Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The least of your worries is how to get him into private school.

I can’t speak for other private schools but at my private school there’s a strong sense of parent involvement in the school. Unfortunately that means parents have flexible jobs, or one has a stay at home mom, or there is a grandparent or a nanny willing to pick up the slack. Even the parents with high flying jobs get involved. At least at the pre k or kindergarten level the school wants to see that parents will be part of the community. Yes understandably to be able do that smacks of privilege, but that’s why it’s elite private school.

You may want to think right now about how working long hours may not give you the flexibility that private schools are looking from its parents.

+1 to the first part. Spend your money on a nanny and a good half-day preK3 program. He’s struggling right now, so if you have the funds - use them to provide a nurturing environment.

As for the second part of this statement, just wow. This is so out of touch and elitist. OP’s child’s application is not going to suffer because she and her husband work long hours at what I’m sure are at least somewhat prestigious jobs. And involvement like coming into the classroom to read a book occasionally or for conferences or even being on the spring gala auction committee after a handful of years at the school is very different from leaving work at 4 pm every day to get your child from daycare. Even lost-COVID there are many jobs that do not allow (maybe not explicitly but optically) for you to leave every day at 4 for daycare pick up. OP is in NYC not Seattle.

Yes but OP is thinking of hiring a nanny to do this and many of us are agreeing that is a good idea. I also cut my hours to pick my kid up early but if I couldn’t have I would have had some one else do it. He was doing well with a nanny before and now is not doing well- that’s so much more important to figure out than preschool applications.

I agreed with the first part of the statement, so no argument there. What I don’t agree with is the statement that schools look for parents who can be heavily involved. And as for the 4 pm thing - it’s not realistic if you work at Goldman Sachs or Morgan Stanley or Apollo or Latham or any number of NYC firms. Your flexing your schedule to accommodate a 4 pm schedule in DC is just not possible for many working moms in NYC. The culture is not accepting of that and if OP is working at one of these places and does this daily she will lose her job. My point is that the comment is out of touch and not applicable to NYC work culture. Why do you think the OP hasn’t done this yet? Probably because she can’t.

PP above yours is in a loser job or is one of the useless c suite. Has no idea what work is. As someone with a big job, the biggest joke on women is reduced hours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The least of your worries is how to get him into private school.

I can’t speak for other private schools but at my private school there’s a strong sense of parent involvement in the school. Unfortunately that means parents have flexible jobs, or one has a stay at home mom, or there is a grandparent or a nanny willing to pick up the slack. Even the parents with high flying jobs get involved. At least at the pre k or kindergarten level the school wants to see that parents will be part of the community. Yes understandably to be able do that smacks of privilege, but that’s why it’s elite private school.

You may want to think right now about how working long hours may not give you the flexibility that private schools are looking from its parents.

+1 to the first part. Spend your money on a nanny and a good half-day preK3 program. He’s struggling right now, so if you have the funds - use them to provide a nurturing environment.

As for the second part of this statement, just wow. This is so out of touch and elitist. OP’s child’s application is not going to suffer because she and her husband work long hours at what I’m sure are at least somewhat prestigious jobs. And involvement like coming into the classroom to read a book occasionally or for conferences or even being on the spring gala auction committee after a handful of years at the school is very different from leaving work at 4 pm every day to get your child from daycare. Even lost-COVID there are many jobs that do not allow (maybe not explicitly but optically) for you to leave every day at 4 for daycare pick up. OP is in NYC not Seattle.

Yes but OP is thinking of hiring a nanny to do this and many of us are agreeing that is a good idea. I also cut my hours to pick my kid up early but if I couldn’t have I would have had some one else do it. He was doing well with a nanny before and now is not doing well- that’s so much more important to figure out than preschool applications.

I agreed with the first part of the statement, so no argument there. What I don’t agree with is the statement that schools look for parents who can be heavily involved. And as for the 4 pm thing - it’s not realistic if you work at Goldman Sachs or Morgan Stanley or Apollo or Latham or any number of NYC firms. Your flexing your schedule to accommodate a 4 pm schedule in DC is just not possible for many working moms in NYC. The culture is not accepting of that and if OP is working at one of these places and does this daily she will lose her job. My point is that the comment is out of touch and not applicable to NYC work culture. Why do you think the OP hasn’t done this yet? Probably because she can’t.

PP above yours is in a loser job or is one of the useless c suite. Has no idea what work is. As someone with a big job, the biggest joke on women is reduced hours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The least of your worries is how to get him into private school.

I can’t speak for other private schools but at my private school there’s a strong sense of parent involvement in the school. Unfortunately that means parents have flexible jobs, or one has a stay at home mom, or there is a grandparent or a nanny willing to pick up the slack. Even the parents with high flying jobs get involved. At least at the pre k or kindergarten level the school wants to see that parents will be part of the community. Yes understandably to be able do that smacks of privilege, but that’s why it’s elite private school.

You may want to think right now about how working long hours may not give you the flexibility that private schools are looking from its parents.

+1 to the first part. Spend your money on a nanny and a good half-day preK3 program. He’s struggling right now, so if you have the funds - use them to provide a nurturing environment.

As for the second part of this statement, just wow. This is so out of touch and elitist. OP’s child’s application is not going to suffer because she and her husband work long hours at what I’m sure are at least somewhat prestigious jobs. And involvement like coming into the classroom to read a book occasionally or for conferences or even being on the spring gala auction committee after a handful of years at the school is very different from leaving work at 4 pm every day to get your child from daycare. Even lost-COVID there are many jobs that do not allow (maybe not explicitly but optically) for you to leave every day at 4 for daycare pick up. OP is in NYC not Seattle.

Yes but OP is thinking of hiring a nanny to do this and many of us are agreeing that is a good idea. I also cut my hours to pick my kid up early but if I couldn’t have I would have had some one else do it. He was doing well with a nanny before and now is not doing well- that’s so much more important to figure out than preschool applications.

I agreed with the first part of the statement, so no argument there. What I don’t agree with is the statement that schools look for parents who can be heavily involved. And as for the 4 pm thing - it’s not realistic if you work at Goldman Sachs or Morgan Stanley or Apollo or Latham or any number of NYC firms. Your flexing your schedule to accommodate a 4 pm schedule in DC is just not possible for many working moms in NYC. The culture is not accepting of that and if OP is working at one of these places and does this daily she will lose her job. My point is that the comment is out of touch and not applicable to NYC work culture. Why do you think the OP hasn’t done this yet? Probably because she can’t.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The least of your worries is how to get him into private school.

I can’t speak for other private schools but at my private school there’s a strong sense of parent involvement in the school. Unfortunately that means parents have flexible jobs, or one has a stay at home mom, or there is a grandparent or a nanny willing to pick up the slack. Even the parents with high flying jobs get involved. At least at the pre k or kindergarten level the school wants to see that parents will be part of the community. Yes understandably to be able do that smacks of privilege, but that’s why it’s elite private school.

You may want to think right now about how working long hours may not give you the flexibility that private schools are looking from its parents.

+1 to the first part. Spend your money on a nanny and a good half-day preK3 program. He’s struggling right now, so if you have the funds - use them to provide a nurturing environment.

As for the second part of this statement, just wow. This is so out of touch and elitist. OP’s child’s application is not going to suffer because she and her husband work long hours at what I’m sure are at least somewhat prestigious jobs. And involvement like coming into the classroom to read a book occasionally or for conferences or even being on the spring gala auction committee after a handful of years at the school is very different from leaving work at 4 pm every day to get your child from daycare. Even lost-COVID there are many jobs that do not allow (maybe not explicitly but optically) for you to leave every day at 4 for daycare pick up. OP is in NYC not Seattle.

Yes but OP is thinking of hiring a nanny to do this and many of us are agreeing that is a good idea. I also cut my hours to pick my kid up early but if I couldn’t have I would have had some one else do it. He was doing well with a nanny before and now is not doing well- that’s so much more important to figure out than preschool applications.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The least of your worries is how to get him into private school.

I can’t speak for other private schools but at my private school there’s a strong sense of parent involvement in the school. Unfortunately that means parents have flexible jobs, or one has a stay at home mom, or there is a grandparent or a nanny willing to pick up the slack. Even the parents with high flying jobs get involved. At least at the pre k or kindergarten level the school wants to see that parents will be part of the community. Yes understandably to be able do that smacks of privilege, but that’s why it’s elite private school.

You may want to think right now about how working long hours may not give you the flexibility that private schools are looking from its parents.

+1 to the first part. Spend your money on a nanny and a good half-day preK3 program. He’s struggling right now, so if you have the funds - use them to provide a nurturing environment.

As for the second part of this statement, just wow. This is so out of touch and elitist. OP’s child’s application is not going to suffer because she and her husband work long hours at what I’m sure are at least somewhat prestigious jobs. And involvement like coming into the classroom to read a book occasionally or for conferences or even being on the spring gala auction committee after a handful of years at the school is very different from leaving work at 4 pm every day to get your child from daycare. Even lost-COVID there are many jobs that do not allow (maybe not explicitly but optically) for you to leave every day at 4 for daycare pick up. OP is in NYC not Seattle.

Anonymous wrote:The least of your worries is how to get him into private school.

I can’t speak for other private schools but at my private school there’s a strong sense of parent involvement in the school. Unfortunately that means parents have flexible jobs, or one has a stay at home mom, or there is a grandparent or a nanny willing to pick up the slack. Even the parents with high flying jobs get involved. At least at the pre k or kindergarten level the school wants to see that parents will be part of the community. Yes understandably to be able do that smacks of privilege, but that’s why it’s elite private school.

You may want to think right now about how working long hours may not give you the flexibility that private schools are looking from its parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ravenna schools requires disclosure and teacher/caregiver confidential letters. If you fail to disclose, then you will not get accepted based on your failure to disclose. All children have transitional issues. Don’t worry your child’s current teachers aren’t going to “trash” him/her/they.

OP Yes, thanks for the re-assurance. I am concerned. They did complain to us a couple of times and mentioned it during parent-teacher conferences.

We are working with the daycare to address it but it's been such a short time.

Ravenna ISAAGNY form requires their ranking across these dimensions relative to his peers. I got feedback that he's great in some and lacking in others - like transitions. Plus if it's mentioned that he pushed other kids, he's probably totally screwed.

And I don't mean from the top-top (e.g., Horace Mann in NYC), but also the very good ones (e.g., Dwight) for those who know the schools in NYC.

So I had a similar situation where I just didn't want to ask my kid's daycare for a recommendation for a school on Ravenna (it just would have seemed so ridiculous to them that we'd apply there). I asked the private in question if it was necessary and they laughed and said no, we can waive that, there's no need for a 3 year old's reference letter. It was very heartening that they were so reasonable.

Kid got into the school in question, so I don't think it's really that big a deal. I'd just ask so they don't think you're super bad at following directions haha.

OP Interesting idea! When you called the incoming school what did you say your reason was for not submitting a recommendation? How did you frame your request?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former preschool teacher here---I know the private school part of this is important to you, but if you want your child to be successful right now (which will help create his personal self image as a student) then I would make sure you find a preschool that has a lot of fun and allows for copious outdoor time and unstructured play as well as the structure and routine of sitting in circle time (not too long) and being able to line up and walk in the hallway, take turns, share. I worry that kids like yours will get into these fancy academic schools and be labeled a "bad" kid because they can't sit for a 30 minute circle time, when really the circle time length is developmentally inappropriate. So just as you want them to accept your son, I want you to be careful to find the right environment for HIM so that he sees himself as a bright and capable learner, a successful student--which will prepare him just as much for his future schooling as being in the "right" fancy preschool

OP Agreed. But there’s no equivalence. He’s at a neighborhood run of the mill daycare, nothing fancy. And things are not going well. We went for an open house at a fancier place and the moment we knew we were on the verge of a tantrum, the educator there handled it so well that no tantrum ensued. Maybe it was that one individual teacher but if anything we saw the difference very clearly in favor of the fancier school who had a better equipped teacher.

Trust me- I’d your child throws more than a few tantrums in a fancy school at age 3, you will be counseled out. Just make sure it’s a good fit.

PP This is ridiculous. Kids do sometimes throw tantrums.

Of course 3 year olds throw tantrums but many 3 year olds can hold it together at school. I have two kids in school and have never received a phone call about tantrums for either of them and no teacher has ever commented on tantrums during conferences. My children have tantrums at home but they know that it's not OK at school. I do think it's a little different if your child is in a full day program at 3 because it's much harder to ask a kid to hold it together for 8-10 hours at 3 than it is to ask a child to hold it together for 3-4 hours. My guess is that teachers in daycare would be aware of this though and would only raise tantrums if they were occurring enough that they surpassed what was normal.

OP back. My kid is in extended care. He goes there 730 am in the morning and we pick him il after 6 pm. We are both working parents and have no other choice though I am now exploring getting a nanny to pick him up at 4 pm. His pushing other kids has also mostly happened after 3 pm so when he’s tired. In terms of tantrums, they did not call us for it they just mentioned it happens so I think he probably does tantrum more than others but they did not highlight it as a huge problem.

To the poster above how did you manage to teach your kid that tantrums are not acceptable in school? Tips?

Ok now we see the problem. You are keeping him there for way too long. Totally agree with the PP that’s too long for a two year old and tantrums will occur. Ironically at my school the child with the most temper tantrums in my DD’s class is also the kid that is in extended care the longest. You are better off keeping him there for shorter periods of time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former preschool teacher here---I know the private school part of this is important to you, but if you want your child to be successful right now (which will help create his personal self image as a student) then I would make sure you find a preschool that has a lot of fun and allows for copious outdoor time and unstructured play as well as the structure and routine of sitting in circle time (not too long) and being able to line up and walk in the hallway, take turns, share. I worry that kids like yours will get into these fancy academic schools and be labeled a "bad" kid because they can't sit for a 30 minute circle time, when really the circle time length is developmentally inappropriate. So just as you want them to accept your son, I want you to be careful to find the right environment for HIM so that he sees himself as a bright and capable learner, a successful student--which will prepare him just as much for his future schooling as being in the "right" fancy preschool

OP Agreed. But there’s no equivalence. He’s at a neighborhood run of the mill daycare, nothing fancy. And things are not going well. We went for an open house at a fancier place and the moment we knew we were on the verge of a tantrum, the educator there handled it so well that no tantrum ensued. Maybe it was that one individual teacher but if anything we saw the difference very clearly in favor of the fancier school who had a better equipped teacher.

Trust me- I’d your child throws more than a few tantrums in a fancy school at age 3, you will be counseled out. Just make sure it’s a good fit.

PP This is ridiculous. Kids do sometimes throw tantrums.

Of course 3 year olds throw tantrums but many 3 year olds can hold it together at school. I have two kids in school and have never received a phone call about tantrums for either of them and no teacher has ever commented on tantrums during conferences. My children have tantrums at home but they know that it's not OK at school. I do think it's a little different if your child is in a full day program at 3 because it's much harder to ask a kid to hold it together for 8-10 hours at 3 than it is to ask a child to hold it together for 3-4 hours. My guess is that teachers in daycare would be aware of this though and would only raise tantrums if they were occurring enough that they surpassed what was normal.

OP back. My kid is in extended care. He goes there 730 am in the morning and we pick him il after 6 pm. We are both working parents and have no other choice though I am now exploring getting a nanny to pick him up at 4 pm. His pushing other kids has also mostly happened after 3 pm so when he’s tired. In terms of tantrums, they did not call us for it they just mentioned it happens so I think he probably does tantrum more than others but they did not highlight it as a huge problem.

To the poster above how did you manage to teach your kid that tantrums are not acceptable in school? Tips?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former preschool teacher here---I know the private school part of this is important to you, but if you want your child to be successful right now (which will help create his personal self image as a student) then I would make sure you find a preschool that has a lot of fun and allows for copious outdoor time and unstructured play as well as the structure and routine of sitting in circle time (not too long) and being able to line up and walk in the hallway, take turns, share. I worry that kids like yours will get into these fancy academic schools and be labeled a "bad" kid because they can't sit for a 30 minute circle time, when really the circle time length is developmentally inappropriate. So just as you want them to accept your son, I want you to be careful to find the right environment for HIM so that he sees himself as a bright and capable learner, a successful student--which will prepare him just as much for his future schooling as being in the "right" fancy preschool

OP Agreed. But there’s no equivalence. He’s at a neighborhood run of the mill daycare, nothing fancy. And things are not going well. We went for an open house at a fancier place and the moment we knew we were on the verge of a tantrum, the educator there handled it so well that no tantrum ensued. Maybe it was that one individual teacher but if anything we saw the difference very clearly in favor of the fancier school who had a better equipped teacher.

Trust me- I’d your child throws more than a few tantrums in a fancy school at age 3, you will be counseled out. Just make sure it’s a good fit.

PP This is ridiculous. Kids do sometimes throw tantrums.

Of course 3 year olds throw tantrums but many 3 year olds can hold it together at school. I have two kids in school and have never received a phone call about tantrums for either of them and no teacher has ever commented on tantrums during conferences. My children have tantrums at home but they know that it's not OK at school. I do think it's a little different if your child is in a full day program at 3 because it's much harder to ask a kid to hold it together for 8-10 hours at 3 than it is to ask a child to hold it together for 3-4 hours. My guess is that teachers in daycare would be aware of this though and would only raise tantrums if they were occurring enough that they surpassed what was normal.

OP back. My kid is in extended care. He goes there 730 am in the morning and we pick him il after 6 pm. We are both working parents and have no other choice though I am now exploring getting a nanny to pick him up at 4 pm. His pushing other kids has also mostly happened after 3 pm so when he’s tired. In terms of tantrums, they did not call us for it they just mentioned it happens so I think he probably does tantrum more than others but they did not highlight it as a huge problem.

To the poster above how did you manage to teach your kid that tantrums are not acceptable in school? Tips?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids’ preK-12th grade school required letters on behalf of my then 3 year old. I think this is very typical, PPs.

OP I would get a letter from the nanny as well.

This is not very typical. I can only guess that the reason they want a "letter of recommendation" for a child is to ascertain the pedigree of the family. That's the only thing that makes sense here. What could a note like that possibly say? "Larlo is a great napper and can count to 20." "Larlo inherited his intellect from his father, who runs a successful consulting business serving Fortune 500 companies."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former preschool teacher here---I know the private school part of this is important to you, but if you want your child to be successful right now (which will help create his personal self image as a student) then I would make sure you find a preschool that has a lot of fun and allows for copious outdoor time and unstructured play as well as the structure and routine of sitting in circle time (not too long) and being able to line up and walk in the hallway, take turns, share. I worry that kids like yours will get into these fancy academic schools and be labeled a "bad" kid because they can't sit for a 30 minute circle time, when really the circle time length is developmentally inappropriate. So just as you want them to accept your son, I want you to be careful to find the right environment for HIM so that he sees himself as a bright and capable learner, a successful student--which will prepare him just as much for his future schooling as being in the "right" fancy preschool

OP Agreed. But there’s no equivalence. He’s at a neighborhood run of the mill daycare, nothing fancy. And things are not going well. We went for an open house at a fancier place and the moment we knew we were on the verge of a tantrum, the educator there handled it so well that no tantrum ensued. Maybe it was that one individual teacher but if anything we saw the difference very clearly in favor of the fancier school who had a better equipped teacher.

Trust me- I’d your child throws more than a few tantrums in a fancy school at age 3, you will be counseled out. Just make sure it’s a good fit.

PP This is ridiculous. Kids do sometimes throw tantrums.

Of course 3 year olds throw tantrums but many 3 year olds can hold it together at school. I have two kids in school and have never received a phone call about tantrums for either of them and no teacher has ever commented on tantrums during conferences. My children have tantrums at home but they know that it's not OK at school. I do think it's a little different if your child is in a full day program at 3 because it's much harder to ask a kid to hold it together for 8-10 hours at 3 than it is to ask a child to hold it together for 3-4 hours. My guess is that teachers in daycare would be aware of this though and would only raise tantrums if they were occurring enough that they surpassed what was normal.

OP back. My kid is in extended care. He goes there 730 am in the morning and we pick him il after 6 pm. We are both working parents and have no other choice though I am now exploring getting a nanny to pick him up at 4 pm. His pushing other kids has also mostly happened after 3 pm so when he’s tired. In terms of tantrums, they did not call us for it they just mentioned it happens so I think he probably does tantrum more than others but they did not highlight it as a huge problem.

To the poster above how did you manage to teach your kid that tantrums are not acceptable in school? Tips?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did preschool in Manhattan. I chose the one with the best indoor play facilities and the nicest and most approachable headmaster that I actually looked forward to seeing every day. There were no waitlists, no recs, and it was easy to get a morning spot. We all loved that preschool and my kid (now 10) still remembers it fondly.

This came out from npr in 2012 - apparently hundreds of parents in ny tried to put their kids on the application list.

https://www.npr.org/2012/04/01/149804404/n-y-preschool-starts-dna-testing-for-admission

That was an April Fool's joke: https://www.geneticsandsociety.org/biopolitical-times/genetic-april-foolery-npr-and-economist
https://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/22/business/economy/preschool-tuition-race-is-no-joke-economic-view.html