Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ypu pack up and leave. Contact National Center for Women and children. You only return if husbands commits and makes appointments for regular therapy and anger management. Oh and you file a police report for violence against a minor.
"Snap" reactions are bullshit. What happens when he "snaps" someones neck. You dont defend against an 8 year old. You leave the room.

Are you crazy? The kid was swinging at his own father. And this is why - because of this nonsense. Kids think they can do whatever they want and if a parent responds, it's abuse. How absurd. Go ahead and call the National Center for Women and Children -- believe me, they have seen real abuse, 1,000 times worse than what OP described. You will be wasting their time and yours.

There are lots of ways to respond to a kid who is out of control that don’t involve putting your hands on their throat.

Anonymous wrote:Ypu pack up and leave. Contact National Center for Women and children. You only return if husbands commits and makes appointments for regular therapy and anger management. Oh and you file a police report for violence against a minor.
"Snap" reactions are bullshit. What happens when he "snaps" someones neck. You dont defend against an 8 year old. You leave the room.

Are you crazy? The kid was swinging at his own father. And this is why - because of this nonsense. Kids think they can do whatever they want and if a parent responds, it's abuse. How absurd. Go ahead and call the National Center for Women and Children -- believe me, they have seen real abuse, 1,000 times worse than what OP described. You will be wasting their time and yours.

Some practical suggestions besides therapy for your family -
Don’t pretend that your kid’s behavior isn’t annoying and anger inducing. It’s likely you add to the situation bc your DH gets mad at your reaction telling him to calm down it the behavior is t that bad, etc and is mad at the kid. And yes your reaction can be a problem - see first statement - go to family therapy. I have seen this dynamic so many times. The dad says something is wrong with the kid, mom gets all defensive and hurt and takes it as an attack on her and pushes back. goes on for a while until something like this happens

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. He and my son are saying there was no "strangling" or pressure on the neck, does this matter? I looked immediately afterwards and saw no marks.

In my mind there are 1k ways to restrain a child or leave the situation without putting hands on the neck. Even moving a child to the bed in a somewhat rough manner by picking them up around the waist or shoulders....

Your son started swinging at his father. Your son has an anger management problem. Your husband curses at your son. Your husband has an anger management problem. They both need courses for this. Anger management classes.

Whether there were marks or not is irrelevant. An adult does not respond this way even to an aggressive child. Your husband is abusive to his kid, both verbally and physically. It will escalate and you are next. You need to get out and as quickly as you can.

As someone whose husband escalated into abusive behavior, it’s easy to say “get out” but the reality is that it is very hard to keep your kids away from an abuser. DH has been involuntarily hospitalized for being a threat to me, we have a protective order, multiple CPS calls and a finding of “indicated abuse”, visitation is limited and supervised, and my kid still came home with fresh bruises a few weeks ago.

There are no easy solutions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. He and my son are saying there was no "strangling" or pressure on the neck, does this matter? I looked immediately afterwards and saw no marks.

In my mind there are 1k ways to restrain a child or leave the situation without putting hands on the neck. Even moving a child to the bed in a somewhat rough manner by picking them up around the waist or shoulders....

Your son started swinging at his father. Your son has an anger management problem. Your husband curses at your son. Your husband has an anger management problem. They both need courses for this. Anger management classes.

Whether there were marks or not is irrelevant. An adult does not respond this way even to an aggressive child. Your husband is abusive to his kid, both verbally and physically. It will escalate and you are next. You need to get out and as quickly as you can.

Anonymous wrote:OP again. He and my son are saying there was no "strangling" or pressure on the neck, does this matter? I looked immediately afterwards and saw no marks.

In my mind there are 1k ways to restrain a child or leave the situation without putting hands on the neck. Even moving a child to the bed in a somewhat rough manner by picking them up around the waist or shoulders....

Your son started swinging at his father. Your son has an anger management problem. Your husband curses at your son. Your husband has an anger management problem. They both need courses for this. Anger management classes.

You need to get out NOW. Good luck. This is not going to get better and no, he won’t get custody.

Anonymous wrote:I think your husband needs anger management

I think you both need parenting classes and possibly therapy for your son he's exhibiting violent behavior towards his sibling and father. You need to get to the bottom of this and put a stop to it.

+100. And I would tell my DH in no uncertain terms that if he can't learn to control himself, I am GONE.

He is expecting your 8 year to have self control, while losing control himself. He is the grown up. This is absolutely NOT ok. Yelling the eff word at a child and then throwing him are NOT ok. Nope never no.

Figure it out, all of you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the detail that hasn’t been examined and needs to be so that the family can learn to de-escalate - the kid had already attacked younger sibling and retreated to his room and dad went in there while the kid was in a heightened state to “turn on a light.” What? The kid was emotionally flooded and the dad barged into his room. No wonder the kid attacked. You can’t go barging in on an emotionally flooded kid’s room for your own agenda. Not good. What was he saying as he entered the room? Why did he do this? Worth exploring with a therapist.

NP. We have nowhere near the situation OP has, but I do feel like fights are escalating in our house. I grew up in a not great environment, so a lot of these terms are new to me. Do you have any books that you can recommend about deescalating with kids? I feel like I don’t ever want to be in the place of questioning if something occurring is abuse. Thank you.

How old are your kids? Some good ones:

How to listen so kids will talk
No drama discipline
The whole brain child
Brain body parenting

Thank you -10 and 13.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this thread is massively overreacting

So...it's okay for a father to cuss at an 8 year old and to grab the same 8 yo by the throat and toss them onto a bed? My kids are 13 and 15 and we have never even come close to cussing them and have never been violent to them.

Saying the f-word at your children is completely unacceptable and a line that should never be crossed.

You read through this thread and all of the people saying "you're overreacting!" and you realize why we have so many young men shooting up this country. Everything is an overreaction till it isn't. OP these are giant flaming red flags. Please make changes for your children's sake.

+1

No more cursing under any circumstances and limiting touches to just hugs and high-fives would improve the situation at OP’s home tremendously.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the detail that hasn’t been examined and needs to be so that the family can learn to de-escalate - the kid had already attacked younger sibling and retreated to his room and dad went in there while the kid was in a heightened state to “turn on a light.” What? The kid was emotionally flooded and the dad barged into his room. No wonder the kid attacked. You can’t go barging in on an emotionally flooded kid’s room for your own agenda. Not good. What was he saying as he entered the room? Why did he do this? Worth exploring with a therapist.

NP. We have nowhere near the situation OP has, but I do feel like fights are escalating in our house. I grew up in a not great environment, so a lot of these terms are new to me. Do you have any books that you can recommend about deescalating with kids? I feel like I don’t ever want to be in the place of questioning if something occurring is abuse. Thank you.

How old are your kids? Some good ones:

How to listen so kids will talk
No drama discipline
The whole brain child
Brain body parenting

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the detail that hasn’t been examined and needs to be so that the family can learn to de-escalate - the kid had already attacked younger sibling and retreated to his room and dad went in there while the kid was in a heightened state to “turn on a light.” What? The kid was emotionally flooded and the dad barged into his room. No wonder the kid attacked. You can’t go barging in on an emotionally flooded kid’s room for your own agenda. Not good. What was he saying as he entered the room? Why did he do this? Worth exploring with a therapist.

NP. We have nowhere near the situation OP has, but I do feel like fights are escalating in our house. I grew up in a not great environment, so a lot of these terms are new to me. Do you have any books that you can recommend about deescalating with kids? I feel like I don’t ever want to be in the place of questioning if something occurring is abuse. Thank you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this thread is massively overreacting

So...it's okay for a father to cuss at an 8 year old and to grab the same 8 yo by the throat and toss them onto a bed? My kids are 13 and 15 and we have never even come close to cussing them and have never been violent to them.

Saying the f-word at your children is completely unacceptable and a line that should never be crossed.

You read through this thread and all of the people saying "you're overreacting!" and you realize why we have so many young men shooting up this country. Everything is an overreaction till it isn't. OP these are giant flaming red flags. Please make changes for your children's sake.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this thread is massively overreacting

So...it's okay for a father to cuss at an 8 year old and to grab the same 8 yo by the throat and toss them onto a bed? My kids are 13 and 15 and we have never even come close to cussing them and have never been violent to them.

Saying the f-word at your children is completely unacceptable and a line that should never be crossed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this thread is massively overreacting

agree

+1

Your DH and DS both need therapy.

Op needs therapy to figure out why she won't protect her children from each other and from their father.