Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I'd let it get sent back unclaimed. Meaning, don't open the door for the letter carrier, you will get a second notice (mailed, not brought by the carrier) and then it will be returned 'unclaimed' to the sender.

Why, so OP can annoy her mom? You people who think this is an emotional war to the death between OP and her mom are missing the point. OP needs to act in her own interest, and she also needs to stop caring whether her mom is hurt or gloating. If mom is suing OP, OP is going to find out when she gets served, and ignoring a letter isn't going to change that. If the letter is an anodyne "we miss our grandkids," then OP can just not respond.

Some posters here clearly want to escalate the mom-daughter drama. They have no interest in helping OP do what's sensible and in her own interest.

I remember when people in this forum would offer nonjudgmental advice. Now it’s just a lot of trolls. I am truly sad about this.

OP, I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Be strong, don’t look back, and just ignore the certified letter. Your mom sounds deranged. Sending hugs to you.

Cautioning OP that not opening the letter could have consequences is not being a "troll." Calling OP's mom "deranged" when OP has given little evidence is the act of a troll. Trying your best to escalate family rifts when OP has given us nothing is the act of a troll. Calling everybody else "trolls" when you disagree with the advice is the act of a troll.

See how that works? You're the troll. OP asked for advice, so let people offer advice on both sides of the issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I'd let it get sent back unclaimed. Meaning, don't open the door for the letter carrier, you will get a second notice (mailed, not brought by the carrier) and then it will be returned 'unclaimed' to the sender.

Why, so OP can annoy her mom? You people who think this is an emotional war to the death between OP and her mom are missing the point. OP needs to act in her own interest, and she also needs to stop caring whether her mom is hurt or gloating. If mom is suing OP, OP is going to find out when she gets served, and ignoring a letter isn't going to change that. If the letter is an anodyne "we miss our grandkids," then OP can just not respond.

Some posters here clearly want to escalate the mom-daughter drama. They have no interest in helping OP do what's sensible and in her own interest.

I remember when people in this forum would offer nonjudgmental advice. Now it’s just a lot of trolls. I am truly sad about this.

OP, I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Be strong, don’t look back, and just ignore the certified letter. Your mom sounds deranged. Sending hugs to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTH? Open the letter, be an adult.

The sender is manipulating them.

They are trying to be an adult by maintaining boundaries.
The sender is looking for a way to get a response (breaking through boundaries).

They are not immature or crazy. They are in an emotional chess game.


AGAIN, I think you should receive the letter and ignore the contents, but get a friend to manage the letter. They should read and/or burn or both.

Not your circus. Not your monkeys.

It's not monkeys. It's her parents! And we still have no idea why OP has gone to this extreme

Anonymous wrote:WTH? Open the letter, be an adult.

The sender is manipulating them.

They are trying to be an adult by maintaining boundaries.
The sender is looking for a way to get a response (breaking through boundaries).

They are not immature or crazy. They are in an emotional chess game.


AGAIN, I think you should receive the letter and ignore the contents, but get a friend to manage the letter. They should read and/or burn or both.

Not your circus. Not your monkeys.

WTH? Open the letter, be an adult.

Is she in the same state at you? Close enough to show up at your child’s school or show up at an event or your door?

Has OP even come back? Or is it just 4+ pages of everyone else arguing?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I'd let it get sent back unclaimed. Meaning, don't open the door for the letter carrier, you will get a second notice (mailed, not brought by the carrier) and then it will be returned 'unclaimed' to the sender.

Why, so OP can annoy her mom? You people who think this is an emotional war to the death between OP and her mom are missing the point. OP needs to act in her own interest, and she also needs to stop caring whether her mom is hurt or gloating. If mom is suing OP, OP is going to find out when she gets served, and ignoring a letter isn't going to change that. If the letter is an anodyne "we miss our grandkids," then OP can just not respond.

The OP does not want mail from the mother and does not have to accept it!

Yes, we know you love the drama. But OP needs to consider her own interests, and that's probably knowing what's in the letter. She mentioned her DH was previewing the voicemails etc--he can read this letter for her.

She. Doesn't. Want. It. What part of that is confusing for you?

Your bad advice is what's confusing. Why would you want OP to be blindsided by getting served when she's out with her friends.

Exactly. Even if OP’s mom has literally zero basis for a legal claim, that doesn’t mean she can’t file suit against OP. Frivolous claims are made all the time in courts. It’s in OP’s interest to know if that is where this is headed. It would also be useful for OP to know if her mom is escalating and threatening to go to OP’s employer or CPS or something like that.

NP. Let's say the letter says "I'm contacting CPS" or "I'm suing you." How does OP knowing that in advance help? Because a) it might not be true; it's just as likely that the mom is trying to upset op and get a response from her and b) if it is true, it's not like having a letter about it in advance will prevent it from happening.

Personally, I would refuse the letter. If OP is worried about a lawsuit or bogus CPS calls, she can low key start looking for lawyers without contacting her mom.

PP again, now I see your other post saying she can get the letter and prepare. I guess it's really up to OP. Because accepting the letter means her mom will know that the letter was accepted and might send others. Where does OP draw the line at accepting them and reading them?

OP doesn't reply. This will discourage mom.

NP. Not necessarily. It could escalate, even if escalation means more packages and letters. It’s a chink in OP’s armor. She doesn’t need to be triggered by checking the mail.

My mom used to do this thing where if my sister or I didn’t answer her calls often enough, she’d leave a voicemail saying that if we didn’t call her by a specific time, she’d have to come check on us to make sure we’re okay. For a while, a quick text would settle her down, but when that wasn’t satisfying enough for her, she started insisting on a call back. She even said, “how can I tell someone hasn’t murdered you and is texting so I don’t call the police and start searching for you? I need to hear your voice.” When we moved too far for her to come herself or send our dad, she started threatening to have the police do well checks on us. I nipped that in the bed and told her if she ever did that, she’d never see me or my kids again, because I wouldn’t bow down to that level of manipulation. My sister didn’t want to be so harsh, so one time when she didn’t call my mom back quickly enough, my mom called my sister’s neighbor and said she was worried my sister wasn’t safe and could they go check on her. (My sister didn’t know my mom had exchanged numbers with a neighbor during a visit.) If you’ve never dealt with manipulative, controlling people with mental illness, then you might be tempted to say take the letter, there’s no harm in that. If you have someone harassing you, and that person knows your weaknesses because they birthed you, let’s just say that’s a kind of trauma that turns your anxiety up to 11, and you have to do what you can to prevent, block, and resist more harassment, abuse, and trauma. Every new attempt is a wound that causes new pain while also triggering old memories and pain. It’s not about winning. It’s about escaping from their unhealthy game.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP, you are getting some bad advice here that does not take into account your wishes and desires. If you do not want the letter in your home-let it go back unclaimed.

If you want dh to accept and read it-do that, but you do not have to have the letter in your home if you do not want to.

^^^ bad advice

It is good advice. Try to keep up.

OP: Stop reading. You have two choices. I like the person who said "do whatever requires less of your mental space" or something like that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I'd let it get sent back unclaimed. Meaning, don't open the door for the letter carrier, you will get a second notice (mailed, not brought by the carrier) and then it will be returned 'unclaimed' to the sender.

Why, so OP can annoy her mom? You people who think this is an emotional war to the death between OP and her mom are missing the point. OP needs to act in her own interest, and she also needs to stop caring whether her mom is hurt or gloating. If mom is suing OP, OP is going to find out when she gets served, and ignoring a letter isn't going to change that. If the letter is an anodyne "we miss our grandkids," then OP can just not respond.

The OP does not want mail from the mother and does not have to accept it!

Yes, we know you love the drama. But OP needs to consider her own interests, and that's probably knowing what's in the letter. She mentioned her DH was previewing the voicemails etc--he can read this letter for her.

She. Doesn't. Want. It. What part of that is confusing for you?

Your bad advice is what's confusing. Why would you want OP to be blindsided by getting served when she's out with her friends.

Exactly. Even if OP’s mom has literally zero basis for a legal claim, that doesn’t mean she can’t file suit against OP. Frivolous claims are made all the time in courts. It’s in OP’s interest to know if that is where this is headed. It would also be useful for OP to know if her mom is escalating and threatening to go to OP’s employer or CPS or something like that.

NP. Let's say the letter says "I'm contacting CPS" or "I'm suing you." How does OP knowing that in advance help? Because a) it might not be true; it's just as likely that the mom is trying to upset op and get a response from her and b) if it is true, it's not like having a letter about it in advance will prevent it from happening.

Personally, I would refuse the letter. If OP is worried about a lawsuit or bogus CPS calls, she can low key start looking for lawyers without contacting her mom.

PP again, now I see your other post saying she can get the letter and prepare. I guess it's really up to OP. Because accepting the letter means her mom will know that the letter was accepted and might send others. Where does OP draw the line at accepting them and reading them?

OP doesn't reply. This will discourage mom.

Not accepting is the better response to a mentally unstable person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I'd let it get sent back unclaimed. Meaning, don't open the door for the letter carrier, you will get a second notice (mailed, not brought by the carrier) and then it will be returned 'unclaimed' to the sender.

Why, so OP can annoy her mom? You people who think this is an emotional war to the death between OP and her mom are missing the point. OP needs to act in her own interest, and she also needs to stop caring whether her mom is hurt or gloating. If mom is suing OP, OP is going to find out when she gets served, and ignoring a letter isn't going to change that. If the letter is an anodyne "we miss our grandkids," then OP can just not respond.

The OP does not want mail from the mother and does not have to accept it!

Yes, we know you love the drama. But OP needs to consider her own interests, and that's probably knowing what's in the letter. She mentioned her DH was previewing the voicemails etc--he can read this letter for her.

She. Doesn't. Want. It. What part of that is confusing for you?

Your bad advice is what's confusing. Why would you want OP to be blindsided by getting served when she's out with her friends.

Exactly. Even if OP’s mom has literally zero basis for a legal claim, that doesn’t mean she can’t file suit against OP. Frivolous claims are made all the time in courts. It’s in OP’s interest to know if that is where this is headed. It would also be useful for OP to know if her mom is escalating and threatening to go to OP’s employer or CPS or something like that.

NP. Let's say the letter says "I'm contacting CPS" or "I'm suing you." How does OP knowing that in advance help? Because a) it might not be true; it's just as likely that the mom is trying to upset op and get a response from her and b) if it is true, it's not like having a letter about it in advance will prevent it from happening.

Personally, I would refuse the letter. If OP is worried about a lawsuit or bogus CPS calls, she can low key start looking for lawyers without contacting her mom.

PP again, now I see your other post saying she can get the letter and prepare. I guess it's really up to OP. Because accepting the letter means her mom will know that the letter was accepted and might send others. Where does OP draw the line at accepting them and reading them?

OP doesn't reply. This will discourage mom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I'd let it get sent back unclaimed. Meaning, don't open the door for the letter carrier, you will get a second notice (mailed, not brought by the carrier) and then it will be returned 'unclaimed' to the sender.

Why, so OP can annoy her mom? You people who think this is an emotional war to the death between OP and her mom are missing the point. OP needs to act in her own interest, and she also needs to stop caring whether her mom is hurt or gloating. If mom is suing OP, OP is going to find out when she gets served, and ignoring a letter isn't going to change that. If the letter is an anodyne "we miss our grandkids," then OP can just not respond.

The OP does not want mail from the mother and does not have to accept it!

Yes, we know you love the drama. But OP needs to consider her own interests, and that's probably knowing what's in the letter. She mentioned her DH was previewing the voicemails etc--he can read this letter for her.

She. Doesn't. Want. It. What part of that is confusing for you?

Your bad advice is what's confusing. Why would you want OP to be blindsided by getting served when she's out with her friends.

Exactly. Even if OP’s mom has literally zero basis for a legal claim, that doesn’t mean she can’t file suit against OP. Frivolous claims are made all the time in courts. It’s in OP’s interest to know if that is where this is headed. It would also be useful for OP to know if her mom is escalating and threatening to go to OP’s employer or CPS or something like that.

NP. Let's say the letter says "I'm contacting CPS" or "I'm suing you." How does OP knowing that in advance help? Because a) it might not be true; it's just as likely that the mom is trying to upset op and get a response from her and b) if it is true, it's not like having a letter about it in advance will prevent it from happening.

Personally, I would refuse the letter. If OP is worried about a lawsuit or bogus CPS calls, she can low key start looking for lawyers without contacting her mom.

PP again, now I see your other post saying she can get the letter and prepare. I guess it's really up to OP. Because accepting the letter means her mom will know that the letter was accepted and might send others. Where does OP draw the line at accepting them and reading them?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I'd let it get sent back unclaimed. Meaning, don't open the door for the letter carrier, you will get a second notice (mailed, not brought by the carrier) and then it will be returned 'unclaimed' to the sender.

Why, so OP can annoy her mom? You people who think this is an emotional war to the death between OP and her mom are missing the point. OP needs to act in her own interest, and she also needs to stop caring whether her mom is hurt or gloating. If mom is suing OP, OP is going to find out when she gets served, and ignoring a letter isn't going to change that. If the letter is an anodyne "we miss our grandkids," then OP can just not respond.

The OP does not want mail from the mother and does not have to accept it!

Yes, we know you love the drama. But OP needs to consider her own interests, and that's probably knowing what's in the letter. She mentioned her DH was previewing the voicemails etc--he can read this letter for her.

She. Doesn't. Want. It. What part of that is confusing for you?

Your bad advice is what's confusing. Why would you want OP to be blindsided by getting served when she's out with her friends.

Exactly. Even if OP’s mom has literally zero basis for a legal claim, that doesn’t mean she can’t file suit against OP. Frivolous claims are made all the time in courts. It’s in OP’s interest to know if that is where this is headed. It would also be useful for OP to know if her mom is escalating and threatening to go to OP’s employer or CPS or something like that.

NP. Let's say the letter says "I'm contacting CPS" or "I'm suing you." How does OP knowing that in advance help? Because a) it might not be true; it's just as likely that the mom is trying to upset op and get a response from her and b) if it is true, it's not like having a letter about it in advance will prevent it from happening.

Personally, I would refuse the letter. If OP is worried about a lawsuit or bogus CPS calls, she can low key start looking for lawyers without contacting her mom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I'd let it get sent back unclaimed. Meaning, don't open the door for the letter carrier, you will get a second notice (mailed, not brought by the carrier) and then it will be returned 'unclaimed' to the sender.

Why, so OP can annoy her mom? You people who think this is an emotional war to the death between OP and her mom are missing the point. OP needs to act in her own interest, and she also needs to stop caring whether her mom is hurt or gloating. If mom is suing OP, OP is going to find out when she gets served, and ignoring a letter isn't going to change that. If the letter is an anodyne "we miss our grandkids," then OP can just not respond.

The OP does not want mail from the mother and does not have to accept it!

Yes, we know you love the drama. But OP needs to consider her own interests, and that's probably knowing what's in the letter. She mentioned her DH was previewing the voicemails etc--he can read this letter for her.

She. Doesn't. Want. It. What part of that is confusing for you?

Your bad advice is what's confusing. Why would you want OP to be blindsided by getting served when she's out with her friends.

This is crazy. Op does not want the letter. She can't live her whole life around her crazy mother's letter-sending. And if the mother is going to sue, what difference does accepting the letter or not do? Not sure why you jump right to sueing.

OP can get a lawyer and prepare. And she can deal with the guy serving her at her house rather than at her work.

Also, OP's husband can read the letter, as he's apparently read other letters and texts and has listened to voicemails.

If it's not a legal matter, OP can simply not respond. Easy.