Anonymous wrote:Are you sure there’s not more to it? If it’s really as you describe (your daughters childhood was pretty happy, your husband was a moderate drinker but certainly not an alcoholic, your daughter wasn’t exposed to any truly dysfunctional people during her childhood besides controlled visits w her alcoholic grandmother) then I think your daughter is histrionic and emotionally immature at best in describing your DH’s “alcoholism” and her “childhood trauma.”

But maybe there’s more to the story…maybe there were incidents of your DH’s drinking that you conveniently forgot or are not admitting to…

My dad is an alcoholic but neither he nor my mom would ever admit that to anyone, even to themselves. How do I know my dad is an alcoholic? Because he drinks 4-5 drinks every single night and has for as long as I can remember minus 2 years when he randomly decided to become sober. I don’t think he has ever driven after drinking and he has never really seemed belligerent while drinking or hungover the next day but drinking as much as he does daily alone makes him an alcoholic. Are you sure your husband really only had 1-2 drinks a few nights a week? Are you sure there were no incidents w your daughter present? Like he drunkenly called her a name or otherwise was verbally abusive or did something upsetting/concerning?

If I mentioned to my parents that my dad is an alcoholic or even hinted that I think he drinks too much, they would both be shocked and appalled and gaslight me and deny it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Even today she was sending me trauma tiktoks of 20 year olds crying into the camera about their trauma. All white American young women of course. A month ago, AC and her roommate had a disagreement apparently about dishes and kitchen stuff. AC messaged me that she is now receiving trauma from her roommate. I said "what do you mean receiving trauma". AC then explained that roommate was meant to empty DW and didn't and they were arguing about chores and who's turn. But this is very strong language throwing the word trauma around. Sorry but trauma is a very serious word for very serious situations.

“Larla, please stop sending these to me. Let’s set up a weekly phone check in. I’m happy to call you on Sunday evenings unless you want to suggest a different day.”

Stop being a place where she can park this stuff.

But tell her WHY. Tell her what's wrong with the crap she is spewing.

Actually I wouldn’t suggest telling her why. That is an invitation to engaging and arguing around this. Basically it’s applying that “grey rock” approach where you give minimal response to the drama. I think that OP has been allowing this to continue and will try to reason with dd. It’s time to pull back and “grey rock.”
Here’s a link to describe what that is if you’ve never heard of it: https://mywellbeing.com/for-therapists/grey-rock-technique

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Even today she was sending me trauma tiktoks of 20 year olds crying into the camera about their trauma. All white American young women of course. A month ago, AC and her roommate had a disagreement apparently about dishes and kitchen stuff. AC messaged me that she is now receiving trauma from her roommate. I said "what do you mean receiving trauma". AC then explained that roommate was meant to empty DW and didn't and they were arguing about chores and who's turn. But this is very strong language throwing the word trauma around. Sorry but trauma is a very serious word for very serious situations.

“Larla, please stop sending these to me. Let’s set up a weekly phone check in. I’m happy to call you on Sunday evenings unless you want to suggest a different day.”

Stop being a place where she can park this stuff.

But tell her WHY. Tell her what's wrong with the crap she is spewing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is still healing. Her anger is indicative that she is in place of blame. When healing begins there is anger and also compassion, forgiveness (for self and others). She is on her way and I hope she continues but it sounds like she is barely 1/2 way through the storm. Give her time. Maybe a few more years. In the meantime focus on self care, compassion with boundaries, and same for you partner.

Healing from what? Don’t agree with her or have compassion because it just feeds into her delusions. Tell her to focus on being positive and don’t even justify or engage any talk of drinking, alcoholism, or genes.

OP here. I'm not entirely sure what she's healing from. But either way she's unhappy. She told me it was selfish of me to have children when we have generational trauma in the family. She told me people shouldn't pro-create if they have trauma. And only emotionally healthy stable people from good solid families should pro-create. I told her that this wasn't a eugenics society that we live in. But she didn't know what I meant. I do encourage her to look on the bright side of life and all the gifts and silver linings. She thinks I'm being silly saying that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Even today she was sending me trauma tiktoks of 20 year olds crying into the camera about their trauma. All white American young women of course. A month ago, AC and her roommate had a disagreement apparently about dishes and kitchen stuff. AC messaged me that she is now receiving trauma from her roommate. I said "what do you mean receiving trauma". AC then explained that roommate was meant to empty DW and didn't and they were arguing about chores and who's turn. But this is very strong language throwing the word trauma around. Sorry but trauma is a very serious word for very serious situations.

“Larla, please stop sending these to me. Let’s set up a weekly phone check in. I’m happy to call you on Sunday evenings unless you want to suggest a different day.”

Stop being a place where she can park this stuff.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Even today she was sending me trauma tiktoks of 20 year olds crying into the camera about their trauma. All white American young women of course. A month ago, AC and her roommate had a disagreement apparently about dishes and kitchen stuff. AC messaged me that she is now receiving trauma from her roommate. I said "what do you mean receiving trauma". AC then explained that roommate was meant to empty DW and didn't and they were arguing about chores and who's turn. But this is very strong language throwing the word trauma around. Sorry but trauma is a very serious word for very serious situations.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know. It is so ridiculous I'm surprised no one has accused me of being a troll!!! I'd be skeptical too. It is so over the top. She's always liked drama but I was hoping things would tone down as she got older
What happens to people like this? Doe she just alienate people ? Will she wale up before age 30 and come to her senses? I really do worry about it and wonder...

Anonymous wrote:I suspect that there's a whole lot more to this story, OP.

If you want to maintain a relationship with you daughter, it's up to you to go to therapy and figure out what you did wrong raising this kid. Kids don't just alienate themselves from their parents like this, without a whole lot of other stuff going on. Your husband sounds kind of like a dry drunk, TBH. You sound like an enabler.

If you don't want to maintain a relationship with your daughter, continue to minimize your husband's behavior and your behavior, and blame your daughter.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Even today she was sending me trauma tiktoks of 20 year olds crying into the camera about their trauma. All white American young women of course. A month ago, AC and her roommate had a disagreement apparently about dishes and kitchen stuff. AC messaged me that she is now receiving trauma from her roommate. I said "what do you mean receiving trauma". AC then explained that roommate was meant to empty DW and didn't and they were arguing about chores and who's turn. But this is very strong language throwing the word trauma around. Sorry but trauma is a very serious word for very serious situations.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Even today she was sending me trauma tiktoks of 20 year olds crying into the camera about their trauma. All white American young women of course. A month ago, AC and her roommate had a disagreement apparently about dishes and kitchen stuff. AC messaged me that she is now receiving trauma from her roommate. I said "what do you mean receiving trauma". AC then explained that roommate was meant to empty DW and didn't and they were arguing about chores and who's turn. But this is very strong language throwing the word trauma around. Sorry but trauma is a very serious word for very serious situations.