Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mom was a POS. An alcoholic parent is 99% of the time completely overblown and exaggerated. You prove this by showing that he never once abused you.

NP here and child of an alcoholic. Go take your BS somewhere else. Being an alcoholic IS being abusive. STFU.

NP and I get what the PP is saying. Just labeling the dad an “alcoholic” - especially in the context of a divorce - doesn’t necessarily mean he was this terrible person. My dad meets the criteria of an alcoholic but he is incredibly high functioning. Ran marathons. Was the CEO of a company. Got up every day at 630 am and worked. But at the end of the day, starting at 530 or 6 pm, he had to drink. He’d typically drink a dozen beers a night, begin to ramble and go to bed. Never raised his voice, never abused his family. So I’m not sure I’d agree that having an alcoholic father necessarily equals abuse.

Sure. But this scenario also seems far less likely to lead to divorce. I would also say it not modeling appropriate alcohol consumption for kids growing up in that circumstance.

So basically he was nothing but a paycheck. He literally but drink from 6pm onward once home. He gave his best self, his sober self at work, and did nothing at home but drink and sit around. What a role model. Neglect is abuse.

Go hop over to that thread about what it’s like to work at an Amazon warehouse and then reconsider your sanctimony. Some people do not respond perfectly when faced with bad circumstances. They still don’t deserve to be abandoned by their own family or tormented just because of their shortcomings, especially when they are really trying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't outright resent her but she was wrong to complain about those things to you.

Wtf? At some point in time a parent has to be tell their child the honest truth about their existence and what brought them here.

Was her mother suppose to lie?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mom was a POS. An alcoholic parent is 99% of the time completely overblown and exaggerated. You prove this by showing that he never once abused you.

NP here and child of an alcoholic. Go take your BS somewhere else. Being an alcoholic IS being abusive. STFU.

NP and I get what the PP is saying. Just labeling the dad an “alcoholic” - especially in the context of a divorce - doesn’t necessarily mean he was this terrible person. My dad meets the criteria of an alcoholic but he is incredibly high functioning. Ran marathons. Was the CEO of a company. Got up every day at 630 am and worked. But at the end of the day, starting at 530 or 6 pm, he had to drink. He’d typically drink a dozen beers a night, begin to ramble and go to bed. Never raised his voice, never abused his family. So I’m not sure I’d agree that having an alcoholic father necessarily equals abuse.

Sure. But this scenario also seems far less likely to lead to divorce. I would also say it not modeling appropriate alcohol consumption for kids growing up in that circumstance.

So basically he was nothing but a paycheck. He literally but drink from 6pm onward once home. He gave his best self, his sober self at work, and did nothing at home but drink and sit around. What a role model. Neglect is abuse.

Go hop over to that thread about what it’s like to work at an Amazon warehouse and then reconsider your sanctimony. Some people do not respond perfectly when faced with bad circumstances. They still don’t deserve to be abandoned by their own family or tormented just because of their shortcomings, especially when they are really trying.

Addicts get NO sympathy from me. NONE. I’ve lived with some as a child and teen, had them lie to me, steal from me, embarrass me, berate me, I was forced to do the parent roles like cook, clean, babysit my siblings bc my mother was too drunk to do it. Children of alcoholics suffer trauma every single day, even if their drunk parent is passed out all night. There is not one single excuse that justifies it. Not one.

I don’t care where they work, if they even work at all. No child under any circumstance deserves to live with a drunk for a parent. I lived that life. It was he!! I was very clear with my DH before we got married and before we had children that I would never allow my children to live in a house with an alcoholic parent (him or me) and that I would leave if he ever became one. I am firm on this. I do not drink alcohol at all. People like PP with their soft angles and boo hoo for the drunk have zero idea what it is like.

You are projecting your own trauma onto a stranger that was not described in similar terms. All addicts are not the same and do not deserve to be written off wholesale. These are human beings that are part of your family. They need help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mom was a POS. An alcoholic parent is 99% of the time completely overblown and exaggerated. You prove this by showing that he never once abused you.

NP here and child of an alcoholic. Go take your BS somewhere else. Being an alcoholic IS being abusive. STFU.

NP and I get what the PP is saying. Just labeling the dad an “alcoholic” - especially in the context of a divorce - doesn’t necessarily mean he was this terrible person. My dad meets the criteria of an alcoholic but he is incredibly high functioning. Ran marathons. Was the CEO of a company. Got up every day at 630 am and worked. But at the end of the day, starting at 530 or 6 pm, he had to drink. He’d typically drink a dozen beers a night, begin to ramble and go to bed. Never raised his voice, never abused his family. So I’m not sure I’d agree that having an alcoholic father necessarily equals abuse.

Sure. But this scenario also seems far less likely to lead to divorce. I would also say it not modeling appropriate alcohol consumption for kids growing up in that circumstance.

So basically he was nothing but a paycheck. He literally but drink from 6pm onward once home. He gave his best self, his sober self at work, and did nothing at home but drink and sit around. What a role model. Neglect is abuse.

Go hop over to that thread about what it’s like to work at an Amazon warehouse and then reconsider your sanctimony. Some people do not respond perfectly when faced with bad circumstances. They still don’t deserve to be abandoned by their own family or tormented just because of their shortcomings, especially when they are really trying.

Addicts get NO sympathy from me. NONE. I’ve lived with some as a child and teen, had them lie to me, steal from me, embarrass me, berate me, I was forced to do the parent roles like cook, clean, babysit my siblings bc my mother was too drunk to do it. Children of alcoholics suffer trauma every single day, even if their drunk parent is passed out all night. There is not one single excuse that justifies it. Not one.

I don’t care where they work, if they even work at all. No child under any circumstance deserves to live with a drunk for a parent. I lived that life. It was he!! I was very clear with my DH before we got married and before we had children that I would never allow my children to live in a house with an alcoholic parent (him or me) and that I would leave if he ever became one. I am firm on this. I do not drink alcohol at all. People like PP with their soft angles and boo hoo for the drunk have zero idea what it is like.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't outright resent her but she was wrong to complain about those things to you.

Wtf? At some point in time a parent has to be tell their child the honest truth about their existence and what brought them here.

Was her mother suppose to lie?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mom was a POS. An alcoholic parent is 99% of the time completely overblown and exaggerated. You prove this by showing that he never once abused you.

NP here and child of an alcoholic. Go take your BS somewhere else. Being an alcoholic IS being abusive. STFU.

NP and I get what the PP is saying. Just labeling the dad an “alcoholic” - especially in the context of a divorce - doesn’t necessarily mean he was this terrible person. My dad meets the criteria of an alcoholic but he is incredibly high functioning. Ran marathons. Was the CEO of a company. Got up every day at 630 am and worked. But at the end of the day, starting at 530 or 6 pm, he had to drink. He’d typically drink a dozen beers a night, begin to ramble and go to bed. Never raised his voice, never abused his family. So I’m not sure I’d agree that having an alcoholic father necessarily equals abuse.

Sure. But this scenario also seems far less likely to lead to divorce. I would also say it not modeling appropriate alcohol consumption for kids growing up in that circumstance.

So basically he was nothing but a paycheck. He literally but drink from 6pm onward once home. He gave his best self, his sober self at work, and did nothing at home but drink and sit around. What a role model. Neglect is abuse.

Go hop over to that thread about what it’s like to work at an Amazon warehouse and then reconsider your sanctimony. Some people do not respond perfectly when faced with bad circumstances. They still don’t deserve to be abandoned by their own family or tormented just because of their shortcomings, especially when they are really trying.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't outright resent her but she was wrong to complain about those things to you.

Anonymous wrote:Your father could have seen you more if he wanted. Your mother did the right thing. Living with a drunk and parents in an unhappy marriage would have been hell.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mom was a POS. An alcoholic parent is 99% of the time completely overblown and exaggerated. You prove this by showing that he never once abused you.

NP here and child of an alcoholic. Go take your BS somewhere else. Being an alcoholic IS being abusive. STFU.

NP and I get what the PP is saying. Just labeling the dad an “alcoholic” - especially in the context of a divorce - doesn’t necessarily mean he was this terrible person. My dad meets the criteria of an alcoholic but he is incredibly high functioning. Ran marathons. Was the CEO of a company. Got up every day at 630 am and worked. But at the end of the day, starting at 530 or 6 pm, he had to drink. He’d typically drink a dozen beers a night, begin to ramble and go to bed. Never raised his voice, never abused his family. So I’m not sure I’d agree that having an alcoholic father necessarily equals abuse.

Sure. But this scenario also seems far less likely to lead to divorce. I would also say it not modeling appropriate alcohol consumption for kids growing up in that circumstance.

So basically he was nothing but a paycheck. He literally but drink from 6pm onward once home. He gave his best self, his sober self at work, and did nothing at home but drink and sit around. What a role model. Neglect is abuse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mom was a POS. An alcoholic parent is 99% of the time completely overblown and exaggerated. You prove this by showing that he never once abused you.

NP here and child of an alcoholic. Go take your BS somewhere else. Being an alcoholic IS being abusive. STFU.

NP and I get what the PP is saying. Just labeling the dad an “alcoholic” - especially in the context of a divorce - doesn’t necessarily mean he was this terrible person. My dad meets the criteria of an alcoholic but he is incredibly high functioning. Ran marathons. Was the CEO of a company. Got up every day at 630 am and worked. But at the end of the day, starting at 530 or 6 pm, he had to drink. He’d typically drink a dozen beers a night, begin to ramble and go to bed. Never raised his voice, never abused his family. So I’m not sure I’d agree that having an alcoholic father necessarily equals abuse.

Sure. But this scenario also seems far less likely to lead to divorce. I would also say it not modeling appropriate alcohol consumption for kids growing up in that circumstance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mom was a POS. An alcoholic parent is 99% of the time completely overblown and exaggerated. You prove this by showing that he never once abused you.

What? She stole a relationship from her daughter and her daughter now feels that ache. That's trauma. And to cause it for fear of seeing her dad drinking beer? That's truly WTF.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't outright resent her but she was wrong to complain about those things to you.

I think we have the benefit of 40+ years of, for lack of a better term, divorce culture in knowing it was wrong for her to complain. There is so much advice out there now on the internet, in books etc, about how to handle a divorce most appropriately when there are children involved. OP’s mom probably didn’t have a Parenting - Special Concerns forum to consult on how to do it right. I find that when I am frustrated with how my parents handled things, I sometimes can give them a little more grace when I remember that they didn’t have a world of information literally in their pocket like we do now to help them with things that seem so obvious to me.

Anonymous wrote:Your father could have seen you more if he wanted. Your mother did the right thing. Living with a drunk and parents in an unhappy marriage would have been hell.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mom was a POS. An alcoholic parent is 99% of the time completely overblown and exaggerated. You prove this by showing that he never once abused you.

What? She stole a relationship from her daughter and her daughter now feels that ache. That's trauma. And to cause it for fear of seeing her dad drinking beer? That's truly WTF.

Says the alcoholic.