We make fun of each other’s foibles and quirks all the time. We don’t poke fun at things that might actually be hurtful, like if someone were overweight or had a big disappointment. But something little like napkins and Lego toys? That could totally be something we’d make fun of. My family makes fun of me for my lack of sports ability or that I’m now the shortest one in the family or the time I was reading while walking and walked into a door.. One of my kids always seems to have only one sock, so we call him “One Sock,” little things like that. When I was younger, I knew that I could only bring home a guy who can take it (without feeling hurt) and dish it out (without being hurtful), thank goodness for my husband. His family is ultra polite and very serious and that’s fine, but mine is loud and rowdy and always laughing. Is it possible that she doesn’t know you find it annoying? Is it possible to just join in on the joke instead of taking it as a personal insult?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s so weird about wiping the food from a dinner plate into the trash using a paper towel? It’s not perhaps the most common practice but why is objectionable?

I'll set aside that OP isn't composting and is just tossing everything in the trash, but why not just use silverware to scrape off the plates?

Why not just use the paper towels?

It can be unsanitary. There is plenty of food that's going to seep through the paper towel and get on your fingers. Would you wipe the plate with your fingers?

This wins for most ridiculous comment in this thread.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your paper towel thing IS weird. Why can't you use the silverware to scrape plates and thus have less waste? It's a bit trashy to not use napkins.

It’s trashy not to use cloth napkins, PP. I hope you’re not being trashy, even on Pizza Friday.

It's trashy to try and make yourself look good by posting weird comments about cloth napkins.

+ + + 100

It's pathetic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, I take it most of you people don't have garbage disposals?

Garbage disposals are useless and if you read about them, there is very little you should be putting down them.

Beat me to posting this.

Anonymous wrote:So, I take it most of you people don't have garbage disposals?

Garbage disposals are useless and if you read about them, there is very little you should be putting down them.

Anonymous wrote:It's called negging, she's being deliberately rude to undermine you and destroy your happiness.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negging

As someone upthread mentioned, the best tactic is to pretend like it doesn't bother you at all, perhaps even lean into it by acting happy and proud that she noticed.

Another fun strategy is making a bingo card with "SH*** MIL will say" before a key visit. The first person to get bingo gets to take a starbucks trip out of the house alone. (Even your FIL might want in on that game.)

Negging puts the recipient ill at ease. The recipient will feel on shaking ground and may not know why. There are some people who build relationships around negging. It's a tactic control freaks use. If someone negs you long enough you will walk on eggshells around them and find you turn into a people pleaser around them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do folks really have cloth napkins for everyday dinners? That’s just odd to me.

We do. Everyone has a napkin ring and we switch the cloth napkins out every few days.

I hate paper napkins.

Ewww. I think it's gross that you reuse cloth napkins. I try to be environmentally friendly but I will not go there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your paper towel thing IS weird. Why can't you use the silverware to scrape plates and thus have less waste? It's a bit trashy to not use napkins.

It’s trashy not to use cloth napkins, PP. I hope you’re not being trashy, even on Pizza Friday.

OMG you are so funny.

It's called negging, she's being deliberately rude to undermine you and destroy your happiness.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negging

As someone upthread mentioned, the best tactic is to pretend like it doesn't bother you at all, perhaps even lean into it by acting happy and proud that she noticed.

Another fun strategy is making a bingo card with "SH*** MIL will say" before a key visit. The first person to get bingo gets to take a starbucks trip out of the house alone. (Even your FIL might want in on that game.)

She's trying to be funny. It's not because she's a MIL, it's just her personality. I would find the whole Marvel/lego thing kind of an eye roller myself. Maybe she thought when her son got married and had kids he would outgrow that stuff?

So, I take it most of you people don't have garbage disposals?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s so weird about wiping the food from a dinner plate into the trash using a paper towel? It’s not perhaps the most common practice but why is objectionable?

I'll set aside that OP isn't composting and is just tossing everything in the trash, but why not just use silverware to scrape off the plates?

Why not just use the paper towels?

It can be unsanitary. There is plenty of food that's going to seep through the paper towel and get on your fingers. Would you wipe the plate with your fingers?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like MIL is just more formal and less casual. Toys in the family for display purposes and paper towels as napkins is probably tacky to her. She should just keep it to herself, but it shouldn't be a shock to OP, who should be well aware they are very different people.

So? You don’t walk around harping on other peoples harmless choices unless you’re a dick.

So? Body slam her and kick her our. Or just ignore. My grandparents thought a lot of what my mom did was weird or informal, and that we kids didn't dress up enough. They were of a different era. There are generational differences all the time. It's easy to roll the eyes and ignore or say "Oh Barb, things are different these days."

Fine. Just as easy for her to stop making rude comments. OP didn’t start the bad behavior here.

So she can put her big girl panties on and speak up. Is that really that hard?

In my family, I just wrote about above? Yes. If I tried to have a serious conversation, the "jokes" will double. If I pretend to take them seriously, they get tired and stop.

Anything is better than nothing. OP is just seething in silence. She can't control MIL and stop her from talking, but she can let her know she doesn't like it. She hasn't don't anything, hence the post. People are just spitballing ideas, some might work, some might not. It doesn't really make any difference to the rest of us, not our problem.

Some people have dry sarcastic humor abd part of it is they feel that have to comment on it. It's just their personality and nothing you say or do will change it.

I set down a crockpot of butternut squash soup on the Thanksgiving buffet counter and a family member said "ohh, bubbly creamy yellow mush. Why would anyone want to eat that?"....um a simple "no thank you" or just say nothing would have suffice.

Sometimes I puposely play into it the sarcastic comments and make it a game for myself instead of feeling annoyed or hurt or defensive.

In the above example I retorted " Happy to get some croutons or a dollop of sour cream to add to the 'bubbly yellow mush' (re: butternut squash soup)".

Anonymous wrote:I love your MIL.

She'd fit right into my family. We always say things like that. Never to hurt anyone, but to point out the infallible absurdities of life. We don't do this with acquaintances, of course, but with people we know well, who understand that humor is the only means of survival.

You're definitely finding accusations where none are intended.

What are you talking about? What about using paper towels and having a tv room with toys in it is an “infallible absurdity”?