Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the "I do all that and work full-time too" posters: well, I would too if I had a job outside of the home. Of course you can get it all done when you need to. I have posted this before in similar threads, but I prefer having time to making time. I have plenty of time and I like that... no stress about getting out the door in the morning, no stress about getting errands done, only fun family stuff at night and on weekends, no challenges when my husband has to travel for work, no guilt when I leave the kids on Saturday to go do something strictly for me, plenty of opportunity to travel to visit our family across the country for long periods of time, etc.

If you stay home when kids are in school, you have to figure out how to stay productive and challenged and busy and fulfilled without paid work -- that's easy for me. If you work outside the home, you have to figure out how to make it to school-day activities, arrange for sick-day childcare, balance job demands with family needs, balance family time with "me" time -- that would be harder for me. Could I do the latter? Of course. Do I prefer the former? Yeah, so I feel lucky that's what I get to do.

True, but it's a lot easier to balance it when DH is helping 50/50. If your husband works, he has to figure this out to, or at least mine does. I don't have to figure out all the stuff you listed. I think SAHMs, at least on this thread, sometimes think of working of having to do everything they do plus work. And I'm sure some working moms have to do that. But some of us have husbands with flexibility and/or just know they need to pitch in equally. I don't make it to every school event but if I'm not there DH is and vice versa (sometimes we are even there together!).

I don't get this debate - I work, I love it, and I don't find life overly hectic. (well, most of the time, sometimes it obviously is). And yes, I even squeeze in exercise. I do have to work which makes the guilt factor go away, but my income is nice and takes care of more than just the essentials. It's nice to add to the college funds and savings every month. I certainly could fill my time as a SAHM and I cetainly don't begrudge those that are SAHMs. Both "choices" or circumstances have pros and cons as these debates always show.

Oh, I forgot -- add that one to the lists of "ways that WOHM are superior to SAHMs" -- their husbands must be better! Husbands of SAHM are all cavemen who don't help with anything except the bank account.

Anonymous wrote:To the "I do all that and work full-time too" posters: well, I would too if I had a job outside of the home. Of course you can get it all done when you need to. I have posted this before in similar threads, but I prefer having time to making time. I have plenty of time and I like that... no stress about getting out the door in the morning, no stress about getting errands done, only fun family stuff at night and on weekends, no challenges when my husband has to travel for work, no guilt when I leave the kids on Saturday to go do something strictly for me, plenty of opportunity to travel to visit our family across the country for long periods of time, etc.

If you stay home when kids are in school, you have to figure out how to stay productive and challenged and busy and fulfilled without paid work -- that's easy for me. If you work outside the home, you have to figure out how to make it to school-day activities, arrange for sick-day childcare, balance job demands with family needs, balance family time with "me" time -- that would be harder for me. Could I do the latter? Of course. Do I prefer the former? Yeah, so I feel lucky that's what I get to do.

True, but it's a lot easier to balance it when DH is helping 50/50. If your husband works, he has to figure this out to, or at least mine does. I don't have to figure out all the stuff you listed. I think SAHMs, at least on this thread, sometimes think of working of having to do everything they do plus work. And I'm sure some working moms have to do that. But some of us have husbands with flexibility and/or just know they need to pitch in equally. I don't make it to every school event but if I'm not there DH is and vice versa (sometimes we are even there together!).

I don't get this debate - I work, I love it, and I don't find life overly hectic. (well, most of the time, sometimes it obviously is). And yes, I even squeeze in exercise. I do have to work which makes the guilt factor go away, but my income is nice and takes care of more than just the essentials. It's nice to add to the college funds and savings every month. I certainly could fill my time as a SAHM and I cetainly don't begrudge those that are SAHMs. Both "choices" or circumstances have pros and cons as these debates always show.

Anonymous wrote:Soap operas and bon bons. That's what I do.

Seriously, however, my youngest is 2, so I'm not at the SAHM with kids in school stage. I want to go back to work so badly, and I don't want to be bored at home. But I have been out of the workforce for 10 years, which is a lifetime, and have completely mommy-tracked myself now. Plus, I sincerely believe that your middle schoolers need you at home when they get out of school far more than even your preschoolers need you. Not to take care of their physical needs, but to guide them through the emotionally thorny parts of adolescence. So I want flexibility in my new career, and it seems that is hard to find.

I always see this (the wanting to stay home when kids are older) - and just want to chime in that you don't need to be home as much as you think. I stayed home for 8 years and it was great for us. I totally and completely lucked into a job through an old connection/good friend when my youngest started K five years ago. It is full time, but I can choose my hours and stagger with DH so he stays home in the morning until they leave for school and I am home with the kids by 5:15. But middle school kids do sports, activities, my oldest even volunteers in the winter (when sports aren't in session). It does require flexibility but luckily DH and I both have a lot of flexibility. But you definitely don't need to be home at 3 - or if you are your kids won't be most likely!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHM or WOHM -- I think it's obvious that both spend a lot of their day on DCUM. It's bizarre how much people talk about how much there is to do, yet clearly have free time to hang out here.

Working Moms/SAHM/WAHM = One thing we have all gleaned from this thread. They all love to complain

Hey, except for me! (I was 8:39). All I said was I really like my life -- nice happy full life! Where's the complaint in THAT??

Anonymous wrote:SAHM or WOHM -- I think it's obvious that both spend a lot of their day on DCUM. It's bizarre how much people talk about how much there is to do, yet clearly have free time to hang out here.

Working Moms/SAHM/WAHM = One thing we have all gleaned from this thread. They all love to complain

SAHM or WOHM -- I think it's obvious that both spend a lot of their day on DCUM. It's bizarre how much people talk about how much there is to do, yet clearly have free time to hang out here.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not trying to be funny, but if your kids are in school, what do you do all day? I've been on vacation all of this week, and LOVING it. Wishing I didn't have to go back. But, now that it's the end of the week, I'm wondering what would I be doing if this was my way of life? I feel like I'd run out of money & things to do.

Just curious....

Unless your spouse earns a great deal of money, yes, you DO run out of money pretty quickly -- that leads to a need for frugality = need to do it yourself versus hiring someone to do it = need to learn how to do more things (at least in my case -- I became the home handyperson/care repair person etc.

What I do all day varies by day of course, and I hope to reenter the workforce at least part time fairly soon but it's a tough job market out there. I've been taking some classes (doing a lot of the work online) to improve my marketability. Meanwhile, I stay busy at home doing things I think are meaningful and productive -- even if they aren't exactly "professional". They need to be done, and someone has to do them.

My basic day during the school year includes:

early AM -- getting kids out the door, (7:45 for one child, 8:45 for the other (DH leaves at 6 to work out and then go to work)
9:00 -- workout
10:00 basic household chores; dinner prep etc; whatever errands and shopping need to get done -- try to get done before lunch or wait till next day
noon -- lunch and coursework (am taking a Spanish class right now)
1:00 projects like gardening, baking bread, home renovation (little by little -- doing most of it myself so as to save money; DH helps on weekends.)
2:15 pick up first child; supervise HW etc., any after school activities
3:30 pick up second child and homework, any afterschool activities
6:30 DH comes home and dinner
7:30 bed for kids


I know it doesn't sound like an exciting day, but I enjoy my life! I like waking up each morning, and love having the flexibility when my kids need it. I have to say, it doesn't feel like a vacation, though. It just feels like a nice, happy, full life.

To the "I do all that and work full-time too" posters: well, I would too if I had a job outside of the home. Of course you can get it all done when you need to. I have posted this before in similar threads, but I prefer having time to making time. I have plenty of time and I like that... no stress about getting out the door in the morning, no stress about getting errands done, only fun family stuff at night and on weekends, no challenges when my husband has to travel for work, no guilt when I leave the kids on Saturday to go do something strictly for me, plenty of opportunity to travel to visit our family across the country for long periods of time, etc.

If you stay home when kids are in school, you have to figure out how to stay productive and challenged and busy and fulfilled without paid work -- that's easy for me. If you work outside the home, you have to figure out how to make it to school-day activities, arrange for sick-day childcare, balance job demands with family needs, balance family time with "me" time -- that would be harder for me. Could I do the latter? Of course. Do I prefer the former? Yeah, so I feel lucky that's what I get to do.

No question I don't have "enough" to do now that kids are in school. So I play tennis when I'm not working part-time or taking care of my house. But I'm willing to be "nonproductive" some of the time because I would never in a million years have farmed out the care of my babies, toddlers, and preschoolers to a stranger 40-50 hours a week. That is just creepy, not to mention selfish and irresponsible, unless financial need absolutely dictates it (and mine didn't). So I work part-time as much as I can (I'm a lawyer and I have managed to keep up a steady flow of contract work), but I will never say yes to a job that will require me to be unavailable to my children when they are home sick, or on vacation, or home for the summer, or want to go to extracurricular activities, or need help with homework in the evening. Life, and childhood, are too short.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM, and volunteering takes a ton of my time (two schools, church, not-for-profit). Driving my kids to after-school activities and playdates, or being with them at home after school to help with homework, etc., is another big chunk of my day. I go to all their soccer games, dance recitals, band concerts, field trips, class parties, etc. The rest is all the household stuff that takes up anyone's time: tidying and housekeeping chores, laundry, cooking, paying bills, monitoring investments, troubleshooting computers and electronics, family cards and bday gifts, planning birthday parties, dinner parties (we have way more than most people), family scheduling, doctor appointments, vet appointments, buying whatever the family needs in the way of clothes, school supplies, household supplies, drugstore stuff, figuring out what to do with all the kids' art projects and school papers, occasional exciting projects like organizing closets. I consider it a good day if a find time for a walk, let alone real exercise. It is nothing like vacation. And I honestly wonder how WOH moms with demanding jobs manage to hold it all together.


Many of us WOHM miss out on some of the things you mention. We also outsource some of the other stuff you mention, (which is probably why we sometimes forget how much work it is - and hence this post), and many of us do some it from work. Those who don't have means/type of job to allow for either, yes I agree, i don;t know how they hold it together.

I WOHM and my DH and I do almost all the things that you list. Not sure who else besides parents would do all those things. Been a scout leader, on the Board of Trustees of one kids school, room parent, transport to soccer practices, attend sports games for both kids (including during the week) in all seasons, obviously all the home and kid and pet management tasks. We do have a weekly housecleaner. Probably get less sleep and less excercise than SAHMs (sure dont have time for the 4x/week spin classes another poster just asked about!).

Oddly enough my kids are teens and seem to be great kids with no issues so something has worked right.

Well, no, you do not do it "all" and work. You do not clean your house, a house keeper does and you do not take care of your children while you are at work, a daycare does, so, no, not the same at all. Sorry.

Anonymous wrote:(however, if you are curing cancer and still manage to get dinner on the table by 7, then you have the biggest dick here)

Hilarious. Thanks for lightening up this joint.

nycmom wrote:thanks! I was cracking myself up- because you can picture that, right? after reading some of these comments!
seems silly really- who cares what others do- we are women and should be bonded together- supporting each other- regardless of socio-economic differences- but clearly- that is not the case.
so sad! and can someone PLEASE tell me where in the hell these angry housewives NOT eating bon bons, bust their asses in the gym?
really? I can't believe that NOBODY has a spin class they want to tell me about....sheesh!

Bethesda Mom here: try Fitness First. Great classes and daycare if you need it. Also in multiple locations (off Wisconsin Ave).

Anonymous wrote:Work-from-home part-time, project plan, conference calls (again part-time), hit the gym, clean my house, do laundry, call my mother, schedule play dates, wrap birthday presents, garden, paint my nails, take a shower, write emails, prep for house guests, make dinner, make lunches for next day, interview sitters, get car serviced, draw plans for house renovation, read a book, various errands, oh yeah, and masturbate in the bathroom.

Does that help?

Hmmm...I do all this AND work full-time.