I pulled my daughter this year from club lax. She’s a freshman. I’m a single parent with two other kids and a hostile coparenting situation. It just wasn’t feasible to miss weekends with my other kids anymore, to deal with shifty coaches annoying parents and inane fees. She also was not practicing. Lots of tears and professions of “loving” club and having to do it but it felt more like an instagram or social event w the travel and whatnot more than a serious discipline.

It wasn’t for us. Im a collegiate athlete myself. Im sure she could play d3 but likely doesn’t have the speed or size for d1. I gave in to club for two full years thinking it might provide a “family” to my child who needed one- but with coaches quitting and whole teams defecting and rival teams cropping up and cost and drama and time away it just wasn’t worth it for us.

It would have been easier to continue along - less tears and protests and gut wrenching worry on my part at first that leaving club would likely mean a lifetime in a vegetative state and likely a stripper pole- but she’s really motivated to play for her private school team so is throwing herself into it in a renewed way. We saved 8k this year by me putting my foot down and we are all happier for it.

At some point it will take parents doing this en mass to create some change and accountability. My daughter was quite good- but it’s inane to think there weren’t hundreds of other 12/13/14 year olds as good as her in our state. She didn’t have to fly around the country 5 times a year. It was excessive and ultimately not socially or athletically a blessing- for US. I know some love it.

This is an interesting thread. I am sympathetic to the OP, because I’ve definitely seen a lot of bad behavior from over-invested, clueless parents, and we’ve encountered plenty of petty random or egomaniacal coaches. But overall we’ve had a very positive experience with three kids playing travel sports. We’ve made lasting friendships with other parents and have enjoyed the time in the car or hotels with our kids and the other kids in the carpool..

Thinking back, though, I really agree with the posters who said the B or C teams are often the best place to develop, so long as there is a good training structure and committed families. Our two kids who played/are playing at that level love their primary sport completely. Our eldest went from a C team to club in college, to adult league, and she has ended up with so many close friendships from that experience. Our youngest is on a B team now, with just the sort of talented and ambitious coach a PP mentioned you can often find at that level. If this kid takes a step up, it will be due to the positive coaching and team experience he’s had along the way. And at this level we’ve been surrounded be happy, grounded parents and kids for years. Our middle kid is such an outstanding athlete that he was always among the top players on the top team, and because of that we were insulated from the negativity that his friends who weren’t starters felt. To a person, the parents of the starters felt like those years were mostly positive and the parents of the bench players didn’t, even though most of the kids were recruited and are playing in college now. Proximity to the perceived brass ring can definitely be toxic for a lot of people.

I cannot wait for travel ball to be over too.

Between the coaches who prioritize their own kids to the coaches who bench kids for entire games (and sometimes even whole tournaments) my general impression is that the people who coach these teams are compensating for failed childhood dreams. Heck there are entire teams would rather win all of the time than actually develop players. We are simply not allowed to loose.

I do think it’s gotten worse since Covid. I’ve seen coaches scream at children. I’ve seen them “shake” kids to “coach” them. I’ve seen them fight with refs. Like to the point where spit is flying.

And it bleeds over to the rec leagues. Because they coach both. And it’s all one big political poop show.

What bothers me the most- is that parents think this is normal. I’ve heard so many people tell me this.

And it’s just… I can see their kids start hating the game. I kinda wish mine would too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sort of midway through this now with my 8th grader. What I will say for people who don't have superstar athletes- find a club where your kid can play on the top team. Being on the top team of a lower level club is such a better experience than being on team 2/3/4 of a top club. Usually, lower level teams are less pressured and by being on the top team, you get the most attention/best coaching, etc.

Just my 0.02 5 years into this.

FWIW, coming from the perspective of a college recruit parent whose kid is now through the process, I completely disagree with this. I think avoiding the top team at a big club until kids are u15 or so is the best plan unless you have an absolute superstar (and even then, I’m not convinced). I actually think for development and growth, being on the second or third team for awhile is best. You get the ambitious coaches who have their own career ambitions, but you don’t have the insanity of the top team parents.

You have to be willing to switch clubs sometimes, when it comes time to go to a top-level team. But I’m so glad my kid played lower level for years, and not on the top team. DC got much better development and a lot more playing time, and then easily transitioned to a top team when DC wanted. The parents were mellower than the top team parents as well.

I honestly don’t understand why so many parents push their kids to be on top teams of any club. It doesn’t always make sense.

+1. I think this is good advice. Especially for baseball. I’ve seen 95 pound 13 year old boys who were technically superior players to 190 pound players, but just we’re not getting enough playing time on the top team on the big fields. The small kid kept playing on the “B” for two more years and was the absolute superstar when nature evened things up at 15U. The smaller kids just have to keep grinding and get good reps.

It's the same in every sport with late growers. It's painful for them, but they usually end up better for it the long run because they keep working to try to earn minutes or a team spot with the disadvantage of their current size which they can't control. I have seen kids hit that big growth spurt after sophomore year and then be complete beasts, some even later. We value the instant win, can't see the forest for the trees in youth sports. The life lessons and decorum and moral values often get thrown to the wayside by those in power.

I’m the PP with the college athlete. For context, my kid was on the 3rd/4th teams when he was little. I thought it was great. The lower level teams are friendly places for development. I do not understand why more people don’t aim for those teams. Top teams on any club (even small clubs) will always have crazy ambitious parents.

As my own kid observed, if you had taken all the kids in his age group at age 8 and guessed which ones would be D1, D3, or not playing at all based on their club position, you probably would have been mostly wrong.

Anonymous wrote:I am at the start of the travel journey and it’s totally fanning the flames of my insecurity. Kid definitely has a ton of room for improvement and is definitely second string. The parents treat you like sh:t bc your son is low man on the totem pole (and it’s not even the “best” level team, mind you!) They are organizing a winter training program which only “select” team member are being chosen for. My kid enjoys playing but I hate the craziness of it all. makes me want to run for the hills!

I'm sorry about this. I see it happen all the time. Are these teams that a few motivated parents help to organize but aren't through the club? We are at a small club and a few parents at bigger clubs know my kid who is very good and he is regularly invited to join winter teams or weekend/day tournaments over kids in their own club. I know for some parents whose kids aren't invited, they create their own team and I highly recommend doing this, especially if your kid just really enjoys playing. Also, if you also want to continue building your kid's confidence as he develops, I also suggest that they talk to their local rec team and see if they can come just for games (assuming they need players). I know a lot of rec leagues are often hurting for players). Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sort of midway through this now with my 8th grader. What I will say for people who don't have superstar athletes- find a club where your kid can play on the top team. Being on the top team of a lower level club is such a better experience than being on team 2/3/4 of a top club. Usually, lower level teams are less pressured and by being on the top team, you get the most attention/best coaching, etc.

Just my 0.02 5 years into this.

FWIW, coming from the perspective of a college recruit parent whose kid is now through the process, I completely disagree with this. I think avoiding the top team at a big club until kids are u15 or so is the best plan unless you have an absolute superstar (and even then, I’m not convinced). I actually think for development and growth, being on the second or third team for awhile is best. You get the ambitious coaches who have their own career ambitions, but you don’t have the insanity of the top team parents.

You have to be willing to switch clubs sometimes, when it comes time to go to a top-level team. But I’m so glad my kid played lower level for years, and not on the top team. DC got much better development and a lot more playing time, and then easily transitioned to a top team when DC wanted. The parents were mellower than the top team parents as well.

I honestly don’t understand why so many parents push their kids to be on top teams of any club. It doesn’t always make sense.

+1. I think this is good advice. Especially for baseball. I’ve seen 95 pound 13 year old boys who were technically superior players to 190 pound players, but just we’re not getting enough playing time on the top team on the big fields. The small kid kept playing on the “B” for two more years and was the absolute superstar when nature evened things up at 15U. The smaller kids just have to keep grinding and get good reps.

It's the same in every sport with late growers. It's painful for them, but they usually end up better for it the long run because they keep working to try to earn minutes or a team spot with the disadvantage of their current size which they can't control. I have seen kids hit that big growth spurt after sophomore year and then be complete beasts, some even later. We value the instant win, can't see the forest for the trees in youth sports. The life lessons and decorum and moral values often get thrown to the wayside by those in power.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sort of midway through this now with my 8th grader. What I will say for people who don't have superstar athletes- find a club where your kid can play on the top team. Being on the top team of a lower level club is such a better experience than being on team 2/3/4 of a top club. Usually, lower level teams are less pressured and by being on the top team, you get the most attention/best coaching, etc.

Just my 0.02 5 years into this.

FWIW, coming from the perspective of a college recruit parent whose kid is now through the process, I completely disagree with this. I think avoiding the top team at a big club until kids are u15 or so is the best plan unless you have an absolute superstar (and even then, I’m not convinced). I actually think for development and growth, being on the second or third team for awhile is best. You get the ambitious coaches who have their own career ambitions, but you don’t have the insanity of the top team parents.

You have to be willing to switch clubs sometimes, when it comes time to go to a top-level team. But I’m so glad my kid played lower level for years, and not on the top team. DC got much better development and a lot more playing time, and then easily transitioned to a top team when DC wanted. The parents were mellower than the top team parents as well.

I honestly don’t understand why so many parents push their kids to be on top teams of any club. It doesn’t always make sense.

Maybe those parents really believe their kids are top players? I've always felt that if a kid is not self-motivated or can only compete at that level with lots of extra training that parents are willing to provide, that they probably aren't top level material. My kid thinks it's wild to hear that some of his teammates on a top team have had private training for so long yet he is still the better player (starter and more playing time). He half-jokes and says imagine how much better he would be if we had gotten him a private trainer. I told him we didn't care whether he got on a top team or not so we never even thought about it.

PP here with the college athlete kid. First, I would nip that sort of talk from your kid in the bud immediately. He should absolutely not be talking like that in 8th grade. It isn’t good.

But secondly and more relevant to the conversation, from what I see private training is often a proxy for work ethic, at least for kids in high school. I guess I disagree with your assessment, or more specifically I disagree with it for kids in HS. No parent can make a kid get private training in HS if they don’t want it, and no coaches want to waste their time with kids with no motivation. By high school, the hard workers are well on their way to college athletics. And what I saw was that while some of the athletic superstars went on to college, many didn’t. The kids with work ethic did very well, though.

It really does come down to work ethic in the long run. Kids who coast on their talent have a hard time when that stops working. The ones who have always had to work a little harder just keep pushing and often rise to the top. One of my kids is decently talented but I worry he doesn't have the work ethic. My other kid is young still but I can already see that he's the type who persists in the face of difficulty. It's a personality/temperament thing that I think can be observed even in young kids. I am keeping an eye on my older kid and if he isn't showing the work ethic I am not going to continue paying $$ for travel sports. None of it will matter in the long run if he lacks the work ethic.

I have kid who is not the most athletic and not the greatest work ethic. But because of a sibling that did have talent and the work ethic, he too ended up playing a travel sport and by sheer length of time and consistency from doing it so long, is actually pretty good now. I think once he gets to high school, he'll realizes, with work ethic, he could probably score a college scholarship but we'll see. Having a few kids with varying levels of work ethic, I do know that it's something they themselves have to develop without pressure or nagging from parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sort of midway through this now with my 8th grader. What I will say for people who don't have superstar athletes- find a club where your kid can play on the top team. Being on the top team of a lower level club is such a better experience than being on team 2/3/4 of a top club. Usually, lower level teams are less pressured and by being on the top team, you get the most attention/best coaching, etc.

Just my 0.02 5 years into this.

FWIW, coming from the perspective of a college recruit parent whose kid is now through the process, I completely disagree with this. I think avoiding the top team at a big club until kids are u15 or so is the best plan unless you have an absolute superstar (and even then, I’m not convinced). I actually think for development and growth, being on the second or third team for awhile is best. You get the ambitious coaches who have their own career ambitions, but you don’t have the insanity of the top team parents.

You have to be willing to switch clubs sometimes, when it comes time to go to a top-level team. But I’m so glad my kid played lower level for years, and not on the top team. DC got much better development and a lot more playing time, and then easily transitioned to a top team when DC wanted. The parents were mellower than the top team parents as well.

I honestly don’t understand why so many parents push their kids to be on top teams of any club. It doesn’t always make sense.

Maybe those parents really believe their kids are top players? I've always felt that if a kid is not self-motivated or can only compete at that level with lots of extra training that parents are willing to provide, that they probably aren't top level material. My kid thinks it's wild to hear that some of his teammates on a top team have had private training for so long yet he is still the better player (starter and more playing time). He half-jokes and says imagine how much better he would be if we had gotten him a private trainer. I told him we didn't care whether he got on a top team or not so we never even thought about it.

PP here with the college athlete kid. First, I would nip that sort of talk from your kid in the bud immediately. He should absolutely not be talking like that in 8th grade. It isn’t good.

But secondly and more relevant to the conversation, from what I see private training is often a proxy for work ethic, at least for kids in high school. I guess I disagree with your assessment, or more specifically I disagree with it for kids in HS. No parent can make a kid get private training in HS if they don’t want it, and no coaches want to waste their time with kids with no motivation. By high school, the hard workers are well on their way to college athletics. And what I saw was that while some of the athletic superstars went on to college, many didn’t. The kids with work ethic did very well, though.

It really does come down to work ethic in the long run. Kids who coast on their talent have a hard time when that stops working. The ones who have always had to work a little harder just keep pushing and often rise to the top. One of my kids is decently talented but I worry he doesn't have the work ethic. My other kid is young still but I can already see that he's the type who persists in the face of difficulty. It's a personality/temperament thing that I think can be observed even in young kids. I am keeping an eye on my older kid and if he isn't showing the work ethic I am not going to continue paying $$ for travel sports. None of it will matter in the long run if he lacks the work ethic.

I am at the start of the travel journey and it’s totally fanning the flames of my insecurity. Kid definitely has a ton of room for improvement and is definitely second string. The parents treat you like sh:t bc your son is low man on the totem pole (and it’s not even the “best” level team, mind you!) They are organizing a winter training program which only “select” team member are being chosen for. My kid enjoys playing but I hate the craziness of it all. makes me want to run for the hills!

Jesus, this thread is frightening.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sort of midway through this now with my 8th grader. What I will say for people who don't have superstar athletes- find a club where your kid can play on the top team. Being on the top team of a lower level club is such a better experience than being on team 2/3/4 of a top club. Usually, lower level teams are less pressured and by being on the top team, you get the most attention/best coaching, etc.

Just my 0.02 5 years into this.

FWIW, coming from the perspective of a college recruit parent whose kid is now through the process, I completely disagree with this. I think avoiding the top team at a big club until kids are u15 or so is the best plan unless you have an absolute superstar (and even then, I’m not convinced). I actually think for development and growth, being on the second or third team for awhile is best. You get the ambitious coaches who have their own career ambitions, but you don’t have the insanity of the top team parents.

You have to be willing to switch clubs sometimes, when it comes time to go to a top-level team. But I’m so glad my kid played lower level for years, and not on the top team. DC got much better development and a lot more playing time, and then easily transitioned to a top team when DC wanted. The parents were mellower than the top team parents as well.

I honestly don’t understand why so many parents push their kids to be on top teams of any club. It doesn’t always make sense.

Maybe those parents really believe their kids are top players? I've always felt that if a kid is not self-motivated or can only compete at that level with lots of extra training that parents are willing to provide, that they probably aren't top level material. My kid thinks it's wild to hear that some of his teammates on a top team have had private training for so long yet he is still the better player (starter and more playing time). He half-jokes and says imagine how much better he would be if we had gotten him a private trainer. I told him we didn't care whether he got on a top team or not so we never even thought about it.

PP here with the college athlete kid. First, I would nip that sort of talk from your kid in the bud immediately. He should absolutely not be talking like that in 8th grade. It isn’t good.

But secondly and more relevant to the conversation, from what I see private training is often a proxy for work ethic, at least for kids in high school. I guess I disagree with your assessment, or more specifically I disagree with it for kids in HS. No parent can make a kid get private training in HS if they don’t want it, and no coaches want to waste their time with kids with no motivation. By high school, the hard workers are well on their way to college athletics. And what I saw was that while some of the athletic superstars went on to college, many didn’t. The kids with work ethic did very well, though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be weary of the team managers. They are always self serving back stabbers.

I take that personally ; )

I usually manage one of my kids teams, with the sole purpose of making sure we are not traveling to Chicago/Detroit and such with a mediocre AA level team. We can find perfectly fitting competition in Philly, NJ or even DRIVE to Pittsburgh. I am also efficient at organizing hotels, meals and not breaking the bank. Other than than team based logistics I don't ever discuss my kid unless a coach brings it up and then I keep it short and sweet.

Yeah, I did it because no one else would, expected and got nothing for doing so, and thanked sweet baby Jesus when my time was up. And I'm pretty certain the fact that we are still friendly with all of the other families would indicate that there was no backstabbing in any direction. But I'm sorry that others have had different experiences.

Anonymous wrote:Be weary of the team managers. They are always self serving back stabbers.

I take that personally ; )

I usually manage one of my kids teams, with the sole purpose of making sure we are not traveling to Chicago/Detroit and such with a mediocre AA level team. We can find perfectly fitting competition in Philly, NJ or even DRIVE to Pittsburgh. I am also efficient at organizing hotels, meals and not breaking the bank. Other than than team based logistics I don't ever discuss my kid unless a coach brings it up and then I keep it short and sweet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sort of midway through this now with my 8th grader. What I will say for people who don't have superstar athletes- find a club where your kid can play on the top team. Being on the top team of a lower level club is such a better experience than being on team 2/3/4 of a top club. Usually, lower level teams are less pressured and by being on the top team, you get the most attention/best coaching, etc.

Just my 0.02 5 years into this.

FWIW, coming from the perspective of a college recruit parent whose kid is now through the process, I completely disagree with this. I think avoiding the top team at a big club until kids are u15 or so is the best plan unless you have an absolute superstar (and even then, I’m not convinced). I actually think for development and growth, being on the second or third team for awhile is best. You get the ambitious coaches who have their own career ambitions, but you don’t have the insanity of the top team parents.

You have to be willing to switch clubs sometimes, when it comes time to go to a top-level team. But I’m so glad my kid played lower level for years, and not on the top team. DC got much better development and a lot more playing time, and then easily transitioned to a top team when DC wanted. The parents were mellower than the top team parents as well.

I honestly don’t understand why so many parents push their kids to be on top teams of any club. It doesn’t always make sense.

+1. I think this is good advice. Especially for baseball. I’ve seen 95 pound 13 year old boys who were technically superior players to 190 pound players, but just we’re not getting enough playing time on the top team on the big fields. The small kid kept playing on the “B” for two more years and was the absolute superstar when nature evened things up at 15U. The smaller kids just have to keep grinding and get good reps.

My kids had some talented. Always on the top team and had other clubs talking to her. She ended up going over to Europe for 3 months to play. When she came back she was just done with it. The big things were the slow speed of play, dump down game(turn or don’t let them turn) and lack of emphasis of skill. Add in the abusive coaches, mean girls, crazy parents, the travel(really time commitment practice and tournament/showcase) and practice basically being just fitness.

She also said no one here talks about soccer. They(other girls and coaches) do not watch the pro games, know the players or follow the game.

She plays high school sports and enjoys she weekends. I do not miss the time commitment. Honestly I do miss the attention she would get. She loved soccer but travel killed that love. Would not do it again.