to Adams Morgan. Once I was in my car, they ordered an Uber.
This is from strangers who couldn't imagine I walked alone 2 am. They did wonder how far my car was after awhile.
Pass on the guy you met.
If you need someone more considerate, come to AM. They are all there in one place.
This is from strangers who couldn't imagine I walked alone 2 am. They did wonder how far my car was after awhile.
Pass on the guy you met.
If you need someone more considerate, come to AM. They are all there in one place.
Anonymous
12/03/2022 18:23
Subject: Re:Second date or no?
Hmmm I’m thinking he wasn’t into you. Geez not only is it courteous but if he had half a brain he would’ve at least thought of your safety.
Anonymous
12/03/2022 18:15
Subject: Re:Second date or no?
If a man isn’t a creep and she is hurrying away, my twenty-something daughter always asks dates to walk her to her car. You teach people how to treat you and many men need gentle guidance.
Anonymous
12/03/2022 18:06
Subject: Second date or no?
He may have been nervous that a kiss would be expected, and he wasn't too sure of himself and what he should do. This thinking may have gotten in the way of thinking about your obvious safety. The safety issue really may not have occurred to him. If you were truly afraid, you should have asked.
Not a huge red flag. Give him a second date. Just be on alert.
Not a huge red flag. Give him a second date. Just be on alert.
Anonymous
12/03/2022 16:44
Subject: Re:Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The converse of this post would be:
“he wanted to walk me to my car! How creepy/forward/patronizing is that ?!? “
- and you’d get the same supportive response here on DCUMAD if you posted it; “yes creepy; no second date!”
Contrary to your belief, life is not black & white... blanket statements rarely cover everyone of the opposite gender, sorry to disappoint you.
Another possibility you failed to consider is that he could have OFFERED to walk her to her car, thus dissuading any beliefs that he may be creepy/forward/patronizing.
He simply could have asked her "Can I walk you to your car?".
That sounds like something a simp would ask.
Major turn off!
Anonymous
12/03/2022 16:26
Subject: Re:Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:The converse of this post would be:
“he wanted to walk me to my car! How creepy/forward/patronizing is that ?!? “
- and you’d get the same supportive response here on DCUMAD if you posted it; “yes creepy; no second date!”
This. This. This. Frequently a man (essentially a stranger) who you met for several hours would be interpreted as extremely creepy for walking you to a car by most women doing OLD.
Anonymous
12/03/2022 16:23
Subject: Re:Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:The converse of this post would be:
“he wanted to walk me to my car! How creepy/forward/patronizing is that ?!? “
- and you’d get the same supportive response here on DCUMAD if you posted it; “yes creepy; no second date!”
Contrary to your belief, life is not black & white... blanket statements rarely cover everyone of the opposite gender, sorry to disappoint you.
Another possibility you failed to consider is that he could have OFFERED to walk her to her car, thus dissuading any beliefs that he may be creepy/forward/patronizing.
He simply could have asked her "Can I walk you to your car?".