Anonymous wrote:If anyone wants to read a tearjerker, read this story about how Princeton treated one first gen student, Juan Pabon, back in the 1990s. The university ended up making amends, so to speak. https://paw.princeton.edu/issues/v119-n06-01092019

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t you realize somewhere along your 30 year journey that you were on the wrong track or the less compensated one or less rewarding one (however you define that?) I cane from an immigrant family that while middle class knew nothing about corporate America internships networking etc. Because of that I had to learn along the way, and I was for sure slower on the uptake than my peers in college. Indeed, I was probably 5-10 years behind my so called peers in terms of progression. But I observed those around me, found mentors, made adjustments to my work style and my aspirations and I’m very happy with where I am at in my late 40s. I appreciate you weren’t in the know at the outset but you are also admitting to a lack of learning agility and any kind of courage to take any minute risk during your life yo make minor or major shifts. You own that.

That’s the thing. I didn’t care about being “rich”, I just wanted a comfortable lifestyle and meaningful work.

It wasn’t until I had kids and REALLY had to look at schools and housing costs and college costs did I understand that $150k is peanuts. Or that my spouse may not want to work once kids are on picture (she also grew up poor like actually on welfare and always expected to work like her parents). But then once you have kids, do the math on housing costs, commute, schools, time with kids you realize you need to make a lot more money.

The most my parents ever made was $40k — so my starting salary of $60k made me think I had it made. I see it with a lot of young people I work with “$70k is more than my parents make combined). On top of that just a decade earlier housing was affordable for gov contractors; it tripled after 2000 and then the “bust” dropped it 10%.

As soon as I had kids I tried to get into big tech, but no luck whether too old or just the luck of gov contracting that isn’t applicable.

Anonymous wrote:If anyone wants to read a tearjerker, read this story about how Princeton treated one first gen student, Juan Pabon, back in the 1990s. The university ended up making amends, so to speak. https://paw.princeton.edu/issues/v119-n06-01092019

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, I have an elite educational background, both undergrad and Ivy professional school. Moreover, I had a privileged upbringing. In fact, I was so accustomed to money growing on trees that I didn't even recognize that it doesn't (I don't have a trust fund). I now earn about $400k, and at this level, all I do is look around at the others with a similar top-tier educational background who are law firm partners or private equity or hedge fund financiers, or at least specialist physicians at top hospitals with excellent job security and pay, who I went to schools with, and wonder why I didn't try to do what they do. They earn multiples of what I earn, and it bothers me, and it is my own doing.

But here is the thing. Someone I know with a net worth of a half billion or so actually explained to me that the coveting never stops. He was honestly explaining that there's always a tier above, and a tier above that, and you will want it, and at some point, somehow, you have to make peace with what you've done and where you are. This guy felt powerfully that he still wanted more and hadn't earned enough, but to his credit recognized the pathology at work.

This reminds me of the “$5 million is a nightmare” discussion in Succession.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQTgLXl1qXI

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, I have an elite educational background, both undergrad and Ivy professional school. Moreover, I had a privileged upbringing. In fact, I was so accustomed to money growing on trees that I didn't even recognize that it doesn't (I don't have a trust fund). I now earn about $400k, and at this level, all I do is look around at the others with a similar top-tier educational background who are law firm partners or private equity or hedge fund financiers, or at least specialist physicians at top hospitals with excellent job security and pay, who I went to schools with, and wonder why I didn't try to do what they do. They earn multiples of what I earn, and it bothers me, and it is my own doing.

But here is the thing. Someone I know with a net worth of a half billion or so actually explained to me that the coveting never stops. He was honestly explaining that there's always a tier above, and a tier above that, and you will want it, and at some point, somehow, you have to make peace with what you've done and where you are. This guy felt powerfully that he still wanted more and hadn't earned enough, but to his credit recognized the pathology at work.

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t you realize somewhere along your 30 year journey that you were on the wrong track or the less compensated one or less rewarding one (however you define that?) I cane from an immigrant family that while middle class knew nothing about corporate America internships networking etc. Because of that I had to learn along the way, and I was for sure slower on the uptake than my peers in college. Indeed, I was probably 5-10 years behind my so called peers in terms of progression. But I observed those around me, found mentors, made adjustments to my work style and my aspirations and I’m very happy with where I am at in my late 40s. I appreciate you weren’t in the know at the outset but you are also admitting to a lack of learning agility and any kind of courage to take any minute risk during your life yo make minor or major shifts. You own that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up pretty lower middle class in a rural southern town. I escaped by getting into an Ivy League and getting tons of aid.

And then promptly squandered that opportunity by making all the wrong career choices (I never interned while in college, just went home and helped out my folks), didn’t understand the potential salary ranges for various careers nor the importance of prestige and clout for your work history (I looked for interesting work in towns I thought would be interesting to live in)

That’s how I ended up in DC, working for a gov contractor on DoD projects — post 9/11 working on defense seemed cool, jobs seemed stable, and I had never lived in a bigger East coast city. I especially appreciated the stability of the job after going through the dot.com crash.

But I could have done so much more with my elite college education, I just squandered it on jobs that fit my lifestyle (clock out at 5) and stability. No idea that you real people could make $400k or $500k — my parents house TODAY is only worth $100k, so this sounds like made up numbers only people like Gates make. As an old person I realize how dumb I was. Anyone relate?

Sorry but how did you not know to do internships? I was also a first-gen college student at an Ivy from a rural, low-income background. I realized that getting internships was crucial even as an underclassmen because so many of the students around me at my Ivy were very aggressively searching for internships. I knew that sophomore and junior summers were CRUCIAL in getting internships + a job offer post-grad, even as my parents had no idea how to navigate the white-collar professional world.

Then again, I graduated in 2012, so different times. But still, the internship search + corporate recruiting was a big part of the campus culture, so I knew I had to figure it out.

Well first off, this was the 90s. Money was not talked about as readily as it is today, and the necessity of internships rather than just a nice to have was not clear. I actually wasn’t gunning for a corporate job; I didn’t care about being rich just comfortable. Unfortunately with housing, college costs, etc, a $130k job is not comfortable in most cities. I mean houses on Howard County are $900k. I would love to move some where cheaper but pay drops usually in step with COL, and college costs are high no matter how cheap your house is. Maybe if I had a friend who knew the ropes they may have set me down, but I hung out with other kids on scholarship by nature of the social scene on campus.


Also internships didn’t pay as much (there was a whole ruckus about how unpaid internships were elitist in the 2000s). How did you afford paying for housing and board in the internship city? Most of my classmates either went home to their home cities and interned there — I went home and worked at local factory to earn tuition money. An internship would have been at BEST net zero or more likely cost money.

OP, I'm in the same boat - I went to an Ivy in the 90's and in a certain sense, squandered my opportunity. I really appreciate what a previous poster said, though, about each generation doing better than the previous one. By that measure, I am doing just fine. I certainly know much more about how to guide my own children. Anyway, would you and the others who have been responded be interested in some sort of Ivy Underachievers meetup or support group? I have to figure out how to make a burner email address for this. I really do think that we could all support each other! And share advice for the next generation...

Not OP but my reactions were, "Yes! I would love that!" followed by "...but what if I'm the underachiever of THAT group too? Damn it."

NP here. I would love to start an Ivy Underachievers Support Group (LOL) as well. I wonder if anyone here would be responsive to a burner email.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up pretty lower middle class in a rural southern town. I escaped by getting into an Ivy League and getting tons of aid.

And then promptly squandered that opportunity by making all the wrong career choices (I never interned while in college, just went home and helped out my folks), didn’t understand the potential salary ranges for various careers nor the importance of prestige and clout for your work history (I looked for interesting work in towns I thought would be interesting to live in)

That’s how I ended up in DC, working for a gov contractor on DoD projects — post 9/11 working on defense seemed cool, jobs seemed stable, and I had never lived in a bigger East coast city. I especially appreciated the stability of the job after going through the dot.com crash.

But I could have done so much more with my elite college education, I just squandered it on jobs that fit my lifestyle (clock out at 5) and stability. No idea that you real people could make $400k or $500k — my parents house TODAY is only worth $100k, so this sounds like made up numbers only people like Gates make. As an old person I realize how dumb I was. Anyone relate?

Sorry but how did you not know to do internships? I was also a first-gen college student at an Ivy from a rural, low-income background. I realized that getting internships was crucial even as an underclassmen because so many of the students around me at my Ivy were very aggressively searching for internships. I knew that sophomore and junior summers were CRUCIAL in getting internships + a job offer post-grad, even as my parents had no idea how to navigate the white-collar professional world.

Then again, I graduated in 2012, so different times. But still, the internship search + corporate recruiting was a big part of the campus culture, so I knew I had to figure it out.

Well first off, this was the 90s. Money was not talked about as readily as it is today, and the necessity of internships rather than just a nice to have was not clear. I actually wasn’t gunning for a corporate job; I didn’t care about being rich just comfortable. Unfortunately with housing, college costs, etc, a $130k job is not comfortable in most cities. I mean houses on Howard County are $900k. I would love to move some where cheaper but pay drops usually in step with COL, and college costs are high no matter how cheap your house is. Maybe if I had a friend who knew the ropes they may have set me down, but I hung out with other kids on scholarship by nature of the social scene on campus.


Also internships didn’t pay as much (there was a whole ruckus about how unpaid internships were elitist in the 2000s). How did you afford paying for housing and board in the internship city? Most of my classmates either went home to their home cities and interned there — I went home and worked at local factory to earn tuition money. An internship would have been at BEST net zero or more likely cost money.

PP here. If you post an email, I'll join. We can't use the meetup for just commiserating, though. We have to strategize for the next generation and also appreciate the good things that we have done!